All Thorfinn could do was hold onto Hermione and listen. As soon as he was touching her, he felt better. She didn't flinch away from him or protest being surrounded by him. He wanted to wrap her up, the brittle tones to her voice made him feel like she was fragile. That was a first and it was taking up some of his brain space. Some more of it was thinking over what she had already said and the rest of him was trying to listen. Actually listen and take in every word rather than get fixated on one thing or another.
Each pause was tense, he wanted her to keep talking. When she did stop though, he couldn't separate how he felt about anything she had said. The witch was so many things, but not weak or unable. She wasn't uncertain or even tentative. These were extreme situations and she had navigated her way through them beautifully. School, the war, and then this life.
Sabrina had been right though, even if she hadn't known it. Hermione needed him in order to have a full life. It wasn't the kind of need he had wanted but it was more than enough. Enough to make whatever they had to do, even if it wasn't something he wanted, worth it.
This witch was his and she was broken. The sound of her voice and the way she had curled up. The way she made herself meet his eyes and had been perfectly still while she told him something like this. He replayed it and could see that she had known she would have to do this, had known it back when she had suggested the bonding instead of the usual binding. The witch had been carrying this around and waiting, her life put on pause for him.
He wanted to scream and smash things. Kiss her and tell her it would be alright. He wasn't civilized and part of him wanted to show her his appreciation, his devotion, in more intimate ways. He would at some point but not yet. She didn't trust him, didn't know him really, so he couldn't do any of the hundred other things that came to mind either.
Eventually his thoughts stopped spinning so fast and he focused on what she was. She was his, she was heroic too. Heroic in the way she had been in the war but also in the quiet way she had gone on after too. In the way she had made a home for his sister and Sinclair, made a life for men she didn't know and didn't owe anything to. His witch was soft and her house suited her, brave and loyal. Playful and pride minded. It was clear that she loved those around her and valued their happiness to the point that she couldn't be happy if they weren't, not truly.
He didn't know how they had gotten to this place. Thinking back to that first day this all began, he remembered what she had said about Theo and how stunned he had felt that any of it was true. Even if it was, why would a witch like this pick him, how had he gotten so lucky. He still felt that way but it was different. Time had passed and now they had things between them, more than just a piece of paper and their siblings, way more.
She had spent time thinking about having a baby with him, whether he would want that or not. The fact that she did want it, not just to have a baby but to have one with him, was hard to think about but it was fucking brilliant. Not a sad little boy in a tower either but maybe a happy one. One that didn't look after his sister because he had to defend her from the only parent they had left, that didn't feel as if he were alone against everyone from as far back as he could really remember.
It felt as if his whole future was the little witch in his arms. Everything would be touched by her, if it hadn't been already. His home, his sister, his best friend, even his magic knew hers. Thorfinn thought about how she had felt, about the magic and how warm it had been. Everything about her was so welcoming and he pushed aside the thought of not deserving it. If she needed him and wanted him then he would bind her to him and try to assuage feeling like he had stolen her. Even if he had, if she was really alright with it then that would be enough.
If this witch who cared so much about everything could care about him too, raise a family with him, actually live her life with him then he was sure it would be stupid to protest. Some parts of him were sated by having had her wait for him, even right now with all that had just happened, his mind and body felt settled by the fact that no one had touched her but him. The witch had spoken honestly to him last night, had shared herself with him, and he wouldn't get in the way of her tying herself to him that way.
With that all in his mind, he cupped her hip like his hand wanted to and held her flush against him. He tried to feel for any resistance or whatever that would show if she felt defensive or whatever. He didn't know her that well yet but he wanted to. He could speak though, knew he probably needed to and didn't try to plan what he would say.
"I'm sorry that this is a part of why you want to do the bonding. I said yes then and I meant it. Those reasons you listed then, I want that." He felt her take a big breath in and was glad she wasn't sobbing. He didn't know how long he had been quiet for, but was relieved that she was clearly awake.
"You've got it sorted? Which one." He added the last but because he didn't know where her mind was and if she would misconstrue anything.
"I found three. You can pick." Her voice was a bit rough and he wanted to see her eyes. He also wanted to be able to move her without feeling like he had to ask permission.
Instead, he slowly unwound himself from her, climbed over her, and laid down in the same position but facing her. She had been crying. Not hard, since he hadn't felt it, but he could see the marks of tears and where one of her strands of hair had stuck to her face. Slowly he reached a thumb up and wiped the moisture away and waited for her to open her eyes. The pillow she was holding on to was massive and he wanted to see her eyes before he tried to take it.
She blinked and he knew she had them closed for a while, maybe the whole time. It took her a few seconds before she focused on him and she looked uncertain. Her eyes traced his face and he wanted to smile at the curious way she was looking at him. She had looked at him before but this was different. It took some time but eventually she looked calmer, her eyes weren't as wary, and her grip on the pillow loosened.
"Can I have this?" He fisted the pillow and she looked down at it then back up at him. Her face flushed but she didn't look embarrassed or upset. Slowly she let it go and he took it and tossed it off the bed. When he looked back at her she was watching him with amusement. He grinned at her but it was short lived and he felt as if the moment was solemn.
"I want to touch you." He meant it but he hadn't really meant to say it aloud. It was the right thing to say, however, because her hand reached for him and he let her touch his chest while watching her face.
The light was too bright, but he didn't want to break the moment. He watched her eyes flick to her hand before she spread her fingers and increased the pressure slightly. It was enough for him and he reached for her. He pulled her toward him, closing the foot gap between them. He felt better now, with his hands on her back, after he had gently pulled her thigh onto his bottom one.
Hermione was still watching her hand, and he longed to see her eyes. However, he waited for her to look up at him instead of begging because he was not sure what she was thinking or if she needed a minute. It didn't take long and when their eyes met hers were clear and gorgeous. The colours were deep and bright, all mixed together.
"Can we do it sooner?" She nodded her agreement immediately but he could tell she wasn't her usual easy-going self like she had been just this morning. He wanted her to be like that with him, to let him shower with her, to talk with him.
He watched her face before he met her eyes again and decided she would be kind, even if she thought him stupid, so maybe being totally honest was the way to go.
"Ever since I came to, I've been wishing we did the bonding with the Rites so we could just be together. We will figure the life stuff out, I'm not worried about that, but between us, I'd rather know you. I want you to be mine and know we will be in the same bed each night. That nothing that happens tomorrow is going to change it." Other than a long blink she didn't respond so he continued.
"I want to be able to touch you easily and know you will speak to me openly, like you did when I was in Azkaban. I want to have that trust we talked about. I know we didn't have much of a choice, so I can't ask this of you, but if you are offering, I'll take it." This at least got a reaction and she nestled into his chest, pressed her head against him and he could feel her breathe.
"It's been pretty easy so far, trusting you, even though it's only been a day." Her voice was quiet and thoughtful. The brittle tones were gone and he knew he would always remember that tight sound.
The witch was right. She had trusted him and it had been alright. What she had just done, entrusting him with this secret, had taken no small amount of trust. He didn't think she would've kept it from him, but she had told him more than just the very basics. She had included a small amount of her thoughts and feelings but it had been a big thing.
"Could we have tonight without the Magics? Just the two of us?" He asked her. Hermione's eyes came up then, meeting his, and he wanted to kiss her again. Speaking his thoughts had obviously been the way to go today. She felt so small and rested her weight so easily against him.
The way she looked at him was so open and curious sometimes that he knew she would be fun. Maybe not now, but one day they would have fun together both in and out of bed. Surprise sex for example. Today he had seen that she liked to laugh, liked to banter and tease too.
However, none of the potential for fun and banter between them was apparent at the moment.
"Can we dim the lights?" She asked quietly, still looking at him. Since he wanted them dimmer as well, he nodded his agreement. They dimmed without any indication of her involvement before she bit her lip.
"What is it?" He asked her. Basking in the sensation of holding her close in the dim room. It felt private and safer. Less like she would get up and leave.
"Blaise is coming Friday morning and Daphne will be by this weekend too. Pansy will want me for some things and Draco is inpatient. Plus Harry has to meet you properly." He didn't understand the significance of this information and waited for her to continue. Hermione looked back down before she steeled herself and looked up, dropping her bottom lip.
"So let's do it tomorrow, if you are sure, if not we can do it later." He was fine with it being tomorrow and nodded his agreement.
"Tomorrow. Ok, where?" She didn't sound unsure, mostly just confirming that he was alright with this schedule and wanted his input.
"Tell me what you want." He said softly and she focused on him again. She was blushing now, he liked it, and wondered if she could control it or if she would only do it until she got comfortable with him.
While he waited for her to tell him how and when she wanted to twine her body and magic with his, he was also thinking that he was going to find ways to make her blush frequently.
"In the grove at the Tower, sunset." Her tone was quiet but it was also fond and maybe wistful. He would advise others to marry Gryffindors too. The way she showed things, without even seeming conscious of doing so, was immensely satisfying. Hopefully it meant that she would have a hard time hiding big things from him, at least until he knew her.
He bet if he pushed at her then she would tell him how she felt, maybe not why she felt it, and was reassuring. They weren't ready for him to push her like that yet, but they would be someday.
"Do you want a wedding?" He asked her and her immediate frown was quickly replaced by a stubborn look.
"No. For the public's sake we could formally open the Tower at some point , or something." He chuckled at that. It was honest and she flashed him a small smile. Hermione was serious and really didn't want any sort of wedding.
"Why not?" The question wasn't all that important but she was talking to him openly, being real with him and he wanted to take advantage of it.
"Lots of reasons." She said and he wanted to know them all.
She was rolling the fabric of his shirt between two of her fingers while pursuing him, looking at his eyes and face, just taking him all in and he liked it. More than he thought he should.
"Give me three." His tone was a bit wheedling and he realized this was kind of fun. She played along too, with small frowns, a pout, and a look he thought meant she knew what he was doing.
"Three, hmm. None of us have parents and we don't have a large close circle. Better not to deal with it, unless we elope. Which seems ridiculous since we don't have anything to try and avoid. Plus we aren't Pansy, so we aren't as overly complex and neurotic." He chuckled at her totally serious tone and noted that it was a valid reason.
"I would also prefer we set the precedent that our lives are private. I host functions and have guests, but it's on my terms. I don't want the media or most of Wizarding Britain to feel like they have the right to any of our private lives." He wasn't laughing now and could see that this was important to her, that she was waiting to see what he thought.
"Agreed. More than that, I could look at almost everything that way and be happy about it." She nodded her agreement with a firm set to her jaw. He thought this meant that she would support this even if it wasn't exactly possible.
Then she looked thoughtful and he tried to tell her with his eyes that she could say anything to him, that he truly wanted her to just speak to him. Thorfinn never thought this would be the case when he pictured a wife or whatever, but he wanted it now. They were alone, it was just them and he wanted so many things.
"I don't want anyone else involved." She spoke as if this were a confession and his mind flashed to Josh. He wanted her to elaborate, however, it wouldn't change that he was completely fine with her not wanting a wedding.
"Some of our lives are public. It's not really our choice to have our pictures taken or if people write about us. They just do and I don't know if they will ever stop. Harry, the war, it's all sensational now but it is history so I try not to be personally upset. I want this to be between us though. We have a family and we have people. I don't know how to say this properly I guess but I want our marriage to just be about us. Between us." From the honesty in her voice to the way she held his eyes while she said that was a complete overload,
His witch was insanely brave and he wanted to kiss her. Devour her.
What were the chances that he would get a marriage like she meant? This was unlooked for and some kind of crazy blessing. Maybe other things should have mattered but all he wanted to do was bind her to him, to slide into her, to feel their magics tangle and then wake up with her.
He looked at her face, traced the shape of her cheekbones and jaw, and admired the way her curls framed her and slid over her shoulders and back. He was going to spend a long time amassing fantasies about her. Then he would get to carry them out. This witch wanted to have a baby with him one day.
It felt like it might slip away and he lifted one of his hands to weave into her curls, securing her to him firmly but gently. There were other things that could get in the way, other people, even life, but it wasn't in here. Here it was just them and he wanted all of it, everything, so much so that it was fucking scary. Still, she had said all of it and he wasn't going to say no.
"All I can think of is yes, I want that too." The way her eyes flared a second after he spoke was reassuring. Her eyes flicked to his lips, it was like a gift, and he took it as an invitation. He leaned into her and held her head still as he kissed her and kissed her.
He kissed her until she wanted more, could feel it in the way she grazed her teeth along his bottom lip, before he dove into her mouth and reveled in the way she pushed against him then, as if she wanted to fight back. When he held her still again and teased her, she nipped him. He had her tighter against him instantly. Pulling her flush against him by her thigh and he felt triumph when she rolled against him and shivered.