Alrighty, so here is the latest chapter. This is mostly dialogue taken from transcripts of episode 21, but please stay with me and read it; I think there are some pretty good thoughts going on behind what's being said. Stick with me a little longer, I wrapping it up soon, I promise.

Descending the stairs of her home, Buffy trailed a hand down the banister. Her fingers traced every scar and mark in the wood. The banister and the whole staircase had been replaced and repaired so many times that Buffy wasn't even sure which part of the staircase was part of the original design. The scythe in her other hand was a comforting weight, her small guarantee that not all the odds were against her. The door in front of her opened and she felt sudden tears prick her eyes. She knew who was there, could feel the sudden rush of emotions swell up inside her; happiness, fear, embarrassment, self-loathing and the constant sweetly bitter tinge she had to recognize as love. She waited until the tears retreated before she could look up at him. He was gazing at her, the ever present veil of love and worry for her all but hiding the pain buried deep inside his cerulean eyes, her abrupt departure earlier that morning had added to the gallery of scars, both physical and emotional that she had caused him over the course of a century. He cocked his head to the side, allowing the cool, disconcerted disguise of Spike to wash over his features; it was like a second skin to him, his armor against the near constant pain heaped onto him during his over long life.

"Honey, you're home" he said, the sarcasm built into his carefully cultivated brass accent, so unlike William's. For lack of anything better to say, Buffy simply remarked;

"Yeah" Spike sighed, obviously attempting to keep the conversation going so that his Slayer wouldn't disappear on him again.

"And you did it, fulfilled your mission. Found the Holy Grail or the Holy Hand Grenade, or whatever the hell that thing is." Buffy forced an easy camaraderie into her voice, willing herself to stay calm

"Right now, we're going with scythe, you like?" She raised the scythe slightly to allow him an inspection of their newest weapon.

"Well, pointy and wooden isn't exactly the look I want to know better, but it does have its flair. Can see why a girl would ditch a fellow for one of these" The hesitancy in his voice made it clear; this was the reason he had come back, he wanted to know why she had abandoned him once again.

"I'm sorry about that" Buffy said, walking away towards the kitchen, unable to face the pain in his eyes. Spike followed, a stubborn bugger, as usual.

"It doesn't matter, you're back in the bosom, all's forgiven and uh," Standing in front of Buffy, he forced her to look at him, attempting to convince her of a lie he desperately wished he didn't need to say.

"Last night . . . was just a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from a cellar dweller, let's don't make a thing out of it." He huffed in several unneeded nervous breaths. Buffy stared at him, unwilling to believe what she was hearing. His glacial eyes gave no sign of anything warmer hiding under their surface. Its only fair, she tried to convince herself, I can only knock him around some many times before he comes to his senses and realizes he's too good for me. Hiding the pain ripping a new tear in her never mended heart, she said brusquely:

"Great, I have work to do"

"Oh, yeah, another solo mission, of course." Despite his words, Spike still wanted to keep Buffy with him for as long as he possibly could before she left him again.

"Yeah, it is" Realizing his eagerness, Spike settled into his old routine of barely concealed rivalry with the Slayer, if she couldn't love him, at least she could hate him, the two emotions both springing from the heart.

"That's fine; you don't have to get all shirty about it." A flash of indignation slid over Buffy's face; sometimes he was too British for his own good.

"I'm not shirty, what is shirty? That's not even a word" Spike conceded to her, having difficulty in finding the energy to keep up their usual mindless banter, all he wanted to do was sleep, and dream that in some alternate universe he still held Buffy in his arms.

"Alright, alright, big secret mission, it's fine" Buffy apparently didn't want to give up so fast.

"It's not a secret, well, I mean it is, but that's the point of the mission, find out the secret. This thing was forged by- I don't even know, something about . . . a tomb on unconsecrated ground. That's what I have to do; I need to find out what this is and why I have it." Despite his better judgment, Spike's curiosity was piqued.

"And that's the thing the preacher man was so anxious to keep out of your mitts?"

"That it is"

"Well, maybe I'll swing by the vineyard when you go, make sure he's sitting tight."

"Great" Buffy said, realizing their conversation was coming to an end, Spike wanted to leave, he deserved to leave.

"Ok" Spike turned his back on her and walked towards the back door. Spurred on by a sudden need to stay with him, Buffy ran after him. Say something, she urged herself mentally, anything, just say something to make him stay.

"You're a dope" Brilliant move, Buffy, always were a genius, insult him, that's sure to get you in his bed. Spike, apparently was thinking the same thing.

"I'm a what?" Buffy forced her chin up in a feeble attempt at looking strong.

"You're a dope, and a bone head, and you're shirty." Spike stared at the petite blonde Slayer as if she had grown a second head.

"Have you gone completely carrot-top?" Buffy hefted the scythe so Spike could see it and her mouth seemed to take over from her brain, spewing her inner most thoughts as she was wont to do

"Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war, this might be the key to everything, and the reason I'm holding it is because of you, because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I'm tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals, you know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to truth here, ok? I don't know how you felt about last night but I will not . . ." Spike once more took in a large unneeded breath, the small human gesture convincing him he was man enough to tell the woman he loved the truth.

"Terrified" Buffy's voice softened immediately, it was all coming, after all the years of hiding, they could finally get to the truth about something.

"Of what?" The bleached blonde vampire let out the breath he was holding.

"Last night was. . ." Spike gazed up at the ceiling suddenly, as if the answers to his problems were etched into Buffy's kitchen ceiling.

"God, I'm such a jerk, I can't do this" Buffy's tone was soothing, gentle.

"Spike. . ."

"It was the best night of my life" His eyes hardened, a side affect of being abused by the woman he was crazy enough to love.

"If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you but. . ."

"I just told you it did" Spike sighed once more, hating that Buffy could turn him into such a weak, sentimental fool, she was worth it, always worth it.

"Yeah, I hear you say it, but. . ." His tone changed into one that spoke of immeasurable time spent living the same tired old life.

"I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy, I've done everything, I've done things with you I can't spell, but I've never been close, to anyone, least of all you. Till last night," A slow, secretive smile crept onto his face, remembering how it felt to have her warm, silken skin cocooned in his arms.

"All I did was hold you, watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So, yeah, I'm . . . terrified"

"You don't have to be" Spike cocked his head so he could look at her better

"Were you there with me?" Buffy immediately understand what he meant. Too many times when they were together, Buffy had pretended that Spike wasn't even there, that he was just a toy to satisfy her lust. Buffy cocked her head slightly, to match his gaze

"I was" The vampire could not hide the excitement from creeping into his voice

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know, does it have to mean anything?" The spell that had befallen them broke slightly, allowing Spike to gather his disguise of the Big Bad once again.

"No, not right now"

"Maybe when. . ." Spike threw up a hand to stop her

"No, let's just leave it."

"Ok" Buffy could think of nothing better to say. Spike allowed his disguise to slip, albeit slightly and said:

"We'll go be heroes" Once again carefully ensconced in his armor, Spike left the room before Buffy could weaken him any further.