by Tina
Alright, so I might race things a bit now to catch up. I think I'm stalling a little...! :) But tis one will be just one thing: Ross telling Rachel! gasps A little angst...!! Again, thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming!
And yet again, I know I said I would never write fics again, but as it turns out... I'm a big sucker for 'Friends'! :)
Ross' heart was beating so hard he could swear he was hearing it over his uneven breathing. His trembling hands had to reach for the opening of the envelope several times untill he finally managed to take the thick papers from inside it. It took him longer then it usually would for him to go through the pages. His eyes wandered quickly up, down, from the right to the left, through the loose letters without following a rational order untill he found the word he was looking for.
Positive.
So sure that would be it, after all, Ross' reaction was to just sit there for a while. This made it real. It was really happening.
"Ross, are you okay in there?"
"I'll be right out", he just rose his voice high enough for her to be able to hear him.
For some reason, Rachel found herself worrying too much about Ross that night. They'd arrived his apartment together, having just spent the rest of their afternoon at Central Perk with the gang. When they'd entered, there was an envelope adressed to him that seemed to have been slipped through the crack under the door. Ross had made a big deal about it, but had not shown it to her. He simply locked himself in the bathroom and had been in it for good five minutes now.
What worried Rachel the most was the look in his eyes. He looked so scared.
Finally, the door opened and Ross stepped out. Rachel was sitting on their bed, facing the door. Just waiting for him. She could sense something bad was about to come. Was he sick? Did some they knew die? Had he got fired from the museum? Was he leaving her??
"Rach, I... I need to talk to you"
"Okay, hm, you're freaking me out, sweetie, is everything okay?"
"Hm, I don't know, that'll depend on how you take this..."
"What is it?"
Ross sat down next to her and couldn't hold tears any longer. He became very aware of how much pain this cause to Rachel. He didn't want to hurt her. Not again. Her heart melted and she quickly threw her arms around him, letting him burry his face deep in her chest.
"Shhhh, calm down, honey"
Rachel rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair as tears found their way to her eyes aswell. God knows how long they held each other untill he finally pulled away and looked straight into her eyes.
"You know I love you so much, don't you Rach?"
A sense of relief quickly washed over Rachel, but not for too long. Had he done something wrong again? Why was he telling her that?
"What happened Ross?"
"I, remember Isaak, that guy that came to see me the other day?"
Things were falling into the right piece in Rachel's mind. She nodded.
"He had some... news to tell me"
He stopped and Rachel was left clueless for a long time.
"What is it?"
Ross' eyes travelled around the room. He spotted a picture of Rachel holding Ben in the nightstand. Both were smiling, both accepted each other as real mother and son. But this was different. His eyes then spotted Rachel's favorite bracelet resting next to the framed picture. Would it still be there the next day?
"Ross?"
Her soft, scared voice called him back to face her.
"Chloe's passed away"
Rachel just looked at him, expressionless. Ross continued, with more emotion in his voice and tears down his cheeks.
"And Isaak told me she had a child. Hm, my child. And now, now she has no place to go and he wants me to keep her."
Silence fell into the room. Rachel slowly let her arms slide away from him. He took the envelope and handed it to her, more calm.
"It's truth, it's my baby. Here's the DNA test"
Rachel slowly looked through the pages. Melissa Lane Jordan, one year and three months old, daughter of Ross Geller...
Suddenly, it became hard for Rachel to breath. She found herself inhailing shortly, yet it seemed like the air failed to enter her lungs. Ross panicked, kneeling down next to her.
"Sweetie, calm down, breathe"
Breath? Breathe??
He reached for a paper bag sitting on the bed carrying a few aspirins, emptyed it and handed it to Rachel. She breathed in and out inside the bag untill it expanded and contracted in a slow normal pace.
She avoided his eyes. She couldn't believe what she had heard. He had a kid with another woman? He had another kid with another woman?
But this time it wasn't just any woman. It was Chloe. And it happened on the night that could have killed their relationship. For all she knew, the night the could kill their relationship.
Tears filled her eyes again and quickly dropped onto her lap. She was looking at her pants, though her mind was far away. Her mind was everywhere. Thinking of that awful night, their awful fight, that awful feeling. Of the reconstruction of their relationship, of the planetarium filled with lillies and the words written in the stars: Will you marry me?.
Of the future she had envisioned for them. The boy and the girl he'd always wished for the both of them running around the back yard of their two-stores house in... Scarsdale?
It was over now. That picture no longer existed.
Her retreat of everyday life, only a daydream away, had shattered.
"Rach?"
She raised her eyes long enough to quickly look at him and then back down. He sighed and burried his face on her knees, hugging her legs. If it wasn't for the bed under her this time, she wasn't sure if she could keep balance. She tossed the bag aside and kept breathing loudly, still in a regular speed.
Those were the only sound that could be heard: her breathing and his sobbing.
"What are you gonna do?"
She finally managed to ask. If it wasn't for the silence that ruled the room, it was certain that he could not have heard her.
"I have to take responsability, Rach. I just... I have to"
Rachel closed her eyes, hurt.
"What if I ask you not to?"
Ross looked at her for a long time.
"What?"
He couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"What good will come from this, Ross?"
"Rachel, it doesn't matter, she's my responsability"
"Why, because her mother took advantage of you while you were drunk?!"
Rachel's tone had raised greatly.
"She did not take advantage of me!"
Ross also rose his voice. Rachel stood there, her jaw hang open. Ross realised what he said.
"I mean, sweetie-"
"Get away from me!"
She got up and pushed him away. She paced around the room while he hung his head down. She stopped by the door, her back turned to him. With a deep breath, she turned around.
"I'm going to my apartment"
She walked towards the nightstand and took hold of her bracelet. Ross quickly got up and approached her.
"Wait, I didn't mean it like that, c'mon Rachel, let's not fight, please"
They stood face to face to each other.
"Listen, I know this is hard... I know it's gonna be tough and it's gonna take a lot from us, but... Rachel, I love you. Anything to save us is worth it"
"If you say this than why do you wanna keep her?"
"Because I have to, Rach. She's just a baby, she's lost her mother. I'm her father, I made her. I can't abandon her, try to understand that"
"I'm tired of understanding, Ross. I'm tired of working and putting all my effort in this relationship..."
"Don't say this, Rach, please don't"
She kept looking at him for a long time.
"This was supposed to be a happy time. We're gonna get married and my main concern should be what sort of flower will I choose for my bouquet! Not-not how am I gonna handle the baby concieved when my fiancée cheated on me! I- I gotta go, Ross."
"Rach... Please don't leave me like this"
"I gotta be alone for a while, I'll talk to you later"
She quickly left the room and Ross heard the main door slam. He sat down on the bed and let the tears run free. Still, he didn't back away on his decision. He had to do this.
In a cab home, Rachel calmly thought things through. Though she was confused, she was certain of one thing: she didn't want to lose Ross.
She thought about the baby. The baby who should not pay for the past. The baby who aparently had no one else in this world. The baby who was now lucky she had Ross.
With time, this could turn into some of the other things she could take. She could learn to accept it.
But for now, she allowed herself to cry over that haunted night and its consequences...
You know you want to leave me a review! I know you do!! :) See ya next chapter!