by Tina
This is so much fun, hearing from a lot of people I haven't heard of in a while and all :) waves Hey guys, how have you been? I've been alright! Pretty busy and all, moving like crazy and studying...! Oh, and on saturday I'm going away and I won't be able to update this anymore... But I'll try to write as much as I can untill then. I'll be back on the 10th of July and I'll hopefully finish it then!
Thanks again for the reviews and don't forget to keep them coming! I wanna know what you think about every installment so I can see if I'm in the right track for you! Now enough with the chit-chatting!
One more thing though! I think most of you already know this, but English is not my first language. Portuguese is. So I do get a little things spelled wrong and all... So, well, you know... Ignore my grammar sometimes, will ya? ;) Thanks!
Three times the sun had risen and set since the night Ross had told Rachel about the baby and they had not spoken ever since. But after the fourth time the soft rays of light crept through the thin gaps of Rachel's courtains, not nearly brightly enough to wake her up, he went to see her. He exchanged a few words with Monica who was already up and about making coffee and then quickly excused himself to his girlfriend's room. If he could still call her that, he wondered.
He managed to open the door withtout the slightest noise. There she was, sleeping peacefully on her side of the bed. Seeing her lying there on his right side for some reason brought back memories. Memories of the first few times they shared a bed and their fun discussions over what side each of them would sleep on. After many atempts paused only so they could fool around, Ross had finally convinced her he should stay on the left side because that was the side he kept his alarm clock. And since he woke up earlier, they could avoid needlessly waking her up.
"But I can think of a few things we both could do, up so early..."
"Oh yeah? Then the left side is all yours, baby"
And though it was good at first, after their phase of being together everytime they had an oportunity to, that changed and Ross was back to his left side. He would wake up early and simply kiss Rachel goodbye when he left. But it was fine. Those phases were true for every relationship and he enjoyed every single one of them with her. Their intimacy had grown and they didn't have to prove anything to the other anymore.
Either way, those memories still had him longing for the past. Not because of their lovey-doveyness, nor for the fewer responsabilities they had back then. But because it was before that night. That night which had now become a turning point at their relationship. It would always be used as a reference. The before and after that night.
Things were different.
Her stronger intake of breath brought him back to the present. He always loved watching her while she slept. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful and innocent.
Like a little child.
Ross was then startled by the alarm clock ringing. She woke up and turned around to turn it off.
Turned to his left side.
She spotted him and quickly sat up straight.
"Hey" her voice was soft.
"Hi"
A short silence followed.
"Hm, can we talk?"
"Sure"
She pulled her blankets up and made room for him. He sat down by her feet, looking down at the floor and then up at her.
"How are you?"
"Better"
"Really?" she nodded "And, hm, how are we?"
Rachel looked into his puppie eyes and couldn't hold it any longer. It was the first time in three years she had gone days by without speaking to him. It was killing her. Those long days gave her enough time to think and she had made up her mind. She would support him. That was what she had written on the sketches of her vows, wasn't it? She intended to keep her word from now.
Slowly, she crawled near him and kissed his lips, wrapping her arms around him. Ross was taken by surprise, but gladly accepted her tender gesture.
"We're okay, sweetie. I mean... I can accept that, we'll deal with it, alright?"
Ross' smile was wide.
"I love you" he mouthed.
"I know" she said, smiling.
They hugged for a long time. He stroked her hair for the longest time, not knowing where to begin with the second part of the conversation he had so carefully planned.
"Hm, Rach?"
"Yeah?"
He broke their hug.
"Listen... I'm going over to see the baby today." Rachel quickly looked away and then back at Ross. "It would mean a lot if you came with me"
"I- I don't know, Ross"
"Please, Rachel" his voice was flat.
She sighed and nodded.
"Okay"
If it wasn't for Ross' tight grip on her left hand, Rachel could swear this was a dream. A nightmare? It was all so surreal. She could feel her legs moving, but it felt like they had life of theirown. She was just being carried. Did she even want to be there?
Now it didn't matter. They'd stopped. They were facing the door to apartment 36.
Ross' knuckles met the hard wood three times and the sound it produced seemed somehow distant.
"I'll be right there"
Who'd said that? A ghost?
The door opened and they faced the same man who'd been to Ross' apartment not long ago. As if in flashes, Rachel remembered him from many years ago. Yes, that bushy big hair, colorful hippie shirts and marijuana smell. He used to drop by the coffee house oftenly and she even got to serve him a few times while she still worked there. He was always with a woman.
Was that... her?
"She's right here, come on in"
Rachel searched through her memories, trying to recollect her face. She failed. Better this way, she thought. This was not the best moment to think about it and make things worse.
Again she was being carried, now into the livingroom. It all looked fairly organised and clean. The first thing she spotted was a trunk filled with toys near a... playpen. There was a baby playing in there with a teddy bear that was almost her own size. The small figure had her back turned to them, but they could clearily see her raising her tiny chubby hands to pat on the bear's head. Her hair was dark, as long as a one year old hair could be and straight.
Rachel felt something stirring in belly.
"Melissa, look who's here"
The baby quicky turned around, full aware of what Isaak had told her. Rachel was taken aback by the resemblance. Those eyes, they were Ross' eyes. The rest... they all belonged to that face she was trying to remember. The face that now had become so vivid in Rachel's memory.
The face she was now trying to forget.
She felt Ross' hand weakly let go of hers. She looked at him and saw him melting away. He approached the playpen and knelt down, looking as though as he was in a trance.
It was torture.
It wasn't fair.
It should be their baby Ross was supposed to be melting for. It should be her and Ross' traces mixed up in a new human being that she should be staring at. Not this. This was simply... not what was supposed to be happening.
Tears were filling Ross' eyes and he quickly brushed them away, not wanting to compromise the beautiful view. The beautiful baby that was now smiling back at him. 'Must think I'm an idiot with this silly look upon my face', he though.
He did look silly. He looked adoringly silly.
Isaak watched Ross stare at Melissa and was sure he had done the right thing. Ross was the nice guy Chloe always claimed him to be, after all. He would be able to give her all the things Isaak knew he couldn't. Melissa now had a new mother figure to look up to. She had a steady home, she even had an older brother. As for the future, Isaak knew Ross would provide her good education. She'd go to college, Chloe's big plan for her little girl. And he could also envision lots of family trips and fun camping adventures.
Melissa had a family.
Or did she?
Ross quickly turned back and looked at Rachel, smiling. She forced a smile back and he took her hand, pulling her down next to him. She knelt down and looked at the baby, who turned her atention back to her teddy bear. Then she quickly looked back at the two strangers, showing them her toy.
"Teddy"
Her voice was like music to Ross' ears. It was not just a typical baby's voice. It was soft, girly, soothing. It was the sound he woud have imagined to come from an angel.
It was his angel.
Ross had always adored kids and this baby only proved his undying love for them. Right now it didn't matter the circunstances she had been concieved. All the bad that was caused that night seemed to look so small compared to that little miracle. He had to overlook the situation. Life had been created. The tears dried. The wounds healed.
His tears. His wounds.
"Can I hold her?" Ross asked.
"Sure, of course"
Ross stood up and Isaak approached the play pen. Rachel stood up aswell and just watched. Isaak whispered sweet words to Melissa while he picked her up and placed her in Ross' arms. Melissa looked at her father and quickly placed one of her hands over his nose. She wore an expression Ross couldn't read.
"You're- you're supposed to make a sound. Like a car honk, you know?" Isaak hinted.
"Oh"
Melissa tried it again and sure enough Ross fullfilled her wish this time. She squealed in delight, giggling adoringly, placing both of her hands on her face. Ross chuckled, his eyes sparkling. Suddenly, her atention turned fully to Rachel. Ross smiled and approached his girlfriend. Melissa's hands reached for Rachel's hair imediately, taking her by surprise. Rachel backed away.
"Calm down, Rach, she's not gonna hurt you"
Ross aproached her again and Melissa hadn't given up on her task to feel Rachel's hair. Rachel stood still this time, aprehensive.
The baby's hands were surprisingly gentle. Her little mouth was open, revealing a few of her teeth that had already grown. She was in awe, watching the way Rachel's golden hair shone under light.
"She liked the color of your hair" Isaak pointed out.
"Oh... Hm, thanks" Rachel tried joking to the baby, though still uncomfortable.
Ross smiled at Rachel and then back at Melissa.
"Wait untill you see your brother"
Rachel's insides were still crumbling. She'd deal with it. She always did. Things happened and she just dealt with them. Things changed and she simply adjusted. She'd swallow it down. She was getting good at it. Ross looked so happy. So she was happy too.
...Evetually, maybe.
I know, this was way too corny, really badly written and etc. I don't know, I'm not exactly inspired today! But I didn't want to wait untill I achieved the right writing mood! My screenwriting teacher says it's not all about inspiration. We need to force ourselves to write sometimes. Something will come out! And "something"'s a beginning! ;) Later we can work on it and try to make it better. So, yeah, maybe I'll work on this later! For now, I'll just post it and have you tell me what you think!
Please?? :)