by Tina
I realised I'm back to writing things mainly from Rachel's point of view. I wanted to keep a balance between her and Ross, but it seems like it's much easier for me to focus on Rach. What can I say, she's my favorite! :)
About a comment saying things have slowed down... well, I figured it had to. Since I'm writing quite a lot I don't consider this to be a problem. Specially because I'm adding things that will be important later on the fic ;) In any case, I'm picking up a quicker pace again now ;)
Okay, so this is my 3rd update today. There probably won't be any tomorrow (thursday, June 17th) so I'm making up for it! Please-please-please: reviews!!
PMS was getting the best of Rachel that day. She was trying hard to concentrate on discussing a few wedding things with Monica at their apartment, but her mind was far away. In a few hours she'd be meeting Mindy in a restaurant. She'd called a few days ago asking if they could catch up one night. Rachel coudn't help but wonder what that was really all about. Knowing her old friends, Rachel could already envision the whole night before her. She'd certainly have to to listen to her stories about her latest trip to Europe, the new clothes, cars, the new decoration of her and Barry's condo and so on.
Not that Rachel missed those things, but what did she have to bash about these days? Her fiancé she barely saw and his new baby?
So, how old is she? A year and a half, really? But I thought you and Ross had been together for three years now.
Just thinking about the conversation made Rachel shiver.
"You know what, Mon, I think we're done for the night"
"Alright" Monica respectfully agreed. "What time are you leaving?"
"As soon as I finish getting ready"
"In three hours, really?"
Rachel shot her a look, but, nonetheless, smiled.
"Don't start with me today, I'm a wreck. I swear I'm about to lose it"
"Hm, not a good day to meet Mindy, I think"
"Probably not"
"Care for a tea to calm your nerves before you leave then?"
"Thanks, Mon, that'd be great"
At that moment, Ross entered holding Melissa, a briefcase and wearing work clothes. Phoebe came in with him and they were chatting.
"Oh no, that's too bad..." Phoebe commented.
Ross just shook his head and looked at the girls.
"Hey" he approached Rachel and kissed her lips "I need you to watch Melissa tonight"
"What?"
"I got to meet my boss at a bar to discuss some things, I have a good feeling about this"
"Hm, sorry, honey, I can't"
Ross watched her.
"Why not?"
"'Cause I also have plans for tonight"
Ross eyed her and her temper began to rise already. She knew what he was thinking.
"With whom?"
"Mindy"
"Your ex-fianc's husband?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Can't you call it off?"
Temper rising a tad more... Any other day, Rachel would be pleased to sacrifice one of her plans because of Ross, specially when she was not looking foward going at all, like this time. However, this wasn't just any other day. They'd been through a lot of silent discussions lately and this wasn't making it any better.
"No, Ross, I can't! She's probably already on her way to the city"
"But who's gonna watch Melissa?"
Rising, rising, rising...
"I'm sorry, but that's not my problem now, is it?"
"But it is!"
He had crossed the line.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Oh-ow" Phoebe said to Monica, both backing away. Ross and Rachel simply ignored their presence.
"She is my responsability, Ross? Look, I've been trying to be supportive and all that crap, but I don't have to do anything, alright?"
"Rachel, stop being unfair, I'm just asking you for a favor"
"Oh, really? Because I remember hearing you just now saying this is my problem"
"Because I want you to be involved in this. I thought we were going to be a family"
"You know what the problem is, Ross? I had no choice over this whole thing"
"And do you think I did?"
"Should've thought of that before you slept with her, shouldn't you?"
Ross went silent, looking at her with pain in his eyes.
"That was unnecessary, Rachel"
"Oh, really? Because sometimes it looks like you seem to have forgotten all about it these days"
"Do you really think that a day goes by without me regretting everything, Rachel?"
"Well, you sure forgot how to show that"
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just leave me alone for a while, Ross..."
With that, Rachel entered her bedroom. With the slam of the door, Ross looked down at Melissa, playing on the floor, completely oblivious to everything that had happened.
Sure enough the rest of Rachel's evening blew. She eventually figured out why Mindy had looked for her. She wanted to talk to someone, someone who'd listen. Rachel didn't exactly listen, but she still managed to be the perfect company having spent the whole meal quiet. Mindy went on and on about something Rachel could only recall as being about a divorce. Was Mindy divorcing Barry? It didn't matter, she didn't care. Her talk earlier with Ross was by far the most important thing in her mind.
She thought of all the things they said and got frightned by some conclusions she reached. She had not lied or said things out of frustration, on an impulse. She still meant everything she had told him.
Three months had passed since Melissa had entered their lives and things weren't much better. There were days Rachel didn't seem to mind. She'd play with the baby and act as if things were okay. But deep down, it still hurt. It was still a major problem and she wasn't sure if she could deal with it, ever. One thing was to live with the past in the back of her memory. But having to face that everytime she looked at a baby's face was not fair.
It was not fair to Melissa, not fair to Rachel and not fair to Ross.
If this was something she simply wouldn't deal with it, then this should be it. Ross had made his intentions clear, he would not abandon Melissa for her. Then she had to be the one to do something about it. Her conscience was clean, she had tried. Now there was nothing left to do.
After pondering the whole night about it, Rachel went straight to Ross', not minding the time. And so at two in the morning, Ross woke up with a knock at his bedroom's door. He stirred and softly opened his eyes. Still groggy, he took a while recognise Rachel's silhouette on the darkness.
"Rachel?"
"Can I?" she motioned to the light switcher.
"Sure" He sat up and squinted as the lights went on. "What time is it?"
She looked at her watch and looked a bit surprised herself.
"Two thirty. Sorry to wake you up, but we need to talk"
"Sure, that's fine. Hm, sit"
Rachel quickly looked down and then sat down on the bed, looking at him.
"The thing is..." it took all of her strengh to say the next words "this isn't working, Ross"
"What?" Ross couldn't believe his ears. Was she doing what he thought she was? Was she... breaking up with him?
"I think... we should call the wedding off and... just go on as friends from now on. I've been thinking a lot about what's going on and... I think that's the smartest thing for us to do now."
He couldn't think of anything to say. He just watched her, dumbfounded. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Soon they were to be married and together forever. Breaking up was not part of their plans.
"I know I said I was taking this whole thing with Melissa well, but as it turns out... I'm just not. She brings back many memories and I just can't deal with it. Besides, I- I don't want that right now. This wasn't what was supposed to be happening, Ross. It was supposed to be just us and we'd get married and go on our honey moon and have our apartment and-"
"But we had agreed we were going to have children anyway, Rach"
"Yes, Ross. Our children. I'm sorry, I know this may come off as being selfish, but Melissa is not mine! I didn't ask for her, she's not my responsability. I'm not ready for that right now, this isn't working out"
"But Rachel, you know I can't just ger rid of her"
"I know that and I understand it. She's your responsability. It's just that now you come with an even bigger package! To have you I must have Ben and Carol and Susan and now Melissa! I'm not saying I don't wanna be with you anymore just because of that. Under any other circunstance, that would be fine. But Ross... she is still her child. She still remindes me of what happened and it's killing me. Those visions I used to have of you with her are back and I can't cope with it, it's too hard."
"Rach, I- I'm sorry"
"I know, Ross. I've heard that speech of yours a million times" He looked hurt. "I know you're sorry, I know you'd take it back if you could, I know you were just sad because you thought we were broken up and I was sleeping with Mark." she sighed "And I know you love me. I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. But it did and now there's a whole new set of consequences I can't take."
Ross was too shocked to say much. Being awakened in the middle of his peaceful slumber only to lose the love of his life was too surreal. He was still expecting this to be nothing but a dream. When he did manage to speak, his voice came out emotional and shaky, making Rachel tremble.
"I don't wanna lose you, Rachel"
Rachel finally sobbed and they hugged.
"I don't wanna lose you either"
And they cried into each other's shoulder for a long time, untill she pulled away.
"But I can't see us diving even deeper into this when we know it's just not working"
"We can try harder, Rachel, I think if you-"
She placed a finger on his lips.
"No, Ross. I deserve this. Please let me go. I need to let go of this, it's hurting me. You're hurting me." she dried her tears "I do love you, you know that. I've never loved anyone like this before. But it's time to let go now"
Seeing the look on Ross' face was only making this harder on Rachel. So, at last, she looked away from them. She looked at the floor and closed her eyes. Tears flowed even more. She just looked back long enough to place one last kiss on his lips. He kissed back and held her hands sweetly, as if begging her to stay with him.
Finally, she got up and left the room.
Awww :( Don't worry, they will get back together. I hope I'm not spoiling you, it's just that I hate it when some writers don't tell me how the ending it's gonna be like. It's very annoying when you read long chapters only to find out that Rachel ends up being with Joey at the end. Ew! Sorry, there's just no other way for me. It's either Ross and Rachel or... Rachel and Ross! The end! lol! :D I'm a sucker for those 2!!