What is wrong with Severus
Chapter 2-Severus's thoughts about his life
Severus knew he was nasty whenever he came in contact with Harry but he couldn't help himself. The boy rubbed him the wrong way. Every time he looked at Harry he saw James and his memory of his childhood humiliations came back. He felt trapped .
Severus would have liked to be one of those people who every body got along with but he had been programmed from childhood to distrust and hate other people. His father beat him as a regular thing as a child just because he existed, and his mother was powerless or too weak to stop the abuse even though she was a witch. The fights between the two escalated as he got older and he tried to stay out of their sight by staying alone in his room for hours on end.
Outside the house wasn't much better with the other children in the neighborhood taunting him and making fun of his clothes, features and generally making him even more aware that he would never fit in.
When he got his letter from Hogwarts he thought he might fit in there but those years just made him more aware that he was a misfit. James Potter and his band of Marauders made sure that Severus was aware of that fact, and the other students followed James lead.
Severus felt his life was a torturous journey that was to be experienced as a series of rejections from all he came in contact with. Those who did accept him only did so to reap the benefits of his intelligence and abilities. Lucius had got him to join up as a death eater with Voldemort when he was feeling really low and humiliated for the umpteenth time by James and his Marauder friends, by using a thinly disguised form of friendship.
Minerva was alright even if they butted heads about the children especially Potter. Most times she treated Severus like any other adult and not like he was a dispised abomination to be looked down on and ignored like many of the other teachers around Hogwarts whom Severus had the misfortune to interact with.
The only real friend Severus thought he had is Professor Albus Dumbledore and he had bound him with an unbreakable vow after Severus had came to him when he realized what a blasted fool he had been going back to Voldemort and telling him about that Prophesy concerning Voldemort and the child born at the end of July.
Severus had not known it had to do with the Potters when he told Voldemort.. He went to Albus Dumbledore and revealed everything to him. Albus told him that he was to become a spy for the Order of the Phoenix and that is what he had done.