by Tina
Not wasting any more time with chit-chatting, here we go :)
Ross let his arms gently embrace her body, his palms tenderly stroking her perfect back. A few seconds later he could feel her smooth hands on the back of his head, on his neck and on his cheek. She pulled him closer passionately, still, however, mantaining the slow pace of their kiss. They'd shared kisses like this many times before. All of them memorable ones, in moments of deep realisation. When they were completely aware of just how much they loved each other. And there was no other way of showing it but through a kiss like that.
They were in a trance, reason failed to rule in their minds. It was all about the feelings. The sensations that overtook their bodies, the blur that had fell upon them. Single random soothing thoughts popping in every once in a while.
Rachel remembered so many other kisses... Only no one seemed to compare to this one. The night he'd proposed to her, the genuine look of happiness on his face when she said yes. Ross, Ross, Ross... Visions of him filled her mind like a desease. She was lovesick after all, wasn't she? She felt as if she could never, ever, get enough of him. And there she was, kissing him. Eagerly, she hugged him around the neck and sunk even deeper to that kiss.
He tightened his grasp around her. She was kissing him back so good. Confident and happy his feelings were truly mutual - no one could kiss like that and not mean it! - he lifted one of his hands to run through her hair. He wondered why they even bothered seeing other people when they just knew this was the only way it could possibly be like.
And that's when it occured to him. What the hell were they doing? They were nothing but cheating on Lara and Daniel. Ross wasn't that kind of guy, he knew it. For as much as he loved Rachel, he had to end this now. Do it the proper way or simply do nothing at all. Sure the second option was now flying off the window, but a much bigger damage could be avoided.
Besides, this was not the best way of showing Rachel herself that she could trust him if they were to get back together. No, they had to talk first.
Relutanctly, he broke their kiss.
"I'm sorry" he quickly said.
Rachel softly opened her eyes and still hadn't quite snapped out of it.
"Hmm?" her voice was soft as she touched her botton lip. "What?"
"We're seeing other people, Rachel, this isn't right"
"You just said it was" her voice was still soft, now full of disapointment.
"Look, I..." his mind raced, looking for a good way of saying what he had in mind "What does this mean? Do you wanna get back together or..." he trailed off and just watched her. She looked lost.
"I don't know, I just..." she trailed off aswell.
They just sat there next to each other without knowing what to say. Rachel looked down at her shoes and sighed. She had absolutely no idea what to do. Was she willing to go back to life with Ross, a life she'd once rejected because it was too hard for her? Had she got over the things that had separated them in the first place? Or would she settle for Daniel, a great guy she truly cared about?
Sure she was aware she didn't feel for Daniel half of what she felt for Ross... But she did like him and she knew she'd also have a wonderful life with him, so far free of doubts and pain.
And Ross couldn't help but think what would be better not only for him, but also for her. He did love Rachel more then any other woman in the world, but he knew he had the power no one else had to hurt her so much. He had found someone good for him now and so had Rachel. Sure it wasn't the same, nothing could ever come near what they had. But maybe there is a time when enough is enough.
He sighed.
Letting her go was harder than anything else he'd ever had to do in his life.
"Rachel, if you... if you really can't accept all the changes that have happened along the way with me... Ben, Melissa, or, hm, our past..." he looked up at her and their eyes met "...then I think maybe this is it, for good. We should just move on and" he shrugged "do the right thing".
She looked down and then quickly up at him again.
"So what's it gonna be?" he asked.
The room was silent for a few seconds.
"I don't know"
Ross sighed and stood up, walking around a bit. She looked down and also sighed. At that moment, Rachel's cell rang, startling her. She opened it and saw Daniel's name flashing on the screen. She looked down and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, sweetie, where are you?"
Rachel felt low. She'd messed things up too much already, now she had to be true. Besides, his mother had seen her with Ross. Maybe that was why he'd called her.
"I'm at Ross'"
There was a long silence.
"Daniel?"
"Could you come over later so we could talk?"
Rachel bit her lower lip.
"Okay"
"I'll see you later then"
"Bye" Rachel said, not even a second before he hung up. She doubted he even got to hear it.
She flipped her cellphone closed and looked at Ross, who had his back turned to her. He was looking out the window, quiet. She was still confused, she didn't know what decision to make. She knew leaving Ross hanging would be wrong, this was aparently a decision they should make together, it was their relationship. But she couldn't, she had to be alone in order to get a little piece of sanity back. Only Daniel's phone call reminded her she wouldn't have that time to herself. There were too many people involved.
"I'm gonna go" Ross simply turned around and looked at her blankly. Rachel's eyes filled up with some tears, but she quickly brushed them away and prayed there were no more of them on the way. She looked down and walked to the door. "I- I'll talk to you later, Ross" she was hopeful that would at least change his expression to a better one, but it didn't.
So she looked down and left his apartment. The minute she stepped out, Ross let his head hang and massaged his temples.
"You're doing the right thing, Ross" he kept repeating, trying to convince himself.
Rachel sighed as she stared at the door to Daniel's duplex. After two more seconds, she rang the door bell and he quickly opened the door, as if he'd been on the edge of his seat waiting for her.
"Hey" Rachel said simply.
He looked serious, but not exactly angry.
"Hi" he pushed the door open and she entered, throwing her bag on the nearest couch.
"What, uh, what did you do today?" Rachel noticed he was suspetious and felt ashamed.
"I went to the park with Ross and his children" she said, honestly, sitting down on the couch.
Daniel kept staring at her, a little surprise with her honesty. He sat down across from her, softening it up. If she was being so honest, then maybe it was because there was nothing to hide.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Rachel sighed.
"I don't ask you to tell me everytime you're meeting a friend" Rachel was surprised with her own reply. She knew she was being unfair. Daniel frowned and looked upset.
"No, Rachel, not your friend! Your ex-boyfriend, your ex-fiancé! You know, the man you'd promised to marry, that's who!"
Rachel looked down and he sighed.
"Look, I'm not gonna be mad at you because of that. But I just... I've just been thinking Rachel and I want us to talk about this. We've never really talked about these things and it scares me. I wanna know what you feel about this, it was like three and a half years of your life after all! I wanna know if I have a reason for being jealous or if I can really trust you. I wanna know if you're over this"
Rachel brushed tears from her eyes.
"Well, so do I!" she quickly got up and paced around. Daniel followed her with his eyes, confused.
"What?"
"I don't know, Daniel, I don't know! I don't know what I feel about this, alright??"
Daniel kept looking at her, taken aback.
"Do you... do you still love him?"
Rachel paused and looked at Daniel. She looked down and then back at him. His heart broke at the sight of her. He'd never seen anyone look so sad.
"Truthfully? Yes"
Daniel didn't know what to say.
"Do you wanna... be with him, again?"
She shrugged her shoulders miserably.
"I don't know"
Daniel looked down and a long silence followed.
"Rachel, I... I don't wanna be a rebound thing, your consolation price. I'm afraid you're gonna have to make up your mind" Rachel nodded, she knew she had to. "Do you even... like me?"
Rachel looked at him and brushed her tears away. She sat down next to him and took his hands.
"God, yes, Daniel, of course I do. I like you very much, I think you're great. You give me all the stability I need, you're so caring and such a good friend..." Daniel smiled at her and she smiled back. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this"
"It's okay, Rach, I guess..." he sighed. "So... now what?"
She kept looking at him and looked lost again.
Ohhhh, the fic is coming to an end soon... This is so sad, I've grown to really like it! Anyway... you guys are great for leaving me reviews, they make my day! I've laughed hard with some of them (Amelia, I hope you're not still holding your breath! lol!) and even incorporated some ideas into the fic! I've also decided I'm gonna finish Can't fight the night after this is all done! ;) Then I'll go back to my usual writing style (one huge fanfic only instead of many small chapters, script style) in a fic about R&R after the finale!
Anyway, hmm... drop me a new review, please? angel face lol! See ya soon!!