by Tina
Again, I'll save the small talk to the end ;) Here we go...
As usual, Rachel woke up at 6:30 that friday morning. She rolled around her bed and set her alarm clock on snooze mode so she could lie awake for a few more minutes. She allowed her mind to run free. However, her thoughts always reached the same matter after all...
It'd been four days since she'd last seen Ross or Daniel. She was giving herself some time off to think, but so far things didn't seem any less complicated. She still had no idea what the best thing to do was. If anything, she was even more confused.
After ten minutes of the same old questions left unanswered, she finally got up at the second wake up call.
When she exited her bedroom to wash her face, she spotted something she didn't quite expect. Monica was already up, only not to go to her usual morning jog. She was holding Melissa while trying to feed her something. The baby, however, looked reluctant and sleepy.
"Hey", Rachel said. "When did she get here?"
"Ross dropped her over last night, he had to go on a quick last minute business trip.. But he'll be back to pick her up at night"
Rachel smiled as Melissa adoringly curled up the sides of he lips, looking straight back at her.
"Hi Mel!"
"Wachel!" Melissa held her arms up.
"She won't eat! Help me, Rachel!"
Rachel picked Melissa up and kissed the top of her head.
"Are you giving Aunt Monica a hard time?" Melissa just giggled. Rachel got a spoon full of Melissa's breakfast and tried to feed her. Surprisingly, the little girl opened her mouth and took it all in.
Rachel smiled even more and something occured to her.
"Hm, Mon... Can I watch her today?"
Monica smiled, knowing what this was about.
"Of course. How about work though?"
"I'll call in sick."
"Okay" Monca sighed. "Guess I'm free to go running now then?"
"You are" Rachel smiled, sitting down on a chair and feeding Melissa some more.
Melissa was having a blast at the half full bath tub. Rachel was sitting down on the floor next to her, her chin carefully rested on the edge. She'd been simply watching the baby for almost half an hour as she played with a rubber duck and other toys Rachel had found around the house. It was incredible how much energy she still had. It was good to watch.
After one more minute, Rachel thought it was time to end Melissa's fun, it didn't seem too healthy. The baby didn't protest for long and gladly let Rachel wrap her in a towel.
She couldn't help but smile when Melissa sneezed, it was too adorable.
"Please don't come down with a flu", Rachel told her on their way to her bedroom. "Your daddy would kill me!"
Melissa looked up at her and disserted, arranging herself in Rachel's arms. Rachel almost panicked, afraid she'd end up dropping Melissa. But the baby held on tight and showed Rachel what she was doing. She hugged Rachel.
Her heart melted.
Having watched Ben grow up being such an important figure in his life, Rachel knew there was nothing that compared to a child's meaningful hug. Melissa had initiated, she wanted it. And it was a special kind of hug. Rachel lost her breath and words. She just stood in the middle of her room, letting Melissa hug her. Gently, she placed a hand on her tiny back and leaned her head foward, resting her face on the baby's right shoulder.
A long time went by like this. Rachel knew Melissa must've been tired, she should be blinking each time slower. But she didn't want that moment to end.
Before Melissa could fall alseep for good, though, Rachel broke their moment to get her settled for a nap. She carefully put a diaper on her and a comfortable shirt. Put on some perfume and brushed her hair, all the while paying atention to Melissa's expression.
Her eyelids were falling quickly and she yawned ocasionally, provoking Rachel in a new way. As soon as she was done, Rachel couldn't contain herself any longer. She picked Melissa up and rocked her to sleep, pacing around the room humming the few baby songs she knew. Her chin would softly brush against Mel's hair and the scent that emerged from it went straight up Rachel's nose. The tiny body quickly loosed it up, becoming more and more vulnerable, pressed up harder against Rachel's as Melissa lost hold of her spine.
She was noticeably asleep, her breathing louder yet even more comforting. But Rachel couldn't let go.
It was another good five minutes before Rachel would finally lay Melissa down and lie awake next to her, watching her peaceful slumber.
She had to admit Ross made beautiful children. One day, maybe, it would be her time to create life with him. To make another little miracle, like the one before her. But as for now, she could only hope.
Monica also had that whole day off. At night, she and Rachel were set in front of the t.v., though not exactly paying atention to it. Melissa was in Rachel's lap, facing her. Her chubby hands kept reaching for Rachel as she played with the little girl, who'd giggle non-stop. Monica couldn't stop staring at them, admiring the beautiful scene. Truly beautiful.
Rachel's mind retraced all the things she'd thought about that afternoon while watching Mel sleep. They still seemed right, all her conclusions were still valid. She smiled wider, satisfied with everything.
Despite all the pain and suffering, she could see how much she'd needed the last few months. She had to be alone to figure some things out, to be sure about her life. To achieve things. And now more than ever, she could be true to herself. She knew both sides. She knew life with and without Ross. The before and after. And the only way she'd be really happy.
No matter what, Ross would always be the one in her mind and in her heart. He's always be the one to take her breath away and make her knees go weak. He was the only one she wanted to turn to when looking for a friendly shoulder, or to love her after a hard day. His face was the last thing she wanted to see at night, and the first when she woke up.
Those thoughts were corny, but so true.
Acceptance is part of what being a real couple is about. And she knew she was now ready to take anything. Ross was a great guy and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. So she could be certain that being with him was not only what she wanted, but also the best choice. She could have a brand new start with any good guy, but none of them could give her the garantee that Ross gave her now.
After so much time of insecurity due their first anniversary, Rachel had released herself from that awful feeling. She knew him. She knew him too well... And she wanted him. It had to be him now.
Tracing back lost feelings, she thought maybe that was one of the things that made her briefly let go of Ross. She knew once they were married she'd never have the chance to experience being with anyone else. And she knew exactly how things would be like with him. Her knowledge on him made their relationship predictible at times.
Only what she didn't know back then was that this was all she wanted. Being with Daniel showed her that yes, it's fun meeting new people and being with someone new. But it could never compare to being with your true love. Only she had to experience it one more time to get to those conclusions. So, in a way, being away from Ross was good not only for her, but for their relationship.
Now all she had to do was talk to him. She wondered if she'd be able to explain to him everything she'd thought and felt, afraid maybe he wouldn't understand some of those things. Depending on the way she said them, they'd come off the wrong way and simply hurt him even more. But she hard to try and make him understand everything. He had to know everything that went on to understand just how much she loved him. And just how sure she was that they were going to be okay.
He had to.
Rachel sighed as Melissa gave up on their game and rested her head on Rachel's chest. Rachel wrapped her arms around the baby and closed her eyes, thinking of how life would be like if things worked out.
Would Melissa walk down the aisle by herself throwing petals on the way or should maybe Ben push her on a stroller?
"Hey"
Rachel quickly opened her eyes, startling. She spotted Ross looking straight at her and Melissa and was filled with nervousness.
"Daddy!" Melissa squealed and waved her arms up.
Ross approached and took Melissa on his arms. Rachel just watched as they hugged and Ross kissed the baby's hair, closing his eyes shortly, cherishing that moment. A funny sensation filled her belly.
"Were you good to Aunt Monica?" Ross questioned his daughter.
"Wachel!" Melissa said, indignant.
Ross looked at Monica, confused.
"Rachel watched her the whole day" Monica simply said, smiling.
Ross looked at Rachel. She was smiling and he quickly smiled back, surprised.
"Really?" she nodded. "Hm, how was she?"
"Amazing"
Melissa looked at Rachel and smiled broadly. She stretched her arms on her way again, and Ross let Rachel take her back, a look of amuzement clear on his face.
"We ate, took a nap, read a story, played with dinosaurs..." Ross chuckled "Didn't we, Mel?"
The little girl nodded, letting her head fall against Rachel again. Ross simply watched, warm hearted, for a long time.
Rachel raised her gaze and her eyes met his. She so badly wanted to take him out to the balcony and tell him everyting she had in mind. But no, today was not the day. She was glad she had already made up her mind and had such a good day with his daughter. One step at a time, she shouldn't rush into this, as much as she wanted.
So she placed a kiss on Mel's forehead and handed her over to Ross.
"Go on, Mel, your father must be tired" Melissa looked a little reluctant, but was still glad to be with her father. "We'll see each other some other time and we can play some more, okay?"
Ross smiled.
"I promise, Melissa" he looked up at Rachel again "We're still gonna bother Aunt Rachel a lot"
"I can't wait" she replied with a wide smile on her face.
Monica watched their interaction with satisfaction. Not long after, they said their goodbyes and Ross left with Melissa.
"Hm, what was that?" Monica asked.
Rachel smiled at her.
"I'm breaking up with Daniel"
"Really?" Monica smiled.
Rachel sat down next to her friend.
"Listen... I'm sorry for keeping so much for myself these past few years. Thing is, I was too confused myself. And yes, I realise maybe you could've helped me figure some things out, but I guess I just felt like I had to be the one to do it." Monica nodded, understanding. "And now I know what I want, I know what I should do..." she kept looking at Monica "But I need to talk to someone first. I need to get these things out of my head and-"
Monica cut her "I know", her voice so full of understanding. Rachel smiled. "I'm all ears"
Hmmmm... yeah :) Not much to say except I'm sorry for how "long" it took me to post this. Been busy with other stuff and things are kinda crazy here in my house now (my whole family is here! Mind you, usually it's just me and my brother!). Anyway, reviews are still very much welcome! :) I'm so gonna miss this fic! :(