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A trip around the world they say,
will solve all problems.
But who are they?
And who the fuck gave they the right to say what is right and wrong?
and who are they?
but still I write,
this isn't exactly a poem,
more of a though
but no one will tell me of half of my self
the burning feeling that's in my chest,
the feeling like half of me is dieing and will never return,
oh please some one help me-
Kowaru sat curled up on the couch it was three in the morning and he was still sitting down stares and writing. Shuichi kept hiding half of him self from him. He knew his pain filled stomach was from his other parent. And his burning lungs, and maybe his pail skin.
Kowaru watched the moon move across the sky. He went to take a step but fell asleep right there. And fell to the floor.
After asking about the flight and booking a flight for herself, Sakuya barged out of the bathroom. Walking into Eiri Yuki's room Sakuya bid them good night and farewell. Running out to her car Sakuya drove as fast as the speed limit would allow her to go.
Upon her arrival at the airport she took out her suitcase filled with her belongings and dragged it around the airport. She checked in and soon after she was boarded onto the plane. She was seated in first class and it seemed that not very many people were there. Making herself comfortable, Sakuya fastened her seatbelt and fell fast asleep dreaming of the day that Shuichi Shindo and her uncle would get better.
What would be morning for Kowaru. Which it was, he got up from the floor to find a sticky note stuck to his face
Dear Kowaru,
I made you a lunch and some breakfast. There's bento in the fridge and some flavoured water in the freezer. Breakfast is in the microwave. Please come to my work after school. To day we have an appointment.
Kowaru groaned. He didn't want to go to the lab. It was no fun plus he was feeling fine. Except for the pain he went thru two nights ago. But that was no reason to go to the lab. He got up feeling the pain in his lower stomach, "Aw Shit" He tried to get up but it was too late. He covered his mouth to stop him self from vomiting. But it was too late. He pulled his hand away. Was this blood. He looked at the hardwood. It was, "this can't be blood" He said.
Kowaru ran into the kitchen and cleaned up the mess he made on the floor. He didn't touch his breakfast. And didn't dare go near his lunch. He ran straight for the phone and called Shuichi's cell phone, "Dad" He meekly said.
"Kowaru are you okay" Shuichi asked, Kowaru didn't call unless it was for something important.
"Dad." He paused, "I coughed up blood" He slid down the wall and waited there. Shuichi sighed.
"I'll be home in three hours" And Shuichi hung up following Shuichi's instructions on what to do. He went up to Shuichi's bathroom and once again opened the sock drawer. He reached for the back and found a pill bottle in Japanese, "Take twice daily" He read out loud, "Eiri Uesugi" He said looking at the bottle. It had no expiration date and it looked to be old. Kowaru opened the bottle and popped one into his mouth then returned the pills to there resting spot. He then wandered into his room, some ginger ail in hand to pick up the picture. He traced the man with the cold golden eyes, "Dad" he sighed falling onto his bed and hugging the picture.
"I'm finally here!" Sakuya cried happily as she stretched, the plane ride had been long and boring. During her flight she had slept all the way through the midnight snack and breakfast so she was very hungry. Sakuya yawned and stretched. She rubbed her eyes and stretched once more. Isn't that the best feeling in the world? To stretch until it hurts? Once she got off the plane the food at the airport didn't seem so good.
Blech, Sakuya thought, airport food. If there was anything worse that school food it was air port food. Grabbing her baggage Sakuya slowly walked out of the airport and into the San Franciscan sun. Deciding that she should ask people in the airport if they knew who or where Shuichi Shindo was Sakuya did her best to try and speak English.
After about an hour Sakuya's searches lead her to nowhere. All of her attempts failed miserably.
"Man this sucks!" Sakuya cursed as she decided to find a taxicab.
"Where to miss?" the driver asked her.
"Everywhere!" Sakura giggled, "I would like to see all of San Francisco!" She said in the best English that she had been taught.
"You're not from around here are you?" he asked, lowering his sun glasses. Sure there were a lot of Asians around but her, she was new he could tell. And also she smelled different that a regular. Once Sakuya got a glimpse of his face she gasped. He was Japanese like her! Speaking her natural language Sakuya said, "I need to go to the bank first and exchange money."
"Very well." he said bowing his head happy not to be speaking English.
"Oh! And before you get busy do you recognize this man?" Sakuya asked taking the picture out.
"No. I haven't a clue who he is." the taxi driver said shrugging his shoulders as he pulled out into traffic.
"Arigato." Sakuya said crestfallen as they drove on to the bank. Once, Sakuya had exchanged her money they drove all over San Francisco! They drove all through apartment complexes, Chinatown, and along the beach even asking if they knew Shuichi Shindo. None of the people seemed to know or, even seen Shuichi.
"Arigato sir." Sakuya said bowing as she paid the cab driver. He drove away as she checked into the hotel he left her at. Inside the room was nice and warm. The day had since grown cold since the sun went down. With a sigh Sakuya fell onto the bed and fell asleep.
Shuichi sat in the large old lab room that seemed to change every time they visited. And that was every two years, "Well I'm gonna tell you this." The head scientist cleared his throat, "He's a very healthy young boy" Shuichi sighed this was good news but not the news he was looking for.
"But" the doctor said and Shuichi looked up, "He seems to have developed a form of ulcers" The scientist said. Shuichi stopped him.
"Nothing with a high amount of acid, carbonation, more sleep, and more planned out food based on wheat" Shuichi sighed it was this with Eiri now it was like this with his son. Maybe the boy would grow two feet, get blond hair, and golden eyes.
"Yes, and some good old strong coffee will help too" The doctor said astonished, "How do you know that" He asked shocked that a singer would know that then Kowaru walked in with some pills he was to take every day morning and night for two months.
"Eiri Uesugi had ulcers right?" Kowaru asked facing Shuichi. Shuichi nodded, "Thought so" and Shuichi signed then out and went home.
Morning came Sakuya got up with reluctance, got dressed, and went down for a swim at the pool. Even though she was on vacation Sakuya knew that she needed to exercise. After swimming, Sakuya retired to her room and showered. Now, she went to eat at the breakfast buffet. She ate and got ready for another day of searching for Shuichi Shindo.
Today Sakuya's outfit consisted of jeans and a yellow top. Her hair was let down, and a large, yellow butterfly clip hung in her hair.
In and out of stores Sakuya went looking for any trace of Shuichi Shindo. Finally, Sakuya found a music store and intrigued by it went inside. She smiled and looked around. The curious girl walked toward the foreigner section of the music store. A look of pure surprise washed over her face as she saw that they indeed had her debut CD.
Sakuya then made her way up to the front of the store and asked the store clerk in the best English she could, "Excuse me sir have you seen this man or heard of him?" She held up the picture and he leaned forward to look at it.
The store clerk looked at the picture and said, "Yes I know him! He's a regular customer at this shop, so is that scrawny lab experiment he calls a kid." He leaned back and crossed his arms, He knew Shuichi well He was the one who go Shuichi the job at holly wood.
Sakuya's face brightened up and asked, "So you know where he lives?" Sakuya had happiness in her eyes as she leaned forward.
"Yes miss. But I'm sorry I don't have the authority to give out that information." the store clerk said Shaking his hands. Hitting her hand to her forehead Sakuya then had a bright idea. She went towards the foreigner section and found her CD. Holding it up to the store clerk she said, "What do you say? I buy this CD to you and give it to you autographed and we'll call it even."
The store clerk laughed and said, "You're not really her! Why would Sakuya Seguchi be in America when she's topping charts in Japan?" He kept laughing and it reminded her of K.
Sakuya raised an eyebrow and laughed then started to sing, "Lets stay together, just you and me. Till the end of time I was so happy when you smiled. Your smile breaks through the clouds of grey. ." She sang as part of one of her more famous songs.
"You really are her." the desk clerk said surprised falling back into his chair
"Did you think I was lying?" Sakuya asked placing her hands on her hips.
"Still. Even if you are she I cannot give you the information you require. It's strictly classified." the desk clerk said.
"What a waste of my time." Sakuya grumbled in Japanese.
"Miss! However I can tell you that the woman that works in the pawnshop across the street knows where he is." the desk clerk said to her as she walked out.
"Arigato!" Sakuya said joyously as she raced across the street. The pawnshop was old and smelled very mouldy. UGH! Sakuya thought covering her nose, it smells like shit in here.
"Sapphire Seguchi." an old woman's voice said in Japanese. She turned around to where she thought she heard the voice coming from.
"Who goes? And how do you know my name?" Sakuya asked turning around again.
"No need to fear me." the old woman's voice said as she emerged from the back room. She was dressed in an entirely black kimono. Usually when one wears that they are mourning the death of someone that passed away. The old woman was shorter than Sakuya. Her black hair was greying, and in a tight braid down her back. Her stunning blue eyes pierced Sakuya's body like ice. The wrinkles placed upon her skin made her look ancient.
"And you are?" Sakuya asked looking down at the woman
"Mrs. Frisby." the old woman said looking up at the girl
"Very well Mrs. Frisby how on earth do you know my name?" Sakuya asked hoping she wasn't a stalker fan
"I know a lot about you." Mrs. Frisby responded, "I know all about how you are looking for Mr. Shuichi Shindo and how your uncle is about to die, Eiri Yuki I believe is your uncle's name. Quite the talk of the town." She laughed
Sakuya narrowed her eyes at the mysterious woman and said, "The clerk at the music store told me that I could ask you if you knew where he was and I hope that you may be able to tell me."
"Mr. Shindo asked me specifically never to tell anyone of his whereabouts." she said bowing and then resuming her powerful stance.
"He would be my uncle if they were still together." Sakuya muttered irritated.
"Yes, but they are not together and you have nothing to do with him so why don't you just leave my shop." Mrs. Frisby said tuning around and getting ready to leave.
"Please tell me Mrs. Frisby." Sakuya begged, "I beg you! Time is running out!" Sakuya cried clutching the ladies kimono
"Look at the time! It's time for my lunch break." Mrs. Frisby said, "You really must be going now. Good luck on your search dear. By the way… Your uncle is going to die. I know so." With that she shooed Sakuya away from the shop.
"Cold hearted bitch!" Sakuya shouted at the door, "Baka numeruyo!" Sakuya then cursed. Sakuya made her way back to the hotel crestfallen.
"Stupid geezer." Sakuya muttered kicking a rock and sending dirt every where. As Sakuya was staring off into space on her balcony it grew darker. Soon after, night had fallen upon the town. Sighing Sakuya decided to go down to the park a block down the street. The park sounds like a good idea, Sakuya thought.
Sakuya walked to the park slower than ever. The park was beautiful. Even if it had just a tiny waterfall Sakuya still loved it. A small series of steps lead up towards a sidewalk and park benches filled her left side of the path. Street lamps lit Sakuya's way. If I were Shuichi Shindo where would I be hiding? Sakuya pondered as she sat down on the park bench.
Time was running short. It was nearing the end of the second day Eiri Yuki had to live. What do I do? Sakuya thought, I feel so helpless. Mom and dad must be worried sick about me. Sakuya put her hands together in a praying motion and thought, please, if there is someone out there, give my parents a sign and let them know I'm okay…
Looking at her cell phone she saw that the time was now 12:01.
"Day three is just beginning." Sakuya said sighing and looking up and the blood red moon.Without another word Sakuya left the park and walked back to the hotel. Sighing a deep sigh of frustration Sakura drifted off into and uneasy sleep.
It was about nine in the morning when Sakuya got up. She decided to take the day off from searching and enjoy a much-needed rest. She spent the day at the beach swimming in the cool, green, sparkling ocean. Along with that she tanned (or at least tried to) and ate some of the best seafood in her life. Stretching she wrapped a towel around herself, and headed towards the hotel when the sun was going down, feeling guilty.
I should have taken this day to look for Shuichi, Sakuya thought miserably. Walking into her room she sighed, "Day three will soon be over. And I still haven't found Shuichi-kun." Removing her clothes Sakuya got into the shower and washed her body. This feels so good, Sakuya thought as the water ran down her body.
After, her long, hot, relaxing shower, Sakuya stepped out dripping wet. Putting her hair into a towel she started to get dressed. Her outfit consisted of a beige Tommy Hilfigure sweat outfit and a white belly shirt. Reapplying her make-up Sakuya walked outside into the cool night breeze. Sakuya decided to get a coffee and walked down the block to the left to see if she could find the Starbucks coffee shop. Sure enough she found it. Sakuya walked inside to find that it was empty except for a few people sitting at the tables. Once up at the counter she ordered a mocha chillier. Paying for it Sakuya took the seat towards the window.
She stared out at the people passing by. Laying her head on the table she heard someone else walk in. Sakuya started to cry. What have I done? Uncle Yuki! Sakuya thought. Someone put his or her hand on her shoulder as Sakuya looked up startled. "Are you all right?" the boy asked.
She looked up. He was a short boy about a year younger than her, maybe two. He had white, grey hair, and red eyes that were starting to turn brown. He wore black pants, a purple shirt with a black over jacket. Something that she mite see her father or her uncle in.
"Your eyes…" Sakuya trembled as she stared deep into his red orbs.
The boy looked at her puzzled, "Are you all right ?"
"I-I think so…" Sakura said dazed as the boy sat at her table he motioned to some one standing in line.
"What's your name?" he asked smiling in her direction. But she knew that he wasn't hitting on her
"Sakuya Seguchi." Sakuya answered as she held her necklace with one shaking hand. The man's jaw dropped at the name. 'Seguchi' that was his father's old bosses name. Shuichi had just walked over in time to here her name.
It can't be her? What would that bastard's daughter be doing here? Is it possible Seguchi sent her here? The boy thought. Shuichi stood there frozen, she looked at Shuichi. His fading pink hair and purple eyes have it away.
"It's you…" Sakuya muttered as the man walked out of the shop. The boy she had just met was also in tow.
"I'll see you later miss." the boy said hoping to never see her face again. Sakuya too shocked to do anything sat there as she watched him walk out of the shop.
"Wait!" Sakuya called as she got up running to catch up after them. She got looks from all the people in the coffee shop and ran out of Starbucks. She looked to her right where she saw them. They was very well now down the street.
"Wait!" Sakuya cried tears still running down her cheeks.
The boy turned around and asked, "What the hell do you want from my father?" He held her down with a look as Shuichi turned around to look at his son They were in the middle of the street and it was still a red light. Sakuya stood there staring at the man with the light brown hair, panting and unmoving.
"Listen, we can't help you so find someone else…" he told her coldly he was holding the gaze that her uncle had given her when she fist saw him after so long.
"It's you isn't it?" Sakuya cried, "you're Shuichi Shindo, and your his son. aren't you?" She asked tears filling her eyes.
"That name has long since been forgotten to me…" Shuichi said as he walked onto the sidewalk, "Kowaru lets go. Now" Shuichi said walking away and Kowaru started to follow. The light turned green and a car came zooming toward Sakuya. Sakuya looked at the car unable to move. She saw a flash of white and green light and felt a sharp pain in her right shoulder. Her body collided with sidewalk and pavement from the street.
"Do you wanna get killed you japs? You stupid chink fuckers!" the driver in the car said as he drove off. Sakuya sighed as she looked up at the boy that was holding her in his arms. He lay there wheezing and panting just as hard as she was. Shuichi ran over and helped Kowaru up then Sakuya. Sakuya stood there still not saying a word… She could not believe she found Shuichi Shindo so quickly. But the next step was to convince him to come back to Tokyo. The man that stood in front of her was a crybaby and a stubborn mule at times.
"You should watch for where you're going." Shuichi said, "this is America, not Tokyo, and you're most likely to get killed." Kowaru sat on the ground panting and many though running thru his head.
"I understand." Sakuya said as she touched the butterfly necklace on her neck. When she took her hand off Shuichi saw what Sakuya had been hiding under her hand the whole time. It was the pink butterfly necklace that Mika had taken away from Sakuya a long time ago. Shuichi had always thought the Mika burned it or threw it away but it was evident that she didn't because there on Sakuya's neck it was.
"That necklace." Shuichi stammered, "Where did you get it?" Kowaru was now on his feet again and looked at the necklace.
"This?" Sakuya asked touching her neck, "you gave it to me, once upon a time. Don't you remember Uncle Shuichi?"
Shuichi chuckled and said, "It's been awhile since I've been called that." Kowaru looked at the girl, "I have no family he's not your uncle" Kowaru said being childish. Hadn't he always wanted a family.
"Kowaru, Uncle Shuichi…" Sakuya started to stay but was then followed by an awkward silence.
"Well I guess I'd better be going." Shuichi smiled as he started to turn around and leave Kowaru was following him. No good stuck up pop star, he though.
"Don't go!" Sakuya pleaded as they turned around. Finding her voice Sakuya asked, "I want to know… Uncle Shuichi… Why did you and Uncle Yuki break it off?" Shuichi stood there stunned along with Kowaru. This was one of the first times he had ever heard anyone ask about his other father. Besides the scientist.
"I'd prefer not to talk about it." Shuichi sighed as he closed his eyes his head to the ground as he let out a little chuckle
"Uncle Shuichi!" Sakuya whimpered as she ran into his arms.
"It's all right Sakuya." Shuichi said as he patted her head like he used to Kowaru walked over and stood by his father watching her cry
"Why did you leave? I missed you so much! You promised me that you two would always be together forever! What happened to that promise you made me?" Sakuya cried as she banged on the older man's chest, "It didn't have to end this way!"
"Dad? What happened?" Kowaru asked some tears where now starting to form in his eyes too. Shuichi pulled the boy close so now he had both children near him.
"Hush now Sakuya. Hush Kowaru. I'm fine and so are you… It's better that we're apart…" Shuichi said patting both on the head as Kowaru pulled away from the comfort.
"No it's not!" Sakuya shouted, "He's dieing Uncle Shuichi."
Kowaru started crying, "Dad you promised, I some day meet my family." He sobbed, "and now there dieing, this is the pain I feel" He cried out as Shuichi was stricken by the news
"What?" Shuichi asked as he pulled the young woman away from his arms, "then, if he's destined to die alone then so am I." Kowaru kept crying and turned a little. Shuichi tried to ignore the boy. He looked the way he used to when he was crying from being ignored by Yuki.
"No! You were meant to be together. I know so… Then why after all these years would you remember who I am and how much you loved him when I bring him up…" Sakuya whimpered as she stood be Kowaru
"You have to understand me Sakuya." Shuichi said as he held her upper arms and stared deep into her green orbs, "Don't you see Sakuya? There's nothing left for me in Tokyo to go back to! I have a life here and a son" Shuichi said trying to give good reason.
"Yes, there is! You have me and Mr. Hiro and Ryuichi! But most importantly you have Yuki. As he's laying there in his death bed all he can think of is you." Sakuya cried looking back into Shuichi's eyes.
"That's not true." Kowaru whimpered, he wanted a family. But it was a dream one that wasn't going to come true.
Shuichi said bitterly, "believe me Sakuya Seguchi this was for the best." He let go of her arm and grabbed on to his crying son's hand.
"You're wrong… You've never stopped loving him. I can see the hurt in your eyes. They're crying out for help. I'm here for you Uncle Shuichi." Sakuya said as she took the picture out of her pocket, "he thinks about you even now… Why would he keep this after all these years? And if I'm correct Uncle Yuki doesn't like to hold onto the past…" She held out the picture of there first date.
Shuichi took the picture out of Sakuya's hands and examined it carefully Kowaru peering over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to glow just a little bit when he saw the picture. The shine that used to be there was coming back.
"May I ask why is your hair that color? Isn't it pink?" Sakuya asked smiling as Kowaru wondered the same thing. Shuichi's hair now was more of a brownish red.
"I got dumped a long time ago." Shuichi said, "I needed a change. I'm sorry Sakuya but there's nothing I can do to help you…" He handed Sakuya back the picture and shook his head at Kowaru.
"Come back to Tokyo with me! Come back!" Sakuya cried looking at both men.
"You wouldn't understand." Shuichi said pushing Sakuya out of his way and holding his son by the hand so he couldn't escape.
"I won't take that answer!" Sakuya shouted putting her foot to the ground, Shuichi stopped and looked back.
"Leave me alone if you know what's best for you." Shuichi threatened trying to use one of Yuki's glares.
"Please Uncle Shuichi! Kowaru" Sakuya sobbed throwing her arms around Shuichi.
At that moment Shuichi's heart softened as he embraced the girl back. For just that moment his heart of ice was now beginning to melt. Her warm breath tickled his left ear as she ceased to cry. Kowaru also started crying. He had promised that one day he would let the boy see his family. He was only hoping that the boy forgot.
"Please hear me out!" Sakuya begged, "He's in the hospital! He's about to die! Please you need to come back to Tokyo! He's dieing of a broken heart!" Sakuya cried
"Please father, I want to meet him, if you don't go let me go so I can know that I have a family out there" Kowaru cried also trying to convince his father.
Bowing before him Shuichi stared at the girl in utter shock. Was Touma Seguchi's daughter really asking for help? Or was another one of his tricks to get him to come back to NG Records? There was no sure way of telling.
"He doesn't love me anymore. And I don't love him either." Shuichi whimpered.
"Nonsense. They say that when you love someone you never really stop loving them. I know that you never really stopped loving him no matter what you say. You keep a photo album at home full of pictures from your first date" Kowaru cried looking up at his father yelling at him for the first time
"I have no say in what you should do in your life but if you acted this impulsively and irresponsibly then please fix your mistakes and come back to Tokyo! Uncle Yuki is already repenting for his sins by dieing slowly in a hospital bed… All alone. I'm sure… That if he could see you one last time… Before he died… I'm sure he would be very happy." Sakuya said continuing from where her cozen left off.
"How do I know that this isn't one of Seguchi's tricks? How do I know that he didn't just send you here to get me to sign with NG again?" Shuichi asked looking at his son telling him not to talk anymore.
"If you think that then why would he send his daughter of all people? He always did say that Yuki belonged to him so why would he want you back in the picture?" Sakuya asked and it was true. Shuichi's eyes widened in shock. Could she really be telling the truth? Shuichi asked.
"I still have my doubts." Shuichi said. Shuichi eyed Sakuya and Kowaru again sighed and said, "All right… What do you want me to do?"
"Return to Tokyo with me tonight." Sakuya said looking over at Kowaru happily she had won.
It was at that moment that everything was starting to get better. Shuichi looked a little younger… And the shine that had left his eyes a long time ago was returning again. Kowaru smiled and laughed his first true laugh in all his life, and smiled his first true smile.