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Notes/Disclaimer: SPOILERS FOR KHII. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DON'T READ. Also, of course, slash. Light, implied one-sided, but there. You have been warned. Title comes from Utada Hikaru's "Sanctuary," which is brilliant and lovely. Also: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I'd probably have died from joy by now. It belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.
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Riku removed his glove placed his hand on the white, flower-like chamber in which Sora slept. He felt a pang as he saw his own fingers resting on the frosted glass. Not his fingers at all. Maybe he shouldn't even be touching the chamber with these fingers. He was too dirty now, soiled, to touch Sora, even so indirectly. Feeling angry tears prick at the corners of his eyes, he withdrew his hand and tugged the glove back on harshly.
"Who are you?" came a familiar voice from behind him. Riku spun around. King Mickey stood in the doorway, staring at him. The last time he had see the mouse, he had been in his own form.
"It's me, Mickey," Riku said, not bothering to change his voice. His stomach lurched as he saw the confused, frightened expression on Mickey's face. He turned quickly back to face the pod. No once could possibly ever accept him like this. His only choice was to fade into darkness. He would become a shadow, a simple nothing. If it meant that Sora could live in the light again, then it would be worth it.
"Riku?" came the tentative voice from behind him. "Is that really you?"
"It is," Riku agreed. Restively he halted his hand where it had been reaching again towards the pod. He wasn't going to be able to see Sora much longer; DiZ wanted him to help oversee Roxas. Namine would care for the building of Sora's memories, as she had been. But it would be better to sever contact now. He could never allow Sora to see him like this.
"Mickey," Riku said haltingly, "Would you… when Sora wakes up… would you make sure he's okay? Watch over him sometimes? Just… I don't want anything to happen to him."
"Aren't you going to do that?" the mouse questioned. "You're his friend. Don't you want to watch over him?"
Riku whirled around, angry, and faced King Mickey. "Look at me!" he yelled. "Look at what I've become! I can't… I can't face him like this, Mickey." Suddenly he deflated and slumped, feeling intensely tired. "You know how I feel about him. He… I couldn't take it if he saw me like this. If he knew what I did for him. He would hate me, if he saw me like this."
"He wouldn't hate-" Mickey started, but Riku held up a hand to silence him.
"I want you to promise me that you won't tell him what happened to me," Riku said.
Mickey frowned. "He's going to ask," he said. "He cares about you. He'll want to know. I won't lie to him."
"Then tell him that you can't say. I don't care." Riku looked back at the sleeping face of Sora. "He can't ever find out. Promise me."
"Fine," said Mickey after a pause. "I'm not sure I agree with you, but if that's what you really want, then I promise. He'll always wonder what happened though. Do you really want him to never see you again?"
Riku nodded absently. "I'm just going to fade away. I have to. His place is in the light, and that's no place for me anymore." Slowly, Riku turned back and began to walk towards the door.
"You don't have to leave," said Mickey. "There's a while still, before he wakes up."
Riku shook his head. "I have to sever the contact now. If I don't stop seeing him, I'll never be able to. I…" he heard his voice crack. "Seeing him every day like this, wanting to help him so badly, and wanting to hear him and see him… I need to stop. I'm getting addicted."
"If you're sure," Mickey said as Riku passed him.
Riku paused and, against his better judgement, looked back one more time. Goodbye, he thought at Sora. I know you'll always wonder, and not finding me may make you sad. But it's better this way. I love you, Sora, but it will be best if you never see me like this. I may never see you again, so… goodbye.
"I'm sure," he said to Mickey, and left the room.
- END -