Piddy Tha Foo' That Mess Wit' Hogwarts!
Ch. 2:
Enter the Potions Master!
Harry and Ron:walk back up to the Common Room, Ron still in large amounts of pain after getting blinged in the face:
Hermione:tapping her foot and waiting for them:
Ron:walks in, tired sounding: What do you want to yell at us about now, Hermione?
Hermione:screaming: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING TRYING TO PET THE HEADMASTER'S HIPPOGRYPH!
Ron: Bloody hell, Hermione... We just wanted an up-close report to tell Hagrid about later...
Hermione: OH, REALLY! WOULD YOU ALSO HAVE LIKE HAGRID TO SEE YOUR BLOODY STUMP OF AN ARM AFTER YOU ACCIDENTALLY RIPPED OUT SOME OF ITS FEATHERS AS WELL!
Ron and Hermione:bicker loudly... as usual:
Harry:sigh: Why every night:trudges up to bed:
:Ron and Hermione fight for most of the night, Harry presses pillows against his ears to keep the noise out:
NEXT MORNING
:The Trio walk down to breakfast, Ron and Hermione still bickering, Harry's eyes are bloodshot:
Harry:sits down away from Ron and Hermione, lets his face drop right into his porridge:
Ron and Hermione:sit at opposite ends of the table and yell loudly to the other students about how they hate each other:
Ginny:walks up behind Harry and taps him on the shoulder:
Harry:gurgles in his porridge:
Ginny: Rough night?
Harry:cries into his porridge:
Ginny:pats him on the back: Well, at least you'll have an easy lesson today. You start with Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Harry:sits up suddenly: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Ginny:pins Harry's arms so he can't rip out his own hair:
LATER THAT MORNING
:The Gryffindors walk out onto the grounds and wait for Professor Norris:
Chuck:flies down from a tree and spin-kicks a conveniently-placed generically-bald bad guy: Morning, kids!
Gryffindors:in monotone: Good morning, Professor.
Chuck: Okay! Today, I'm going to give you a little demonstration of what you'll be learning this semester. :he rips off his shirt: Now, wands out!
Everyone:pulls their wands out, not sure what's going on:
Chuck: Now fire any hex you want at me.
Everyone: O.O
Hermione: You can't be serious! You don't even have a wand!
Chuck:thumbs up, his glint sparkle: That's okay... 'cause I have massive pecs!
Hermione:vein pops out in her forehead: FINE THEN :fires off a huge barrage of curses that would make Ah-nold cry for his mommy:
Chuck:watches them come towards him and flexes his MASSIVE PECS:
:The spells hit with explosive force and Chuck Norris disappears in a cloud of smoke:
Hermione: Feh. :throws her hair back: What a boring opponent. :a voice says "K.O.!":
:The smoke clears and Chuck stands there still flexing:
Everyone: O.O
Chuck:thumbs up: Not bad! You actually managed to give me a wedgie!
Hermione:jaw drops: B-B-B-But how did you do that:runs off and cries in a corner from the confusion:
Mysterious Figure:flies in a kicks Chuck Norris in the face: HUUUUUUUUUUYAH!
Chuck:goes down:
Mysterious Figure: You have spoiled my honor!
Chuck: You have broken my honour!
Mysterious Figure: YOU SPELL 'HONOR' LIKE A BRIT!
:Amazing martial arts action ensues:
Chuck:rips off the Mysterious Figure's cloak to reveal... BRUCE LEE:
Bruce: You have destroyed my disguise:his mouth doesn't match up with the words:
Random Gryffindor: Why does he talk like that?
Another Random Gryffindor: 1970's dubbing.
RG: Ooooooh.
Harry: WHY IS BRUCE LEE HERE:can't handle all the zany comedic genius:
Bruce: I'll tell you why:pulls out a chalkboard with a diaphragm diagram: Since Professor Snape was sacked, Professor McGonagall approached me about becoming Potion's master here.
Harry: ...But you don't know ANYTHING about Potions!
Bruce:charges at Harry and punches a random Gryffindor in the face: HUUUUUUUUYAH :stands on the random knocked-out student: HOW WRONG YOU ARE:he pulls his cloak back on: Just wait until your Potions lesson...
:Bruce Lee leaves in a dramatic wide-screen exit:
Chuck:claps his hands together: Okay, kids! The lesson today is "How to properly handle dumbells!"
Gryffindors:head towards the gym:
Hermione: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MAGIC?
(Sorry about the messed-upness of it. WordPad makes this IMPOSSIBLE to write correctly.)