Piddy Some Fools That Mess Wit' Hogwarts!

Ch.4

"Man... I hate soliciters."

Hermione knew that she HAD to think of some way to feel Professor Lee into thinking
she was actually doing her lesson correctly... For what reason she was doing this? Well,
it has a lot to do with something I like to call Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but more on
that later.

Hermione came up with an ingenius plan. Where was the genius? Why, in the wandwork.
Whenever she made the chopping hand motion, she muttered a simple Chopping Charm.
So presto, one fooled Chinaman.

Ron, however, wasn't having the best time. "Stupid... bloody... ARGH!" he growled as he
used the side of his hand to shred the lizard guts and let them drop into the cauldron with a
less-than-satisfying squish-squish-drip-drip. "Psst... Hermione... Little help here?" he
whispered.

Hermione snubbed his attempt to talk to her, Ron's blood still not quite dried on her robes from his previous comments. Harry had taken a page from Hermione's book and started copying her movements. Ron, as usual, was totally and utterly oblivious.

Professor Lee walked around inspecting the students' work (Cheating off the nerd does wonders,
no?) and was quite impressed.

Impressed... until he came to Ron's station.

"Ron... What are you doing?"

Ron looked over at him, his eyes bloodshot. "I'm... slicing... the... bloody... LIZARD!" he screamed,waving the bloody remnants of the reptile left on his hand around. Professor Lee looked at him. "Well, well, well... It seems you'll have to take... REMEDIAL POTIONS!"

Everyone gasped. A random Gryffindor piped up, "'Tis a fate worse than death!"

Professor Lee swept out his cloak and went to the door. "Weasley... meet me here in the dungeon
tonight. And bring your friends with you."

The other Gryffindors made their way out, and Professor Lee swept out his arm dramatically for
an exit and jammed his thumb in the Random Gryffindor's ear, rupturing it beyond repair just from
the awesome factor of the thumb of Bruce Lee.

MEANWHILE!

Mr. T was resting in his Beverly Hills home when a knock came at his door.

"Who id it, foo'?" he groggily mouthed out.

The buttons on his suit jacket were the color of coal... His eyes gleamed with the recognition of
every sale... His clothes were starched to perfect depth... His teeth bleached to a blinding white...

He was... A TRAVELLING BUSINESSMAN!

He spoke with his oddly surreal tone of voice, "Hello there, sir! My name is Tom and I'm here to
tell you about a new energy drink I'm selling!"

"Whad id it?" The groggy headmaster inquired.

"Why, I'll tell you!" the overly peppy blonde replied. He pulled out a can that had the word
'Predijuicy' on it. "This, sir, is the energy drink for the 21st century! Made from the finest
squeezed Atlanta Negros and then blended with Jamaican reefer brown-"

The man only made it that far because his skull was crushed between the thumb and forefinger
of the T-man himself.

"PIDDY THA FOO'!" he screamed as a battle cry, after which he threw the carcass into a
passing garbage truck.

"Nice throw," King Kong commented, taking another sip of his mocha latte.

-I'm stopping right here so I don't use up all my genius. NEXT CHAPTER SOON!