Piddy The Foo'!

Ch. 5

Remedial Potions and Danger on the Horizon?

The Trio walked slowly down to the dungeon, resigned to their fate... Well, Ron's fate, at least.

"Why the bloody hell am I the only one who has to do this?" the condemned demanded of the Gods.

"...Because you're an insufferable git, Ron," Hermione deadpanned.

"I don't think it'll be so bad," said the quite foolish in this instance Harry.

Upon reaching the dungeon, Hermione went to knock on the door. But when her fist was about
to rap on the wood, the door swung open on its own.

A collective weird eye was shared by all.

The Oriental decor of the room was enhanced only by the smell of incense and an old 1980s TV set
sitting in front of the desks.

Professor Lee flew over the Trio and kicked the door closed with a mighty "HOOOOOTAH!"

After completing his necessary Amazing Entrance, he addressed the Trio, "All right, my disciples.
Take three seats so you can see the TV."

With an ominous feeling coming over them, they sat.

Professor Lee walked slowly over to the TV... and flipped it on.

"Aaaaaaaaaand welcome to WIN PIE! The game show that's SWEEPING low-budget cable networks!"

"...WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?" screamed Ron, who definitely was surprised and relieved.

"Shhhh... The show's started," rebuked an attentive Professor Lee.

"Now, contestants, this is just a simple game show... except for one part! We will be throwing pies at you while you answer the questions! Whatever questions you answer correctly, you get a pie of the same type that was thrown at you! Any questions?" the host explained.

"Yeah, I do," piped up Contestant #1, "Is this sanitary?"

"Of coooooooooourse it is!" the host replied with a grotesquely large smile as Contestant #1 dropped through a trapdoor and landed a suspiciously sickening SPLTHUNK!

After a momentary eye color change from red back to blue, the host flipped his blonde hair and moved on.

"Okay, Contestants! Let's get started!"

The contestants all then suspicously dropped to their untimely deaths.

The host then shrugged, "Whoops! Looks like I'M the one getting all the pie! See you next week on WIN PIE!"

Hermione looked over at Ron who was holding his hands over his ears. "Come on now, Ron... It wasn't THAT bad right, Harry?"

Ron looked over at her and whispered, "I'm afraid my brain will leak out of my head. Harry... cover my nose, would you?"

Harry just looked down at the floor, his sense of reality totally shot. "Hey, Hermione... When are you going to pipe up and say none of this could have happened because Muggle electronics don't work in Hogwarts?" Harry sullenly inquired.

Hermoine crossed her arms and harrumphed, "I thought no one liked my pointing out of plotholes."

Harry looked over at her, "Hermione... Just because Jinx doesn't like your blatant pointing out of the obvious abilities doesn't mean we want you to never say them... most of the time."

On the TV, the sponsor's commercials played.

"Try Eggland's Best Eggs!" said the Double Mint Twin Look-alike on the screen. A red dot then appeared on her forehead. A bang was accompanied by a little girl eating some eggs and saying 'Mmmmmmm!' in a monotone to the camera.

"Do you like energy drinks?" asked the announcer.

"Mmmhmm!" answered John McEnroe.

"Are YOU a racist?" asked the announcer.

"I can't believe you said that!" John replied, throwing down his raquet and storming off.

"Well, if you ARE, then try PREDIJUICY, the energy drink made from the blood of the Unholy!" pitched the announcer.

"Oh, and Predijuicy is IN NO WAY endorsed by Mr. T," he added.

"You got that right, foo'!" proclaimed the T man himself as he punched the ever-loving crap out of the camera/cameraman.

And another collective weird eye was shared by the Trio.

"Well, you had better go to bed now, my disciples," instructed Professor Lee as he wheeled the TV set into his storage room.

The Trio trudged up to the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry with developing schizophrenia, Hermione feeling cheated of study time, and Won-Won trying to keep his liquified brain inside his skull until it cooled and settled.

-CH. 5 COMPLEEEEEETE!