Author's Note: Two-part chapter to send off this... "interesting" year with a bang! Also, my apologies for the long hiatus; it's been a busy fall and I couldn't set aside time for writing. But now I'm going to make a promise, which I also said in my other story: unless I say otherwise, I'm not dropping any of my stories. Life might cause delays, but one way or another I'm going to see these stories to their conclusion.

Happy new year!

"Guilt-ridden girl, Moi is a consultant, not a therapist. Does thou think that being all-seeing means Moi can solve deep-rooted anxiety with a flick of my finger?"

"What, no, of course not!"

That was in fact exactly what I was thinking. Fuck, now I feel like a moron.

I decided to ask that masked devil in the corner of the guild for advice, but it seems like I didn't quite think this through.

"Well... then, do you know where I can find a therapist?"

"Moi thinks thou would not be able to afford it. Therapists in this world are quite expensive."

"Hah? I still have hundreds of thousands of eris left!"

"Perhaps thou would understand better if Moi said that the average noble can only afford two therapy sessions a year."

"What the hell, what's up with that!?"

"Supply and demand. Being a therapist in this world is not an easy or desirable job, yet their services are frequently sought after."

Jeez, now what the fuck am I supposed to do? Do I just have to work it out on my own?

... sigh. Well, guess there's nothing I can do about that, then. I'll have to come up with my own plan to face him.

But where do I even start...

Oh, right, I had another question for this bastard, didn't I?

"By the way, do you know of any way to travel between worlds?"

A sly grin appeared beneath his mask.

"That's a rather outrageous thing thou art requesting. Does thou think a feat that normally requires divine agency can be achieved by a mere human?"

"No idea. That's why I'm asking you, isn't it?"

"Fuhahaha, fair enough! Well then, listen closely, brat. As a matter of fact, there does exist an item allowing one to travel to another world."

... I'm not hearing things, right? It actually exists!?

"There are a few caveats, of course, but Moi can guarantee that it will fulfill thy ne–"

"Where is it!?!?"

I nearly leapt across the table in excitement, but Vanir held up a hand to stop me.

"Calm thyself, childish girl."

"Who are you calling chi– ... ahem. Er, sorry, I got too excited. Now, tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Good grief, thou art just as mannerless as the other brat. Two birds of a feather, Moi supposes. Now, first, perhaps thou should listen to the details of how this item works."

I sat back down in my chair.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"It's a small box that activates upon being opened. It can only transport the user to a place called Japan–"

"That's perfect!"

"Ahem."

"Ah, sorry."

He glared at me for a few seconds to make sure I wasn't going to interrupt again, then continued.

"It can only send one over for twelve hours at a time, and once thou returns here thou will lose thy memory of the journey."

So I wouldn't remember what happened there?

"... that kinda blows, but I'd still be able to do what I need to, so it's not a big deal. Now hurry up and tell me where it is!"

"So impatient... the truth is, the shop Moi works at used to have that item, but it was sold some time ago."

"Tell me who has it then, and I'll go borrow it!"

"Moi is getting to that... hm, actually..."

He's making a creepy smile now. I don't like that smile.

"The current owner of the item is a young man who lives in a mansion on the edge of town. Here's the address..."

He took out a slip of paper and slid it over to me. It already had something written on it.

Oh, right. He's "all-seeing." It weirded me out a bit to think that he can predict everything I do, but I went ahead and took the address.

"Thanks. Ah, right, your payment..."

I pulled out some coins to cover the consultation fee.

The masked devil collected it.

"Pleasure doing business... by the way,"

He suddenly leaned forward.

"As a complimentary gift, Moi would like to offer another piece of information."

"Oh? What's that?"

"In ten seconds, a certain brat thou wishes to avoid will walk in and approach Moi."

"Eh... e-eh!? W-w-wait, you mean– shit, where can I even hide in this guild... oi, devil, let me hide behind your chair real quick!"

Without waiting for a response, I dashed behind Vanir's tall body and crouched down.

The moment I hid myself from view, I heard the door of the guild swing open.

A few moments later, I could make out the sound of footsteps approaching the consultation table.

"Yo, Vanir, got something to ask real quick."

That's definitely Kazuma's voice. Luckily, it seems like I'm hidden well enough, since he didn't seem to notice me.

This devil really can see everything, eh? ... I'm really glad he isn't my enemy.

"You see, when I returned from my trip with Darkness the other day... a certain promising invention I'd been working on had disappeared."

I can tell from his voice that it's something dirty. Guess some things never change.

"Ah yes, that item. Well, thy mage companion was cleaning thy room while you were away and discovered it under your bed. She decided that, since a child was staying in the house, it would be bad for her education if she stumbled across it, so she went ahead and sold it to a traveling merchant for 1 million eris."

... maybe I should make some dirty toys and sell them. Seems like a hell of a lot more profitable than adventuring.

Wait a sec, that 1 mil figure rings a bell... ah, it all makes sense now.

I heard a bang. Sounds like Kazuma slammed the table.

"That damn girl! Selling other people's property, did those parents of hers not teach her at all!? That invention was going to be the treasure of single men all over the world!"

I almost sympathized with him until that last sentence.

"What'd she even do with the money anyway?"

I don't know how, but I got the sensation that Vanir started smiling after hearing that question.

"She made a deal with the woman thou despises most of all and gave it to her as payment."

AHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING YOU DAFT DEVIL!?!?!?

"Huh? ... you're saying she gave it to Claire? Or Sena? ... Aqua?"

... that's right, he still doesn't know I'm in this world. Of course he wouldn't think of me.

But I know that fucking devil said it that way on purpose to mess with me. I swear I'd beat the shit out of him if he weren't so scary.

"Well, it's not like I actually need the money, so I don't care who has it. But I need to go teach that screw-headed girl a lesson!"

I heard a clink as he dropped some coins into the table, then pounding footsteps as he sprinted out the door.

After a few moments, Vanir called to me.

"The brat is gone now. By the way, that was a tasty bit of disappointment just now when thou realized he didn't even think of thou, fuhahaha! "

"I'm going to fucking kill you one day."

"When Moi finally finishes my dungeon thou can be first in line, how does that sound?"

"Whatever, I'm going now."

I stormed out of the guild.

Stupid jerk demon, once I get stronger I'm going to pell that fucking mask off and snap it in half I swear to God... or gods, or whoever's in charge of this dumb world.

Now lemme just find this address...

The address led me to a decent sized mansion on the outskirts of town. So this is where that item is, huh? To think that I'll actually be able to go back to Japan, even if it's only for a short time...

Well, first I need to ask them for it.

I walked up to the door and raised my hand to knock.

"—idiot! ... property...!"

Hm? Is that shouting coming from inside? Maybe now is a bad time?

I put my ear to the door out of curiosity.

"It's your own fault for making such a dirty thing in the first place. What if Sylphina had found it? Were you planning to take responsibility for that pure child being tainted?"

... that sounds like Megumin's voice.

Then that means–

"She wasn't allowed in my room in the first place! And on that note, you shouldn't have been snooping around either!"

Yep, that's him. Of course. My "slightly below average" luck strikes again.

Why do I even fucking try.

"She's a child, she would've come in out of curiosity eventually!"

"What do you mean? She's a well-behaved girl, you should know that!"

"No, you're the one who doesn't understand how a child's mind..."

While they were going at it, I quietly backed away from the door and made my way back to the mansion's gate.

Obviously, there's no way I can just ask him for it.

I could ask Megumin to get it for me... but right now seems like a bad time to ask her to mess with Kazuma's stuff. I'd feel bad if she got into more trouble for my sake.

I turned the corner out of the gate while thinking about my options–

WHAM

"Ow, fuck! Hey, watch where you're going!"

"Ah, my bad, sorry!"

I slammed headfirst into someone who was running down the street. I didn't even sense their presence.

Once I got my balance back, I looked up, and saw... a silver-haired thief girl. That has to be a thief girl, right? With a skimpy and defenseless outfit like that she has to be.

"Oh, sorry to ask you this after bumping into you, but have you seen a big penguin around here?"

"I don't– huh? Wait, what the hell?"

I saw something on her that I shouldn't be seeing.

"Right, people around here probably don't know what a penguin is. See, it's this bird–"

"I know what a goddamn penguin is. What I want to know is why you're wearing my fucking hat."

This girl that I've never met before was wearing the fedora I thought I had left in my inn room.

"E-Eh!? ... ahaha, y-you must be mistaken–"

"No, that hat is one of a kind around here. That's my hat."

I left it in my room, so if she has it, then...

"Did you break into my fucking room!? What else did you steal!?"

I grabbed her by the collar and lifted her as I started interrogating her. I'm actually a little surprised I could lift her so easily. The power you get from leveling up in this world is no joke.

"Pleae, wait, I can explain, so please put me down!"

"Go ahead then. I'm waiting."

I let her back onto the ground, but kept my grip.

She gulped, then took a breath to calm herself.

"Listen, I just wanted to borrow this divine relic to help me with something. I promise I was going to put it back afterwards! And I didn't touch any of your other stuff either!"

Eh?

"Hold on, you know how that hat works?"

"Huh? You don't? Even though you said it's your hat?"

She suddenly started looking at me suspiciously. Eh, why do I suddenly feel nervous?

... come to think of it, I did technically take the hat and my other cheats from heaven without asking... but this thief girl wouldn't know that, so there's nothing to be scared of.

"Hey, I'm the one asking the questions here! Now how about this: if you explain how the hat works to me, then I won't report your break-in to the police."

"... sigh, well I really don't want to get caught up in something bothersome like that, so sure."

I released my grip, and she dusted off her collar.

"That divine relic is called the Fedora of Meetings. The person who wears it will have flags automatically set off wherever they go to ensure that they have plot-driving encounters."

Hm? So when I wear it I'm guaranteed to run into significant people?

If I think about every time I put it on and what happened...

Hasn't this thing caused most of my problems then!?!? Although it might've also saved my life that one time...

I'm guessing it also caused this girl to run into me, so it's like built-in anti-theft.

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask her something.

"So, why did you steal–"

"Borrow! I was only borrowing it!"

"... so why did you borrow this thing without permission?"

"Well, you see, I'm trying to hunt down a certain fiend and I tracked him back to Axel. And then, while taking a lunch break in the inn, I used Detect Treasure out of habit and became aware of a divine relic in one of the rooms. And I just wanted to see what it was out of curiosity, but when I saw that it was the fedora, I decided to borrow it to help me find my target faster."

"And that target would be the penguin you mentioned earlier?"

"Yeah... by the way, I don't think we've introduced ourselves. I'm Chris, Thief and member of the Eris Church."

Chris, huh... the name rings a bell for some reason.

"Akechi Kiriya, Cavalier."

"Interesting name. You're not from around here, are you?"

"I, uh, recently came here from overseas, yeah."

Chris gave a wry smile.

"So you say. Well, I'd better get going then. Goodbye, Kiriya-san!"

Chris the Thief waved and turned to go.

Thief.

Before she could get far, I grabbed her arm.

"Weh!? Um, did you need something else?"

"Say, did you still want to use this hat?"

She eyed me suspiciously.

"I can tell from your tone of voice that you want something in exchange. So, what is it?"

I jabbed my thumb at the gate behind me.

"There's an item in that mansion that I need to... well, borrow without permission. And since you seem like an expert on that, I thought I'd ask for your help."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Well it depends, what are you trying to get?"

"There's a magic item that'll allow me to return to my homeland for a short time. I... can't go back there any other way, and I have some unfinished business I want to take care of."

Her expression immediately softened.

"If it's for something like that, I guess I don't mind... but why not just ask Assiss– er, Kazuma-san to lend it to you? He probably wouldn't mind."

So even she's on a first-name basis with him.

"I have my reasons."

I refused to say more than that.

Chris seemed to contemplate for a bit, then came to a decision.

"Alright, meet me here at three hours past midnight. I'll help you nab the item, and in exchange you'll lend me the fedora, deal?"

"Deal."

We shook on it.