After it Fades

Chapter One: The Ungraduate

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the show or anything like that. That, all belongs to the wonderful creators of Gilmore Girls.

Summary: My version of what happens after the screen fades to black each week...

A/N: This is a story of what I think happens after the screen fades to black each week. There should be a chapter for each episode in the season

He told me to go back to sleep but I couldn't. He was downstairs making eggs for my dog, which he hated. I knew he wasn't doing it for the dog so much as he was doing it for me. I couldn't shut my eyes, I just felt so bad.

Luke was standing there telling me everything he went through last night to keep Paul Anka from dying, and I go and tell him how I don't want to set a date until things with Rory are better. It was bad timing, I know that now, but I just needed to know that he was OK with it. I needed him to know. I guess, while he was telling me all about last night I realized something. I realized that he'd do almost anything for me, even take care of my dog who he hates while it's throwing up everywhere. I've always known he'd do anything for me but, it really hit me right then. I guess I was just thinking that maybe, he would also do this for me. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it did at the time. I just blurted it out without thinking. I've been doing that a lot lately, just realizing things in the most random moments and blurting them out even though the timing was bad. 'Luke, will you marry me?' could probably go under that category. It was random, and not so-great timing, but it ended up being great anyway.

Not so much this time, though. He's standing there telling me all he went through and then I just go and blurt out that I don't want to set a date. I regret it now. Why couldn't I just have said 'thanks Luke, you're amazing"? Why I'd have to go and tell him that I want to wait before we set a date?

But, that's not even why I can't sleep. It's not so much the fact I told him that, it's more about his reaction to me telling him.

He made this face that I'm not exactly sure how to describe. It was like he was expecting me to say that. It was like he wasn't surprised at all, he knew. I hated that he didn't look disappointed, or shocked, or even a little bit frustrated, he just looked like his expected me to say this.

Then, covered in the sheets of his bed, I had this realization. Maybe he thought I was running. Maybe he thought I was getting scared and having second thoughts. Maybe he expects me to run away from him like I did to Max. He couldn't think that, could he? He had to know how different this was, right? He had to know that I was here to stay this time, didn't he? Then, I thought about everyone else and how they think I'm going to runaway scared, again. Maybe he thinks that, too. Everyone in town thinks I'll bolt, why wouldn't he?

My face was buried in his pillow. His side of the bed was still warm, and it still smelled just like him. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. I had to talk to him about this, now. I had to let him know that this was different, that I was committed and that I wasn't scared.

So, I got up and went downstairs. He was in the kitchen, fixing eggs for my dog. I felt bad that he was doing all of this. He was being his usual, amazing self and I'm just going off and saying stupid things.

"Go back to sleep." He told me in a way that sounded very apologetic. I didn't want him to be apologizing, he was doing everything right, I was the one who was being stupid.

"I don't like sleeping without you." I told him sweetly, trying to show him how much I care.

"I'll be up in a bit." He told me, completely ignoring my sign of affection.

"Hey, Luke?" I asked. I needed to talk about this. I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep until I knew what he was thinking. I needed to know the he knew I was committed.

"Uhuh?" He said, still concentrating on putting the eggs onto a plate.

I was silent for a few moments, hoping he'd look up at me. He did. "What?" He asked again.

"Before…When I said I didn't want to set a date, I didn't mean-"

"Lorelai, it's OK." He interrupted me.

"Luke…I don't want you to think I'm running from this. I want to marry you." I told him, trying to sound very convincing. I wanted him to believe me, I really did.

"I know." He told me. I couldn't tell if he meant it. I couldn't tell if he really knew.

"I'm committed, Luke. I'm totally committed. I want to get married." I told him again.

"Lorelai…"

"I want to fall asleep with you every single night, I want to wake up beside you every single morning. I want to see you every day. I want to talk to you everyday. I want you to be there…I want to be there." I was just kind of babbling on now. I was repeating myself, trying to get through to him, trying to convince him. "I want us to have a coupon drawer. I want us to share a closet. I want us to go furniture shopping, I want us to buy a plant, and I want us to be together…forever" I kept talking. I just needed him to know, that this was for real. I wanted him to believe me.

"I'm committed, Luke." I told him one last time.

"Where is this coming from?" He asked me. It wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for but, OK.

"The look." I told him. I didn't really realize how much that didn't make sense until he gave me a questioning look.

"Upstairs." I told him. "I said I wanted to wait on the date setting and you gave me this look."

"What look?" He asked me.

"This, like, not surprised look. Like, you expected me to say that. Like, in your head you were saying 'Of course, it's Lorelai, she's just some loser who is afraid to commit…She's running away just like last time.' ...I don't want you to think that." I tried to explain to him. It was hard because I didn't quite understand it myself.

"I don't think you're a loser." He told me. What does that mean? That he thinks I'm afraid to commit?

"I'm not afraid to commit…not to you." I told him trying to make him believe me.

"It's not like I predicted you were going to tell me you didn't want to set a date…" He started. "I just, kind of thought it was implied."

"What?"

"I didn't think we'd set a date until things with Rory were…better." e told me.

"Why?" I asked. I didn't really know what I was asking when I said it. I just… How did he know? Why'd he think that?

"Why what?" He asked me.

"Why'd you think that?" I asked him. "Why did you just think we wouldn't set a date without Rory? It's not like everything revolves around her." Now I didn't even know what I was talking about. I had absolutely no idea.

"Now, your mad at me for agreeing with you?" He asked me.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm sooo not mad at you." I told him. "I just don't understand." I tried to explain.

"She's your daughter, Lorelai." He said to me.

"Yeah but…" I started, but the expression on his face made me stop.

"I don't want to get married without Rory." He said to me.

I froze. I knew I was staring, but I couldn't stop. I was just in amazement.

He wanted her to be there. He wanted to wait until things were better with her because he wanted her there, too. When I told him I wanted to wait, he didn't look surprised because he already knew. He didn't think I was running away, he just knew, he agreed.

Everyday, something else about him amazes me. Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a day when I'll know everything there is to know. A day where there won't be a surprise, we're I'll know it all. But, I don't think that day will ever come.

He wanted Rory there. He wanted her there for me, but also for him.

Luke had always been a father to Rory; he was the father that she never had. He was the father that Christopher had never been. Luke built her bookshelves, and made her breakfast. He brought ice to her birthday party and made her special coffee cake. He looked out for her and beat up her ex boyfriends. He loved her. He loved her almost as much as I did and he wanted her there. I guess I've always known this but today it hit me so hard.

Rory has always been my daughter. But, now it was like she was Luke's daughter, too.

In some weird way, this comforted me a little. Not just because, I now knew that Luke didn't think of me as some commitment-challenged freak, but also because in some weird way, I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I felt like I had him to go through this with, someone to help me fix this.

"You're amazing." I told him, not really meaning for it to be out loud, but not minding at all that it had been.

"Ditto." He replied.

I smiled and moved closer to him. I wrapped my arm around his neck and he put his arms around me. I leaned in for a kiss and then rested my head on his chest, running my fingers down his back.

"Let's do this every morning." I told him.

"What? Get up early, listen to you talk while I make eggs for the dog?" He asked me.

"No, just this." I said hugging him even tighter, never really wanting to let go.

"OK." He said before he kissed the top of my head and started stroking my hair.

That was when I knew it was going to be OK. I wasn't alone anymore. I had Luke and he was going to help me fix things.

Well, there ya go. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review.

I loved the part in this episode when Luke and Lorelai were at the house and they were talking about how some of the guys saw her naked. That was so great. I also liked the part where Sookie was trying to get Lorelai to set a date. The Rory stuff in this episode was sort of pointless, though.

Less than a week until the new episode. I can't wait for that.

Anyways, please review with any thoughts or ideas.

I might delete this story if I don't get a lot of reviews soo if you'd like me to continue please say so...

Thanks.