A/N- It's been a while... I've been centered on school and the Words of Love series, but here's another chapter! Yay!

Rachel- Yay! -feels loved- We always need Raoul around to catch our grammar slips such as that.

zella- Bahorel shall be very loved in this chapter! Whoa... that had more meaning than I wanted it to.

Bubonic Woodchuck- Wish granted. He may be slightly (if not very) OOC, but I figured what the hey. Yeah... I'm convinced that Erik is Claquesous.

nebulia- It's weird though, cos if I see someone who tortues Raoul in that Christine loves Erik I get all mad, but if it's torturing the way I do... with Christine being tortured right there with him... then it makes me laugh.

[The music and lighting and crap get all scandalous and a guy in a sailor suit comes running onstage. It is Philippe, Comte de Chagny, as requested by one Bubonic Woodchuck.]

Philippe: [slowly]

Ahem. I smell... er... women...

Smell them in the air.

Think I will drop my anchor

In that harbor over there

Authoress: Be slang! You're too stiff!

Philippe: But I don't understand? How can I smell women?

Authoress: Act, man! Act!

Philippe: That is not my job! It is not my brother's job, it is not the managers' job, and it is most certainly not Madame Giry's job.

Firmin: Actually, I'm rather enjoying myself.

Authoress: Shut up and sing!

Philippe: [sighing]

Lovely ladies

Smell them-

Authoress: Smell 'em! Slang, I tell you! Be as vulgar as you possibly can!

Philippe: And how, mademoiselle, would I do that?

Authoress: Just try!

Philippe:

Smell um through the smoke

Seven days at sea

Can make you hungry for... my goodness, that is vulgar.

Authoress: Buquet censored his part, I suppose you can too.

Philippe: Oh, good. I choose not to sing the rest.

Authoress: Fine, get out of here then.

Philippe: I shall.

Authoress: Um... thanks anyway. I love you!

[A bunch of disturbing "lovely ladies" have gathered onstage. Meg is again Fantine, and she is pacing around them desperately.]

Women:

Lovely ladies

Waiting for a bite

Waiting for the customers

Who only come at night

Lovely ladies

Ready for the call

Standing up or lying down

Or any way at all

Bargain prices up against the wall!

[Madame Giry enters.]

Madame Giry: [to Meg]

Come here, my dear

Let's see this trinket you wear

This bagatelle

Meg: [desperately]

Maman, I'll sell it to you!

Authoress: [ignores that]

Madame Giry:

I'll give you four.

Meg:

That wouldn't pay for the chain!

Madame Giry:

I'll give you five. You're far too eager to sell. It's up to you...

Erik: [from offstage] So what if she's far too eager to sell? Why won't she give her more than five?

Raoul: Five what?

Erik: What do you mean, 'five what?'

Raoul: What's she giving her five of?

Erik: You are a fop.

Authoress: Erik...

Erik: Ahem.

Raoul: Authoress, what's she giving her five of?

Authoress: Uh... money?

Raoul: Yes, but what kind of money?

Authoress: French... money?

Raoul: But what? Francs? Sous? Louis d'Or?

Authoress: Ask Erik. He thinks he's smart.

Erik: ...

Madame Giry: May we continue, please?

Authoress: Right, go on.

Meg: Where was I?

Madame Giry: Um...

Authoress: [scrolls back up] The Old Woman just said it's up to you.

Meg: [nodding]

It's all I have!

Madame Giry:

That's not my fault!

Meg:

Please make it ten!

Raoul: Ten what?

Erik: [throws a shoe at him]

Raoul: Ow.

Madame Giry:

No more than five! My dear, we all must stay alive!

[Meg sells Madame the necklace for five... um... for five. The Old Woman leaves, and the lovely ladies continue to frighten the audience.]

Women:

Lovely Ladies

Waiting in the dark

Ready for a thick one or

A quick one in the park

Buquet: [as Whore 1]

Long time, short time

Anytime, my dear

Costs a little extra if you

Wanna take all year [eye twitches]

All:

Cheap and quick is

Underneath the pier!

[Madame Giry reenters as the Crone.]

Madame Giry: [to Meg]

What pretty hair!

What pretty locks you've got there.

What luck you've got

It's worth a centime, my dear

I'll take the lot!

Meg:

Don't touch me; leave me alone!

Madame Giry:

Let's make a price. I'll give you

All of ten francs

Raoul: Ten francs! Now she tells us!

Erik: [throws his other shoe at him]

Madame Giry:

Just think of that...

Meg:

It pays a debt.

Madame Giry:

Just think of that...

Meg:

What can I do? It pays a debt!

Ten francs may save

My poor Cosette!

[She leaves with Madame Giry. Philippe is shoved back onstage. He rolls his eyes.]

Philippe:

Lovely lady.

Fastest on the street.

Wasn't there three minutes.

She was back up on her feet.

Lovely lady.

What are you waiting for?

It does not take a lot of savvy

Just to be a... And you did say I could censor this mess?

Authoress: Yes! Censor, whatever – JUST SING!

Philippe:

Come on, lady.

What is a lady for?

[He turns on his heel and stamps out of the theater, orders his fine horses and leaves.]

[Madame Giry reenters in a suit as the Pimp followed by Meg, her hair cut short.]

Madame Giry:

Give me the dirt

Who's that bit over there?

Buquet:

A bit of skirt

She's the one sold her hair.

She's got a kid

Sends her all that she can... I have a question.

Authoress: What?

Buquet: Why am I a... lovely lady... while Madame Giry is a... a pimp?

Authoress: Because I have a twisted mind. Do continue.

Madame Giry:

I might have known

There is always some man

[to Meg] Lovely lady

Come along and join us

Lovely lady!

Buquet: [grudgingly]

Come on, dearie, Why all the fuss?

You're no grander than the rest of us.

Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap.

Join your... sisters...

Make money in your sleep.

Meg: [reading the script] I've been good thus far, right? I mean in this scene.

Authoress: Yeah...

Meg: So you'd say I could have just one complaint?

Authoress: What?

Meg: I'm about to be sold to... my mother.

Authoress: That is a little Oedipus Rex-ish, isn't it? Hold on. [turns around to the row of seats behind her] Bahorel?

Bahorel: Do I get to be in Les Mis?

Authoress: Yes, you do, dear. Go up there and take that lady's place. Yeah, her. Thank you!

Bahorel: Can I have this role for the rest of the show?

Authoress: There's not much left to do, but sure.

Bahorel: YAY! I'M IN LES MIS!

[The play resumes.]

Buquet:

That's right, dearie

Let her have the lot.

That's right dearie

Show her what you've got!

[Bahorel, as Fantine, goes off with Madame Giry.]

Women:

Old men, young men,

Take 'em as they come!

Harbor rats and alley cats

And every kind of scum

Poor men, rich men

Leaders of the land.

See them with their trousers off

They're never quite as grand!

All it takes is money in your hand!

[The mood changes. Bahorel reenters in full lovely lady garb, and everyone is kinda depressed.]

Lovely ladies...

Going for a song...

Got a lot of callers but

They never stay for long...

Bahorel: [as an old man walks by]

Come on, Captain! You can wear your shoes!

Don't it make a change to have a

Girl who can't refuse?

Easy money lying on a bed

Just as well they never see

The hate that's in your head!

Don't they know they're making love

To one already DEAD!

Authoress: He's good.

Meg: [pouting] I meant for you to replace Maman!