A/N- A note to anyone who thought that Erik singing IDAD was amusing: I found an old tape of Michael Crawford doing Broadway hits, and one was I Dreamed A Dream. Also he did On My Own and a bunch of other mushy songs... I have to see if I can get them on my computer somehow.
AuronLives- Amen! Erik needs a little bashing. I'm glad there's at least one Erik phan out there who doesn't freak out if one person dares to love Raoul. Or to poke a litte fun at the opera ghost. But you were in Into the Woods? Awesome. Who were you?
Thalia the Tiger- Thank you very much! Sorry I took so long to update... I have no real excuse except I'm in our Homecoming Show... and between practices and homework I don't have much typing time.
Sorrowful Wind-Whisperer- I love gender-reversed shows (coughWordsofLovecough) in case you haven't noticed. I love Raoul the pinhead too. Although I don't hate Erik... or his beautiful mind.
zella- Apparently there's a rule against script parodies that has randomly been enforced recently, and... (cries for A Ridiculously Cliched Muder Mystery) I'll be okay, I promise. They removed two or three of my fics and some of the world's most hysterical fanfiction every written (cries some more)
VampireNextDoor- Don't worry, it would seem that everyone is. And yes, Into the Woods is goodness. "Agony, misery, woe! Though it's different for each..." to continue the quote-fest... I love slipping junk from other shows in (as is blatantly obvious this chatper).
Laiqualaurelote- Bahorel is the only one of Enjolras's friends that appeared in the book Les Mis but not in the show. Admittedly, he's horribly out of character here, but... oh well. And yes, someone IS a dang putzing kewiebird, although I've not been kicked out (yet).
Elyse3- Yay for Raoul supporters! Wow, it's amazing how few of us there really are... I'm glad to amuse you!
(Erik Valerik, also known as M. Madeleine, Mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer, has just saved Fantine, also known as Bahorel, from being arrested by Ubaldo Javert. Said inspector is not very happy about this turn of events. Just as he finishes, a runaway cart comes crashing down the rue, accompanied by one of the best musical passages I've ever heard.)
Random Dude:
Look out! It's a runaway cart!
(More amazing music as everybody goes slow motion and the cart comes onstage. People do neat slow-mo somersaults and everything, but the cart finally runs down a cute little old man played by Firmin. Javert and Valjean are standing nearby.)
More Random Dudes:
Look at that!
Look at that!
It's M'sieur Fauchelevant!
Don't approach!
Don't go near
At the risk of your life!
He is caught by the wheel!
Oh, the pitiful man!
Stay away,
Turn away!
There is nothing to do!
There is nothing to do...
(Erik walks slowly over to the clump of villagers and Firmin, whose face is beginning to change colors.)
Erik: Do I really have to save him?
Authoress: (waves a Polaroid threateningly)
Erik:
Is there anyone else here who will rescue the man?
Who will help me to shoulder the weight of the cart?
Christine:
Don't go near him, M'sieur Mayor!
The load is as heavy as... I don't curse, Mademoiselle Authoress.
Authoress: Oh, please, I say that! Well... only in the 'place' context... not just randomly... just do the lines... please.
Christine:
Don't go near him, M'sieur Mayor!
The load is as heavy as... hell...
Raoul: Christine said a bad word!
Authoress: Raoul, my dear, I say this with all love and respect and kindness... shut up.
Raoul: (pouts)
Authoress: (hugs him)
Christine: (glares)
Authoress: (to Christine) Bite me... Ow! It's an expression, Raoul!
Erik: You probably have rabies now.
Firmin: Cart... crushing... ribs... can't... breathe...
Authoress: Arrgh! Christine, just do those lines one more time!
Christine:
Don't go near him, M'sieur Mayor!
The load is as heavy as hell!
The old man's a goner for sure!
It'll kill you as well!
Erik: She has a point. (starts to leave stage)
Authoress: The photograph and I are walking toward the scanner...
(Erik, accompanied by even more splendid music, dives under the cart and slowly lifts it so that some random villagers can drag Firmin to safety.)
Firmin:
It's about time!
You stupid freak!
I almost died
Under that cart!
(He is taken offstage. Javert steps forward, staring at Valjean.)
Piangi:
Can this be true?
I don't believe what I see!
A man your age
To be as strong as you are!
A memory stirs...
(Grizabella runs in.)
Grizabella: Touch me! It's so easy to lose me! All alone with the memory! Of my days in the sun! If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is...
Authoress: (pulls out a gun and shoots her)
Grizabella: (dies)
Authoress: Go on, Piangi dear.
Piangi (nervously)
You make me think of a man
From years ago
A man who broke his parole
He disappeared.
Forgive me, sir!
I would not dare...
Erik:
Say what you must!
Don't leave it there!
Piangi:
I have only known one other
Who can do what you have done
He's a convict from the chain gang
He's been ten years on the run
But he couldn't run forever
We have found his hideaway
And he's just been rearrested
And he comes to court today.
Well, of course he now denies it!
You'd expect that of a con.
But he couldn't run forever-
No, not even... Jean Valjean!
Erik: (a little confused) But... I thought I was Jean Valjean!
Authoress: You are.
Erik: So he arrested me?
Authoress: No... he arrested a guy who looks like you.
Erik: I don't get it.
Raoul: Neither do I.
Authoress: Keep going... you will in a bit.
Erik:
You say this man denies it all
And gives no sign of understanding or repentance?
You say this man will come to trial
And that he's sure to be returned
To serve his sentence?
Come to that, can you be sure
That I am not your man?
Piangi:
I have known the thief for ages
Tracked him down through thick and thin
And to make the matter certain
There's the brand upon his skin.
He will bend.
He will break.
This time there is no mistake!
(Ubaldo Javert exits the stage, and a little man in overalls sweeps the dead body of Grizabella away.)
Erik: I still don't get it.