Disclaimer: I don't own FFVIII. I'm just writing this for myself.

Reality: Part II

The big hands… that wrapped my skin. I can't forget the feeling. I can't stand it, I can't! Why couldn't I resist it? I tried, but I couldn't. His grasp was too strong, just like… Seifer's. It's absolutely impossible that it was Seifer who came into my room and just… held me like that. I know he's just toying with me despite of my own feelings. If he was going to, he would have just done it, revealing his wicked smile in front of my face. Pitiful…

'Wake up, idiot.'

Squall slightly frowned as the blonde sat him upright. It was still midnight, around 1:00.

"Seifer"

"That's right. What were you doing sleeping on the floor like that?"

Without thinking, the brunette hugged Seifer tightly ever than before. Seifer was stunned, but he managed to relax and patted his back.

"Squall…"

"Seifer, Seifer, Seifer…!"

"Squall…"

"I waited for you to return."

"I was waiting for that." He laughed quietly.

The grasp on Seifer tightened so much that it was becoming painful, but he stayed still.

"Seifer…"

"Painful, was it?"

"Seifer…"

Squall only repeated his name. Relieved, he closed his eyes and loosened his arms, but this time, Seifer did not let go. Little surprised, Squall looked at the blonde's face. It wasn't the usual expression he had on. It was somber and demanding.

"I can't forgive that person."

"…you…"

"After I had tried so hard to push away my desire and anxiety…"

"I don't…get…"

"I love you."

"Seifer…"

"I love you, but words have no meaning. I want to touch you, I want to dirty you with my flesh, and I want to devour you."

"What are you saying…?"

"I'm saying… If you don't get out of my sight until ten seconds, I'm going to do what that man did to you."

The blonde closed his eyes. You know you mustn't do this, Seifer. Don't give him pain; you'll just end up like that guy… His heart was aching without even him knowing. He always had suppressed himself and his desires to guard Squall away from his lustful mind. He had eaten up Squall's body and soul numerous times in his thoughts. He so longed for his body…

"Do you know how I feel…?"
When Seifer finally opened his eyes, the brunette just stood there, naked.

"What…?"

"You can have me. I want you to. I always did."

"Do you know what you're saying?" yelled Seifer, trying to turn his eyes away as he covered his mouth.

"If you can just wash away the pain I hold inside me…"

"No, don't give yourself so easily like that. Are you a prostitute?"

The blonde did not let Squall finish. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was just Squall, who had lost his ways, was just desperate to find something to hold onto.

"I…"

He held his tears tight.

"You're going to make me insane. Please, go!"

"Seifer…"

Squall kneeled beside Seifer. He wanted to say what was inside him, but he couldn't get it out. Does he not like me? I was just a toy after all, then…

"Toy with me."

"What!"

The blonde frowned. He was giving him pain, that was it.

"I'm a toy, right? Toy with me, then throw me away."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Why! Why won't you even do that for me!"

A dark shadow drew near Seifer's face. You tempted me too much that you convince me now.

"Do you really… want I want to do?"

Squall hesitated, but lowered his head. With that, Seifer quickly pushed Squall against the wall, just like the hour before, except he wasn't joking this time. Squall led out a small gasp in pain, but the blonde did not care. As Seifer's tongue forced its way in his mouth, Squall tried to push his well-built upper body away, but he did not budge at all. As his grasp on his hands tensed, Squall led out a whimper. The blonde's lips sharpened Squall's senses as it went from his side of his neck to between his chests.

"S… Stop…"

"You wanted it."

The blonde tied a belt around his wrists and hung it around the metal wall lamp. Then Squall felt his hands exploring his stiff body, not well-built as Seifer's. As the blonde kissed his left nipple, he grabbed his cock with one of his hand, while the other hand ran through his inner side under his arms. Squall led out a gasp, sweating.

"… Stop, please…"

No answer came back even as tears rolled down his eyes until Seifer replied,

"You're getting seduced, aren't you? Aroused?"

Seifer soon licked the liquid from his cock with both of his hands holding his inner thighs and pleasantly he took off his own shirt.

"Seifer!"

He stopped at a sudden cry. When he looked at him, he saw Squall filled up with tears, repeatedly saying 'stop.'

The blonde painfully smiled. Why did I get tricked… He wondered. I just did the same thing. He slammed the wall beside Squall.

"I'm…sorry, Seifer…" Squall muttered.

No, you don't have to be sorry for anything, Squall. I'm sorry. I was supposed to keep myself. I was supposed to protect you from me. I'm sorry, Squall. I'm so sorry I made you like this. I'm so sorry.

"I told you, you won't like it."

Seifer turned away his face and untied the belt. His heart ached as he saw the red marks on his two wrists. He threw the clothes back at him, but Squall just stood there holding the clothes on his arms.

"I know that it's nothing but just a… mortal shell… Seifer, but… I don't want to see you… so… different."

That's the real part of me…The sinful, wicked part that wants to torture you until you die.

"Like you said, I was just toying with you."

No, you weren't Seifer… I know….

"I know… Seifer… I'm sorry. I just needed, I just needed someone… I was foolish… I thought… I loved you, so I thought you could heal me from the pain."

I couldn't, I know. I couldn't ever.

"Yeah, I just used you for myself to enjoy while you were at a shock."

It doesn't hurt to lie, but you will get hurt I know, and that's what is hurting me…

"It… wasn't… that I thought I loved you… I did love you."

And I still do, but that won't matter, would it?

"Go to Zell. I'm sure he can help you truthfully than me."

You see, I couldn't do anything but to hurt you even more. But I have no regrets—just that I wish I knew more sooner, so I could have had the time to love you more. I wish we could have loved each other at the right moment.

As they turned their back to each other, both of them held their throbbing chest tightly. Then Seifer finally left...

The End but continued in the sequel