A/N- I just saw Cats about twelve hours ago. Does it show?
Elyse3- And that was before I'd seen the show! -evil laughter-
zella- Yeah, I think everyone kinda wonders that. But I'm pretty sure he had no idea, because he went and almost let Valjean sack him from cop-dom.
VampireNextDoor- A few people got the Into the Woodsness. Grizabella because the word memory sparked my randomness... yeah... people worry about me.
Sorrowful Wind Whisperer- Now there's a thought! Yeah, all my characters are frighteningly OOC, but I like them that way. And for some reason Erik cares whether or not I'm a phangirl of his in this chapter...
Thalia the Tiger- Firmin stuck under a cart is kinda fun... -mentally puts random people under the cart- My biology teacher... Legolas... my stalkee's girlfriend... Wow, what have we discovered here?
Bubonic Woodchuck- Hm... Erik's a... erm... confused and OOC genius. And the little man in overalls is his squire! I am I, The Opera Ghost, the lord of the theatre! Ahem.
Laiqualaurelote- Heh... well, she got to go to the heavy side layer over all those other cats, so I figured we could let her have another go-round. Wait... did that make sense?
bundles-o'-joy- Dang... I feel so loved! Your fics rock, ya. I'm gonna read the rest soon, I promise. I have this memory problem -smacks mental Grizabella before she can start singing- and I'll start reading a fic and forget which one I was reading and... Yeah, but since I have your review I'll always be able to find your phics... Erm... yeah.
nebulia- Yay for the popularity of the little man in overalls! I'll have to bring him back sometime later... -plots- Hehe.
Authoress: Okay, time for Erik's big solo!
Erik: What? What big solo? I don't want any more big solos! I Dreamed A Dream, that soliloquy thing... I'm finished with big solos!
Authoress: I have that picture...
Erik: It doesn't matter anymore.
Authoress: And why not?
Erik: Because that fop already showed it to everyone!
Authoress: What? Ickle Raoul?
Erik: Argh! Why am I not your favorite, eh?
Authoress: See chapter seven.
Erik: I'm not singing that solo unless you do a little Erik/Christine!
(Pause)
Authoress: Carlotta! Congratulations, you now have a big solo!
Carlotta: What? Why do I 'af se solo? Eet ees a man's song!
Authoress: Don't care. Onstage now. Erik, go compose an opera or something.
Erik: But...!
Authoress: Don't make me do a one-man production of Cats starring you.
Erik: (leaves quickly)
Authoress: The opera ghost's... NOT THERE! The opera ghost, the opera ghost, there's no one like the opera ghost...
Carlotta: Ahem.
Authoress: Sorry.
(The music finally starts up, and Carlotta is standing alone in the middle of the stage wearing a charming man's suit.)
Carlotta:
Ee sinks sat-a man ees me!
Ee knew eem at a glance!
Sat-a stranger ee as found!
Sis man coot-a be my chance!
Why shoot I save is ide?
Why shoot I right sis wrong?
Wheen I ave come so far
Ant struggled for so long!
Eef I speak, I am condeemed!
Eef I stay-a silent, I am-a damned!
I am se master of un-trets of workers
Sey all look-a to me!
Can I abandon sem?
Ow woot sey leeve eef I am not free?
Eef I speak, I am-a condeemed!
Eef I stay-a silent, I am-a damned!
Oo am I?
Can-a I con-deem thees man to slavery?
Pree-teend I do not see ees agony!
Sees een-oceent oo bears my face
Oo goes to judgemeent een my place
Oo am I?
Can-a I conceal myself forevermore?
Pree-teend I'm not se man I was beefore!
Ant must my name unteel I die be
No more san an al-ee-by?
Must I lie?
Ow can I ef-ver face-a my fellow meen?
Ow can I ef-ver face-a my-a self ag-een?
My soul beelongs to God I know
I made sat bar-gain long ago
Ee gafe me ope when ope was-a gone!
Ee gafe me streength to journeey on!
Oo am I?
Oo am I?
I'm-a Jean Valjean!
(The stage turns, and Carlotta is in front of a big judge's table thing.)
Ant so Javert you see eets true!
Sat-a man bears no more geelt san you!
Oo am I?
Oo am I?
Two, four-a, seex, oh, one!
(Carlotta, in character, goes to rip her shirt open and display the brand upon her skin, but the curtain falls. Disgusted shouts can be heard from people onstage.)
Authoress: Someone has good timing with that there curtain, ya.
Erik: Thank you.
Authoress: That was you, the curtain thing?
Erik: Yes it was.
Authoress: Good job, then.
Erik: The fop wouldn't have done that.
Authoress: Nope.
Erik: He wouldn't have been able to work the curtain.
Authoress: Nope.
Erik: And he wouldn't have had the foresight to see that Carlotta was so in character she'd think she was a man.
Authoress: Nope.
Erik: So you're a phangirl now, right?
Authoress: Nope.
Erik: CURSES!
Authoress: Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a chap so clever as the handsome young Vicomte de Chagny! Oh! Well... (continues)