A/N- And again I have taken my sweet time in updating. Actually... no, I can't think of an excuse. Meh.
Aislin of the Shadows- I got you hooked? Whoa, that'd be cool... my list of people I've Mizerized is only three thus far. Oh, sure, you can pop through I chapter. Hehe... as for bashing Erik, I don't dislike him, I just think he's been pampered enough in the world of fanfiction.
Amber Stag- At my handy dandy... thrift store!It was only about five bucks.
Sorrowful Wind-Whisperer- Hey, I don't take offense to people saying actors who play Raoul are ugly if they really are. Which I don't know, cos the trailer goes by so fast it makes me dizzy and I can't cleary see anything. But yeah, I'll be there with my homemade half mask and everything.
Laiqualaurelote- You dislike Javert? Wow! Kudos for admitting it... I thought everyone was obsessed with him... Or maybe not. Me, I like everyone in LM but Tholomyes and... hm. Well, that's it then.
EriksDarkAngel- Isn't giggling like an idiot fun? And then you try to explain what's funny and get blank stares...
Devonny Strauss- Wow. I agree, "dwarfs are very upsetting" is perhaps the funniest line in any musical other than Forbidden Broadway. Your reviews made me feel so loved... -cheesy grin-
ErikaNapoleonica- Hm... why do I love Raoul? Cos he's so cute and adorable and innocent and lovable. I don't hate Erik, per se, but one must admit that, in canon, he's pretty evil. And I don't necessarily hate evil (Montparnasse is my favorite LM character) but when no one appreciates the way the Author set things up I find I must take defense of the original plot. Did that make sense?
Elyse3- Haha that's weird! I was Javert last year, still have the costume of course, and everyone thought I was Lincoln! I don't know HOW, seeing as Lincoln did not to my knowledge have big ol' sideburns... I think the top hat threw em off. Actually, one person asked if I was Dr. Jekyll... stupid un-Mizerized plebians (hehe).
AnotherErikPhan- But of course, Philip Quast is lord of all that is Javert. The Fantine you refer to, Ruthie Henshall, is indeed the best. I actually have every English recording of LM and two in French, and of all of these PQ and RH cannot be topped.
lazy.kender19- I'm rereading the book, and I actually see your point. Raoul is quick to jump to conclusions, he's easily offended, and he does have a tendency to cry a lot, but he's so CUTE!
nebulia- Ooh, they're hidden. Thanks, I'll check that out soon.
zella- Hey, the need of ridalin (dunno how you spell it) is perfectly understood here. But yeah, PQ rocks Terry's face off. Though PQcould never be the Beast, or Rum Tum Tugger for that matter. -tries to picture that-
bundles-o'-joy- I wonder if there's a way to give the chandelier a mouth... because that idea is priceless... I've gotta put the chandelier in this fic somewhere, though...
AngelMusic- Will the insanity ever stop? Of course not. I'll go check out your new story... I'll bet it doesn't suck.
Jaded Lover- Ah, have no fear! I don't usually abandon fics...
Thalia the Tiger- I saw it in Raleigh (NC) about a month ago... Sebastian Bach of rock n roll fame was playing the lead, which was quite odd, and the man on the OBC was playing John. It was pretty good, but I saw it twice when a nearby college put it on and they were much better... Whoa.
(The Authoress is bouncing all over the stage in her Javert costume, frightening some of the actors badly. Were he conscious, Erik would probably have something snotty to say. Sadly, he is not conscious due to a... er... work-related accident for which the Authoress denies responsibility.)
Authoress: I'LL LIVE INSIDE YOU FOREVER! NO! WITH SATAN HIMSELF BY MY SIDE! NO! AND I KNOW THAT NOW AND FOREVER THEY'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEPARATE JEKYLL FROM HYDE!
Carlotta: (watching from a safe distance) She's mad!
Authoress: CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S OVER NOW? TIME TO DIE! NO, NOT I! ONLY YOU! IF I DIE YOU DIE TOO! YOU'LL DIE IN ME! I'LL BE YOU!
André: This sudden insanity could cause something of a dilemma...
Authoress: (hearing him) COS THE GUEST OF HONOR'S CAUSING A DILEMMA! DOCTOR JEKYLL'S TARDY FROM HIS OWN ENGAGEMENT PARTY – HIS BETROTHAL TO SIR DANVER'S DAUGHTER EMMA...
Firmin: She already nearly murdered the poor opera ghost.
Authoress: MURDER, MURDER, IN THE NIGHT AIR! MURDER, MURDER, IT'S A RIGHT SCARE! BLOODY MURDER IN THE NIGHT! IN THE NIGHT!
(Meg, who is still irritable about losing the part of Fantine, softly picks up Piangi's nightstick and tiptoes up behind the Authoress. Just as she is about to knock her out and put everyone out of their... terror... the Authoress turns around, grabs the nightstick, and whaps Meg with it. Meg faints.)
Authoress: (in a low, scary-ish voice) Bad news from God, Meggie!
Madame Giry: This is really getting out of hand.
(Bahorel jumps to his feet.)
Bahorel: I know what we could do!
(He rushes backstage and finds the loudhailer used later on.)
Bahorel: You bouncing round the stage, listen to this!
If you don't quit that you'll soon start a brawl!
You've gone insane!
That's no real change!
Shut up, sit down, or die!
(At the sound of Les Mis, the Authoress's frenzied bouncing halts in midair. This being impossible, she falls onto the stage.)
Authoress: Ow. ...AUGH! Meg's unconscious, too! We really do need a hospital ward...
(She helps drag Meg backstage next to Piangi and Erik.)
Authoress: Right then, what's next? Oh, Castle on a Cloud. And Piangi's Young Cosette... Piangi? (Sees him lying backstage) Oh... right. Aw, not again. Castle on a Cloud, who wants it? It's an adorable little abused character who no one really appreciates...
(She trails off. Everyone is staring at Raoul.)
Authoress: In costume, icklekins!
Raoul: Wha- (a costume lady yanks a ragged dress over his head a jams on a little cap) Why- (he is handed a bucket)
Authoress: Go, Raoul, go!
Raoul: I- (the Authoress shoves him onstage as the music starts) Um... well. Ahem.
There is a castle on a cloudI like to go there in my sleep
Aren't any floors for me to sweep
Not in my castle on a cloud
(He begins to get in character, moving about the stage, which is set like a tavern, and taking some chairs down off of tables.)
There is a room that's full of toys
There are a hundred boys and girls
Nobody shouts or talks too loud
Not in my castle on a cloud
(He pauses and stares out over the audience)
There is a lady all in whiteHolds me and sings a lullaby
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch
She says, 'Cosette, I love you very much...'
(Raoul reaches out as if to touch the nice lady, then comes to with a start and resumes his task of straightening the tavern.)
I know a place where no one's lostI know a place where no one cries
Crying at all is not allowed
Not in my castle on a cloud...
Authoress: AUGH I HEART YOU, RAOUL! YOU'RE THE BEST THING SINCE... MY GUY!
My Guy: (wandering in) Really?
(The Authoress screams like a fangirl and passes out.)
My Guy: Er... whatever.
(He leaves.)
(André, who has already donned a blue dress and red wig, comes onstage and looks out at the Authoress, chewing his lip.)
André: Should we go on without her?
Carlotta: Thees ees madness!
Bahorel: Honestly, though, what kind of accent is that supposed to be?
Carlotta: I am Spa-neesh Eet-ahl-yon!
Madame Giry: She's already hurt my poor little Meg! I say we just leave her there and run away!
Buquet: That's right! We could escape!
(They all run toward the stage door and try to open it except Raoul, Bahorel, and Christine, who aren't very insulted by the way the Authoress treats them. The company, however, discovers the door is locked. They rush to another door at the back of the theater, which is also locked, as is every other door they try.)
Firmin: This is probably a fire hazard.
(Raoul, meanwhile, has an idea. He takes the bucket from the tavern table and goes backstage. He returns with it full of water.)
Christine: Oh, you're so smart, dear!
Raoul: I love you.
(He dumps the water over the Authoress who jumps to her feet screaming something about My Guy... Dunno what.)
Authoress: ANDHEWALKEDINAND... Hey... where'd everybody go?
Bahorel: They're trying to escape.
Authoress: Hehe... my doors can't be opened from the inside unless I authorize it.
Christine: We noticed.
Authoress: Ah well. (She reaches under her chair and pulls out a big box.) Cookies for you three! And they aren't even cyber-cookies.
(Philippe wanders in.)
Philippe: I love that dress, Raoul.
Raoul: Really? Because I thought that torn-to-shreds look wasn't really great on me...
Authoress: Ooh look, it's Philippe!
Philippe: Yeah... What have you done to my brother?
Authoress: I've made him a star! Isn't that right, icklekins? And the audience loves him. And he loves them! And they love him for loving them...
(A bunch of girls in suits come out of the shadows and begin walking toward Raoul.)
Scary Girls: Raoul... Raoul... Raoul...
(Raoul screams and runs backstage, locking himself in a dressing room. The scary girls disappear.)
Bahorel: What on earth was that?
Authoress: You know, like the scene where Roxie is singing and those dudes come at her... 'Mm, I'm a star...'
(They stare blankly at her.)
Authoress: Don't tell me you've never seen Chicago!
Bahorel: Erm... no...
Christine: That's a town in America!
Authoress: Ya. I can't believe it ... I thought everyone saw that movie!
Philippe: What's a movie?
Authoress: AUGH! Your life must suck!
Philippe: What?
Authoress: You've probably never even seen Lord of the Rings!
Bahorel: 'Fraid not...
(A big television appears out of nowhere and the Authoress motions Christine, Philippe, and Bahorel to some chairs.)
Authoress: Wait here while I go get Raoul, and then I'll educate you all to the wonders of Middle Earth.
(She goes backstage, leaving the three characters confused.)
Christine: (pointing to the television) What is that thing?
(The Authoress returns with Raoul, and they all sit down to a Lord of the Rings back-to-back marathon.)
(Galadriel begins to speak.)
Christine: Where's everybody else?
Authoress: Shh!