A/N- I shall make an attempt to make up for my random acts of violence... I suppose. And everyone who said something along the lines of "I love LOTR," by the way, got sucked into the story. I don't know how it happened, exactly, it just did. Ah well.
Aislin of the Shadows- The thing about my audience is, they come and go. They were there for a while, then they disappeared, then they came back. Perhaps they went down the street to get a drink and escape the insanity? I am one of the most obsessive musical freaks you'll meet. Almost all my CDs are Broadway shows, and I'm working on building up a t-shirt collection, which thus far consists of several LM shirts, one J&H shirt, and a shirt from Cats. Jekyll & Hyde actually beat out POTO for my second favorite musical... I just love them dark shows that make you go... well, I can't really spell the feeling. Closest I can get is "OoooAHHAHA!" but that does it little justice... Yay for cute Raouls!
Elyse3- Yeah... I'm sure the audience and pit are very confused... This is the type of thing not many people could follow... hehe.
ErikaNapoleonica- Fear not! Erik is a-coming back soon! Very soon, in fact. And, sure, come along!
Laiqualaurelote- Huzzah for back-to-back LOTR marathons! I can't wait till the Extended Edition of ROTK comes out... I plan to get it for Christmas, ya know.
lazy.kender19- Popcorn! Yum... good idea. -wanders off to the kitchen-
nebulia- Would you be terribly upset if Bahorel acted... er... oddly for a while? Hehe...
bundlesojoy- Wouldn't a singing barricade be awesome? Hey, I know how a chandelier could have a mouth! WHOA! Erik's a ventriloquist, right? Muahaha! He can give anything a mouth!
Jaded Lover- I know it! Every time someone tells me they don't like LOTR a part of me dies... -weeps- Those ridiculously uneducated people...
Devonny Strauss- I've heard a lot of people complain about that over the years, but for some reason it never bugged me... I dunno, it feels like Alain Boublil is just kinda saying "HA! You thought it was going to rhyme, you silly person! Ah, but I laugh at your need for rhyme and I mock your scorn! HA!"... Maybe I'm just too... um... creative?
Sam: Well, I'm back…
(The credits begin to roll.)
Authoress: Wasn't that just GREAT?
Philippe: Erm…
Authoress: What does that mean, erm? I know you aren't insulting the greatness that is Lord of the Rings!
Philippe: Well, Raoul kinda ruined it by screaming "YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR EYES" every time that one guy came on…
Authoress: I know, and Gollum doesn't even look that much like Erik…
Raoul: Well, what about you singing all the way through that scene where the curly-haired guys were asleep and Erik was talking to himself?
Authoress: You KNOW that warranted at least a little Jekyll and Hyde… It's so the Confrontation.
Christine: How about when you sang with that one man?
Authoress: I love that song! And Billy Boyd can sing, can't he?
Christine: I meant the other song you sang. The one with Erik.
Authoress: Oh! The rock and pool… is nice and cool… so juicy SWEET!
Philippe: I beg you to stop.
Authoress: So you didn't like the movie?
Raoul: I didn't get it… But that one elf reminded me of you, Christine.
Christine: Aw, sweetie, d'you mean the nice blonde lady?
Raoul: No… the one… the one who… who killed the giant elephant.
Bahorel: Legolas?
Raoul: Yeah…
Authoress: He reminded you of Christine?
Raoul: I think so.
Christine: Honey, I think you just compared me to a man.
Bahorel: But he was a hot man!
Authoress: ACK! BAD IMAGES!
Raoul: I thought he was an elf…
Bahorel: Let's watch it again!
Authoress: Yeah! Wait… why would you wanna sit through another twelve hours of movie?
Bahorel: I… have my reasons…
Authoress: Okay, no, my eye is so twitching right now.
Philippe: By the way, who're they?
(He points to the seats behind him, where quite a few people are sitting.)
Authoress: Oh, those are the reviewers who wanted to watch the movies.
ErikaNapoleonica: Yes, and now we want to see the rest of the show.
Authoress: K. Where'd everyone get off to?
Elyse3: They were all trying to escape your evil theater of doom, remember?
Authoress: Right… okay. I need them, though… uh… How to find them in the enormous theater of my mind?
Bahorel: Aren't you a magical Authoress?
Authoress: Oh! Duh…
(Then entire group falls from the ceiling, landing in a pile on the stage. No one, however, is hurt, because the Authoress still feels a little bad about her earlier Hyde-ish tendencies.)
Authoress: Okay, so I need André, Firmin, and icklekins to be ready. We're doing that scene where you find out about… oh, I forgot to cast a young Eponine… Um… Christine, you do it, okay?
Christine: All… right…
Authoress: Everybody onstage now! I like Lord of the Rings a lot. Okay, so about a day ago, before that random… interruption… Raoul had just finished singing Castle on a Cloud… yeah okay, start there.
Raoul:
Not in my castle on a cloud…Oh help! I think I hear them now!
And I'm nowhere near finished sweeping,
Scrubbing, and polishing the floor!
Oh, it's her…
IT'S MADAME!
(André storms in, slamming a bucket onto a table and startling Raoul to death. He is wearing a blue dress and a red wig, and he immediately begins threatening the vicomte in rags.)
André: (in his best Cockney)
Now look oo's ere!The lit'l… monsieur 'imself
Pretendin' once again e's been so
Awfully good!
Be'er not let me catch you slackin'!
Be'er not catch my eye!
Ten rot'en francs yer mother sends me!
Wot is that goin' t' buy? My, but I'm not very nice, am I?
Now take that pail!My lit'l mademoiselle
And go an' fetch some water from the well!
We should never 'ave taken you in, in the first place!
'Ow stupid th' things that we do!
Like mother, like daughter,
The scum of the street!
(Christine enters, prancing about and trying to be cute. André pats her on the head.)
Eponine, come my dear,
Eponine, let me see you
You look very well in that lit'l blue hat!
There are some lit'l girls 'oo know 'ow to behave
An' they know wot to wear
An' I'm sayin' thank 'eaven for that!
But… why… my goodness, it's a touch like Cinderella, isn't it?
(The Authoress growls.)
André:
Er… Still there, Cosette?
Your tears will do you no good!
I told you, fetch some water from the well in the wood!
Raoul: (pitifully)
Please do not send me out aloneNot in the darkness on my own…
André: Aw, look at that face! How can I beat someone with such big sad eyes?
Authoress: Because I'm threatening you?
Firmin: Why on earth, my esteemed partner, did you just imply that you thought Monsieur le Vicomte to be adorable?
Authoress: Because he is adorable. Shut up.
André: (reluctantly)
Enough of that!Or I'll forget t' be nice!
You 'eard me ask for somethin'
And I never ask twice!
(André chases Raoul out with the giant bucket as Christine looks on nervously. A few various drinkers enter, and they are prepared to sing when…)
Laiqualaurelote: HOLD IT!
Authoress: Can I… help you?
Jaded Lover: You can't tellus you plan to continue this entire story with Erik knocked out backstage.
Other Reviewers: Yeah…
Authoress: I'm just waiting for him to come around naturally… You know…
lazy.kender19: What about the way Raoul woke you up in the last update?
Authoress: Um… do you… uh… really think that Raoul would wake Erik up if he could?
nebulia: Then you do it.
Authoress: Okay, listen, we don't need him again until Look Down, when-
Other Reviewers: Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik…
Authoress: (over their shouts) If you could settle down…
(As she is trying to control the angry mob that seems to be gathering,Aislin of the Shadowssneaks away from the crowd and takes Raoul's bucket.)
Raoul: HEY! … AUTHORESS!
Other Reviewers: Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik…
Authoress: I'm a little busy, icklekins!
Raoul: This is a bit important.
Other Reviewers: Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik! Free Erik…
Authoress: It can't wait?
(There is a spluttering sound backstage and Erik comes running in, dripping wet.)
Other Reviewers: Free Erik! Free – YAY! (they burst into applause)
Authoress: Ahem… Erik… how're you feeling?
Erik: My head hurts.
Authoress: Gee… um… hey, d'you wanna be a drinker?
Erik: NO! GET ME OUT!
Authoress: Nope. My phic – you're stuck. D'you wanna be a drinker or not?
Erik: Fine! I knew you would drive me to drinking before long…
Authoress: Lovely. Get onstage, then.