N.A; Philip and Cidney are © to me. I am not responsible for any articles of hot pink clothing belonging to Max...
Chapter: II - Inmates
"Out, out ya two love birds!"
The guards hastily burst through the back doors and dragged the two of us out of the vehicle in the most aggressive manner. There was no struggled from us causing me to pounder what was causing their mannerisms. I mean, let's think logical here. Being the rather petite folk we were, it was obvious Leo and I stood no chance against these skyscrapers if we were to even attempt throwing a punch at them.
I sent Leo a wink in an attempt to calm him down only to watch it frighten him more. Just by looking at him I could tell what the man was thinking, 'Oh no, not some crazy escape plan!'. Heh, don't worry Leo, there's no plan. Nothing to worry about aside from the fact that your going to prison!
Once outside the truck we began to approached the prison in a little fashionable line; one guard in front and behind us each assumingly armed with rifles. I wounder how many times they've shot those things off...
Leo kept silent and remain obedient to the guards. I didn't expect him to be much of a hassle to begin with so it really didn't come as much of a surprise to see this behaviour. I on the other hand found the manor I was being treated most offensive, Max Bialystock is pushed around by no one! ...except maybe 'Hold Me-Touch Me' when she wants to play.
Inspecting the area briefly for any signs of an escape route I noticed the prisons gate still wide open. We've got a Bingo in this corner! They had made this all to easy on my part. Breaking from my place in line, I threw myself to the right and ran as fast as my feet could carry me toward the gate
"We gotta runner!"
Runner indeed! Do you realize how hard it is to run in a suit two sizes to small for you? I was literally wearing flood pants. When I had first slipped into this suit I remember I wasn't able to do up the zipper, maybe half way but that was it. In the end I ended up only buttoning up the slacks. The button looked as if it were about to pop off any minute... None the less, getting back to reality, I ran like there was no tomorrow because in my case, the next five years would basically be hell in a nutshell. The sound of gunfire caused me to collapse as a sharp pain shot through my body.
Landing upon the black asphalt I surely scrapped knee's. Enough for them to bleed? Who knows. I sucked in through my teeth ignoring the pain the best I could. I wasn't down just quite yet. Still capable of movement, I began crawling in psychotic laughter. "Not even bullets can stop the great Max Bialystock! Ah ha ha ha ha!"
Another shot was fired. Wincing at the pain momentarily, I continued on as the raving lunatic I had become. The gate was getting closer and closer by the second, the grin upon my face ear to ear. No prison could keep me in, not this convict! I was gunna make it! I was home free! I was invincible! INVINC---!
Suddenly I wasn't feeling so good. It was as if illness had stricken me without the eight week wait (a 'cold' is in your body for eight weeks before your sinuses appear). My body was heavy, arms and legs as if weights were attached to them while I carried a passenger aboard my back. The gate slowly drifted away, the door closing and the sound of sirens coming to a calm.
"N-no!" My voice was weak. It was difficult to speak let alone keep my eyes open. "---invincible---!" I shouted in a slurred daze of desperation.
Everything was slowly fading black. I could no longer feel my body, everything had gone numb including my mind.
The last thing I could recall was the two guards who had been escorting me from the truck hovering over me sourly.
"Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you!
Don't send me to prison..."
When I finally opened my eyes again I found myself lying in the middle of a dark room. My cheek rested against the cold pavement allowing me to take in probably the most gruesome assortment of odors ever to reach my nose. The caretaker must have taken the year off to allow the place to produce such a revolting aroma.
Giving a groan, I attempted to pull myself up only to face more pain. It felt as if someone had dropped a load of bricks on me causing my joints to ache worse then the time 'Lick Me-Grab Me' introduced me to the game 'Cops and Robers'. And my head, oy! Imagine the world worst headache and times it by two, now let one or two of those bricks smash against your scull...
I rubbed my throbbing head in an attempt to ease the pain while observing my surroundings. Three poorly painted blue walls surrounded me along with a gray barred wall. A rusted bunk bed sat in the corner to the right of me and a toilet and sink to the left. The interior designer of this place should seriously be shot. My office looked better then this place, and my office was a dump!
Clutching the barred wall in front of me I was able to pull myself to my feet and stand up with a little support.
"You've been out for at least an hour."
Spinning 'round on my heel I slammed my back against the bars, no doubt surprised by the new voice. I hadn't realized there was someone else in the cell with me. "Who's there?"
Their laugh consisted mostly of air. "Your cellmate, Beefy."
"It's Max." I corrected firmly while adjusting my posture. "Max Bialystock." Moving into the middle of the cell, my joints still soar but capable to keeping me standing without support, I offered my hand to the darkness, oblivious to the whereabouts of the individual whom I was speaking to.
"Hmmm...Max, is it?" the gruff voice sounded as if it were in deep thought. It came to me as surprise when a man emerged from the shadows taking tight grasp of my hand and shaking it. I hadn't expected him to actually follow through.
"My name is Anothy but they call me Philip."
"Oh, whys that?"
"Because I kill all my victims with a Philip Screwdriver."
Maintaining my smile proved exceedingly difficult at this point. I was shaking the hand of a man who committed murder with a bloody screwdriver! Do you realize how frightening that is? "Well, that's...original." I replied, struggling briefly to on how to comment such mannerisms. It was a relief to me to still hold control of my voice and prevent it from shaking.
Philip was an extremely intimidating man. It could have been his great height advantage over me, the muscles bulging from his skin or possibly his deep, rugged voice that scared me most. Picking a precise feature proved itself difficult. When it came to innocence though, I could pin point at least two; his bright blue eyes which could light up an entire room and his voice.
I know I said I found his voice intimidating, but it also was quite calm and delicat through it's ruggedness. I could see him being quite a lady charmer by how etiquette he really was. Hell, even I was begining to feel a little intrigued.
My smile began to grow weak while scanning over the dark skinned man. I grew weary of how much longer I could suppress my agony. The man was clearly cruching my hand. "That's quite a handshake you go there, Philip."
"Thank you."
"I think you shattered my hand."
Releasing his grip, he gave another hardy laugh while giving me a slap on the shoulder which sent me stumbling back a few steps by the force of impact. I too gave a small laugh while before inspecting my hand for any injury.
"I like you Max." he commented with an assuring smile as he sat himself back on his bunk. "You have a real pleasant personality that makes me feel most at ease."
"Well that's a relief." I said half heartedly. I certainly wouldn't want to appear on his bad side. Leaning back against a wall, I noticed Philip still wearing a smile. Was he just happy or was there something else to it? "What?"
He pointed a spindle like finger at me, "You've got some darts stincking out of your ass."
"What!" quickly glancing down at my butt I found two darts embedded in it. "How long have those been in there?"
Philip shrugged "You had them in you since the guards brought you here. I take it you ran for it, hu?"
"Well the gate was wide open, they were basically begging me to make a break for it!" So that's what happened, they shot me with tranquilizers as if I was some animal! That actually doesn't surprise me. I sucked in through my teeth while yanking out the darts.
"Thought so. Well, are you going to change?"
"Change?" My brow rose ever so slightly.
A nod was received as the man motioned to the top bunk "You have to change into your uniform. If you don't they'll lock you in the Pit till you agree to change."
"Uniform?" It wasn't till now I realized I was still in my small suit from court. Maybe now I'd have some clothes that actually fit me. Ever since I started rented my tux's I've found it rather difficult to find ones my size let alone suits. I how do you say, 'grew out of them' over time.
Walking beside the spot where he was seated, I reached up into the top bunch standing on my tippy toes. It was then my hand came in contact with the article of clothing Philip had mentioned after padding around on the mattress blindly. Bringing it down, I studied it for a moment or two in silence. A pair of black and white stripped pants and shirt. "Oh look, they even threw in a little hat. How thoughtful." I commented to myself sarcastically. Philip overheard and laughed amongst himself.
"Black and white are definitely your colours, Max. You'd look rather dashing in an outfit such as that."
"Dashing?" I laughed "How can a person in a prison uniform look dashing? Gezz you must be crazy to try flattering a guy like me. Not that I don't enjoy it..."
Philip was suddenly hovering over me faster than Franz to a Nazi rally. Action had been so quick, I hadn't even realized the change of atmosphere until hearing the rage in the mans voice. The innocence I had seen earlier eyes had left them as he stood grasping what looked like a sharpened plastic spoon at my neck.
"What did you just call me?"
"I...I...I..." Trembling in fear I found myself speechless.
"What'd you call me!" he repeated through a snarl, the spoon's point slow digging into my skin. "Was it crazy! Did you call me crazy!" Oh my God, this guy was off his rocker! I'm going to die! I could hear my heart pounding through my ears as the spoon dug in deeper. Squeezing my eyes shut I prayed for a miracle. Save me!
Laughter suddenly filled the cell. I could feel the air and spit shooting out from Philip's mouth as he laughed. The spoon was slowly withdrawn over a matter of seconds. Opening an eye I found the man stumbling back to his bed and throwing himself in it, banging on the mattress madly.
Rubbing my tender neck, I couldn't help but find it rather drafty all the sudden. That's when I realized the button holding up my slacks had broke of causing them to fall and reveal my hot pink boxers. I bit into my bottom lip, ...right. I just had to wear my pink pair today out of all days.
God sure does works in mysterious ways, especially when he decides to show your briefs to your crazed inmate. Ah well, thanks for saving my ass again, pal!
Fully changing into my uniform I threw my suit up in my assumed bunk while watching Philip's movements with great caution. The man truly was mad and I would have to scold myself later for not taking note of it sooner.
Leaning against the bars of my cell, I removed my hand from my neck discovering a small quantity of blood smudged against my skin. I was playing with the big boys now and they took shit from no one. If I was to survive in this place for the next five years I'd have to improve my game. It would take more skill, brains and possibly brawn for this one. Inspecting the red liquid again I slowly turned back to face the inside of my cell.
Before anything else, I needed answers.
"Hey Philip," this time I decided to pick my words more carefully with the man. As little as I wanted not to speak with him, I still had a number of questions I needed answers too and he was unfortunately my only source for answers at the moment. "you wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of a Leopold Bloom would you?"
"Leopold? I don't believe so. If he's new I would not know till a few days. Why, is he a friend of yours Max?"
I shrugged "Kinda." I was sure unsure of the situation between us momentarily. What happened in the van had really rattled my brains. I needed time to think things over. "You mind if I ask you another question?"
"Not at all."
"What's the Pit?"
"The Pit would be one of the darkest parts of the prison." he sat up, his open palm stroking the air delicatly "Your fed once per day, crammed in a little dark room and have only one source light. There was a guy who sat in there for five weeks straight."
"A month." I commented.
"Indeed. Hope your friend isn't sitting down there."
I shook my head "Leo? Naw, he knows better then to put up a fight with the system. Ah well, thanks for your help, Philip."
"Anytime, Max."
"Think I'll catch a few Z's, would you mind if I claimed the bottom bunk?"
Philip stared at me wide eyed causing me to freeze. He wasn't going to snap again was he?
"Bottom bunks mine."
"Well," I began, "there's no ladder for me to get up to the top bunk and I certainly couldn't climb up there even if I wanted to..."
"Top bunk is Cidney's." the dark skinned man replied firmly.
"Cidney?"
Still seated, he leaned forward wearing a grin "Yeah, we've been going out for a year. She's so wonderful, Max." A dreamy sigh was given at the thought of the girl.
Looking up at the top bunk I could clearly tell no one was up there without having to stand on my tip toes. "A guy like you deserves only the best." Walking closer, I gave him a playful punch to congratulate him at the accomplishment.
Why was it always me who winds up with these loonies?
Philip's grin grew larger as he punched me back with a greater force. I gave a small cry in both surprise and pain while clutching the spot in the chest where he'd punched me. The man looked quite alarmed, afraid he had brough serious injury to me.
"I'm sorry Max, are you alright?"
"Fine." I weezed out, my palm out to assure him I was fine and not to get up.
He apologizes for punching me, but not stabbing me in the neck with a plastic spoon?
"What's that honey?" Philip was talking again, this time to whom I assumed was 'Cidney'. "I think so too. Alright Maxlin', you got bottom bunk." he said as he rose from his bunk, a wide grin across his lips "I've been looking for an excuse for me and Cidney to get a little closer." The man tapped his fingers together in a nervous fashion "And I think tonights the big night we...you know."
I gave him a forced smile.
"Oh, and Maxlin' one more thing..." he leaned in close, I could feel the hot air escaping lips in my ear as he whispered "If I ever catch you sleeping with Cidney I'll kill you myself."
"Never dream of it." the reply was tasteless.
With that, the man pulled himself up into his bunk with little difficulty allowing me to give out a sigh of relief to see him somewhat gone. At the same time I walked over to my bed, happy to finally be able to rest my head.
Flump.
My suit landed on my head draping over my vision. Forgot I had left that up there, ah well. Pulling the article of clothing from my head I threw it at the foot of my bed before seating myself down.
Philip would certainly take some getting used too. Prison itself would. I've been in deep before, but never this deep. It was as if I was head under a pit of quicksand.
A weak groan was given.
What a night it had been. So much happened in such a short period of time, it felt as if my head was about to explode from the amount of input it had taken in and tried to process as 'sanity'.
Laying down, I stretched myself out on the mattress allowing my lids to slowly close. It would only be a matter of time before sleep set in.
Squeaky, Squeaky, Squeaky, Squeaky, Squeeky...
What the fuck? Being forced to open my in curiosity to what was making such an irritating sound I saw the bunk atop me bouncing a bit, the mattress's springs being put into full use as if someone were to be---.
Oh that was just wrong!
My mouth hung open in disgust at the mer thought, never mind the mental images!
Sing Sing, the only penitentiary in the city where you'd be put at spoon point by your homicidal inmate who just so happens to have an imaginary girlfriend whom he is currently having sexual intercourse with in the bunk above you. Luckily your life is saved by a pair of mens slacks two sizes to small for you when the button broke off causing them to fall and reveal your underpants before your inmate gut you like a fish.