A/N- Why is Meg gone gothic? Because I'm evil. Another thing - it's tragic, but my computer at home has a virus, and I can't upload new chapters from there. What I've been doing is typing them, saving them to disks, and bringing them to school. Then I skip lunch, go to the library, and upload from there. This means I don't have much time, though, and I can't respond to all of you wonderful reviewers! I still love you, but until Bammy and Thom feel better I just can't get it done. So here are a few generic comments -
Yay for my 200th reviewer, either bobmcbobbob1 and Sis or notthatlucky. Cyber cookies to you both.
Yay for Jean finally reviewing!
Again, I'm sorry as I can possibly be. Take it up with the school board or my computer or something.
(Everyone is gawking at Meg with the exception of Madame Giry, who has fainted, and Buquet, who has gone to get water to throw on her.)
Authoress: Hey... that's almost cool. Why so gothic, good mamselle?
Meg: Well... have you seen that Phantom movie?
Authoress: (glancing at Raoul) Oh yeah.
Meg: Did you see the girl playing Meg?
Authoress: Sadly, yes. Well... I did for a while... then I got sickened by her and closed my eyes and thought of Patri- of Montparnasse.
Meg: She's so... irritating. It made me feel edgy...
Authoress: Cool. I don't think your mom likes it, though.
(Buquet has gotten Madame Giry awake, and she screams at the sight of Meg's new... look.)
Authoress: It reminds me of the store where I bought Bahorel that Legolas throw.
(Bahorel wanders in hugging the throw in one arm and sucking his thumb.)
Bahorel: It's my security blanket!
(He leaves.)
Meg: ... Freaky...
Authoress: No kidding.
Madame Giry: My child, what have you done? My little Meg! You were going to be an empress, the good phantom told me so!
Authoress: Hey, she just went Leroux...
(A big, dusty hat appears on Mother Giry's head, and she puts on about fifty pounds.)
Authoress: That's so cool... I didn't do that! She did it by herself... Wait, Meg! Where did you see the Phantom movie? You can't leave this theater without my permission...
Meg: It's playing on a huge screen on floor forty-seven.
Authoress: Forty-seven? I thought that was my Fluffy level...
Meg: Is Fluffy the guy with the wavy blond hair and the cool eyes that change from brown to blue?
Authoress: What? He's here? (She dashes back up the stairs.)
Mother Giry: Meg... Meg, what are you doing in those clothes? Put on your tutu, child!
Meg: Mother, that's pink and frilly. I don't do pink.
(Mother Giry faints again.)
Montparnasse: (still in his Javert costume, to Raoul) Should I grow sideburns like this? I really like this stick thingy.
Raoul: Eep! Don't hurt me!
(The Authoress comes back to the stage level with two guys behind her. One is kind of short with the wavy hair and the cool eyes as described a moment ago. The other is very tall with shoulder-length black hair and gold eyes.)
Authoress: Look! Fluffy and MagicHair! My loves besides Montparnasse and Patrick Wilson!
Montparnasse: You have other loves?
Authoress: Don't worry, dear, you're my favorite... um... that I've never met in person before.
Montparnasse: And what does that mean?
Authoress: Er... I like you better than Patrick Wilson...
Christine: I've heard you mention Fluffy before, but who is MagicHair?
Authoress: Only the best ever Jekyll-Hyde ever. Ever. The people who visit my xanga site know.
(Devonny Strauss, Obsetress, H. Sibelius, and nebulia wave.)
Authoress: So you two go sit over there. Yes. And now Montparnasse shall sing. Isn't that right, dear?
Montparnasse: You will tell me who that old man is, won't you? The one who beat me up that one time?
Authoress: Of course! I believe in revenge as much as you.
Daroga: Ook-ook!
Fluffy: Er... there's a monkey over there...
Authoress: Isn't he cute?
Fluffy: And a Goth over there...
Authoress: Kinda scary, no?
Fluffy: And a guy with a mask...
Authoress: You don't want him to take it off.
Fluffy: And that guy hugging that blanket...
Authoress: We're worried about him.
(There is a huge thunk from the back of the theater, and everyone turns to see what's going on. A little Asian man in a red jacket comes stumbling into view.)
Man: I'm all right, don't worry! Tell me, am I in... America?
Authoress: Sort of... Why?
Man: I should be American.
Authoress: Wanna come watch the show with us? Montparnasse is about to sing Stars.
Man: What show is it?
Authoress: Les Mis. It's French...
Man: I know French! I sort of am French... a little bit.
Authoress: Cool. Come watch and tell us about yourself.
Man: (sitting) Well, my father was a tattoo-artist in Haiphong, but his designs on mother-
Authoress: Didn't last too long?
Man: Yeah, how'd you know?
Authoress: Because I just saw the show last night.
Fluffy: What show?
Authoress: Miss Saigon. This is the Engineer.
Fluffy: The Engineer?
Authoress: Yep.
Fluffy: (to MagicHair) Are you as confused as I am?
MagicHair: Possibly moreso. Isn't she that obsessive high school kid my mother introduced me to after the last day I was in Jane Eyre?
Fluffy: I wouldn't know... she's in my orchestra class...
Montparnasse: What about me?
Authoress: Go ahead and sing.
Daroga: Ook-ook!
Engineer: That monkey's bored.
Authoress: And you know this... how?
Engineer: I speak monkey.
Authoress: Oh... really?
Daroga: Ook-ook.
Engineer: He said he knows the words to Stars.
Authoress: Under no circumstances shall a monkey sing Stars. Go, Parnasse.
Montparnasse: And then you-
Authoress: Yes, then I'll tell you who the man was!
Montparnasse: Good. (The music starts up.)
There... out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Fallen from God
Fallen from grace!
Daroga: Ook-ook!
Engineer: He says that isn't right.
Authoress: That's the Philip Quast version. Please don't interrupt.
Montparnasse:
God be my witness
I never shall yield
Till we come face to face
Till we come face to face!
He knows his way in the light
But mine is the way of the sword
And those who follow the path of the sinners
Shall have their reward!
Daroga: Ook-ook!
Engineer: He says-
Authoress: I know, Parnasse's making up words.
Montparnasse:
And if they fall as Lucifer fell
Then screw the Lord!
Authoress: Now, that's not very nice at all!
Montparnasse: Why not?
Authoress: You shouldn't talk that way. It offends me.
Daroga:
Ook! Ook-ook-ook-ook-ook!
Engineer: He says "Stars in your multitudes."
Authoress: NO.
Montparnasse: Has that monkey been here all along?
Authoress: Not really... he just disappeared for a few chapters.
Fluffy: Um... can I go now? I have rehearsal in a few minutes.
Authoress: No. Stay here. I'm punishing you for letting the flowers die.
Fluffy: Flowers?
Authoress: The carnations on Valentine's Day.
Fluffy: Those were from you?
Authoress: Yes. And you let them die.
Fluffy: Look, I'm sorry about that, but they really need me at this rehearsal.
Authoress: Which song is it?
Fluffy: For the Longest Time and Uptown Girl. I'm the lead...
Authoress: Fine... go now and leave me...
(Fluffy disappears.)
MagicHair: Can I go too?
Authoress: No.
Montparnasse: What about this song?
Authoress: Somebody's gotta finish it.
Daroga: Ook-ook!
Authoress: NO.
(The monkey suddenly attacks Montparnasse. The young murderer does not have time to react, and there is a cloud of dust. When it settles, Daroga is wearing the sideburns, top hat, and greatcoat. Montparnasse is rubbing his head and smoothing his clothes.)
Montparnasse: That stupid thing just attacked me.
Authoress: And it took your sideburns.
Montparnasse: WHAT!
Authoress: I know, right?
(Montparnasse pulls out a knife and starts toward the monkey, who sees him and dashes away. Cue chase scene.)
MagicHair: If I told you I had to be at rehearsal would you let me go?
Authoress: No.
MagicHair: If I told you I'm allergic to monkeys?
Authoress: Really? What happens?
MagicHair: Uh... my hair falls out?
Authoress: AUGH! NO! (Daroga vanishes.)
Montparnasse: (shaking his fist at the ceiling) Curse you, monkey! Gimme back my sideburns!
MagicHair: I actually meant that I should leave... not the monkey...
Authoress: But... but I love you...
MagicHair: You do know that I'm about five years older than you are, right?
Authoress: So what? Fluffy's two... Montparnasse is, like, two hundred years older than I am... I don't know about Patrick Wilson...
MagicHair: What can I do to get you to let me out?
Authoress: Ooh... I have an idea!
(The Authoress realizes that Erik has yet to say anything in this chapter, so while she tells MagicHair how to earn his freedom, the Reader will go see what's happening with the Opera Ghost.)
VampireNextDoor: Psst... Hey! Erik!
Erik: Who, me?
bobmbobbob1: Hey, come here!
(Erik goes over to the little group of phans.)
Sis: You don't feel hated, do you?
Erik: Have you been reading this stupid phic?
Spaci Ireth: We love you, Erik.
AngelMusic: We're your phangirls!
Erik: You love me... even though I'm hideously deformed?
H. Sibelius: But you're a musician! And a genius... I think that's incredibly sexy.
Erik: You think I'm sexy?
Lilliane: Of course we do!
J.B. Jazz: Nobody likes Raoul! He's a fop. Fop!
Erik: He is?
TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen: Of course!
bundlesojoy: You shouldn't let the Authoress abuse you like that!
H. Sibelius: You should fight back!
Erik: But she made my arm fall off...
H. Sibelius: Oh... right.
(Meanwhile...)
MagicHair: So if I do this... you'll let me go?
Authoress: I guess so... You know what? If some dude took me prisoner because he loved me I wouldn't complain. Unless he tried to kill Raoul...
(MagicHair goes up onto the stage where a huge mirror has been lowered and looks into it.)
MagicHair:
I will find the answer...
I'll never desert you!
I promise you this
Till the day that I...
(He jerks his head forward and makes a bunch of his hair fall into his face.)
Do you really think that I would ever let you go?
Do you think I'd ever set you free?
If you do, I'm sad to say it simply isn't so!
You will never get away from me!
(The Authoress puts her feet up on the chair in front of her and grabs a bag of popcorn.)
Authoress: (to the Engineer) Want some?
(The Engineer gets a big handful of popcorn. Montparnasse joins them.)
Montparnasse: Why is that man yelling at himself?
Authoress: It's the Confrontation scene from Jekyll Hyde... Shh...
Montparnasse: What about Stars?
Authoress: Hold on...
MagicHair:
I'll see you there, Jekyll!
NEVER!
(MagicHair's performance is over, and he disappears in a poof of smoke.)
Authoress: Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
Montparnasse: I didn't get it.
Authoress: You'd like Jekyll Hyde, dear. He cuts a whore's throat.
Montparnasse: Nice. Death to Juliette.
Authoress: Oh, great, now I have to update Charmer of the Shadows again before I post this chapter... You do need to stop giving things away.
Montparnasse: Sorry.
Authoress: What about Stars?
Carlotta: I'll-a do eet!
Authoress: No. And neither will Daroga the monkey. Hmm... Oh, Erik!
Erik's voice from offstage: I don't have to listen to you! People do love me! I have phangirls!
Authoress: Right... Montparnasse?
Engineer: I'll do it!
Authoress: Lord preserve us.
Carlotta:
Stars! Een your-a muteetudes!
Scarce to be counteed!
Feeling se darkness
With-a order and-a light!
Authoress: STOP!
Carlotta:
You are se seentinels
Sileent and-a sure!
Keepeeng-a watch in se night!
Authoress: SHUT UP!
Carlotta:
Keepeeng-a watch in se night!
You know-a your place in se ska-ees!
You hold-a your course and-a your-a aim-a!
And-a each een your-a season returns and-a returns!
And ees always se same-a!
(The Authoress throws her popcorn at Carlotta.)
André: Magnifica! Stupenda! Very good-a!
Authoress: Shut up-a! She sucks-a!
Firmin: Now that you mention it, why were we so desperate to keep her on? Christine is much better...
André: Because... because... um...
Authoress: Uh-huh.
Engineer:
And if ya fall as Lucifer fell...
Ya fall in flames... (he begins to dance and is joined by a lot of gyrating girls in short blond wigs)
Girls:
And so it has been!
Engineer:
For so it is written! Where's it written, girls?
Girls:
On the doorways to Paradise!
Engineer: What's it say?
Girls:
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price!
Authoress: (burying her face in her hands) I can't watch this!
Montparnasse: Want me to cut his throat?
Authoress: I'll tell you in a minute.
(Raoul approaches them, looking nervous.)
Raoul: Mademoiselle?
Authoress: What's wrong, hon?
Raoul: Um... the Phantom has kidnapped Christine again.
Authoress: Oh, doux Seigneur, que vous ai-je fait?
(The Engineer and the Girls disappear, and are replaced by Daroga the monkey, still in his Javert costume.)
Daroga: Ook-ook?
Authoress: Yeah, go ahead. The poor song can't be whipped any more than it already has been.
Daroga:
Ook, ook-ook ook ook!
Ook-ook ook ook-ook
Ook ook ook ooooook!
Authoress: I changed my mind. Shut up.
Daroga: Ook?
Authoress: Yes, ook. Parnasse, finish the poor song off.
Montparnasse: Can I have my sideburns back?
Authoress: Yeah... here, I'll give you some of your own.
(Montparnasse sprouts Javert-ish muttonchops.)
Montparnasse: Yes!
Lord, let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars!
I will never rest
Till then
This I swear!
This I swear by
The stars!
Authoress: Good, now come with me. We're going to rescue Christine from stupid Erik. Raoul, you come too.
(And, the song finally finished, they leave.)