(Erik is dragging Christine down a hallway. The Erik phangirls are standing on either side, holding candelabras. Christine is glaring at Erik's hand where it is touching her and trying to squirm away.)

Aislin of the Shadows: EC forever!

Christine: Let go of me, you monster!

H. Sibelius: He's not a monster...

Erik: That's right. They love me, why don't you?

(The hallway gets narrower and narrower, and shorter and shorter.)

Angelus Musici: The room is getting smaller!

AngelMusic: No it's not! They're getting bigger.

(Erik reaches a tiny door that is only about a foot high. A little keyboard flops out.)

Erik: What the heck is this?

TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen: I think I've seen it before...

(Erik starts to play the keyboard with one hand and sing.)

Erik: You have come here... in pursuit of your deepest urge!

(There is a click, and the tiny door swings open.)

Nyeren: Cool! It's a musical lock!

(Erik drags Christine through the door, which has become enormous somehow, and the phangirls follow.)

J.B. Jazz: I smell chocolate! I like chocolate.

Christine: (sadly) Raoul said chocolate once... in my dressing room... Little Lotte let her mind wander... you remember that too... Little Lotte thought am I fonder of dolls or-

MaskedPhantom: Shh! Look!

(They are in an enormous warehouse-type room that is set up to look like a little forest with a brown waterfall and river.)

J.B. Jazz- WILLY WONKA! I SAW THIS ON WILLY WONKA!

Erik: This is certainly not my underground lair...

(The phangirls are running around eating everything in the room.)

Erik: What to do...?

Christine: I'm hungry.

(He lets go of her wrist and she skips over to what seems to be a patch of buttercups and begins eating the flowers.)

Erik: This is very odd.

(A pretty boat appears on the lake, driven by little orange and green men.)

J.B. Jazz: OOMPA LOOMPAS!

(The phangirls run over and jump on the boat, Christine at their heels. Erik follows them in hopes of escaping the happy candy-filled room.)

(Back on the stage, the Authoress is making arrangements to keep the show going without the leads while she goes to save Christine.)

Authoress: Elyse, nebulia, Tziporah, Maska... Raoul fans – I'm putting you in charge.

Maska: Do you have to take Raoul with you?

Authoress: Yes, sorry. But you have control over the others here.

nebulia: Including Bahorel?

Authoress: Yup.

nebulia: Cool!

Authoress: First thing you should do is cast a new Gavroche. Got it?

Tziporah: Yeah.

Authoress: Okay then. C'mon 'Parnasse, Raoul... we're going to save Christine.

Raoul: Yay!

Montparnasse: (strokes his sideburns) Okay.

(They leave.)

Elyse3: Um... Meg, d'you wanna be Gavroche?

Gothmeg: Too perky.

Elyse3: You. Will. Be. Gavroche.

Meg: (leaping to her feet)

Tha' inspector thinks he's somethin'

Bu' it's me 'oo runs this town!

An' my theatre never closes

An' the curtain's never down

Trust Gavroche

'Ave no fear

Don't you worry, Auntie dear

You c'n always find me 'ere...

Tziporah: Wow! This is fun. Who's supposed to be Eponine?

Mother Giry: Little Daaé! Little Daaé is playing that role!

nebulia: But she's gone... So who wants to play Eponine now?

(An old woman comes in from the wings.)

Old Woman: I can step in for little Christine. I practically raised the poor child after her father's death.

Buquet: I thought that Madame Giry raised her in the opera house...

Elyse3: No! Mama Valerius raised her... You're Mama Valerius?

Old Woman: I am.

Elyse3: Okay, then, m'dear... sing.

Mama Valerius:

Cosette... Now I remember...

Cosette... How can it be?

We were children together.

Look what's become of me...

Carlotta: I can step een-a for Signor se vicomte!

Elyse3: Yeah, right.

Bahorel: I'll do Pontmercy!

nebulia: Okay then.

(Bahorel wanders onstage, and Mama Valerius comes up and grabs his arm. He seems quite distracted.)

Mama Valerius:

Good Lord! Oh, what a rumpus!

Bahorel:

That girl! Who could she be?

Mama Valerius:

That cop, he'd like to jump us

But he's not smart, not he!

Bahorel:

Eponine, who was that girl?

Mama Valerius: (sadly)

Some bourgeois two-a-penny thing

Bahorel:

Eponine, find her for me!

Mama Valerius: (still sad, but with an air of false cheer)

What will you give me?

Bahorel:

Anything!

Mother Giry: Young man! That girl obviously wants something from you, but it isn't money! So you can put that coin away, because she doesn't want your money! She wants you!

Maska: They- they're acting, dear.

Bahorel: Right...

Mama Valerius: May we continue?

Maska: Go ahead...

Mama Valerius: Thank you.

Got you all excited now

But God knows what you see in her!

Aren't you all delighted now?

(Bahorel glances nervously at Mother Giry before holding out a coin.)

Mama Valerius:

I don't want your money, sir.

Bahorel:

Eponine, do this for me

Discover where she lives.

But careful how you go!

Don't let your father know

'Ponine! I'm lost until she's found!

Mama Valerius:

You see, I told you so.

There's lots of things I know.

'Ponine... she knows her way around.

(They exit.)

Elyse3: Wow... nothing extremely weird happened! Except Mama Valerius doing such a good job as Eponine... But still!

(Meanwhile, the Authoress, Raoul, and Montparnasse are running down stairs. An animated bird flies in, perches on the Authoress's shoulder, and begins chirping.)

Authoress: Really?

(Raoul and Montparnasse glance at each other and shrug.)

Authoress: The Willy Wonka room?

(The bird chirps again and flies away.)

Authoress: This way, chaps! (She turns down a corridor with Raoul and Montparnasse close behind.)

(A puffy collie runs up and begins barking.)

Authoress: Where are they now, girl?

(The puffy collie barks some more. The Authoress seems to understand her. Raoul and Montparnasse take a step back.)

Authoress: How did they get there? Oh, by the boats, I suppose.

(The collie barks an affirmative and trots away.)

Authoress: No, turns out we're going this way. Come on.

(She turns down a different passage with the guys following. This hall ends at an underground lake not unlike the one underneath the Paris opera house. Instead of a raft, however, there is a big thick log and a huge piece of rope.)

Authoress: Okay, fellas, let's get trussed up.

Raoul: What?

Montparnasse: Apparently we're to be tied to this log...

Authoress: Yup.

(They somehow manage to tie themselves to the log, and then jump into the water. The current carries them downstream.)

Raoul: Whee!

Montparnasse: Um... there's a waterfall thing up ahead.

Authoress: I know.

Raoul: We'll die! We'll be killed! I don't want to die!

Authoress: Not even for Christine?

Raoul: Oh yeah.

(They go over the waterfall, the Authoress shouting "Booyahaha!" much to Raoul and Montparnasse's mystification. At the bottom, the log splinters into a thousand pieces and the ropes fall away.)

Authoress: Everyone okay? I don't wanna hafta kiss a llama.

Raoul: What? What llama?

Authoress: Don't worry about it.

Montparnasse: Where are we?

Authoress: Some animated jungle somewhere... Come on.

(She drags them through the cartoon jungle until they reach a restaurant shaped like a large hat.)

Authoress: I think they're inside. Follow me.

(She and the guys go into the restaurant. It is empty but for a chubby waitress.)

Waitress: What'll ya have, sweetie?

Authoress: Actually, we're looking for a man in a mask and a lot of girls.

Waitress: They were just here. I think they went through the kitchen into that Denny's.

Authoress: Did you hear that, guys? They're not in The Emperor's New Groove anymore. Sounds like they're next door in The Santa Clause.

Raoul: I have no idea what's happening to me.

Montparnasse: Neither do I, comrade...

Authoress: Come on!

(The Authoress grabs them and pulls them into the kitchen.)