A/N- Sorry about the REVIEWER thing... I was trying to update really fast before I went to Toronto and forgot to change them... I blame the about:blank virus. -shakes fist- But... cyber-cookies of apology to everyone who was not mentioned in the last chapter. And I apologize ahead of time, for this chapter might be devoid of humor.
X
(The characters are all sitting around, looking bored. Again.)
Erik: That blasted Authoress does love to take off and abandon us, doesn't she?
Daroga the Monkey: Ook-ook!
Erik: Oh dear God, that's back.
Raoul: Is the Authoress sad?
Christine: Why do you think that, dear?
Raoul: Because she isn't here. Sometimes when she's not here it's because she's sad. Maybe she's sad.
Erik: Well, I can see how being around you would make her sad.
Raoul: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
(And the Authoress comes running in.)
Authoress: Gah, sorry 'bout that.
Raoul: Where WERE you? Erik was really mean to me the whole time! He called me... you know... the "f" word.
Authoress: The "f" word? ERIK!
Erik: He means "fop," not... that...
Authoress: Oh. Don't do that anymore, Erik.
Erik: What? No comical punishment or putdown? Nothing snide to say in defense of your beloved vicomte?
Authoress: Not really.
Raoul: I TOLD YOU SHE'S SAD!
Erik: Wait a minute... so being subdued and refusing to say rude things to me is sad?
Authoress: I guess so.
Erik: Well, good! Can I go kill your dog or something?
Authoress: I had to give my dog away last year. And my other dog disappeared.
Erik: Cat?
Authoress: Stanley died four years ago, and Koko would probably kill you first. Mr. Bushy Tail is just stupid and fat, so go ahead.
Erik: Boyfriend?
Authoress: That's it, I'm leaving.
(She disappears.)
Raoul: Look what you did, you big fat meanie head! Now we're stuck here again!
Erik: Well, at least she's not bothering me.
Raoul: She wasn't bothering you! And if we don't get this show done she'll never let us go home!
Erik: ... Oh yeah.
Raoul: And you're supposed to be the smart one!
(The Authoress reappears with a folder.)
Authoress: 'Parnasse? You still here?
Montparnasse: Yo.
Authoress: I have a job for you. (She hands him the folder.) In here you'll find snapshots and the address of Fluffy.
Montparnasse: What do you want me to do?
Authoress: Kill him.
Montparnasse: ... Okay. (He leaves.)
Raoul: Can we finish the show yet?
Authoress: I don't think this thing is ever gonna end. We aren't even done with act one yet! But sure, we can try to put a dent in it.
Raoul: Goody.
(Erik takes his places at the tables.)
Erik:
Well, Courfeyrac, do we have all the guns?
Feuilly, Combeferre, our time is running short!
Grantaire, put the bottle down!
Do we have the guns we need?
(He runs over and grabs the new bottle set out to replace the one he broke.)
Give me brandy on my breathAnd I'll breathe them all to death!
(Dashing from table to table...)
At Saint Antoine they're with us to a man!In Notre Dame they're tearing up the stones!
Twenty rifles good as new!
(He finds a Gavroche hat and runs up to a higher part of the set.)
Listen!(Dropping the hat and returning to the tables.)
Twenty rounds for every man!(Jamming the hat back on.)
Listen to me!(Dropping it again.)
Double that in Port Saint Cloud! Seven guns in Saint Martin!(Again with the hat.)
LISTEN EVERYBODY!(If anyone else were present, they would here fall silent.)
General Lamarque... is dead.
(All is quiet for a moment as he drops the hat again and returns to the center table as Enjolras.)
Lamarque is dead.
Lamarque! His death is the hour of fate!The people's man!
His death is the sign we await!
On his funeral day they will honor his name!
It's a rallying cry that will reach every ear!
At the death of Lamarque we will kindle the flame!
We will see that the day of salvation is near!
The time is here!
Let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer!
Let us take to the streets with no doubt in our hearts!
But a jubilant shout
They will come, one and all
They will come when we call!
And now... I get to sing another song all alone. What fun.
Authoress: Wanna sing the Forbidden Broadway version?
Erik: The what? Oh, why not.
Do you hear the people singAll of the new songs from Les Mis?
It is the best show of a classic
Since they modernized The Wiz.
Better learn the songs by heart
And if you don't they'll call you dumb.
They'll be atop the record chart
When the British come!
No more Gershwin
No more Kern
We don't need old shows anymore!
We'll set ablaze and burn
Most ev'ry Stephen Sondheim score.
Come join with the few who have started
A musical war!
Do you hear the people sing
All of the new songs from Les Mis?
Even the great Andrew Lloyd Webber wished
The songs were really his!
You'll be ticketed and pinched
If a La Cage song you should hum
Poor Jerry Herman will be lynched
When the British come!
Do you hear the people sing
All of the new songs from Les Mis?
Now with our new French revolution
We'll decapitate the biz!
Now Les Mis is here to stay
Mi-is Saigon will leave you numb
Phantom will haunt the Great White Way
When the British Come!
Ah-ah-ah... The British Come!
For Britain... Broadway!
Hey... I like that song.
Authoress: Yup. Hopefully I don't get flamed for skipping the most overdone song in the entire show.
Bahorel: Wouldn't that be Bring Him Home? Or I Dreamed A Dream?
Authoress: ...Maybe. Or On My Own. Which I think I'll go sing right now.
(She disappears again.)
Erik: The fop's right... She is upset.
Raoul: TOLD YOU!
Erik: I wonder why.
GothMeg: Goodness! Guys are so stupid! She got depressed when you said "boyfriend," she sent Montparnasse to kill that guy she likes or liked, and now she's singing On My Own! What might be the problem here?
Raoul and Erik: ...
Bahorel: Men are so insensitive!
GothMeg: You got that right.