A/N- Whee, I'm back and happy again! Also, my love for MagicHair has been rekindled with a passion since he came to my 16th birthday party! I love my mommy... He came and he sang Lily's Eyes and he hugged me and sang Happy Birthday and all my friends were like... that looks like the guy on the invitation you gave us... And it was! Hahaha...! Anyway... That DYHTPS is the Forbidden Broadway version, FB being a hilarious show that mercilessly mocks all other shows in its path. The Great White Way means Broadway, I think... There really isn't much insult to POTO in that song, don't worry.

Yay for maybe bobmcbob & Sis or maybe J.B. Jazz, my 300th reviewer! Wow... 300... -mind boggles-

X

Authoress: I'm back! Hahaha!

Raoul: Yay!

Gothmeg: Are you feeling better, dear?

Authoress: Oh, absolutely. Montparnasse went through my mind here and killed off Fluffy whenever he popped up. I think he tried to replace him with himself though... That didn't quite work out. But now I have multiple new loves where Stupid Fluffy used to be... like MagicHair, Fiyero, and Eddie here, and-

Christine: Wait... Eddie? What does that mean?

Authoress: (pointing into the shadows) You know... Eddie. C'mere, Eddie.

(A pale young man with wild black hair steps out of the shadows, causing several POTO characters to scream.)

Buquet: He's got knives!

(The young man shuffles toward them, arms outstretched.)

Eddie: I'm not finished.

Authoress: I know, dear. (turning to the terrified characters) He's got scissors for hands, see. And that's his name – Edward Scissorhands. Isn't he just adorable?

POTO Characters: ...

Authoress: Well, I love him. You know what? Just because I love Edward Scissorhands and Jack Sparrow and Gilbert Grape and Mort Rainey does not mean I'm a Johnny Depp fangirl!

Bahorel: Of course not! And just because I love Legolas Greenleaf and Will Turner and Paris and that guy who fell off the helicopter in Black Hawk Down and I'm wearing a shirt that says I HEART ORLIE does not mean I'm an Orlando Bloom fangirl.

Authoress: (eyetwitch) That's because you're a man...

Bahorel: So?

(The Authoress grabs Raoul and backs away slowly.)

Erik: (wandering in) Oh, beautiful, she's back.

Authoress: I know, right? Hey, if someone's beating a lovely lady and she's bleeding should that fic be bumped higher than PG13... or whatever the stupid fanfiction version of that is?

Erik: What?

Authoress: Never mind... I wasn't really asking you in particular... I... (her eyes glaze over)

Erik: Oh, and she's crazier than before that whole... whatever it was...

Gothmeg: Fluffy turned out to be a loser.

Erik: What?

Gothmeg: Yeah. Think about it... what if you all loved someone and stuff, and then found out that she wasn't the sweet young thing you were seeking, that she was, in fact, dating someone else.

Erik: (bitterly) ... I can't imagine.

Gothmeg: Oh. Well, then what if you heard her swear a few times, and you were adamantly against swearing.

Erik: Damn, that would suck.

Authoress: (snapping out of it) Profanity me no likee!

Erik: (under his breath) Which explains an obsession with this Les Misérables thing, and that prettyboy murderer, and that schizo doctor...

Authoress: I love MagicHair! (bursting into a song that resembles the Oliver, Oliver! song) MagicHair! MagicHair! That is the man who has shaken my hand! MagicHair! MagicHair! We fangirls rejoice at the sound of his voice! With his gold eyes and his hair which is flippy and magical He will make us scream like freaks or just fangirls when he bows at curtaincall. MagicHair! MagicHair! Wore a dress while in 'Jane' made us both go insane! He may rue the day that he was so kind to us—MagicHair!

(A moment of silence. Then, Raoul applauds slowly.)

Authoress: Only, Patrick Wilson is getting married. To the lady from Count of Monte Cristo. That's so much fun to say... Count of Monte Cristo! Count of Monte Cristo! Count of Monte Cristo! El pelo magico!

Erik: What in the world...?

Authoress: IN MY LIFE!

Erik: Do you think the prettyboy murderer gave her brain damage?

Bahorel: It's possible.

Authoress: Carlotta! Carlotta, and she's Cosette, yeah? Yeah? Yeah. C'mere, Edward, we'll go chill and watch.

(Carlotta sulks in.)

Carlotta: I thought-a you all-a 'ated me.

Authoress: Yeah, but you're still Cosette. So sing!

Carlotta: Fine-a. I sing-a for you.

'Ow strange!

Zees-a feeleeng zat-a my life-a beegeen at-a last!

Zees-a change!

Can-a people really fall in-a loff so fast?

Whazza matter weeth-a you, Cosette?

'Af you been too much on-a your own?

So many things un-a-clear!

So many things un-a-known.

Een-a my life

Zere-a are-a so many questions and-a answers

Zat-a somehow seem-a wrong-a!

Een-a my life

Zere are-a times when I catch-a een ze silence

Ze sigh of a faraway song-a!

And eet seeng-a

Of a world zat-a I long-a to see!

Out-a of-a reach!

Just a whisper away-a

Waiteeng for-a me!

Does ee know I'm alive-a?

Do I know if ee's real-a?

Does ee see what I-a see?

Does ee feel-a what I-a feel?

Een-a my life

I'm-a no longer alone-a

Now ze loff een my-a life

Ees so near

Find-a me now

Find-a me 'ere!

(Erik Valerik slouches in.)

Erik:

Dear Carlette

You're such a loser child

How stupid, how loud you seem to me

Believe me, were it within my power

You'd be dead within the hour

How splendid it would be, I can see,

With only me, no diva thing.

Carlotta: (making an admirable attempt to ignore him)

Zere's-a so leettle I-a know

Zat I'm-a longeeng to know

Of ze shild zat-a I was

Een a time long ago!

Zere's-a so leettle you say

Of ze life you aff-a known

Why you keep-a to yourself

Why we're always alone

So dark-a, so dark and-a deep

Ze secrets zat-a you keep!

Een-a my life

I aff all zat I want

You are loffeeng and-a gentle and-a good

But-a Papa, dear Papa,

Een-a your eyes I am-a just like-a ze child

Oo ees lost een-a ze wood

Erik:

No more words!

No more words or you might just be dead

There are words

That are better unheard

Better unsaid

Carlotta:

Een-a my life

I'm no longer a child and-a I yearn

For ze troos zat you know

Of ze years... years ago!

Erik:

You will learn

Truth is given by God

To us all in our time

In our turn...

(Erik leaves, much to his own relief, and Maraoul enters on the other side of the big gate thingy with Christonine. Carlette has a seat on her stone bench.)

Raoul: But I don't love her! I love... (points to Christine) her.

Christine: I love you too, dear.

Authoress: Pretend you're singing about Christine, then.

Raoul: Oh, okay.

In my life

She has burst like the music of angels

The light of the sun

And my life

Seems to stop as if something is over

And something has scarcely begun

(to Christonine) Éponine

You're the friend who has brought me here

Thanks to you

I am one with the gods and heaven is near!

And I soar through a world that is new

That is free...

Christine: (sadly)

Every word that he says

Is a dagger in me!

In my life

There's been no one like him anywhere

Anywhere, where he is

If he asked

I'd be his...

Christine and Raoul:

In my life

There is someone who touches my life

Raoul:

(heading toward the gate) Waiting near...

Christine:

(looking sadly after him) Waiting here.