Haha! This is my first oneshot! I know-took me long enough, I got it. But the fact still remains that I wrote a one shot. As funny and pointless as it is, I wrote one. So what now?

And uh, yeah, this is what Katie bell thinks when she stumbles upon fan fiction. And yes, I know there was a Snape, Harry, and Hermione version of this but I don't care because this is the first Katie Bell one-so there!

Disclaimer: god, I said I would never write one of these again buuuuuuuut, blah blah, blah, I don't own harry potter blah blah blah, there you go.

Katie is normal

Oliver is bold.

Angelina is italics

Alicia is bold italics

You know, you people make me sick. You read all about Harry and sure, there's a few tid bits about me here and there throughout his story, but that does not give you right to contort my life!

I do not have jet black hair and I would like to know where you got that idea. My hair's freaking sandy blonde people, SANDY BLONDE! And I do not have BLUE EYES! Does it look like I come straight from California? I have green/brown eyes. Pretty green/brown eyes that go all shiny when I'm happy-which I'm not at the moment by the way. And since when do I have high, defining cheekbones? I don't have an angular face, it's kinda round. KINDA ROUND! No high cheek bones here! Do I look like I'm Asian? So get it right! I am a straight 'well done' student and damn proud of it, no where near an 'outstanding' student. Have you lost your mind? Did you lose it along with Wood? Bell… shut up Oliver, you know it's true-and speaking of Oliver…

Me. Katie Bell. with OLIVER WOOD? Dear Merlin, I am his chaser. Not his girlfriend/lover/sex toy/whatever-else-of-his-you-people-wrote-me-as. what was that third one? get that smirk off your face. Sure I've known the guy for ages, sure we've been friends and teammates for the past 4 years-but that's it! Get it through your heads!

And just because I am in fact a chaser, does not mean I spend every night…carousing with various Quidditch players like Adrian Puncey, Roger Davies, Cedric Diggory -know you wouldn't mind THAT though…-, Draco Malfoy, and whatever other Quidditch player you made me smitten with. Least of all Marcus Flint or Oliver Wood! in denial Katie? let me finish here people!

And the twins? Me with Fred or George? Are you JOKING? George has been head over heels in gah-gah love with Alicia since before I could remember-really?-sure, but you didn't hear it for me. And only Merlin knows what Fred and Ange do in those broom closets. they're together?…where have you been?

Another thing…me with an eating disorder? Gods you really have lost your minds! Sure I eat crap like every other teenager I know not including Oliver-notice how his name keeps coming up in this…- but that does not mean I go and throw up after every meal! I don't need to worry about gaining any weight because the Quidditch Nazi runs us into the ground every morning noon and night. He even has freaking DAWN practices. Have you ever seen any other captain schedule a dawn practice? Nooooooooo, but freaking Oliver Wood has to go and have one twice every week! Do you see why I could never be an 'O' student now? I blame him! And another thing about the damn Scotsman-you're getting way off track Katie. ok, well then coming back…

And SNAPE? Me with that man? You must be blind, deaf and dumb to come up with that one. Just because I got cursed-MY CHASER GOT CURSED? WHEN DID THI-with some god damn necklace and spent half of my seventh year in ST. Mungo's Hospital does not mean that I will suddenly fall in love with the slime ball! Have you seen the grease on that man's nose? It reflects the dim light of the dungeon straight into your eyes and blinds you no matter how far back you're sitting in double potions. This is even worse than me and Oliver being an "item".

Back on that subject, lemme give you a full and detail explanation on why it would never happen. Let's start with the age difference. I'm a fifth year, he's a seventh year. Fifth, seventh, fifth, seventh. Do we see where I'm coming from? …no- there's an age difference Oliver, get used to it. And I refuse to date someone who has a fan club. A fan club! Who would've thought that dolt had a fan club? I have a fan club? ………are you kidding me? You haven't noticed those second and third years who follow you around night and day and have stakeouts during our practices? do they really? And who's the dolt Miss. Oliver-please-help-me-with-this-poitions-essay-that-my-lover-gave-me-that's-due-tomorrow-that-I-haven't-even-started? Hmm? oh, no you didn't! ok, well who's the one who wore a kilt under their graduation robes? my mom made me do that! ah, to show your Scottish pride, aye laddie? Katherine Ann Bell-don't you go middle-naming me Oliver ALBAN Wood! do you WANT another dawn practice? so that's why we have those? From SPITE? Not because you're so damn crazy bent on winning that damn cup? It's because of SPITE? of course I want the cup! It's not my fault dawn practices make such good threats!YES it is your fault! You're the one started them! I had never heard of one until you decided to wake me up at 3 in the morning, demanding that I get up that second and march down to the pitch! Well you-don't they make such a lovely couple, Alicia? oh definitely. Perfect for each other.

………

Ok, enough of this. Onto another matter on why I'm disgusted with you…you…you authors. Let's take the matter of the war for instance. If the Death Eater's do win (which they won't) and they take all of us good guys as slaves-that does not mean I will fall in love with them and get married to an old man! It won't happen!

And what is all this about me becoming a healer after school? Just because I spent a good amount of time in the hospital does not mean that I became obsessed with healing techniques and stuff like that. I am scared out of my mind about that hospital wing. And Everytime Madame Pomphrey has to strap me down because I'm petrified out of my mind, I am convinced the woman has got it in for me. I will NEVER EVER EVER in a million years become a healer!

An for the last time me and Oliver will never be together! So get it through your thick skulls and stop writing us as a couple! We're good friends at best and therefore me and him will never be and-

………………..did he just do that?

by 'that' do you mean snog?

yes.

then that's a yes.

……wow, they just keep going.

I think she should've put up a better fight after that speech of hers.

yeah, she's not trying hard to stop it at all.

I don't think she's trying at all.

and it looks like she's enjoying it

wow.

I so said this was going to happen

they're going to make out during practices, aren't they?

oh yeah.

Oh my god this was so much fun to write. And incase you didn't notice this is a completely contradictory story concerning the Katie/Oliver part. It seems I can't write a story about them without them getting together…hmm….

Well, that's my first one shot so please go review!