A/N- GAH! I thought I'd posted this chapter before I left for camp last Saturday, the sixteenth, but apparently I was mistaken and for this I must apologize and post another chapter immediately in apology. So there are two new chapters... um... feel free to review both (wink wink).
Authoress: Does anybody know what time it is?
(No answer.)
Authoress: Not that I expected anybody to say "Tool Time," but it would have been interesting. HEY GUESS WHAT! WILLY WONKA!
J.B. Jazz: Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! The amazing chocolateer! Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! Everybody give a cheer! He's modest, clever and so smart he barely can restrain it! With so much generosity there is no way to contain it! To contain it! To contain to contain to CONTAAAAIIIIIIN!
Aislin of the Shadows: Look, she actually knows the words now...
Authoress: That's because we saw the movie. It's the shizznet, amigos, let me tell you! It's better than the old one, which is weird, because I never thought I'd ever like a remake better than an original, Little Shop doesn't count, and it's just better! Except I miss orange Oompa Loompas and that Pure Imagination song. My spellchecker tried to change Oompa Loompas into Oomph Lump. Heh. And Johnny Depp is such a cutie Michael Jackson Willy Wonka! He's sweet. And Saruman is his dad.
Bahorel: Saruman? As in, the old guy that Legolas tried to shoot in the special extended edition of the third Lord of the Rings movie?
Authoress: (Willy Wonka voice) You're really weird.
J.B. Jazz: I am Mrs. Willy Wonka now.
Authoress: J.B. Wonka? M'kay.
Erik: What the hell are you people talking about?
Authoress: (throws a bucket of popcorn at him) Profanity!
Erik: Ow.
Raoul: Excuse me, Miss Authoress? Shouldn't we do more of this show?
Authoress: No... It's intermission. We just be retarded for fifteen minutes.
Erik: Where are all the girls?
Authoress: Huh?
(They look around to find that all the female members of the cast of POTO have apparently disappeared.)
Authoress: Oh! It's intermission! They're probably all lined up outside the bathroom.
Male Characters: Ohhh...
Erik: (pointing to Bahorel) That doesn't explain why he's here.
nebulia: HEY! You mess with Bahorel, you mess with me, understand?
Erik: (sarcastically) Wow, I'm terrified.
Authoress: Erik, ya moron, you don't mess with LM fans. They crazy!
Erik: (glaring at her) I've noticed.
Authoress: (joins J.B. Wonka in singing the annoying Willy Wonka song)
Erik: I shall commit suicide.
Raoul: I actually agree with the Phantom on this one...
(The Authoress fails to hear him.)
Authoress: Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! You big fat greedy nincompoop!
J.B. Jazz: Listen close and listen hard concerning Violet Beauregarde!
Authoress: But you know what's weird? Willy Wonka, and he kinda looks like Michael Jackson, and he says to the kid, "Little boy! Come and live in my magical chocolate factory! But don't bring your parents!" and it's the same kid who was in Finding Neverland with him... (does a crazy Willy Wonka laugh)
No one: (understands)
Authoress: Yeah... taffy-puller...
Bahorel: This is ridiculous. I'm going to the bathroom.
Erik: (muttering) Told you so.
nebulia: (throws a bucket of popcorn at him)
Erik: Ow!
(The Authoress and J.B. Wonka are now doing some sort of elaborate dance routine with a man in a top hat and burgundy coat.)
Authoress: Now everybody join in! I'm serious!
(Edward Scissorhands, Toby, Pirelli, and Boq come over and start awkwardly dancing along.)
Authoress: Anyone who doesn't dance with us gets to sing 'On My Own.'
(Erik, Montparnasse, Firmin, André, Buquet, and Raoul run over and dance as well.)
Authoress and J.B Wonka: Veruca Salt! The little brute! Has just gone down the garbage chute! And she will meet as she descends a rather different set of friends...
(Erik sneaks away.)
Erik: This is ridiculous.
TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen: Yay! Erik gets to sing On My Own!
Erik: What? No, not unless the crazy Authoress sees me. Hey, who's the guy in the top hat who looks a lot like the guy with the scissors?
Aislin of the Shadows: Um... it's probably Willy Wonka.
Erik: Why's he dancing like that? Wiggling his arms and bobbing his head?
TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen: Because he's crazy.
Erik: Like the Authoress...
Authoress: Has anybody seen Erik?
Erik: Oh crap! (He dashes back over to join the dancing.)
Authoress: Ah! There he is. Ahem. (looking at the reader) Good morning, starshine! The earth says 'hello'!"
Everyone: ...
Authoress: (pulling a little card out of her pocket and reading it) Good readers of The New Production... Now that you have had a glimpse of the insanity of intermission, I shall draw the curtain for you. For the next... (flipping the card over) ...week I shall be at my summer camp. I will be home on Sunday, and I hope to be able to update with the beginning of Act II at that time. Until then, I recommend that you make a trip to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring Johnny Depp and that kid from Finding Neverland. Regards, LesMisLoony.
(She goes back to dancing with the others.)