On The Road With Danny Concannon 04'-05': St. Louis, MO pt 2
"The Goldfish Syndrome"
Companion Piece: In The Room
"Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. Same old fish.
Wish you were here. Wish you were here."
---Pink Floyd
FIVE MONTHS BEFORE: THE CABIN IN MONTANA
I'm weary and I'm staying up late
And the rain hits my roof so hard
You know I'm no longer thirty
These days I'm happy to play
One or two hands of cards
I hate flies in the kitchen buzzing
Disturbing the peace I've found
Fortune and fame is so fleeting
These days I'm happy to say
I'm amazed that I'm still around
---The Weight of the World—Elton John
The rain hit the roof hard. Danny sat on the bed, writing on a small pad. He'd gotten tired of sitting at the table and knocking his fingers against the keys. He soon grew tried of all of that, or lost any ideas and he tossed his legal pad onto the bed next to him. He took a swig of the beer in front of him and took a deck of playing cards from the side drawer and held them in his hands like a pack of cigarettes, although he had never been a smoker. The rain was coming down, sounding like music on the tin roof, and being amplified by the silence. Danny laid out the cards on the blanket in front of him and set up for a game of solitaire. Keeping focus on the game like he would study a story—looking for leads, he systematically and with fervor set the cards in the proper places. The cards snapped as he set each card down on top of the other. It was a game he had become accustomed to and had perfected -- perfected to the point that it was no longer a challenge.
The sound of the rain began to change, drifting into an uneven rhythm. Danny raised his eyes up from their sockets toward the left side of the room, his baby blues shimmering in the glow of the light next to his bed.
As the rain softened, he began to notice a pinging sound, and he made his way toward it. Into the kitchen, which wasn't far, he swatted a fly out of his way and soon found what he had been looking for: a leak hitting the kitchen counter and of course missing the sink completely, not that it would matter, for the sink was filled with dishes Danny just hadn't gotten to yet. He took a tin can from the kitchen table and set it under the leak, changing the sound. He then made his way back to his game of cards.
And the weight of the world is off my back
When we fell, we got up
And crawled out the cracks
Excuse me if I take some comfort in that
Happy today, happy to play
With the weight of the world off of my back
Humidity hangs like a curtain
Oh, it fogs up my glasses sometimes
You know I've still got my eyesight
These days I'm happy to see
A sunset instead of a line
And the weight of the world is off my back
When we fell, we got up
And crawled out the cracks
Excuse me if I take some comfort in that
Happy today, happy to play
With the weight of the world off of my back
There's a long list of names
That I don't recall
Even though my memory's good
The rain washed away
The lemons and weeds
When the weight of the world weighed more than it should
--The Weight of The World Elton John
PRESENT: The AirportBack in the present, Danny played another round of solitaire, really wishing he were playing poker. Poker was really his game, but he was reminded of the last time he played solitaire, back in the cabin. He remembered how peaceful he felt and how, for once in a long time, he had felt the weight of the world lift off his back. Part of him wanted to go back there and part of him didn't. Just like part of him wanted to get on that plane to Washington and the rest of him didn't. He knew the pros and he knew the cons even if they were hazy. What he was sure of was he couldn't go back to that cabin in Montana—as much as he wanted. He went there to exorcise his demons and when he was done, he cleaned himself up—got into a nice pair of clothes and he walked away.
Danny paused, with the card in his hand, but pushed the idea out of his mind and continued his game. His phone started to ring, and he lifted it out of his pocket and flipped it opened. He put the phone to his ear as he finished his game with the other hand.
"Ah…yeah." Danny said in his nasal tones.
"I have bad news." Maisy spoke on the phone. "But good news."
"I'm not interviewing Baker." Danny smirked and leaned back with a grin on his face.
"You're near a TV."
"Ah…yeah."
"His office called and canceled a few minutes ago."
"Yeah,… they say anything about a follow up?"
"No follow up interviews."
"Yeah, figures." Danny slumped in his seat.
"Sorry."
"No, problem."
"But I do have good news."
"Yeah?"
"I made a few calls—checked some underground internet chat rooms—and I have it on pretty good authority you can exchange your one way ticket to Pennsylvania for a one way ticket to Washington, DC."
"You don't say." Danny humored her.
"Yes, I do." Maisy stuck a bow on top of a gift she had just finished wrapping. "And you'll be home just in time to be home for the holidays." She made her way to her next gift.
"Maisy, I don't know what I'm doing for Christmas yet, I'm seeing if I can get standby for California. I got a source says Arnold Vinnick'sflying home tonight and announcing in the morning—if I can get on this flight I can be there when he lands—he's on…" Danny took out his notebook. "Flight 110, getting in at , gate 15."
"Danny—you don't have to be there—you don't do that kind of amateur stuff---that's below the fold, maybe right at the fold small story."
"Not if I get an exclusive."
"Danny…." She ran off. "I think you should come home."
Danny rolled his eyes, took the phone off his ear, and set it down on the table in front of him.
"Danny?" Danny could hear Maisy speaking. After a moment, he took the phone to his ear.
"Yeah?" Danny was tired of hearing this.
"Do you know how many Christmas invites I am turning down for you?" Maisy held the phone against her shoulder and her ear as she wrapped yet another present.
"You're turning down for me—or because of me?
"For you, I'm outta here for Christmas—you don't get me for that day." She placed the sticky bow on top of her gift with glee.
"I have Christmas invitations?"
"Well…one."
"Yeah…" Danny grumbled
"Your brother wants you to go down to Florida with the family."
"Yeah…I know—I don't know."
"And you're always invited to Mr. Brantley's house---which I don't get why you turn down."
"When you have a lot of journalist hardware you are allowed to do that. Besides I went last year."
"No, it was two years ago."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I remember 'cause you told me I couldn't come to the party and you kept calling me Lucy." Maisy stood and walked over to her printer.
"Yeah." Danny laughed.
"Damn!" Maisy hit the side of the printer.
"What?"
"This printer is still blinking red and green dots at me. I was so sure I fixed it." She hit it again. "Come on!"
"It's not working?" Danny asked.
"Either that or it's celebrating Christmas." Maisy said dryly.
"Really, I was pretty sure it was Jewish."
"I find most laser printers to be agnostic." She said again dryly.
"Veryyy funny." Danny said, impressed.
"Hey, I'm smart—I'm a cool cat."
"Cool cat?"
"I just tend to sometimes—not all the time---but often --- come off as ditsy. I know. But, Pretty much I think it's due to my good nature and all around ability to just want to have a good time—that and the natural lack of calcium and forfeited foods in my diet."
"I see."
"I've been taking vitamins."
"Good for you."
"Wait, do you hear that?" Maisy asked in her paranoid way.
"No?"
"You don't hear that?"
"No."
"You don't hear that? It's someone else's conversation."
"No, I don't hear that."
"Okay…just be careful---don't give out any credit card information."
"Yeah……'cause you know I'll be doing that sometime soon."
"You sound tired."
"I didn't sleep much last night."
"She's in China."
"I know…. it's sort of all over the news."
"I'm just saying you could come home." She paused. "She'll be back in a few weeks…and you don't have to be in Iowa 'till..."
"I don't want to discuss this…she's not the reason…"
"Aren't you tired, Danny?"
"I have a job."
"You need to take this as a sign, Danny."
"Take what?"
"Baker."
"You think the playing field for the Presidential nomination was just leveled like a nuclear winter as a sign for me to come back to Washington."
"Yes, I do."
"Ahhh." Danny looked up to find Ken, the man he had been talking to earlier, walking toward him mouthing hello. "Listen, can I call you back?"
"It's a sign, Danny."
"I don't believe in signs—I'll call you back." Danny hung up the phone and stood as the man approached. He put his hands in his pockets and raised his eyebrows at the man as a hello.
"You wouldn't want a goldfish would you?"
"I'm sorry?" Danny's breath stopped and his eyes seemed to bug out, if that was possible.
"A goldfish." Ken's hand emerged to show a bag of water filled with a small goldfish. "I'm sorry to ask—you just seem like a nice guy—I got the fish for my niece—she has a huge aquarium—well, that's not important—anyway, I don't know anything about fish."
"Neither do I." Danny laughed knowing he didn't know about them, but yet he did.
"I can't take it with me---seems my flight's too long and these little things can't stay in the bag for two long."
"They suffocate."
"Yeah, I thought you didn't know anything about fish?"
"I don't. " He paused. "But I've had some experience in the purchase of 'em." Danny raised his head and rolled on his feet.
"I'd just hate to see this little thing die. I was hoping you could take it off my hands."
"That fish's name's not Gail, is it?" Danny said in his own suspicious, creeped out way.
"No?" The man looked at him strangely. "I didn't name it. I thought my niece would?"
"They didn't name it in the store?"
"No—"
"'Cause usually they name it in the store."
"Not really."
"When I brought one, they named it in the store."
"They didn't name it."
"Okay."
"I would just really appreciate it." Danny took his eyes off the fish swimming in the bag. "It's kind of sad—I feel bad for it—it may not know if it's in a bowl or a bag—but I think it does—just swimming around—it's not like the bowl where they have things to play with—even though they're being stared at all the time, in this bag it has nothing—makes you really see whatever monotony you think you have just ain't nothin'. I know it's the lack of air—but I like to think it wants to break free and it can't—so it just dies." He looked up at Danny. "You can't keep anything locked up for too long before it dies. I should have known that."
"I'm sorry?" Danny felt a lump in his throat and couldn't take his focus off the fish.
"Would you help me out?" He paused. "Will you take the fish off my hands?"
--
Danny sat in his airline seat, tapping away at his laptop again. He loved late night flights. Everyone trying to sleep, the quiet, it let Danny get things done. He had his airborne card in and used the time to catch up on some email. He answered emails from his family, from his editor, and a few friends. As he was about to exit the email window, an IM from Josh filled his screen.
"Where are ya?" the box read.
"In transit." Danny wrote laughing to himself.
"You spend too much of your time on an airplane." Josh typed and laughed as Donna entered the room.
"What ya doing?" Donna asked in the doorway.
"I'm IM-ing Danny."
"Since when do you know how to use an Instant Messenger?"
"I'm a modern guy."
"Yeah, right." She gave him a look. "You ready for that meeting?"
"What meeting?" He looked up.
"With me."
"Yeah, Yeah. Let me finish this—one sec."
"Yeah…" Donna walked away not really believing him. Josh went back to the screen to read Danny's new message.
"And you spend too much time in a big White House."
"You used to do the same thing—so don't talk."
"When are you coming back? Wait, what am I saying? I don't think I'll still be in this place when you get back."
"Think again." Danny typed.
"Christmas?"
"Sooner." Danny paused and waited before typing. "How about we meet for drinks tomorrow night---my treat."
"The usual place?" Josh typed.
"Sounds good."
"I'll call if I get held up."
Danny smiled as he leaned back. A little uneasy, he was making a big step for himself. He'd be home for Christmas this year.
-----
Danny walked out of the terminal, his carry on bag over his shoulder, looking tried and spent. Danny had a look of contentment on his face. He looked around, happy to be in familiar surroundings, when his eyes caught another half-way familiar face.
"Maisy, you didn't have to meet me." Danny spoke happy to see the girl, but she didn't have the same feeling in return. "Look, I got a fish." He raised the bag filled with the fish up towards his head to show it off to Maisy. His voice was cheery and happy for a change, but Maisy was not. Danny knew something was wrong. "What's wrong, Maisy?" She tried to speak, but words eluded her. "What? What else could have happened?" He laughed. "Did Toby Ziegler become Secretary of State?" His laughter soon subsided as he saw that Maisy wasn't laughing along with him. "Maisy?" He was a little frightened now.
"Danny, I'm sorry….." She couldn't get the words out. "I'm sorry…" She started to hold back tears herself, but held it in for Danny. Danny was about to ask her, "what" again when Maisy handed Danny a pink message paper with the words she just couldn't say.
Danny opened the paper and read what was written inside. When he did his face turned ashy and white. Danny held back his own tears, as his face seemed a combination of anger and deep sadness.
"There's a plane leaving in thirty minutes." Maisy handed Danny a plane ticket.
"Yeah." Danny took the ticket and placed it in his inside jacket pocket.
"Terminal G. Gate sixteen—you can take the—"
"Yeah I know." Danny said in a monotone. "I know."
Maisy watched him walk into the distance. He walked up the ramp, passed the small amounts of people, up the escalator, past the flags, and away from Washington.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it home again,
it's so far and out of sight.
I really need someone to talk to,
and nobody else
knows how to comfort me tonight.
Snow is cold, and rain is wet.
Chills my soul right to the marrow.
I won't be happy till I see you alone again.
Till I'm home again and feelin' right.
I wanna be home again and feeling' right.
Till I'm home again and feelin' right.
I wanna be home again and feelin' right.
Home Again Carol King
To Be Continued…….