A/N- This chapter may contain spoilers on the newest Harry Potter book, which I have just finished reading. I was not allowed to read it at camp, and so I got it Saturday morning and finished it about ten minutes ago... I seriously cried through the last four chapters. I don't think I gave anything dramatic away... but I might have... sorta... basically, read at your own risk.

(The dance has ended, and the Authoress is sitting in a chair, glaring at a thick green book.)

Raoul: I don't think this is good...

Erik: At least we aren't dancing anymore.

Raoul: But she looks like she's going to explode. Last time she was like this was during that whole Flu-

Montparnasse: SHUTUP, HALF-WIT!

Authoress: Half... blood...? (she bursts into tears) How could you do this, J.K. Rowling? How could you do this to me and all these other readers? WHYYYY!

Montparnasse: All right, who's this J.K. Rowling jerk?

Authoress: She... she...

Montparnasse: She?

Authoress: KILLED HIM!

Erik: (perking up) Killed?

Authoress: SNAPE! I LOVED YOU SO MUCH! I LOVED YOU AND I LOVED GALAXY QUEST WITH THE CRAZY PURPLE HEAD! AND I LOVED THAT SCENE IN THE THIRD MOVIE THAT I HATE WHERE YOU PROTECT THE KIDS FROM THE GOLLUMWOLF!

(The newcomer in the top hat wanders over.)

Willy Wonka: What's wrong, little girl?

Authoress: HE DIIIIIED!

(Without warning, she grabs the green book and throws it at the wall, then shouts something, runs over, picks it up, and begins stroking it.)

Authoress: I did not mean to hurt you, you poor, poor Dumbledore! You and Hagrid, my favourite characters, and Malfoy and Snape too... and Malfoy's dad... AHH! I HATE YOU ALL! I HATE THIS BOOK!

Erik: And yet you seem to be hugging it tightly enough.

Authoress: Shut up! Go do the next scene or something!

Raoul: Will it make you happy?

Authoress: I doubt it seriously.

Raoul: Then what will?

Authoress: If she would take it back... bring him back... or something. WHO'S NEXT, YOU CRAZY WOMAN? WILL YOU KILL HAGRID? HOW ABOUT RON AND HERMIONE? IS ANYONE SAFE FROM YOUR EVILS?

Erik: That's it, she's seriously lost it.

Raoul: Let's just hurry up and do the next scene.

Erik: What is the next scene?

Raoul: I dunno, check the libretto.

(Erik pulls a little black booklet out of his pocket and flips through the pages.)

Erik: Let's see... did that... did that... and that one... One Day More... Intermission... Ah, here we are.

Christine: (to Meg) It's surprising, but it almost seems they are getting along...

Meg: Do you think they've banded together against the insanity of the Authoress?

Christine: I doubt it... Raoul still thinks she's very nice.

(The Authoress has produced a piano and is playing a rather depressing song about emptiness and dead friends.)

Erik: Look, you lunatic, we can't very well do the next bit with you wailing about your empty chairs and tables, now can we?

Authoress: Oh... I'm sorry. I'll just sit here and cry alone.

Erik: Good.

Toby: Please miss, please suh, she ain't alone. Ah'll stay he-uh. And the oth-uh chaps.

Boq: Even though you blatantly ripped me away from Galinda...

Pirelli: I, Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers, da barber of kings... I shall-a stay here and help-a da sadness!

Willy Wonka: Don't worry, little girl, Edward Scissorhands and I will be here too!

Edward Scissorhands: (nods gravely)

Montparnasse: Don't crowd, idiots. Maybe she wants to be alone.

Authoress: S'okay, 'Parnasse... I wouldn't have brought them here if I didn't love them.

Erik: Excuse me! Enough of the lovefest, me and the fop are doing a show!

(Everyone holds their breath and watches Raoul, waiting for the inevitable panic. However, he remains calm.)

Raoul: Yeah... me and the living corpse wanna get it over with.

Christine: (whispering to Meg and baby Lotte) This is so unlikely...

Authoress: Okay, do your show then.

(Maraoul and all of the barricade boys... that is, Erik... and Gavroche... Erik... and Christonine and Bahorel as Javert gather on the stage.)

Erik:

Here upon these stones

We will build our barricade!

In the heart of the city

We claim as our own!

Each man to his duty,

And don't be afraid...

WAIT!

I will need a report

On the strength of the foe!

(Bahorel, as Javert, as a spy, steps forth.)

Bahorel:

I can find out the truth!

I know their ways!

Fought their wars!

Served my time

In the days of my youth!

Erik:

Now the people will fight!

Erik:

And so they might!

Dogs will bark!

Fleas will bite!

Erik:

They will do what is right!

Raoul: (as Christonine wanders in, disguised as a boy)

Hey little boy, what's this I see?

God, Éponine, the things you do!

Christine:

I know this is no place for me

Still I would rather be with you.

Raoul:

Get out before the trouble starts!

Get out, 'Ponine, you might get shot!

Christine:

I've got you worried, now I have!

That shows you like me quite a lot!

Raoul:

There is a way that you can help!

You are the answer to a prayer!

Please take this letter to Cosette

And pray to God that she's still there!

Christine: (leaving him, with the letter in her hand)

Little you know...

Little you care...

(The stage turns, taking the revolutionaries... that is, Erik... offstage. The gate to the Rue Plumet comes into view and Christonine is stopped by Valjean... that is, Erik.)

Christine:

I have a letter, m'sieur

It's addressed to your daughter, Cosette.

It's from a boy in the barricade, sir,

In the rue de Villette

Erik:

Give me that letter here, my boy.

Christine:

He said to give it to Cosette.

Erik:

You have my word that my daughter will know

What this letter contains.

Tell the young man she will read it tomorrow

And here's for your pains.

(He hands her money)

Go careful now, stay out of sight!

There's danger in the streets tonight! I would like to point out, by the way, that this man Val-Jim's word isn't very good.

Authoress: And why would you say such a thing to one already in mourning?

Erik: Well, didn't he give the cop his word he'd come back in three days? And then he just now gave her his word that he'd give the letter to Cosette. Has either of these happened? Because I think it's been more like nine years since he punched out the cop, and the stage directions are now telling me to read this letter, which means I'm not giving it to Carlette.

Authoress: I am in no mood to argue with you today. If you valued your liver, you'd shut up now and continue to sing.

Willy Wonka: Or you could visit with some of my trained squirrels.

Authoress: Now there's an idea.

Erik: Okay, okay, whatever. (he opens the letter and reads it)

Dearest Cosette,

You have entered my soul

And soon you will be gone.

Can it be only a day since we met

And the world was reborn?

If I should fall in the battle to come

Let this be my goodbye!

Now that I know that you love me as well

It is harder to die!

I pray that God will bring me home to be with you!

Pray for your Marius,

He prays for you! So he writes in rhyme?

Authoress: I'm pulling the curtain here, and I wish to say that you'll be lucky if I don't throw this book at your face before my next update.