On The Road With Danny Concannon 04-05: Lansing, Michigan
"The Other Danny, Pt 3"
Companion Piece: Impact Winter
"People Move On."
Leo McGarry "Impact Winter"
THREE DAYS LATER:
Danny walked in his stocking feet between the rug and the hardwood floor, really flexing his toes into the floor. It felt good, it felt cool between his feet, and it was somehow a relaxing way to pace. He paced, back and forth, searching for something. He stretched his arms out and laid his hands on the back of his head with his elbows out. In the corner his laptop sat on the desk unused and untouched. Soon Danny found himself leaning against the wall next to the open door. He slid down the wall until he was on the ground, his back against the wall, his legs bent and his feet firmly planted on the ground. Linda approached the doorway and noticed Danny out of the corner of her eye. Still in her winter coat only un-buttoned and open to the wind, she leaned against the doorway with a smirk.
"How ya doin"? She leaned down against the wall with him. Danny rolled his head against the wall and looked at her. Linda looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
"Okay." Danny looked back ahead and they stayed in silence for a moment.
"How ya doin?" Danny Linda asked not looking at him.
"Where' the kids?" Danny turned his head and asked her quickly.
"I had them stay at my parents—Danny we need to talk." Danny didn't know how to respond to Linda's directness. "What's wrong Danny?"
"What's wrong?" Danny was confused and agog. "Linda." He stressed. "Linda I just lost—you just lost…" He stood and walked to the other side of the room.
"Danny that's crap and we both know it." She lifted herself off the ground. "Since you've gotten here there's been something going on with you Danny—I can't explain it--." She saw the look in his eyes. "I'm not saying your not grieving for Dan—but there's something more Danny." She walked toward him as she talked. "You can tell me. I'm worried about you." She took his face in her hands. "You have this sadness. Your just so sad Danny. I don't think I've ever seen you so sad." She stroked the side of his face and Danny's eyes started to well up. "I know there's something else Danny—let me help." Before Danny could let his eyes tear he broke away from Linda giving her his back. "And I found this?" Linda took a plane ticket out of her pocket and threw it on the bed. Danny looked at what had been thrown as Linda spoke."That ticket was for yesterday."
"I told you I wanted to stay a little longer…I can get another flight.."
"And after Christmas."
"I don't know?"
"Also, your assistant called—Maisy I think she said her name was—she told me you canceled all your pentagon interviews—you told me you didn't have plans."
"I don't—I didn't—this is more important."
"You're not doing The Primaries—yeah, she told me that too."
"Just Iowa."
"Why?"
"I just don't feel like going, okay. I just don't. Bob Russell's the front runner nothin' exciting there—Vinicks got it…."
"Danny, something else is going on here."
"Ahh…." Danny knew he was caught and he gave Linda his back while he contemplated his next move. After a moment his voice became hushed and quite as if he was in confession.
"I was in Montana this summer." Danny spoke with his hands in his pocket and not looking at Linda. He stared up at the walls.
"Yeah." Linda spoke encouraging him to open up to her.
"I…I.." His guilt made the words come out stuttered at first. "I needed to get away—from work from—everything—everything…this thing inside of me I just….I needed some air-some space—to get away—away from everything---clear me head—away from it all.. I cut myself off—no phones, no laptop--nothing. I rented a cabin, I stayed there…..I went kayaking in Colorado, and then at the end of the summer I came back…..like it never happened."
"I still don't understand Danny." She walked up to him and Danny looked her in the eye. "Help me understand--I want to help you—like you've helped me—today and tomorrow and everyday--." She looked into his sad eyes. Danny looked away and Linda pushed harder. "What did you do in that cabin Danny? What happened? Why…" Danny walked away from her and opened up a small drawer next to the bed and took out a stack of uneven typewritten and handwritten pages. The drawer was closed with a crack and the next thing Linda knew she was presented with the stack of papers. She looked at the pages and took them with bewilderment and saw the genuineness in Danny's eyes.
Danny dribbled the basketball in front of the backyard hoop while Linda held a handful of beaten up pages.
"This is good Danny." She removed her reading glasses and stuck them in her coat pocket.
"Ya think so?" Danny said not believing her and shot a basket. Linda could feel the coldness.
The papers were Danny's way of sharing. She needed to get more out of him. More than the conversation they had in the kitchen, only moments before, about CJ and his past with her, before she read the papers, and even more answers than after she red the pages. She wanted to help him with all her heart.
"It is….It is. It's like what you use to write in high school—" Linda encouraged him as Danny retrieved the ball for another shot.
"That was high-school." Danny dribbled the ball and shot again, hitting the backboard.
"But it was good—I always thought you needed to write more like this—." She gestured with the paper. I teach high-school Danny and I never see kids who write like you did---like you do—you have talent—a great talent for what you do."
"I don't write fiction." He bounced the ball in front of him.
"I have pages that beg to differ." She waved the pages in her hand toward Danny.
"I mean I don't write fiction—"He shot a basket and retrieved the ball. "I don't need fiction in my life—I have enough reality to deal with." He threw a basket and the ball swooshed out the bottom.
"Sometimes we all need a little fiction in our lives." Danny didn't acknowledge her.
"Is it true?" Linda asked after a moment of silence.
"I just said it was fiction." He shot another basket.
"I know its fiction, Danny---but the girl in this.." She gestured with the pages at Danny while he retrieved the ball. "The girl in this—the girl's CJ?"
"I don't know." He looked at her letting the ball stay under the net.
"Danny---." She set the papers behind her and placed a rock onto of them.
"I don't know—I don't know why. I just wrote it--- just came out of me—its nothing."
"Danny." She stood "You've been hiding this inside of you—." She demeaned. "I see It—it's so strong it's over flowing your eye lids…..and you know that---"
"I can't explain it. I just can't explain it. It just happened. I was fine. I was fine before I met her and I was find when I left four years ago."
"Something tells me you weren't." She spoke, but Danny just kept going on.
"I had to leave…"
"I know, you told me." She assured him.
"I had to leave…. it was getting….. Between us too much—too much between our jobs and I'd…I'd…but then she had to come see me—she….she came to visit me in New York--when I got the Pulitzer and she kissed me. She had to kiss me… and all of it-- all of it….that had been inside of me for three years---churning—in the next few weeks---just exploded out of me like a volcano—and it was like the sun was covered and everything was cold—there I was lost without a map—and this pain in my heart I just can't shake." Danny was rambling and shaking his head not giving Linda his eyes.
"Like a Volcanic Winter."
"What?" Danny finally looked at her.
"Sorry….I was helping Petra do research on the internet on that asteroid—scenario/ definitions --which of course led us to Impact Winter, which led us to Nuclear Winter which led us to.."
"Volcanic Winter." Danny repeated in half a voice.
"Right. A Volcanic Winter is when the reduction in temperature caused by the volcanic ash after a Volcanic explosion…" She smiled at him slyly as she approached him. "Somehow the droplets of sulfuric acid block out the sun—leaving a part of the earth cold. The explosion of Krakatoa in 1883 caused a Volcanic Winter that was so cold it took four years before it was warm enough to snow."
"Four years you don't say." The irony was not lost on Danny.
"'A Year without Summer'…I thought that sounded very poetic." She smiled. "The point is it lifted. It always lifts Danny. Your year without a summer will come to an end, you just have to believe. Stop hiding. Stop hiding and it will fix itself. For us both."
"I'm not hiding. I want to stay here, Linda This is my choice."
"What? Out 'a guilt. I won't have that. Danny. Stop this.."
"I let him down…"
"No you didn't!"
"He called me Linda."
"I know." Her voice was soft.
"When I was off in Montana. I was selfish and he called me and by the time I called him back….he asked me to come Linda….he asked me to come and I didn't—I kept putting it off."
"He wanted you have your life Danny—he was so proud of you---he didn't want you giving up your job to run to his bedside. He didn't want that."
"I was in Montana to get away from my job…I could have been with him. I knew he was sick…and he tried to tell me…I should have picked up on what he was sayin'. He's gone, but I'm not. I can be here for you, Linda. I want to be here for you and the kids. I choice this!"
"Okay—shut up—just shut up—Danny. Look at me." Danny wouldn't. " You're running away. " She got in his face and he was forced to look at her. "How many people are gonna have to tell you before you face up to it. Me, that therapist woman you told me about, yourself…"
"She's not my---I just…I know where I stand I don't need to face up to anything, okay." Danny was at his defiant best.
"Danny! In that cabin in Montana---You weren't getting air and you weren't on vacation and you weren't getting away from the work. You were running away from…."
"Just stop this okay…. I shouldn't have showed that to you." He tried to go for the papers, but Linda got between him and his action.
"Look at me Danny---You were hiding. You……….. were……… hid--ing." She over pronounced each word. "And now your talkin' about not even going to The Primaries---Not on my watch your not---And don't tell me its just Iowa ---oh, your running away god knows you are and I'm not gonna let you hide here. Not for your sake and sure as hell not for my kids sake. It's not good for my kids and it's not good for you. You need to move on Danny and I'm not just talkin' about therapy 'cause I'd put you on that list—but with your life. This is not you Danny---this is some other person I see in front of me. Some other Danny—'cause this sadness is making you sick—and I don't just mean about Dan….'Cause he's not coming back and as much as I wish it and we both beat our cheats and our selves up its not gonna happen….don't feel guilty Danny---for CJ for Dan….he wouldn't want that---she wouldn't want that. What woman would? I know you think if you hide out here and take Dan's place your be making up for your mistakes—but you won't. You'll just be making it worse…. worse for us all and deep down in side you know that too." She leaned in closer to Danny and rested her hands on his chest. "We both got some movin' on to do—and the best way is day by day—'Cause the sky's gonna open up and its gonna be warm enough to snow." She rested her hand on his heart. "You think with this too much sometimes. I love you for it…but I hate to see it be your downfall." She smiled. "The Danny I know is optimistic. The Danny I know makes me have faith that this world is safe---'cause my friend Danny Concannon is out there tellin' it like is. Keepin' everyone in check. Please don't take that away from me. Don't take that away from Dan. You want to pay him back—you wanna make things even." Linda's eyes filled with tears, which she pulled back through ironclad teeth. "You do this for him." The tears started to fall off her cheeks.
"It feels like this all the time…it feels like losing Dan everyday." He paused and walked away from Linda to compose himself, but it was hard. "I just love her so much." He wouldn't look at her. Linda gave him a look of sweetness and "ahh." She looked at him for a moment before speaking.
"Oh, Danny, Danny boy, Danny, Daniel." She said with the upset sweetness, noslogic and respect.
"Don't call me that." Danny demanded like he had heard it to many times before.
"Danny Concanny." She spoke with fun. Her tears beginning to dry, breathing in through her nose, and whipping the stream of water under he eye lids.
"Stop that!" Danny turned hating any childhood nicknames. He gave her a disgruntled word to prove he was serious. Linda laughed while Danny turned and picked up the basketball, which had rolled, near his feet. He held it in his hands. He looked up at the hoop he and his friend use to play at.
"Give me that." She took the ball from Danny.
"Hey." He tried to grab it from her. Linda gave Danny her back and shot the ball making a basket.
"Ha! Yes!" She jumped for joy as Danny retrieved the ball. Linda smiled at Danny as he approached back toward her with the ball. Linda took it from his hands and bounced it against his head.
"Aww." Danny said in a monotone way; only to joke of course.
"Tag your it." Nothing seemed to get Danny out of his mood. She took the ball and rested it against her hip.
"You can stay through Christmas, but then you have to leave." She said with calm sincerity.
"I understand." He said sweetly and calm. He paused. "I just don't know what to do?"
"You need to move on. People move on Danny, its what happens. We all move on. We can do it together.."
"I wouldn't be going back to DC anyway. I have Iowa and…" Linda smiled.
"Yes…yes you do."
"We've got a lame duck president--- I don't go back to the White House until after we have a new President. That's what I do…that's what I always do."
"Then do that—go to the Primaries—do what ever it is you do---." She joked and Danny gave her his first joke face of the night. "And yes I know what you do, but I'm venting right now and I don't feel like going into detail—but you got one year to go and I know its hard, but you gotta get back out there. You have to travel to get anything done—standing still does nothing. You knew that when you left Montana or else you'd still be there—your outta the woods—no pun intended."
"It wasn't actually the woods…"
"Don't sass me."
"Yes, Ma'am." He joked back at her. His heart was feeling warmer for a change. Linda smiled.
"And don't call me that. You know this is outta love." She signed. "Everyday activities Danny—life. "You don't have to go home, but you can't say here." She smiled bitter sweetly
"Yeah." Danny knew what she was talking about.
"You need to go on with your life Danny. And when you go back." She paused. "You need to go back for her—not because of her. And if she says no."
"She won't."
"Then wait." She set her hand against the side of his face and smiled. "But where are you going until then Danny?"
"Iowa."
"And after that?"
"New Hampshire."
"And after that, that?"
"Arizona, Delaware, Missouri, New Mexico, North Dakota, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina."
"And after that." She smiled as each state gave Danny confidence.
"Washington & Michigan."
"Whoo hoo." She laughed. "And after that."
"Maine, Tennessee, Virginia, Nevada, Wisconsin, Hawaii,
Idaho."
"And after that?"
"Super Tuesday."
"And way after that?"
"Conventions." He smiled.
"And after that?" She smiled still resting her hands on his chest.
"Elections."
"And after that?" She stressed speaking even more slowly then she had. They both began to well up. Danny paused before he spoke giving it even more importance.
"Home." He tried to smile, but the fighting of his tears got in the way. "Washington."
Linda smiled and placed her hands on the sides of Danny's face.
"Godspeed, Danny." She lightly pressed her lips against his forehead. Suddenly the two felt a cold wetness on there heads, white and breezy. They both looked up.
"It's snowing." Linda spoke with glee. Danny laughed. Linda looked at Danny and smiled.
"Looks like it's warm enough to snow."
"Yeah." He smiled back. "Come inside. Come on." Linda walked into the house, but Danny didn't follow. He looked up at the snow failing and let it fail on his face. Linda watched from the door for a moment and let him have his moment.
"I want Leo on the phone." CJ demanded with glee and vigor a lightless in her eye as she walked down the hallway of air force one; Toby to her left and The President and his entourage to her front. "Have you seen my cell phone?" She asked Toby.
"I had it—I gave it to someone." Toby told her.
In Dan and Linda's backyard Danny looked up at the sky and the snow and did something he didn't think he would do. He knew he shouldn't. He knew Linda was right and he had to be ready before he went back, but he was feeling so good. Danny took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed her number. He listened to the phone ring and ring and no one answered. Maybe it just wasn't time. He was just about to hang up like he always did, but something stopped him as he listened to her voice and her message. There was a small silence as Danny was caught with what to say.
"CJ." He paused. "It's Danny." He paused again. "I just….in case I don't see you." He paused again. "I just wanted to wish you a …Merry Christmas." He paused again and smiled at the snow coming down on him. "Merry Christmas." He said soft and slow. Danny smiled and heard the message beep off his time. He took the phone from his ear and looked at it pushing the button off. Danny looked up at the snow failing
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young
On Air Force One CJ watched Abbey close the door while her cell held a message waiting for her.
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
In Michigan, Danny smiled bitter sweetly feeling drained and unsure of his own future for the first time in his live. The snow kept on failing; failing, Failing, failing over him from above.
And so this is Christmas. War is over
For weak and for strong. If you want it
For rich and the poor ones. War is over
The road is so long. Now
And so happy Christmas. War is over
For black and for white. If you want it
For yellow and red ones. War is over
Let's stop all the fight. Now
John Lennon
Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
THE END OF PART ONE(Season Six)