A/N: I own nothing of this story except the storyline,I don't own any characters or anything.
Silence….. Well maybe that's the reaction you get, when murder has just been committed.
No-one moved in the chamber, Hermione Granger stood over the body of Harry Potter – the boy she had convinced everyone she loved; until she betrayed him just a moment ago. And let's not forget that she murdered him too.
The Order of the Phoenix members stood at the other end of the chamber, the same chamber where Harry had fulfilled a prophecy by killing Lord Voldemort – the darkest wizards in ages. That same day, this day actually emerged a witch that has the knowledge and power to be more of a danger to the community than Lord Voldemort was (and put it this way, he was a big pain in the arse to everyone.)
Ginny Weasley was the first person to react, the shock was now replaced by rage, and her eyes seem to burn with an inner fire.
"Hermione you bitch! How could you kill Harry? You loved him didn't you? Answer me!'
Hermione looked up at the others, smirked and with a shrug of the shoulders said "Shit happens Ginny, shit happens. Choice between Harry or power? Well it's an easy choice"
"Erm right….. Couldn't you have dumped him instead of killing him? It's slightly less illegal"
"Yes less illegal, but also less fun and dramatic, plus it's not that evil and if you hadn't noticed; I'm being evil!'
"What? You've become evil? Oh fuck, I just thought you were being a moody bitch. Guess that means we got to do the whole revenge thing by battle now? Least it will put an end to your bad hair style, ever heard of straighteners?"
Hermione and Ginny both raised their wands and Hermione flicked hers so a green light shot towards Ginny, who narrowly avoided it.
"Bloody hell Hermione what you trying to do here? Kill me?"
"Well I thought that was pretty obvious, short of a big sign saying 'I'm going to kill Ginny Weasley" she raised an eyebrow. "I just don't like how naturally your hair is, when mine's so bushy and annoying"
"OI…….. Ouch! Stop fighting damn you"
Everyone looked around to see the top half of Neville Longbottom floating in mid-air
"Hermione a word of advice for you, piss off! Impendimenta! Oh and can someone help? I've left my legs at home when I tried apparating here, it didn't go as I planned"
Hermione was too busy laughing at the scene to realise the curse from was speeding towards her, which hit her squarely in the chest and sent her flying into the wall. A groan escaped from her throat as her eyes closed and she fell to the floor unconscious.
Remus Lupin ran over to Neville and helped fix his problem. The survivors then went back to The Burrow. Once there questions started flying around, being that Lupin was now in charge he had the privilege of answering the questions. What fun!
"What are we going to do next?"
"Are we going to tell the ministry?"
"What are we going to do about Harry's body?"
"Why didn't anyone kill Hermione when she was knocked out?"
"What is there to eat?"
There was a silence at the last question. Lupin answered the questions in a bored voice
"We are going to make a cunning plan to get rid of the pain in the- Hermione! We won't tell the ministry being that I can't be arsed and they'll just run about like clowns any way. I had forgotten about Harry's body so we will just leave it where it is. No-one killed her because no-one thought about it and Neville if you're hungry get your own food, does this look like a charity to you? I'm not hand-feeding you"
Neville sulked at having to make his own food, so Ginny took pity on him and made him some sandwiches, and she even cut the crusts off.
"Right so onto the plan to defeat the evil Hermione, any ideas?"
George jumped up and suddenly shouted. "I say we go to her place and burn it down, then burn all the places we think she might be while chanting 'BURN BURN' in real evil sounding voices"
"Yeah!"
Everyone looked around to see who shouted, Lupin was on his feet with his arm in the air
"Remus you agree with George's idea of burning stuff?"
"What? Oh shit sorry Molly I was listening to the Quidditch scores"
"I agree with burning stuff, especially Hermione's house for the fact I don't like her parents, they're too….well Hermione like, bloody hell her dad's a dentist! For crying out loud he deserves to be burnt just for that, I don't know what her mum does I didn't pay attention"
"So now Ginny has stopped ranting we are all agreeing with being pyromaniacs until we get bored?"
"Yep, don't forget the chanting" said George excitedly.
"How about we do it army style so the muggle thinks it's their army and they get all shit scared and stuff hehehe, plus I've always wanted to try on an army uniform they look funky" said Ginny looking excited.
"How about we dress up as fairies, so the muggles think the tooth fairy has gone mad and run off screaming for their lives.' Said George, "plus I've always wondered what I'd look like as a woman.'
Ginny was bouncing around the kitchen with a big grin on her face, which freaked everyone out.
"Ginny have you been eating sweets again? I told you not to eat any more"
"Maybe, they were full of sugary goodness, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar…….Sugar!"
"Silenco….. Now why didn't I think of that till now, I could've had so many years of peace" Mrs Weasley was standing with her wand raised after finally shutting Ginny up. Though she agreed with the army idea so they apparated to the nearest army base (great security at the base just letting witches and wizards wonder around at ease). They soon tried seducing the officers so they could steal their uniforms, the officers were only interested in the men, no matter how much Ginny fluttered her eye lashes. Neville had the most success and came out with a big smile on his face although he was walking funny everyone else wondered why, while the other 'men' in the group ran out screaming for their mummies.
"Right Neville you can go get us the women's uniforms being that you had the most success with the other officers. Though it's kind of disturbing that you enjoyed it but whatever floats your boat."
"That is just gross! I'm not going in and seducing any women, it's just wrong. You look the part Ginny, so why don't you?"
"You just did stuff with four men! And you're saying its gross seducing a woman? I am considered a slut and even I wouldn't do what you just did! I'm sure I'm not the only one here who is slightly disturbed about you"
While Ginny and Neville argued, George went in, stunned the women and came out with their uniforms without any fuss. Back at The Burrow they all changed into their uniforms, Mrs Weasley was looking in the mirror then turned and asked her husband
"Do these trousers make my bum look big?"
Mr Weasley removed his glasses, cleaned them and answered with a sigh. "No dear your bum makes your bum look big, don't try to blames the trousers when they've done nothing to you"
No one was surprised as a slapping noise echoed through the burrow and Mr Weasley had a hand shaped mark on his cheek. Next it was George's turn to ask how he looked
"So does it suit me? How do I look? Anyone?"
"You look fabulous baby! Work that butt oh yeah"
George looked around to see Neville smiling and looking longingly at him. Ginny dived at Neville and hit him straight on the nose, while this happened George ran outside, everyone thought he had gone to be sick, though he was just secretly playing along. Who knows with enough butter beer Neville might get lucky.
"My brother is now gay!' screamed Ginny.
"But he could be Bi."
"He's not!"
"Sure?"
"err'
While Ginny was deciding to carry on being a violent moody cow. George walked back in with his hand over his arse and cringing, though when Ginny wasn't looking he sent a seductive wink towards Neville.
While all that was happening at The Burrow, Hermione had woken up, gone back to her parents' house for clothes and a toothbrush (her dad made her take it with her). Then she went for a little break to the Grand Canyon. She also wired her house up with explosives as she somehow knew what the others planned, 'they'll pay for being predictable pyromaniacs.' She cackled evilly to herself.
The plan was in motion, Mr Weasley was to sneak up to the house and start a small fire to start with, while the others hid at the end of the street as lookouts. He got to the house and crouched down, and whispered "Incendio"
The fire was just a little one, just as planned. But it was big enough to set the explosives off. The explosion blew Mr Weasley into loads of little pieces which funnily enough landed all around the rest of the group, who were waiting as lookouts at the end of the street.
"Oops that didn't go quite as planned, but at least the house is on fire."
"Yeah true the house is on fire, it's also been blown into little pieces and so has dad"
"Eww someone get dad's hand off my head, it's gross.' Squealed Ginny.
"It's only his hand, the gross bit is the blood dripping from it into your hair"
'Oh my god! Now I have to go wash my hair again? How could Hermione be so cruel and know my weakness. I hate her!'
Lupin removed the hand from Ginny's head while Mrs Weasley sobbed into George's shoulder
"My husband is dead, why?'
"Well the reason why is because he was just blown up. Look on the bright side you now don't have to wash so many clothes, you've only got George and Ginny now. And I've always thought you were pretty hot, and your bum certainly doesn't look big in that." Lupin smiled at her.
"Oh yeah, good point" smiled Ms. Weasley, 'So what's a young man like you doing around on a night like this.' She smiled lovingly at him.
"When do we chant 'Burn! Burn!' or have I missed it?"
Off to Hogwarts to burn that down for the fun of it, though they knew Hermione wouldn't be there, they wanted to say goodbye to the school by burning it down. They were still in the army uniforms (being that they all liked them) They arrived at Hogwarts approximately seven minutes and twenty-three seconds after leaving The Burrow, it's just a rough guess at how long it took them. The destruction started with George…… picking the lock on the gates (totally rebellious or what?)
The group ran through the school blowing things up and setting stuff on fire. Ginny decided to go over the top and blow a hole in the floor, then forget it and fall through it. How stupid can you get?"
"Fuck, my arms broke, ouch the pain the agony" Ginny sobbed dramatically.
George ran to help, but seeing the scene his sister had gotten herself into, he couldn't help but laugh.
"You dumbass! If you blow a hole in the floor you're meant to walk around the hole, not fall into it! I don't see the problem with your arm accept for the fact it has flew off down the hall way.
George fixed his sister's stump of an arm with sallotape and then helped her up. They both then ran in dramatic slow motion as Hogwarts crashes and burns to the ground around them. When they got out the building Mrs Weasley sees what Ginny's done to her arm
"What the hell have you done silly girl, how are you going to do your chores now? You just did this on purpose to get out of your chores didn't you?" growled Ms. Weasley.
"Well funnily enough I didn't do it on purpose, but now you put it that way it does have its advantages" she smirked.
An owl then flew down, dropping the letter then doing its business over Ginny's hair before flying off.
"A note from the bitch a.k.a Hermione: Dear whoever is still alive, I have set a trap for you at the Grand Canyon. Please feel free to come looking for me there, I am waiting there for you in the open making myself easily killable (apart from it being a trap)"
"Well that seems like a sure way of killing her, let's go….Burn! Burn! Burn!"
So they set off for the Grand Canyon, which was a bit of a long way to travel as the dumbasses felt like flying their brooms there instead of any other form of wizard transport. Though Neville seemed to enjoy the ride, but perhaps that's because he flew behind George the whole journey and had a perfect view of his arse.
Hermione was waiting out in the open just like she said in the letter. No-one else was in sight, so the group landed and walked over to near to where she stood.
"Nice outfits you guys, they suit you"
"Thanks so where's the trap you set up to kill us?" smiled Ginny.
"Ginny my dear it is right above you, by the way this is the part where you dramatically look up with shock on your face"
Ginny suddenly looked up just as Hermione said she should, and saw a giant signpost floating in the air, which then drops from the sky and squashes Ginny, her blood splattered everywhere making everyone cringe and say "Eww!"
Lupin bent down to look at what the signpost says, he reads out to the others what's written there……"TRAP"
"Well she was right that there would be a trap here to kill us, but only killed Ginny so it's not much of a loss"
"That means even less washing for me to do" smiled Ms. Weasley.
"Bloody hell Weasley have some compassion. I just made a giant signpost kill your only daughter and all you care about is that you now have less washing to do, shouldn't you be crying right about now?" Yelled Hermione angrily.
"Well yeah, but she's dead. So might as well look on the bright side"
"Point taken"
"Take this point then…..Ha!"
Mrs Weasley raised her finger and points straight at Hermione who fell to her knees screaming.
"Ah no! Anything but that!'
Lupin ran up to Ms. Weasley and slapped her hand down and yelled "Molly how could you put the poor girl through 'The point'? No-one deserves being put through that!"
Hermione shakily got to her feet and Neville used this chance to run quickly to her and grab her hand, looking deeply in her eyes. "Hermione please stop all this, I love you baby! We could get married and make lots of babies and stuff like that."
"Really? You mean it? Oh Neville that's so wonderful I've always wanted kids"
George started to go redder and redder.
The two of them hugged for ages until Neville pulled away and said "I have something to tell you, before the whole making babies thing."
"What is it honey bun?" said Hermione sweetly.
"Well you know how we're both now near the edge of the canyon?"
"Oh yeah I see that now" she nodded.
"Well the thing I have to say is; you're dead after I finish this sentence. Oh by the way…..I'm gay…..Poke! Hehehe"
Neville then poked Hermione which sent her flying over the edge and into the canyon. The shockwave of "The mighty Poke" made the rocks under Neville start to fall away, but quickly George ran to the rescue and just managed to grab Neville's hand. All seemed fine until Neville started crawling back up with George's help, until he yelled in shock.
"Oi, Neville! Get your hand off my arse!"
"But your arse is so squishy and nice hehehe" Neville giggled like a school girl.
"Has anyone told you before that you have a really annoying girly laugh?" sighed George.
"Sorry but I can't help my laugh, it's always been like that, by the way are you gay or bi?"
"I'm bi, oh shit did you realise since you touched my arse we've been falling into the canyon"
"Shit you're right, well being that we're going to die will you please let me die happy……let me touch your arse one last time?" pleaded Neville.
"Oh ok if you must, but on the condition that I can touch your arse too, oh and maybe we should stop saying shit so much?"
So Neville and George took a firm grip on each other's arses, while a big grin grew on their faces, they both took a deep breath as they fall further and before they hit the ground they shouted "Shit!"
Lupin and Mrs Weasley stood at the edge of the canyon looking around to see that no-one else was left alive.
"Well Molly you have got your wish, you only have to wash for yourself now"
"You're right Remus, I think I'm going home now to wash some clothes now I've got rid of the kids"
"I think I'll go turn into a werewolf, and bite some people as it's coincidently a full moon tonight"
"Well take care and don't get caught, I'll see you around maybe" she winked at him.
"Thanks, take care too and have fun washing your clothes" A big smiled stretched across his face, now he could be the dark lord and no one could stop him!
So the witch and wizard span on the spot and disapparate to do their own things, but they never did get to chant "Burn! Burn! Burn!" in a really evil sounding voice, on the bright side they got to keep the army uniforms.
Please review as I am lonely and want to feel popular hehe joking,want to know your views so review if you want to.