On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05: Dover, New Hampshire
Primary Blue
Episode: Freedonia
Prime vt primed; priming: 1: to lay a preparatory coating. 2. to put in working condition 3: to instruct beforehand.
Primary adj: first in order of development
"The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others the living are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later.
But the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's in."
Hunter S. Thompson '65
Debate Day
Danny pulled into the New Hampshire town; the radio sound tracking his way through the circus that had already started without him. He slowly rolled his car forward as he saw the sights of news people milling about with business at hand. It was mayhem at its worst, but it gave Danny an extra glow of excitement almost nothing else could.
Danny couldn't even remember how much sleep he'd gotten in the last days it bad been that long since he had gotten enough to really remember, but all he could think about was staying on the road and getting to his destination. He had to prove to himself he could to it, he could get there this time, no matter what how close to the edge he got.
Being on the road is always a hard thing. It can feel like being a bear out in the wilderness, alone, without any other bears. No wonder Danny had felt the pangs of depression lately. But now he had found his people again. Like Americans abroad missing their own language, Danny was happy to see any reporter, no matter who they were, as long as they spoke his language. He was home. Danny drove past all the sights trying to ignore the fatigue in his hands and in his body. The sleep deprivation in eyes and his mind weighed on him, they had been for months now, but he was slowly slipping down that hill as he forged on toward his work. The edge was near.
His heat pounded like he had a hang over, but he hadn't had a drop to drink since he left Iowa. Still Danny felt he had to keep going.
As he passed people wearing badges, camera equipment to their sides, he saw the images of news trucks with large white satellites off in the distance like a range of mountains with very tall trees. Only days before, this street had been sleepy and silent, but now at every storefront people hawked their goods pins and memorabilia. Newspapers were sold from every street corner. It was a political amusement park of sorts for all to see. Danny showed his press pass to a cop and made his way toward a grassy area. He passed the large, red, white and blue CNN van that read, "America's Headquarters", and found a spot to settle.
Nothing had really started yet for the day, and since Danny didn't have to deal with prime time hours or camera time, he ducked into a convenience store to find some subsistence to keep his brain cells going. He had been so late he didn't even want to stop for food, but now he seemed right on time—with time to kill.
Danny leaned down and set his hands around a box of Pop-Tartsthe large one. He turned the box around in his palms, moving it back and forth as he checked out the label. His brain was pounding over whether to buy the treat; or not to buy the treat. As Danny got older his metabolism of yore had slowly left him, and that along with doctors' notes and age restraints had begun pushing him toward thoughts of a healthier life. He finally decided to go with the non-frosted smaller box of Pop-Tarts compromise is always the key, in politics as in life. Maybe food would keep the fatigue and restlessness at bay.
Next, Danny slid his hand over the ice cooler doors and ran his fingers to a bottle of Coca Cola. His hand lingered for a moment as he decided what to do. This was not the right choice, and he changed his mind and next slid his hand toward the Diet Cola, but after a moment figured that still wasn't the right choice, as thoughts of his mother's words, "Nutra-Sweet causes cancer" swept his mind. Danny paused for another moment before lifting his hand above the soda and opting for a large bottle of water, then shutting the door behind him. Just about to escape the world of modern convenience food, Danny backtracked and took one small bottle of soda from the refrigerator, shutting the door and rubbing the hum of the cold from his ears. What could it hurt, and besides he needed something to keep him awake. It was his own form of bipartisanship behavior.
Danny dumped the contents of his arms on the checkout counter with a smile. Without speaking, he raised his hand up as if to say one moment, and lowered his head to the candy rack below. He lifted his finger in the air along the stacks of candy as if he was looking for something in particular. Finally, he pulled from the frame a packet of peppermint gum, throwing it on the counter above.
"Is that it sir?" The young man asked.
"Ahh.." Danny thought for a moment and looked away as his eyes caught a small display of impulse Pepperidge Farm items and a rack of travel sized versions of goldfish crackers. Danny smiled at the nice memory – as well at the fact that he was actually going to buy them and took a bag off the hanging rank with a pull, throwing it with a soft toss onto the counter.
"Yeah, that's it." And Danny took out his wallet. The register started to sound with his items. Danny noticed his face in the reflection of a cigarette sign on the cash register, he almost didn't recognize himself. He took a breath. Even that seemed to hurt.
With his purchases complete, Danny walked out of the store, rummaging through the bag for the Tylenol he'd purchased tossing two into his month without water. Almost dropping the bag Danny next went for the food. He was just about to tear open the small bag of goldfish crackers when he was stopped by the sound of a voice. It was a voice of someone he was sure it couldn't be. A voice he was sure only sounded like someone from long ago. A voice he figured just couldn't be her until he laid his eyes on her.
There she was, Antonia "Toni" Scalisi, standing arguing with another man, like a true New Yorker, over a parking space. Danny was pretty surprised for it had been a long time since he had seen her, but it was she for sure. Almost a decade older since he last saw her and now reaching into her forties, she suddenly stood before him again. Just as tall as she ever was, with just as much fire as she ever had. Although the attraction of long ago had subsided for him, he did wonder if he had a thing for passionate tall woman.
Toni was a woman no person could forget in his life. Tall and pretty, thin as a rail, her slender fingers could do wonders with a camera shutter. She gestured with her hands like a true Italian, even though looks-wise only her Irish genes had penetrated to the surface. Her long strawberry blond hair was always held up in a large braid almost the length of her back. Even with the tight braid, little strains and flecks of hair always seemed to fall into her face when the wind blew or otherwise. She had the gusto and passion of any man and wasn't afraid to show it. There was still something about her that just made you laugh, if you knew her, at her actions. This was indeed, after all these years, a good person to run into.
Finally the man she was arguing with gave up and walked away and, like usual, Toni continued yelling after him, but now in Italian. Danny approached, watching the man walk back to his car as Toni discovered his presence.
"Hey, Danny Concannon." She said with a taunting voice, her body dressed in jeans, a long sleeved T-shirt topped with an off-white flack vest filled with film, two cameras on her right arm, a camera case, a light meter, and a backpack to boot.
"Toni." Danny smiled. "Hey." He put his arms out and a sly smiling Toni walked up to him giving him a hug.
"Look at you—you look terrible." She joked, but part of it was the truth. Danny was thinner then he had been in years, but for all the wrong reasons. "Wasn't sure you were gonna even show? The guys from AP had a bet with Fox news." Danny grumbled a laugh.
"Well, late to the party…"
"Misses all the cake." She smirked
"Man, what's it been like"
"Almost ten years…?"
"Still with the Times." He said as a statement for he wasn't asking.
"You follow my work?" She said simply with a smile of approval.
"Of course." He put his hands in his pockets. "So why are you here? You don't cover this kind of stuff anymore?"
She pulled her camera out and snapped a few shots of Danny, who tried to get away from the flash. Toni gave him a come-on look out of the corner of her mouth.
"Got a little sick of the real jungle so I thought I'd take a try at the fake one." She said with fun sarcasm, holding her camera to her waist and keeping a distance between them now.
"Really?"
"Plus I blew out my knee—in Qumaracts up every once in while—I think I should be good running after a few 60 year old men, thoughplus you know after a while you get tired of being shot at all the time."
"All that true?" Danny smirked and put his hands in his pockets.
"The gunfire part." She paused. "The knee?" She paused and Danny gave her a skeptical look. "Walked into a coffee table." She joked. "But I turned that coffee table into a nice shelf, it's above my mantel now." Danny laughed.
"I didn't think you'd be the one to take "wedding photos"I think that was your words."
"I said that once. There's beauty in the face of humanity." She clicked her camera again and Danny moved his head. "Hey. Why do you do that?"
"What?"
"Don't do that." She took his eyes. "Don't hide."
"I'm not hiding. Come on, let's get some coffee." Danny waved with his hand and she followed.
"Okay." She smiled and Danny walked ahead. "Hey Danny." Danny took turned his head and Toni snapped a picture. "Got ya." And she walked off like a giddy child.
Danny and Toni walked away from the local coffee spot, already overrun with people, after Danny had deposited his snacks and such in his car. It was cold and the warm drink made their breath blend with the steam from the cup. The place was bustling with activity as they past people while they walked.
"You should come work in DC." Danny asked as they walked.
"Listen, DC Post. I have my own town." She loved to pester. "You always think you answer is the right answer, don't you?"
"Hey, we shared it for a time….
"Yes, and it was a long time—I don't follow reporters around anymore—I have my own beat. Plus been thinkin' of going freelance anyway." She took a gulp of her coffee.
"You should."
"Yeah, damn right I should." She joked, but really meant it.
"And I'm a reporter by the way of course I always think my answer is the right one."
"Stubborn."
"Hey."
"Whatever."
"So what we got—" Danny looked at his watch. "An hour before anything really gets underway—what's the good place to eat here now—?" Danny looked around.
"Well, we could go to the local diner, but that's been taken over by CNN." Danny nodded as he saw she was going on another tangent.
"There's the local watering hole—"
"Is that a euphemism or the name of the place?"
"Both."
"I see." Danny took a gulp of his drink.
"The thing of course about the local watering hole is Hardball is broadcasting from there today—"
"Ohhh." Danny knew that wasn't the best idea.
"Yes, so that's out. The microbrewery down the street is closing its doors for Fox News—but I think we can grab a Danish from Starbucks before Google and the Today Show take it over. " She smiled at Danny and took a drink of her coffee.
"Any of that true?"
"I'm sorry to say about 99 percent of it." She smiled. "Ohh—muffins!" A vender distracted Toni with what looked like free muffins grabbing one as he passed. "Look CNN." She said showing Danny the imposed CNN letters on the muffin. Danny just looked her. "What? You wanted one?" She said using her free arm to take a piece of blueberry from her upper lip. "I would have gotten you one…but I only have one hand." She showed him her hands occupied with the coffee in one and the muffin in the other.
They walked for a stretch as Toni took a bite of her muffin and at first she didn't notice that they stopped she lost Danny's attention.
Toni's eyes darted to catch Danny stopping to check out a television set in a window. It was showing a White House press conference. Still shocked to see anyone, but CJ at the podium Danny was caught for a moment; almost stalled. It was all too stranger than fiction to think of. Not just because it wasn't CJ, and not just because if was Toby or the new one Annabeth. He no longer had the chance to see CJ everyday and it had affected him. Danny wasn't even sure how much yet.
Toni smiled and walked up to Danny. "Danny?"
"Yeah." Danny turned his head toward Toni and they started walking again. They walked in silence for a moment as Toni smiled slyly and threw the remains of her CNN muffin into the trash. Danny shot ahead a few steps off in his own world. Toni ran a few steps to catch up with him, taking a final look back toward the storefront of televisions and then back to Danny.
"So, is it true?" She asked licking her final finger of muffin residue.
"Is what true?" He took a sip of his coffee and felt the heat from the cup in his palms.
"You've been late to post 'cause you trying to get over some girl?" Her eyes glowed with a sisterly taunting. Danny looked at Toni not knowing what to say. "Come on, it's me?"
"I really don't have to answer that—."
"Oh, I think you just did." She laughed. Danny didn't find the humor. "
"I think we need to get you someone." A blond woman passed. "How about her?" She looked back at the woman and then at Danny. "Nayy—not your type."
"I don't have a type." He said trying to avoid the topic.
"You have a type."
"I don't have a type." He retorted to no tort what so ever. Toni ignored him and took Danny's wrist
"What time is it?" She looked at his watch. "Ohhgot a photo op." She let go of his arm. "Where you stayin'?"
"Sheraton."
"Me too." She ran off. "See ya tonight." She yelled as she ran. Danny smirked and turned off to his left to cross the street. "Danny!" Toni yelled back and Danny turned toward her to get a photoflash in his face. Danny didn't look too happy as the flash echoed into his retinas.
She emerged from behind the lens, smiling, and ran off devilishly.
"Bye Danny Concannon." She laughed and ran off for good.
Danny watched her walk away and he felt the fatigue setting in again. No time for that he had to move pass it. His body hurt.
"Well look again—Daniel Concannon, Washington Post—I know it's there." Danny adjusted his overnight bag on his shoulder and set down his laptop carry-on next to his feet with a small thud. The man behind the hotel front desk looked just as annoyed as Danny did.
"I'm sorry, sir—oh, wait, I see—the room was for yesterday—"
"Yes, I was stuck on the road I—" Danny was frustrated and his patients was worn.
"What's going on?" Toni approached and leaned on the corner with her elbow. "What happen to your leg?"
"They lost my reservation." He gritted his teeth at the older man behind the counter.
"It was for yesterday, sir."
"And there's nothing else?" Danny asked as if he had already asked before.
"Mr. Concannon, every reporter in the country is staying —the whole town is booked—
"Yeah, Yeah—I know."
"May I suggest Connecticut—or Vermont?" Danny held it all in, so as not to attack the man, and spoke in a fake niceness.
"Thank you." He said with gritted teeth. The man walked away. "For nothin'." Danny didn't want to stay another night sleeping in his car.
"You need a room? Stay with me—I don't mind." She leaned her back against the edge of the front desk and placed a roll of film in the front pocket of her jacket.
"You sure?"
"I'll be developing film most of night—I don't mind."
"Okay." Danny said after a moment.
Later that night Danny walked into the bar and was taken over by the sounds and the loudness of the crowd. It had been a long time since he'd been at camp. For that was just what these things felt like: Summer camp in the winter. And now that all the action was over, everyone could relax.
Danny looked up toward the bar filled with familiar faces, all hooting and the hollering, to see another familiar face: Toni dancing on the top of the bar dressed in just her jeans and a tank top that said the words NYPD on it. Danny smiled, almost embarrassed for his friend and at the fun she was having. Danny approached the bar.
"Hey there, Danny Concannon." She yelled to him below.
"What are you doing!" Danny yelled through the crowd.
"Having fun! You should try it!"
"I have fun."
"You use to—look at you—your different—what's up with you—you been no fun since you got here. Live some life Danny—don't be such a stick in the mud."
"What have you been drinking?" He leaned into the bar and yelled so she could hear.
"Whoaa!" She yelled and the crowd yelled back. "Nothing!" She yelled to Danny." I don't do that anymore. Can't someone have fun with out drinking?"
Danny turned to the bartender, "How much has she had?"
"About three diet cokes." The bartender spoke and walked away.
"See!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "Shouldn't you be at the debate site, you shouldn't leave the seven dwarfs?"
"I ran into Dubin outside—he said you needed some help in here."
"I'm fine." A man from the bar lifted his hand to grab Toni and she pulled away.
"Hey, watch it!" she yelled.
"Hey, what are you doin?" Danny grabbed the guy's wrist with great force.
"Listen buddy, I'm havin' a good time." The man, who Danny didn't recognize, responded back and broke from Danny's grip.
"I can handle this Danny!" She shot to Danny in her sugar high.
"I think she doesn't want to be touched." Danny said defending his friend. "He shouldn't just grab you like that, Toni."
"Well, then why is she dancing on the table?" The man got in Danny's face.
"Hey! I can do what I want here!" Toni yelled. "And it's a bar, Jackass! I'm dancing on a bar! Not a tabletop! It's a bar! Jeez!"
The man didn't seem too happy about Toni calling him a jackass.
"Take it off!" Someone yelled from the back.
"Hey—" Toni said offended while trying to discover the owner of the comment.
"That's it." Danny grabbed her arm and flung her over his shoulder. Always a protective friend, Danny took Toni out of the bar. Toni just laughed, grabbing her camera off the stool as she passed.
Toni stopped the dripping of the water into the bathroom sink as her half developed pictures swam around in the amber light.
Danny sat at his computer typing away. Behind him Toni appeared dressed in a long red Japanese robe from her travels. Her hair, out of the braid, fell down her back and shoulders. She looked like another woman almost' feminine and soft. Danny typed, working on his article, but all his thoughts were of CJ. Danny made himself focus back on his work.
"You done?" Toni asked from the bathroom door.
"Almost? You?" He continued typing with his back to her.
"Yeah—just aboutthey came out great—you should see." She motioned toward the bathroom door with her large hairbrush.
"Sure. In a minute." Danny looked at his notes and back at the computer screen.
"Why aren't you at that thing." She motioned toward the TV with her brush.
"No room at the Inn."
"I get the reference I don't get the reason."
"I got here too late." He paused for a moment from the keys "When they moved the venue they lost space. No room at the Inn. I got here to late." He stared typing again." Nothing I don't see from here. I can get more done anyway, no distractions." Danny tried to hold in his frustration, but he wasn't doing such a great job.
"Thanks by the way." Toni spoke softly.
"For what?" Danny didn't look at her as listened to the debate on TV and typed at the same time.
"In the bar, I know I didn't act like it—but you know me and sugar and caffeine." She joked. "You always were good at that?"
"What?"
Danny continued typing as he heard Toni throw her brush on the bed with a clank.
"Being a good man." She spoke softly. He heard footsteps and soon felt Toni's body against his back, her hair along his face and beard. She started to kiss his neck and run her fingers down the collar of his shirt.
"Toni." Danny pulled away, turning his body as he took her wrist, stopping her from starting to unbutton his shirt.
"It's not like we haven't done it before." She cocked her head down at him.
"I know—" He looked at her confused.
"Are you seeing someone?"
"No, I—" He paused frustrated to get an answer out he agreed with. "I mean I….I just don't….I'm not with anyone—I just don't…right now." He let go of her wrist and looked away.
"Sounds like there's someone else to me, Danny—what's wrong?" She was concerned for her friend as he turned and she looked into his eyes.
"My…..my heart's with someone else. It wouldn't be you. " His eyes filled with emotion.
"I'm not talking about romance and love here, Danny." She said with hard sarcasm. "You know me better than that. " She paused. "I just don't feel like being alone tonight. Let's have fun. Nothing more. I'm not like that, Danny. And I know you and I can really have some fun—like old times." Danny didn't answer.
"I just…." Danny looked away again feeling like a child.
"Aren't you lonely on the road there, Kerouac?" she said, knowing the life of the road herself. All travelers, like Toni, get lonely.
Danny looked at her and his eyes filled with emotion again. It was the first time he had really let himself think about it.
"Yes." He said through suppressed emotion. Danny was lonely for only one woman; CJ.
"Then come on—I know you're Mr. Romance and flowers, but that's just not me. I'm too old for that crap… " She motioned toward the bed and Danny didn't move. "I'm talkin' about two mature adults—Nothing more—nothing less?"
"I'm just…" He couldn't say it and Toni knew when to stop.
"Okay…" She backed off. "Okay." She kissed him on the hand and then squeezed it as she started to walk away. Danny squeezed back. Toni slowly slipped her hand from Danny's grip till she seemed to disappear from him.
Danny wanted to say he was sorry, but didn't know what to say sorry for.
He continued typing and saw in the shadow of his screen, Toni's figure getting dressed behind him. Danny coughed and looked away trying not to notice and adjusted his screen from her image. His heart was so trained by now all he could think of was CJ again. The image of a beautiful woman who was asking for him, wanting him, and like always, all he could think of was CJ; and how much he wanted her in his room tonight. Her hair and her smile, her figure, and the way her skin felt against his.
He looked down at the picture on the front page of the Post: President Bartlet with CJ Cregg standing behind him. Danny's passion and despair turned to anger at himself. Anger at himself for loving CJ so much and anger and despair that she may not love him back. He was lonely and loneliness is the most dangerous and painful plight of man.
His body and mind ached from lack of sleep making his emotions and anxiety heighten. Danny had finally reached his edge.
Having been absent from the touch of a woman, he cried in his heart for CJ and it was breaking him apart. And much like a future Press Secretary and a soon-to-be Vice President years before, Danny too needed someone to mask his loneliness with, someone to help him feel something other than his sadness. He needed a void filled.
Danny pushed aside the paper and stood up making a beeline to Toni. She sat on the bed brushing her hair and was startled as Danny took her attention and kissed her hard. His hand swept her hair away from her face and their eyes saw each other. They tumbled onto the bed, but while Toni saw Danny, Danny only saw CJ. They fell to the bed not able to strip fast enough, Toni quicker than Danny since she was 90 percent there already, but Danny was watching CJ, not her. And when they made love he was making love to CJ. Always CJ.
What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
Do What I have to do—Sarah Mclachlan
It wasn't the first time Danny had been with a woman casually, but it was the first time he'd imagined CJ. And after it was all over he couldn't find a way to make the guilt leave him. But after all, this was all Toni and Danny ever had and it was a mature relationship if a relationship was what they could even call it. They were friends, ex-colleagues and were now filling the void, as all travelers' need and want. The closeness of a human being: a primal need; a primary need. Only for Danny it was much more. It was always much more.
Danny had tried dating on and off from the cajoling of others. He had even tried his hands at a relationship with a co-worker, but he still never pictured CJ in his head. He had tried a relationship, but in the end it was just a try, for eventually he began to realize that although he never saw CJ in his bed, she was in fact always the third person in all his relationships. With that realization he ended the brief affair for her sake, he told himself. It was only fair to the girl. Still, it wasn't like what he had with Toni. Toni knew what she was getting into.
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize..
Later that night Toni stood in the bathroom, her makeshift darkroom, pining her photos to a clothesline above the bathtub already filled with pictures waiting to be developed. A red light shined all over the room making Danny, Toni, and the whole room look a sharp shade of crimson.
Danny ran his arms around Toni's waist, as she gave no reaction. She reached up and clipped the photo in her hand and returned her attention to another photo in the tub. He ran his hands over her breasts and she gave no reaction as Danny felt CJ. He kissed her shoulder and kissed CJ. Wading in the water, developing close to its final product was a picture of CJ. Danny never saw the picture. But when he closed his eyes he saw CJ.
That I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
Danny stood at the edge of the bed in his undershirt and sweats. He looked behind him to see Toni lying peacefully on the other side of the bed. She looked still and beautiful, but she wasn't CJ. Danny took a step up and walked toward the window, setting the drapes aside. He looked out the window at the sun beginning to rise. He still felt lonely. Perhaps more lonely than he had before. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to get yourself up again.
"Hey?" CJ called from the bed behind him.
"Hey." Danny said peacefully.
"Come back to bed." She beckoned without moving her head from the mattress.
Danny just looked at her not saying anything. He knew she wasn't there. He knew it was a just a dream and he knew he couldn't do this anymore.
Danny sat himself in the chair next to the window. He didn't know if he could bear the pain for another year. It would be twelve more months until he could even have some type of answer from CJ. Would he make it? He didn't know, but he either had to get CJ out of his mind or really wait for her. He only wanted one answer.
Danny took a walk into the bathroom and hit the red light, looking at Toni's pictures hanging on the clothesline. His eyes caught a picture of himself from the day before and he fixated on it, looking closer and closer until the picture was blurry. He just couldn't believe that was he looking back at himself. That worn man in the picture couldn't be him – how could that be him? Something in him had to change.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
Danny and Toni made their goodbyes the next morning. Toni checked out of the hotel. Danny talked with his editor and then Toni met him by his car. She said she had something for him.
"I got this for you." She handed him a large manila envelope.
"What is it?" He took it and looked at it.
"You'll see." He started to open it. "No—open it in the car—It's a goodbye present."
"I'll see ya soon, Toni."
"No, you won't." She said knowing how much traveling they each did.
"True. Probably not." He felt bad saying it but he knew she was right.
"And I hope things work out with that girl of yours."
"There's no girl." He protested.
"Woman then?"
"There's no woman."
"There's always a woman." She said slyly. "Isn't that the great thing about being on the road?"
"What's that?"
"About the road—the great thing is—that after all that—at the end—there's someone at the end of it when you get home." Toni seemed almost angelic for the first time he knew her.
"I suppose." He said believing it and yet not.
"Have patience, Danny Concannon." She smiled and her eyes glowed. "Have patience." She paused again and walked closer to him. "After all, you are very good at what you do. Always have been."
"A good reporter?"
"Oh yeah, that too." She adjusted his collar and started to walk away.
"So, what's in the envelope?" He questioned again as she left him.
"You talk in your sleep, Concannon," She said before turning back again.
"Wait, what?" He tried to say as she turned around one last time and smiled.
"Have fun, Danny." She said with her back to him and a wave of her hand.
"Hey!" He yelled after her. "What do you mean by that."
"Oh, don't worry you just gave away a few government secrets, I think Mrs. Fields' chocolate cookie recipe, and the combination to your gym locker." She started to walk backwards. "Nothing big."
"Toni."
"Got to go Danny Concannon—and so do you." She stopped for a moment and Danny started to open the envelope.
"No, in the car." Danny stopped his action. "Open it in the car. When I'm gone."
"Is all that true?"
"Is all what true?"
"I don't talk in my sleep….?"
"Open the envelope." She sad softly. Danny gave her a question mark look. "I know what you're going through." She said in a softest whisper her face serious for only a second before it reverted back to his hard shell. "Good, luck on your journey." And she walked off.
"Toni!" He yelled after her.
"Just, open the envelope." She yelled back not looking at him. "In the car!" she yelled one more time before turning back around again. "Bye, bye, Danny Concannon of the Washington Post." She said with a smile. "And it has been a pleasure—a great pleasure." She laughed and then she was gone.
Danny stepped back into his car and back to the open road. He set his bag next to him and opened the envelope.
Danny pulled out the picture and shook his head looking at if for a moment and throwing it on the seat next to him. He started the car, the music blared, a Bob Dylan song, and he drove off with CJ's picture sitting beside him.
The phone rang in Danny's ear.
"I'd like to speak to Dr. Abbey Jacob's please." Danny paused as he left New Hampshire behind him.
"Danny?" he heard her voice in the phone.
"I'm ready now." Danny voice was on the brink of losing it all. He held it in. "I'm really ready to take this seriously." He paused. "I need help. I need some kind of help with this."
"Okay." She paused. "Let's begin."