On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05: DC
"Tell It Like It Is."
MAY
CJ dropped her bag in the doorway, slowly letting it drag as she made her way down her hallway and into her bedroom. She knew she was beat, but with only six hours to actually sleep she knew this was a night she needed to get right to sleep. That meant some assistance in taking the edge off, so her hand reached directly for the bottle of sleeping pills she kept in the nightstand drawer. She sat on the edge of her bed and opened the drawer, when she heard her phone ring. She thought a moment about not answering it, before remembering a phone call to her actually could be for a national security situation.
"Hello," said the voice.
"Hello, Daniel." CJ threw herself backwards onto her bed.
"Did you call me?"
"Recently?"
"The last time?"
"No, I don't think so?" She was confused. "Did I?"
"No, not really." Danny laughed. "How are you?"
"Ahh." She let out a breath. "I briefed the president on a duck today."
"A duck?"
"A duck."
"Is this a punch line?"
"It should be, but no."
"What are you doing?"
"I just got home." She lifted her torso off the bed and slowly tried to take her suit jacket off while still talking on the phone. She finally had to drop the bottle in her hand to get the rest of her arm out. It was quite a laborious and difficult task for CJ. "Then I'm taking a sleeping pill." She stood up slowly and kicked off her shoes. "And in about two minutes I hope to be unconscious." She walked aimlessly through her apartment dropping off her jewelry on her desk. "You?"
"I'm on stand-by." His voice raised at the end of the sentence.
"Are you ever coming back?"
"What if I did?"
"I'm sorry?" CJ stopped in her tracks.
"If I was back. Would you really want to see me?"
"Of course, Danny?" She seemed surprised by the question.
"I just thought…"
"I know. I know." She sat in a chair at the end of her bed. "Well, we need to change that. I mean…" She paused. "Next time you're in town, Danny. You should stop by."
"Thank you."
"What?"
"I just needed you to say that."
"I should go."
"Okay." Danny hung up his phone.
CJ closed her phone and turned on the radio, playing music soft and slow. She took a water bottle from her purse and grabbed the bottle of pills off her bed. With two motions she took two sleeping pills out of the bottle and downed them with one gulp of water. CJ hadn't even changed or taken her contacts out, but she was too exhausted to even think and she felt herself in slow motion fall backwards onto her bed. She didn't even have to think about what she would dream of that night. Her phone calls with Danny had only brought him more and more into her dreams on a regular basis. She just wondered if the dreams would be good or bad. That was something she had no control over. Either she'd feel him in her arms, his hands on her body, his lips on her neck, or it would be a dream of a completely different kind. She could feel her eyes slowly fall closed and flutter, as a smile steamed from her face and Danny's voice echoed in her ears.
CJ heard her phone ring and her sleepy hand reached for it.
"Hello," she said in a dreamy voice.
"Remember when you said if I was ever in the area, I should stop by."
"Yeah." There was a knock at the door. "Hold on."
CJ found herself almost floating toward the door, as she found herself more and more awake and aware, but not fully. She had left her phone behind her on the bed and she soon found her hand on the doorknob opening it to the outside hallway.
"Danny," she said in shock, as he stood draped in her doorway. For some reason she had a flashback, just for a moment, to when he came to her office to tell her about Sam and the hooker. Maybe because he was standing there the same way he had, his jacket over his shoulder, looking cocky and secure. That's what this was; she thought to herself, she was dreaming memories this time. His bag sat at his feet as they looked into each other's eyes. The radio played softly in the background:
If you want something to play with
Go and find yourself a toy
Baby, my time is too expensive
And I'm not a little boy
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," CJ said back in her sleepy haze. She leaned her head against the door and looked into his eyes.
"You said if I was in town…"
"Yes…but…"
"I'm in town just for the night so—" He looked into CJ's eyes and saw the look he gave her. "Hi," he said.
"Hi," CJ said with a lazy sleepy lift. She leaned her head against the doorframe of the door and secured her hands to it.
"Hi." He gave her the same back.
"I just took a pill."
"Oh…I thought you were kidding."
"Noooo." She was in her own world.
"Our track record isn't so good."
"Noo." She said in her sleepy disappointment.
"I guess I'll….."
"Hi," she said with a smile.
"Hi," Danny said back with half a grin. She was pretty funny.
"You're back?"
"I am."
If you are serious
Don't play with my heart, it makes me furious
But if you want me to love you
Then, baby, I will, girl, you know I will
CJ leaned her head closer and their faces were just about touching. Danny tried his hardest not to move an inch closer and not kiss her. The held-back feeling was written all over his face. They were close, closer than they had been in a long, long time.
"CJ?" Danny didn't know what to make of her.
The next thing Danny knew CJ reached in and kissed him hard, so hard they both had to breath through their nosed. It was a kiss that seemed more meaningful for both of them than the thousands of imagined kisses they had each raked in over the last seven years since they had really kissed.
Danny leaned in for another kiss, he couldn't help himself, causing CJ to fall backwards into her apartment, causing Danny to catch the edge of her lip as they fell. Danny slammed the door behind him as CJ held his face in her hands and Danny leaned in again for another kiss. They continued to walk backwards, entangled together as if they were one unit, connected, and with the same agenda.
CJ helped Danny pull off his coat below his shoulders as they kissed. Danny helped the rest of the way with his coat, almost tossing it to the ground with one tug if not for the final pause as the coat didn't want to break free from his hand.
Danny pulled back for air, but it seemed CJ wouldn't have that, she pushed herself with full gusto at Danny, speeding her hands around his shoulder, as they made their way through the living room. They came up for air just as CJ hit one of her chairs in the living room, nearing killing herself and taking Danny with her, but nothing seemed to distract them as they made a bee line for CJ's bedroom; all the time Danny following CJ's lead.
CJ slammed her back against the wall next to her bedroom and pulled Danny closer. They kissed and he made his way down to her neck running his lips and the fine fibers of the bristle of his beard against the skin. It sent CJ's head back and she ran her hands and fingers into Danny's back. CJ rolled her body off the wall toward the door. Danny
Stopped, realizing where they were. CJ pulled on his tie. Danny took her hands to her face and kissed her again with such passion it would set the entire White House on fire. He paused, but CJ let up, taking the final step.
Tell it like it is
Don't be ashamed to let your conscience be your guide
But I-I-I-I-I know deep down inside of me
I believe you love me, forget your foolish pride.
"Are you sure?" Danny asked nestled an inch from her face and lips. CJ looked at Danny with a look she hadn't given him all night; concern. One foot in two different camps Danny knew what the next answer would be. Again he would be thrown out into the cold, but how nice it had been to be so close to the fire again. CJ looked as if she was about to speak, but instead of speaking with words, she spoke with actions and planted her lips hard on Danny.
Life is too short to have sorrow
You may be here today and gone tomorrow
You might as well get what you want
So go on and live, baby, go on and live
Sounds of their voices, bodies, and breath were the only conversation they had as they entered the bedroom and hit the bed; the bed springs sprung on the impact of their weight. Danny pulled off his tie as CJ's back hit the bed and she lifted her lips from the back of his neck. CJ inched back onto the bed and Danny, as he had all night, followed her lead.
She was a vision as their actions almost played in slow motion; slow being an optimum word with them, yet fast and furious with fervor. It was if they were beating the clock and the clock would soon strike twelve and they would each turn into a pumpkin. CJ kissed Danny and he lifted up letting out a breath before going in again for her neck and exploring the area.
"CJ?" he said with baited breath muffled by her skin. "I have to tell you something." She didn't answer. "CJ." Danny lifted up and looked at CJ's body lying under him. "CJ?" he questioned as he noticed CJ was fast asleep. The sleeping pill had finally kicked in. "CJ?" Danny demanded this time trying to walk her. "No…No.. CJ….CJ." He shook her shoulders and she grumbled. "CJ…wake up sweetheart…come one…don't…" But nothing seemed to work. Danny leaned his back against the bed's headboard, next to CJ, and ran his head against it. "Ahhh."
Danny ran his hand over the side of his head and leaned his head back against the wood, contemplating, to himself, how something always seemed to get in the way. And soon Danny started to laugh at himself and his predicament. He tried to hold it in for a moment, but it spurted out. He looked over at CJ and then straight ahead and again ran his head back against the wood panel of the bed. And he laughed. It was all he could do.
Tell it like it is
I'm nothin' to play with, go and find yourself a toy
But I-I-I-I-I
Tell it like it is
My time is too expensive
And I'm not your little boy.
---Aaron Neville Tell It Like It Is
CJ woke up at 4am on the dot. Her body didn't even seem to need an alarm clock anymore. She raised her head in that one moment of pure nothingness before she remembered all the details of her life and surroundings. Then it all came flooding back as she sat up in bed and gripped the sheets she was under. She looked down at the sheets, at her clothes, that she was indeed wearing, and the empty spot next to her on the bed. She took a breath. It had all been a dream.
"Thank god," she whispered to herself. Not that she was glad Danny hadn't been there, but that she hadn't complicated it again, made it murkier and so she couldn't go there; not yet. It also made her sad. Sad he wasn't there in the morning. Confused and concerned that dreaming of Danny would become a common occurrence. She didn't need any complication in her life; she had enough. And when Danny was around he only brought her trouble. Of course, maybe it was just the kind of trouble she needed.
CJ took a breath through her nose, pulled the sheets to the side and moved her feet to the floor. She needed coffee.
Still in a haze she walked unevenly through her living room and into the kitchen. She crossed the threshold and ran her hand through her hair with a yawn.
"Hey." Danny spoke in his own sleepy and nasal voice not even taking his eyes off the breakfast of cornflakes and milk.
"Hey." CJ droned, making her way to the coffee. "Ahh!" It only took her one more step for her brain to get it. She spun around when she yelled, turning her body and her voice to a state of panic. "Danny turned his head, his hand still holding onto the spoon in his cereal, as she screamed. "What are you doing—we didn't—please don't tell me…" She was walking backwards and waving her hands.
"CJ." Danny stood and put out his hands to calm her.
"I mean—last night we didn't—we couldn't—" CJ walked as she spoke until: bang. She hit her head on a set of hanging pots and fell to the ground.
"CJ!" Danny yelled. He rushed to her and knelt down next to her head.
"We didn't do anything—please tell me we... I mean we didn't…." She carried on like a crazy woman.
"CJ." She interrupted him. "CJ…listen to me." She stopped speaking. "Calm down—nothing happened—you feel asleep."
"I feel sleep?" she whined.
"You feel asleep." Danny groaned.
"Aww." CJ took her hand to her head.
"Don't move..." He stood. "I'll get ice." Danny crossed to the refrigerator. "Don't move." After a moment he came back to CJ with a dishtowel filled with ice.
"That doesn't have a caffeine kick to it, does it?"
"No." His eyes smiled at her. Danny lowered the dishtowel onto her head. CJ winced as she felt the coldness on her forward and felt the warmness in her hand as Danny took her arm and placed it on the towel to hold it in place. Their eyes connected for a moment. "Aspirin?"
"In the bathroom cabinet."
"Okay." Danny stood with a grunt and walked out of the kitchen.
"I told you not to move." Danny reprimanded her as he ran to her side from the doorway. CJ had propped herself up against her kitchen cabinet.
"I'm fine." She assured him with her own sense of sass. Danny squatted next to her and CJ put her hand out. Danny handed her two pills and stepped over her to get her a glass of water from the tap. He leaned down to the right of her now while she set the makeshift ice pack on her lap. She smiled at him and took the water and then the pills. They looked into each other's eyes for moment. "So nothing happened…I mean we didn't…I mean even….we didn't kiss….not that I dreamed anything like that or anything, 'cause I…I mean we have had some history with that and I…nothing—nothing happened…"
"Yes." Danny set her hair away from her forehead. "I came to your door and you fell asleep. I helped you to bed and I slept on the couch." CJ looked relieved. "Nothing happened…that's it."
"Oh."
"Looks like you won't get a bump." He ran her hair away from her face again." They looked into each other's eyes and felt that spark they always had. "I should go."
"Oh." CJ and Danny stood.
"No… no... I'll find my way out…you need your coffee."
"Yeah." She tried to laugh, but it didn't come out quite right. Danny took his jacket off the back of the chair and put it on.
"Will you be in Washington anytime…"
"No." He snapped off the end of her sentence. "I don't know. I have some things to do before I'm ready for that."
"Oh. Okay."
"I'll see you soon, CJ."
"Yeah." She said bittersweetly. Danny smiled the same way and put his carry-on over his shoulder and his coat over his arm. Danny moved out of CJ's living room and into the hallway. He stopped for a moment and noticed his own reflection in the mirror, staring at himself for a moment. Danny took a breath and then noticed something. He leaned his head and neck to the left and reached his hand to the back part of his neck, wiping CJ's lipstick from his skin. He rubbed the area until it was gone. Then he opened the door and was on his way.
You know if you break my heart I'll go
but I'll be back again,
'cause I told you once before goodbye, but I came back again.
I love you so oh I'm the one who wants you, yes, I'm the one
Who wants you, oh ho, oh ho, oh
You could find better things to do, than to break my
Heart again, this time I will try to show that I'm not trying to pretend.
I thought that you would realize that if I ran away from you that you would want
Me too, but I've got a big surprise, oh ho, oh ho, oh
You could find better things to do, than to break my
Heart again, this time I will try to show that I'm not trying to pretend.
I wanna go but I hate to leave you, you know I hate to leave you
,oh ho,
Oh ho, oh
You, if you break my heart I'll go, but I'll be back again.
Beatles - I'll Be Back
(Lennon/McCartney)