On The Road With Danny Concannon: DC
The Center Cannot Hold
Episode: Things Fall Apart
William Butler Yeats: "The Second Coming" (1921)
Turning and turning in the widening gyre (1)
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming (2) is at hand;
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi (3)
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries (4)
of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
LATE JUNE
It was late June, but it was hot. As hot as Washington ever got this time of year and not just because of the weather. The newsroom was buzzing for more reasons then the weather and The Washington Post was once again the most popular and most famous newspaper in the country.
Maisy sat on Danny's file cabinet as he typed away. She held the newspaper in front of her reading out load, as Danny's typing became her soundtrack.
"Reporters live by the law of the jungle," said Tom Rosenstiel, director of the nonprofit Project for Excellence in Journalism. "You have your word, and the words have to mean something literally. Your credibility with all the future sources you might deal with, and the credibility of your organization, depends on people understanding that. The Post looks better today because Woodward and Bernstein allowed themselves to be scooped." Maisy pulled the paper away from her face and too a sip off her soda and a bite from her sandwich.
"You're reading me someone else's article because?"
"It's just so amazing."
"I read the article." Danny seemed very uninterested. He stood up and walked over to his printer next to Maisy and the door.
"I can't believe you don't think this is amazing. They found Deep Throat. This is like a who shot Kennedy, where's Jimmy Hoffa kinda a thing."
"He wasn't found. He was never missing-he just revealed himself.."
"I can't believe this isn't exciting for you. This is amazing journalism history.
"Not, really." Danny smiled taking the pages from the printer. "Journalism history happen thirty three years ago. This is a scoop."
"True." She paused.
"It's a complicated story—you gotta look at all the factors-"
"What ya got there?"
"Nothing." He walked back to his desk.
"I was just-"
"Don't Maisy."
"What?" She dropped off the filing cabinet.
"Stop asking Maisy." Danny set the pages next to his lab top and sat back down.
"Asking, what?"
"The same thing you've been asking me for the last month and ever day in between."
"I'm just dying to know what happened."
"Maisy."
"Just a small taste. I gotta know."
"Stop asking."
"Okay." She paused. "Sorry."
"It's okay." He looked up at her. "How about lunch tomorrow we finish talking about Watergate."
"Really?"
"Sure."
"Ohh, I'd love that." She got excited. "I wanna know everything you know. Did I tell you I saw Woodward and Bradlee in the elevator!" She got all giddy.
"Yes." Danny smiled.
"Again I have to reiterate, your so much more enjoyable to be around lately. I like the new you. Well, the old you—new you."
"Yeah, well figuring some things out can help a guys personality." He set some pages into two piles on his desk and looked them over. Maisy started for the door.
"Oh." Maisy turned back around. "Speaking of figuring things out-still no word from Margaret on that appointment."
"Huh?" Danny looked up not having been in the same conversation as Maisy."
"Margaret—CJ"s secretary. You had me call her and make you the earliest appointment, but with out any rhythm or reason to the appointment- she can't fit you in until after the conventions. So I told her to call me if there's an opening. And I haven't heard anything."
"Oh, yeah…"
"I don't think I'm gonna need that anymore."
"What?"
"I think I'm good."
"Your good? You acted like you had something important to say to her."
"Yeah." He paused. "I think I figured it out." He paused again. "I'm staying away."
"Okay."
Maisy walked toward the door. A phone was heard ringing and Danny and Maisy both went toward there person to check it if it was them.
"I left my phone in my jacket." Danny motioned toward his jacket hanging on the back of the door. "Hand it to me, would ya?"
"Yeah." Maisy reached into the pocket and took the phone. "Danny?" She asked as it rang. "It's CJ?"
"What?"
"It's CJ." She showed him the display.
"Here." Danny put out his hand.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"I thought you said you needed to stay away." Maybe your right, maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"If anything Maisy, she's my friend. That's what I need this to me. I can't make this such a big deal." He paused. "Give me the phone."
"I thought you were moving on—not that I think you should-but as your friend—I guess it's working for you."
"Phone."
Maisy handed over the phone and it stopped ringing. Danny lowered his hand.
"Sorry."
"No, No." He paused. "It's okay. It wasn't meant-if it's important she'll call back. That's how it should be."
Danny's office line rang. Maisy and Danny looked at the blinking, ringing light on his phone. He motioned his head toward Maisy. Maisy picked up Danny's phone and picked the bottom.
"Hello, Danny Concannon's office?" She paused and listened. "Yes, he's here. Who may I say is calling?" She put her hand over the receiver and took it away from her ear. "I'm not sure, but I think its CJ." Danny put his hand out for the phone.
"Yeah." Danny spoke with directness. "Yeah." He walked away from Maisy behind his desk and listened. "Are you-yeah yeah….No I…I… can't do that—I have a deadline…." He paused. "Yeah, I'll be here working most of the night." There was a short pause. "Okay." Danny walked back over to the receiver and hung up. Maisy looked at Danny with the largest question mark on her face. "Can you stay late?"
"Yeah, why?"
"We're getting a visitor." Danny walked toward the doorframe.
"Who?" Maisy turned to ask him.
"CJ." Danny ran his hand over the doorframe with a half smile, half from. He shrugged his shoulders and hit the doorframe before exiting into the outer office.
It was late, very late and Maisy and Danny sat in his office as if trying to find something to do, but really not getting the job done very well. They were waiting.
"Why don't you go home, Maisy." Danny stood up and garbed his jacket. Maisy stood. " "She's not coming." He smiled sheepishly and put his jacket on. "We can close up shop for the night."
"Okay." Maisy said with a sad grin. She stood. " "When did she say she'd come by."
"After work." Danny laughed. "Which is not a word at the…" He stopped as he heard the elevator ding and small-heeled footsteps fall on the manolemm floor and through the empty bullpen. It was an unmistaken sound.
Danny coughed while Maisy put her hands through his hair to put it in place. Maisy put her fingers in the water glass on the desk next to her Danny and with in a moment had flicked off the extra water and ran her hands once last time through Danny's hair. Danny gave her a strange look and he tried to walk away.
"Wait." She made him stop, but Danny didn't as Maisy reached out and adjusted his jacket collar.
"Hey." CJ spoke at the door.
"Hey." Danny looked at her. "Hey, Hey."
"I'll be…I'll be…out here." Maisy made herself out of the office.
"Hey."
"Hey." The door slammed and it made CJ jump.
"Hi." CJ nodded her head and walked pass Danny who followed her with his eyes.
"Hi."
CJ plopped herself down on Danny's couch and looked off into the distance. She looked preoccupied and drained. Danny still wasn't sure what his purpose in the seam of it all was.
"Can I get your something?"
"No, I'm good." She said with a lazy tilt to her voice as she lightly used her slender flingers to move a small piece of hair away from her face. She was in half shadow and half no as the blinds reflected on her face. Danny waited for more of an answer, but got none.
"Are you here for a reason?" Danny said with sweetness, putting his hands in his pocket not really knowing what to say.
"I wanted to talk." CJ moved her shifted her body and vision toward Danny, leaning forward and resting her wrists on her knees.
"This isn't something, we could talk about on the phone?" He asked with all concern and seriousness.
"No. I just needed to talk to someone…." She said with her own seriousness, but then took another note of what had just been said. "What? You don't want to talk to me in person?" She finally faced him.
"No, no. I just meant—you hardly have time in your schedule to talk to me on the phone—let alone stop by my office."
"What are you my mother….I meant that fugitively by the way." She ran her hand over her forehead and turned her head back toward the window "I shouldn't have come – this was a mistake."
There was a small pause. Followed by another one, before Danny felt the urge to speak.
"Isn't this usually followed by you walking out of my office."
"You have a very comfy couch."
"I'm sorry." He smiled slyly.
"You couch is comfortable. I like your couch."
"You like my couch."
"Yes, I like your couch."
"I could gift wrap it for you, if you really want."
"I can't move." CJ lowered her head and slide her slender fingers over her forehead. Danny walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. "I sat down here with all the ability and gumption to leave this place, but I'm just too tried to move. This not usually being the case—I'm told I have the energy of a jumping bean—one from guantlamala."
"What's wrong, CJ?"
"I'm so tried." She looked at Danny will almost tear filled eyes.
"Yeah, that happens. You know if you really want this couch gift wrap."
"I just needed to talk to someone…"
"I'm here." He said in a sweet whisper. She looked into his blue eyes.
"Would you sacrifice yourself for someone- someone you didn't know-even if it meant letting down the people you care about—the people who you trust—even if you knew it was wrong and you had to do it."
"Yes." He said slowly and with out hesitaion.
"You just such a moral guy, there aren't ya?."
"I am. That's why you love me."
"Yes—and no to that question."
"I meant that figuratively.'
"I get ya." She nodded looking into his eyes. "But, I do think-I do think." She ran her hands around his shoulder and placed them around her neck. "There are always people—friends-individuals in your lives that mean something to you—that are something beyond family—something beyond friendship and lovers and acquaintances-and if things were different." She paused. "I just mean-in your heart—you can care for people in the way you care for another human being—for a lover—without there being love—in the origins of the word. And if they had met in a different time—or a different place-maybe things would be different….in that sense."
"What's troubling you CJ."
"Many things." She leaned in. "Many, many things my friend." She leaned in. "So, many it could make your head twirl." She leaned in further and her lips brushed Danny for a kiss and she pressed hard, pressed so hard, Danny had to kiss her back. CJ pulled back breathless. "I should go." She said softly and stood. Danny lowered his head before looking back at her.
"You know I'm about this close to getting over you and then you come in here you're your long legs, and your scuffy face."
"I have a scuffy face?"
"No, no. You don't."
CJ looked around as if something came to her mind.
"You know there are just so many times you can say "breaks over" before there aren't any breaks….because it's over." She leaned her hand on the doorknob.
"You know how I seem to have that knack of translating CJ speak into actual words that make sense." He paused. "This one I don't get, quite yet.
"Do you have an aspirin?".
"Yeah."
"Could I have one?' She half wined.
"Sure." Danny took a bottle out of his pocket.
"You have a bottle of aspirin in your pocket?"
"I work at The Post."
"I thought you working at The Post was what gave me a headache."
She took a moment to try and open the bottle. She used small amount of pressure, and a large amount of pressure, making her face try not to wince with much force. She took a breath finally giving up and handed it to Danny who opened it with one turn.
"It's the child proof cap that's all." Danny smiled. "It is." CJ downed the two pills in her hand.
"No, water."
"It's a talent I've perfected."
"One of many."
"Saves time."
"Yes.." She half smiled. "Yes, it does." She shifted a piece of lint off Danny's shoulder.
"Why are you here CJ?"
"I like talking to you." She took a beat. "Sometimes you're the only one I feel I can talk to."
"And others."
"The only one I can't." She seemed scared by that.
"If you here for why I think you're here I—"
"It's not."
"Oh.."
"I came here because I needed someone to talk to—someone who didn't care who I was or what I did." She paused. "See, I came here with the idea to…" She paused. "I was going to." She paused. "But I can't."
"Do you have something to tell me, CJ?"
"No." She looked at him blankly.
Danny laughed and shook her head. "I don't believe you."
"Suit yourself." She looked down for a moment. Danny just laughed at her for a moment.
"Okay."
"You had to be you didn't you?" She sprung up. " All you—nothing, but you and I had to be me. I had to get the greatest job in the world working with some of the greatest people I've ever known and you had to be that guy—that guy who called us on everything, Rocker, Mandy's Memo, Qumar—but the scary thing was if you weren't that guy and I wasn't this girl. I'd never would have met you and never would have seen what an amazing man you are Danny. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I just wanted you to know that." She smiled into his eyes.
"Thank you." He took her hand.
"Now, is the time when your suppose to—can't a man be gallant anymore, a woman can sometimes have a very sensitive ego—throwing it back ever once in a while instead of buying us a beer—might do us some good."
Danny smiled and looked into too her focus.
"If you saw yourself from inside my eyes you wouldn't be so sensitive." CJ smiled and went for the door. She opened the door, but paused before closing it for a moment. She turned her head and found herself face to face with Danny.
"I..I.." She looked down. "If you tell anyone this—or if you bring it up in my presence, I'll deny it, but…" She looked into his eyes. There was a knock at the door.
"Yes." Danny grinded his teeth.
"I'm so sorry, Danny, but Rothchild's been asking for you—he needs your copy now." Maizy dangled awkwardly in the doorway.
"At two A.M." Danny gritted his teeth.
"He's still here." She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't know."
CJ lowered her head and walked toward Danny's desk. Maisy opened the door.
"It's okay." CJ lifted herself from Danny's desk and folded a pink memo note in half. "I have to get going." CJ walked toward the door and stopped next to Danny. "I'll see you at the convention."
"No, I'm not going this year."
"Oh…" CJ didn't know what to say. She took eyes with Maisy and felt very exposed. "Okay, then…"
"CJ?" Danny leaned in. "Are you sure you don't want to finish this…." CJ stopped Danny by leaning forward and taking Danny's hand. She leaned back from Danny's ear having not said anything. She smiled. "I'll see you soon, Danny." She took a step. "Thank you." She paused. "More then you know." She turned around and lowered her head. In a flash she was gone. Danny took the note he know found nestled in his palm. He opened the note and read CJ's small print.
"We're both lucky I didn't tell you."
Danny watched CJ walk away.
I see you, but you don't see me
Like a ghost of the future, hovering dark and dreamy
You fade in and out of the mist
Do you even exist, except in my wishful thinking
Danny crumbled the paper in his hand and stood in his spot for a moment. After another moment he took a set of matches from his pocket. He opened the flap, with a penciled phone number on the flap, struck a match and with one hand set the paper on fire, in a calm calculated way as if he had done it before. Danny dropped the cindered paper into the trash underneath him and with his free hand took the glass of water off his desk and dosed the fire. It was done. He looked at the waste paper basket, as an idea seemed to spring from his mind.
I reach for you, but I can't touch you
I feel you just beyond a star
Do you know how much you are all I ever wanted
Is it too much too soon
"Maisy." Danny walked slowly toward the door and rested his hand on the doorway.
"I'm sorry, Danny, he was asking why you were here, I had to-"
"No, it's okay."
"Tell him it's not ready."
"Okay." She stood up from her chair.
"Go home, Maisy." Danny shut the door.
Am I foolishly dreaming
Just baying at the moon
Playing impossible visions like an elementary tune
How I wish that I could realize my heart
But it's only wishful thinking on my part
Danny sat in the corner of his office, his fingers sore from typing as the hum of his laser printer underscored him in the background.
Outside Maisy walked into an empty office walking quickly as the floor looked like a ghost town in the early light. She stopped straight in her tracks as she saw Danny slowly, looking claim and peaceful, or perhaps just sleepy, walking out of his office.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's my office?"
"It's Sunday?" She noticed Danny was wearing the same clothes as when she left him that Friday night and his beard looked a little shaggy. "Have you been here all weekend?" Danny said nothing as he took a mug of coffee off Maisy's desk. Maisy looked at him strangely and noticed the sound of the printer. "You have something for me to post?"
Danny turned at the door in mid sip, "No." He said lifting up and looking at her calming. "No. I don't."
"Okay?" She seemed confused. "I guess if you don't need me, I'll see you Monday."
"Maisy." He yelled as he turned from the doorway. "You can do me a favor. On Monday morning, as soon as ya get in, I need you to call Margaret in the Chief of Staff's office, and you tell her I need the next opening that fills up in her schedule." Danny walked back into his office, almost in a trance, as he drank his coffee and the pages kept printing out of the printer one by one; page 341, page 342, 343, 344 and it seemed to never stop.
I reach for you, but I can't touch you
I feel you just beyond a star
Do you know how much you are all I ever wanted
Is it too much too soon
Danny put on his favorite brown suit. He made sure his beard was trimmed and his tie was straight.
Am I foolishly dreaming
Just baying at the moon
Playing impossible visions like an elementary tune
How I wish that I could realize my heart
But it's only wishful thinking on my part
Wishful Thinking—Carole King
Danny sat in Margaret's office, fixing his tie and waiting, he had been waiting for a while, but he was use to that. In a moment's flash CJ came around the corner. It was almost strange seeing her in her own environment, it was like it was the first time he really saw her in years. It was if all there other meetings had been a dream and this was real. Under the hot flue sent lights this world seemed like the real one and the most easy to fall back into. Danny followed behind CJ as Margaret tried to let her know he was present by following behind Danny.
"Hey, CJ." Danny spoke as they crossed past Margaret's desk.
"I don't have time for you now, Danny." CJ handed a folder off to an aide who quickly disappeared. "Danny?" CJ stopped cold in her doorway.
"Hey." He smiled sheepishly.
"What are you doing here?"
"I have an appointment." Danny smiled in his professional way.
"He has an appointment." Margaret pocked her head between them.
"I thought I had an appointment-" CJ entered his office.
"Canceled." Margaret walked in toward CJ who was now behind her desk.
Danny walked in trying not to be in the way. Danny stood by the door looking around at the digs around him and trying to seem out of the way. He had waited this long he could wait a little longer. CJ eyed Danny and opened her mouth as if she wanted to speak, before looking over at Margaret.
"Oh." Margaret jumped a beat. "I'll be outside." Margaret left the office and shut the door.
"It's nice what you've done with the place."
"Danny, listen-you didn't have to come over here—I mean your more then aloud." She walked toward him. "What I did last week—I wasn't thinking—I hadn't slept—I needed someone to-I had a lot on my mind—"
"CJ."
"And I'm sure things I said—or didn't say—may have implied things—but you need to know—I wasn't in my right mind—"
"CJ."
"You should just disregard everything I said-you really don't have to be here—now…. in my office-so you can go."
"I see." He smiled. "Are you done?"
"Ahh..yeah?" She stood next to her desk now.
"That's not why I'm here—really." He paused. "I'm not here about your visit, but it did prompt me to come here—indirectly." He seemed calm. "I'm here for another reason." He walked closer. "I won't take much of your time, I just wanted to have a talk."
"Okay?" She was confused almost scared.
"Don't be scared, it won't hurt."
"Are here about a story?"
"No, this is personal." He nodded his head.
"I see" The blood almost seemed to train from her cheeks. Danny took a step forward, his hands held in front of him. She reached her hand to set it on a chair and missed for a moment."What is it then?" She pasted the back of her desk. She took a breath. Danny looked at her and nothing was said. CJ looked at Danny and shrugged her shoulders and furrowed her brow. "Why are you here Danny?"
"I came to take back my fish."
"What?"
"The fish?"
"You can't do that?" She said defensively.
"I can if I want, It's my fish."
"No, no. no! You can't take the fish. You gave me the fish and I've had this fish for eight."
"Seven."
"Yes, seven years and I don't think—"
"CJ. CJ CJ!' He laughed. "I was kidding."
"What?"
"I'm not taking the fish." He laughed.
"You're not." She felt foolish.
"No, I was kidding."
"Oh."
"But I did come here for a reason."
"You've said." She paused and leaned in to whisper. "There are other places we could do this."
"I'm sorry are there microphones around here." He looked around the office while humoring her at the same time."
"No, I just-"
"And..No, No." He said with his nocelatent directness. "We have to do this here." He walked forward. "I have to do this here." He paused and took a breath. "See…I knew if I started this somewhere else you'd just make some reason to…..walk away—hang up the phone, change the subject—I need your time—uninterrupted. I can't having you finding someway for us not to have this conversation. I need to have this conversation, CJ-and you don't have to say anything—or really do anything-."
"Are you asking me to just lie there, Danny?" She smirked a laugh.. Danny didn't laugh like he always did.
"I only have about twenty five minutes left on my time soo…."
"Oh….sorry." CJ was taken aback by Danny's sense of purpose. She took a breath and sat. "I didn't-I mean…" She looked around awkwardly to sit. She sat down.
"You don't have to sit."
"I feel like sitting." She turned to look at him.
"This isn't really a sitting conversation."
"Somehow I feel it will be." She said almost to herself adjusting herself in the chair.
"It's just that I pictured you standing—-."
"I'll stand." She stood. "I'll stand."
"No, no you can sit-."
"Okay I'll sit." She paused. "Mind if I sit over on the couch?" CJ walked toward her coach as Danny nodded his head and CJ sat.
"Just bear with me—this is something hard for me so say."
"Okay." She said with a question to it.
"Do you mind if I start out with a story."
"A story, Danny?" She looked at her watch.
"I feel like I need to lead up to this."
"Okay?"
"If any thing bad happens I'm sure they're buzz you." He took a breath.
"Danny, do you want a drink of water?"
"No, no. I'm fine."
"You look pail?"
"I'm good." He looked at his watch. "We only have twenty minutes going here, CJ."
"Sorry, Sorry."
"Okay." He paused. "Here it goes." He paused. "And bare with me here. I guess the best place to start." He paused. "See I had this friend of mine—well, my best friend growing up—Dan." CJ started to laugh and held her hand over her mouth. "What?"
"Dan and Danny?"
"Yes, Dan and Danny—"
"Was this some a type of club?"
"CJ?"
"I'm just wondering if I can join?" She giggled. "No, sorry, you were telling a story." She crossed her long legs and leaned back.
"Yeah-so my friend and I…we were best friends-grew up together—played ball together—even went off to school together. But things happened. He stayed in Lancing married his high-school sweetheart-had a family did…."
"Everything you didn't."
"Yeah." He paused. "Everything I didn't"
"I had a friend like Mindy McCoy-"
"Huh?"
She's now a Meter maid—back in Ohio. I found her making out with my boyfriend in the backseat of her car in tenth grade."
"Mindy the Meter maid…"
".hummm…yeah….that's karma for ya."
"What? Danny your not going with this were I think your going with this?"
"CJ, please.."
" You want a family-" She stood. "You want what he has—well go out and get it. No one's stopping you. I'm not stopping you if that's were your going with us."
"CJ—"
"-I on the other hand have other things I want to do—and as happy I'm sure Mindy is…."
"CJ just let me-wait-As a meter maid?"
"Well for this argument let's say she's happy with her choice in life-as I am with mine."
"That's not what I'm saying, sit down CJ."
"You said I didn't need to sit for this."
"I'm talkin'—I just asking you to calm down—"
"Are you sayin' I'm the reason you don't have a family—don't lay this on me—not now—not now—I have too much to deal with—"
"I'm not saying that, I'm just sayin'- I'm sayin don't take things for grantic. I'm saying It made me see I can't take all that for grantic. That's what I'm doing. That's what I realized. That's what he taught me—that's what it took me a year to figure out. A year to find out what I needed to go on with my own life and be happy." He paused and CJ saw the confiction in his yes. "That's what was holding me back—making me feel stuck. Making me so conflicted and hurt. And now-and now I'm finally at peace about it-I'm okay. And yeah I blamed you for it—okay in my head at some time I did and I'm sorry—you may not have known it—but I'm sorry. I'm not sayin' I don't have those things because of you. I'm sayin I don't have those things because of me. Much like Mindy ….I like what I do. In fact I love what I do. And not matter how much I regret it I've never given that up for anyone."
"No." She paused. "No, you wouldn't."
"I'm sorry about that," he said softly. "It seemed like the best decision at the time." CJ looked like her eyes were about to well up.
"I don't have time for this." She broke Danny's gaze and walked toward her desk. "I don't need you coming in here and rehashing all of this for no reason. I'm sorry you need to have this conversation, Danny. I don't. Not now. You need to stop doing this" She didn't look at him.
"I'm sayin' I'm not gonna bother you anymore, CJ. That's why I'm here. I'm not gonna Come around anymore Call you- bother you.."
"This meeting is over with…" CJ picked up the phone. "I have important things I need to do-"
"That's why I came here, CJ.".
"Margaret, can you get me the ambassador on the line-tell him I can finish up our conversation from this morning-"
"I'm over you."
CJ's month opened.
"He's what?" Margaret's voice could be heard over the line.
CJ hung up the phone.
"I'm sorry?" She looked pale.
"I won't be bothering you anymore, CJ." He paused. "That's all I needed to say."
"Danny." She laughed with a question mark. "Is this a joke—did Toby put you up to this." She laughed and took a breath.
"I felt it was the healthy thing to do. It's just something I needed to do. I'll go now."
"Are you seeing a therapist?"
"A friend."
"Your therapist is your friend."
"A college friend-well I guess that was about a year ago—now I'm seeing a friend of a friend."
"I think the point is you saw a therapist." CJ laughed.
"Thanks, CJ—thanks very much." Danny, unhappy, started to walk for the door and opened it.
"No, Danny, No." CJ walked around her desk. "Come back. I'm sorry." Danny held the door and looked back at her. "Close the door." She whispered and rolled her eyes toward the outside hallway.
"I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration."
"And."
"And I'm sorry I-you opened your heart to me and I—"
"Stepped on it with your three inch heels."
"Okayyy…not the words I was looking for—but ya know I'll take it."
"CJ."
"Danny….."
"I came here for a reason, I'd like to get it out please." Danny paused.
"I see you had a little speech planed."
"CJ," he scolded.
"Sorry."
"See I came here and I was hoping we could be friends—I didn't want to lose touch like I did in the past—too many lost years CJ. I did it with Dan and I don't wanna to do that with you. But I see now that can never happen. " He paused. "Good luck CJ." Danny's voices become moved with emotion. "You have a nice life. I mean that." He started to turn for the door.
"Danny, we can always be friends—just like you and Dan. I'm sure if you just picked up the phone and.."
"I can't, CJ." He looked at her
"Danny."
"I can't…" Danny opened the door.
"Danny, don't say that…"
"Dan died six months ago." He paused. "Have good life CJ—I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did." And Danny walked away.
CJ stood for a moment not going left; not going right.
She was just as frozen as Herminie herself. Margaret walked into the office and saw CJ looking ill and shaken.
"CJ, are you alright?" She waited for an answer and nothing came as an answer to Margaret's question.
"Danny!"
CJ ran after Danny through the crowds of people in the White House. "Danny!" She yelled as she thought she saw him round the corner. She bumped into Charlie not even stopping, as she got free of him. She followed the way she though he had gone and found herself in the communications bullpen.
"CJ?" Annabeth asked. "You look flushed—something wrong?"
"No." She took a gulp.
Toby exited his office. "Toby, did you see Danny come through here?"
"Danny?" CJ started walking again. "Danny's in Thailand, isn't he?."
"No, he was right here, in my office." She took a few more steps and out of the bullpen.
CJ found herself in the lobby of the White House. It was silent. CJ walked past the guard and into the outside. She looked left and she looked right. He was gone.
She walked deflighted back into her the white house. She walked past Toby who didn't say anything; he knew something was wrong, he let her pass.
"You wanna talk about it?" Toby pocked her head her office.
"No." She didn't look at him. "Not particularly."
Maisy walked into Danny's office holding the phone.
"I'm not here." Danny spoke in the darkness. Danny looked as if he was about to cry.
Maisy lowered her head and walked back to her desk. She could be heard in the background.
"No, he's not available—yes, yes I can take a message."
Danny's phone rang. He looked at the display. He thought for a moment. It rang again. He thought again. A creature of habit Danny answered the phone.
"Yeah."
"You don't just walk out on a woman like that, Danny." CJ spoke softly and sternly.
"I said what I need to say."
"You didn't let me say my side of the story."
"There is no your side of the story, CJ. What I did in your office today was for my benefit. You don't have to—"
"I have the right to finish the conversation."
"And what, have you explain yourself to make me feel better? I took a long time trying to feel better, CJ. I'm looking at the last nine yards here—and I'm finally doing good. You need to leave me alone and I need to leave you alone for a while. It's best."
"Meet me." There was silence. "I'm just asking for that." There was another silence. "Danny?"
"Where?'
"Thank you." She took a breath. "Not at the White House." She paused. "Meet me at ten in the park by the fountain. You know where it is?"
"Yeah."
"I can make an excuse and sneak out tonight."
"Okay."
Danny took a breath and hung up.
CJ pushed a few braches from the pathway and found a small desolate area near a small bench. She looked around seeing no one and observed how beauftul the water from the fountain looked in the moonlit night. She looked nervous and unsure. She didn't even know what she was going to say. She had two alternate endings inside of her and she didn't know which she would decided to let flow from her month, but deep inside of her she knew the answer.
Danny sat in his car he looked off at the park in the distance.
CJ looked at her watch and stood up looking around.
Danny put his key in the ignition and turned left leaving the park in the background.
I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever.
CJ Looked at her watch again and up at the moon. It was getting late and she knew it; too late.
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
CJ, looking a bit in a daze, walked back into her office. She found herself sitting down and sitting in silence for a moment. After a moment she took the remote control and turned on the TV. The republican convention blared back at her. She leaned back in the chair and sense of piece came over her. The best way to describe it was it was a sense of piece in losing. It was all over, she felt. All over. And something knew was about to rise from it's ashes. She didn't know what it was, but she was at a sense of piece in what she felt was the crumbling of her Danny around her. She imagined Danny off content with himself with out her. Everyone one seemed to be moving on, but CJ.
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
Danny sat in his office watching the convention, but his eyes and ears were not in the room. He was off somewhere and surprised even to himself not content or at piece in any way.
Danny picked up a patted envelope form his desk. A few months old it was crinkled from having been torn open and held in nap sake for a long drip through Europe. Danny lifted the package and let the contents fall into his palm: his best friend Danny's high school ring. He looked at the ring and held it right in his hand. He through the package onto the desk causing the note that was inside to fall to the outside and onto the desk.
"I give this to you. I have it helps you on your journey. I hope you find peace."
-Love Linda.
The Republicans looked for there second coming, and soon would the democrats, but Danny and CJ had learned their own second coming was at hand and the center could not hold; things fall apart not after too long.
Danny's phone rang. It just kept ringing breaking threw the silence in the room. First it was his cell phone and then the office phone sending a echo into the room from inside and outside the office. Ring. Ring. Ring; and it kept on going on.