A Note From the Authoress: OK…dumb oneshot coming your way. Warning: this has lots of play-on word humor, so if you hate this sort of stuff, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER! Otherwise, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
In the Gryffindor Common Room, all was quiet, which was exactly the way Harry Potter liked it. He needed to unload a bit after his first ever Occlumency lesson, and his friend Ron was only too willing to hear Harry call Snape a bunch of foul names that would make any other innocent soul in the room blush.
"So I'm thinking, how far is he going to take it?" Ron casually pulled out a small beaker from his robe pocket and poured an amber liquid into a cup.
"I have no idea."
"You really don't know?"
"Yeah." Harry buried his head in his hands. This was true torture. Why did Dumbledore always end up turning a blind eye to things like this? Didn't he know that Snape would rather be turned into a giant toad than teach his nemesis's son?
"Well, it won't be for long. Dumbledore knows all about you and Snape. What the hell was he thinking when he made him teach your Occlumency lessons?" Ron took a swig from the cup that was right next to him.
"Er…Ron, are you sure it's ok to drink that?"
"I'm sure it's ok. After all, what harm could it do? It's just some butterbeer that Fred and George snuck me. Don't worry- theypromised me that they didn'tdo anything to it." Ron said quickly after seeing the suspicious look on Harry's face.
"Oh. OK."
"Yeah, anyway, Harry, so what was Dumbledore thinking anyway?"
"I have no idea. All I know is that this is going to be worse than Umbridge."
"You got that right."
"I know. And that's saying something."
"Saying what?"
"Saying something."
"That said something?"
"Uh…yeah?" Harry looked at Ron carefully. Was it just him, or were Ron's eyes a little glazed?
"What 'that'?"
"HUH?" Harry looked closer. Yeah, there was definitely something…but all he had had was butterbeer…
"What 'that' are you talking about?"
"HUH? Ron, you're not making any sense."
"I SAID, WHAT 'THAT' ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
"Ron, it's not that I can't hear you, it's just that you're not making any sense."
"But I'm not."
"Not what?"
"Making sense."
"Huh?"
"Why, does it look like I am?"
"Am what?"
"Making sense. In which case, how do you make sense?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Nothing."
"But you just were…"
"What?"
"You were just talking about making sense."
"Oh…right."
"Yeah, Ron, in which case, you're not making any sense."
"That's right."
"OK…" Harry was now thoroughly confused. What was going on with Ron?
Just then, Hermione came down from the girls' dorm. She was talking over her shoulder to Lavender, who seemed to be very interested in something or the other, that something being Ron.
"So are you going out with him?"
"No."
"Oh. Bummer."
"Why?" Hermione turned and saw the two boys.
"Oh, you!"
"Spells you!" Ron said happily.
"Huh?" Hermione now looked as confused as Harry did.
"What?" Ron asked. "Why're you giving me those funny looks? Hermione just said 'Y-O-U. That spells you!"
"Ron, what in the world are you talking about?"
"You just spelled you. You know, the word? Ring a bell?" For added effect, Ron pretended to ring an imaginary bell.
"I have no idea what's wrong with him." whispered Harry.
"Did Ron do anything funny that might have caused him to completely lose his mind?" Hermione hissed back.
"Well, he did have some butterbeer…"
Hermione frowned. Ron had had butterbeer before. He had never ended up with this kind of reaction.
"Did he say where he got it from?"
"I think Fred and George gave it to him..."
Just then, Ron burst out into song.
"Final Fantasy is an RPG! It's the only one I need. The RPG for me!" He took another drink from the cup.
Hermione and Harry stared.
"What's Final Fantasy?" mouthed Hermione.
Harry shrugged. How was he supposed to know?They continued to stare at Ron. Why in the world was Ron singing about this?
"Er…Hermione…maybe it's his drink?" Harry offered.
"Maybe…" Hermione said, thinking hard, "It could be spiked with a potion or something. Actually, that's probably true considering Fred and George gave it to him. I'll take a look at it." Walking swiftly over, she grabbed the cup out of Ron's hand ("Hey!") and then walked back to Harry. Ron was now looking rather murderous.
"Hey, 'Mione, give me back my butterbeer! Hey! Butter! Hahaha…butterflies…"
Cue the rolling of eyes.
Hermione quickly pulled out a vial that she had in her pocket. How she had had one was beyond Harry, but he felt that it probably had to do with the fact that Hermione almost always had something that had to do with some school-related subject, such as spare pieces of parchment, random books from the library (like that one she had pulled out for the Sorcerer's Stone…whoa…creepy.), and more. Hermione poured some of the butterbeer into the vial, corked it, and then handed the rest swiftly back to Ron, who gleefully accepted it.
"So, what're you going to do with THAT, Hermione?" Harry asked.
"I need to see if it's got anything in it other than butterbeer. Judging from Ron's actions right now, I'd have to say that it definitely has something other than butterbeer in there. I'll try to see if I can make an antidote."
Ron was now petting the cup and talking to it. Harry cringed. Thank goodness Malfoy or Snape wasn't in the Gryffindor common room right now…
Hermione ran off into the girls' dorm, leaving a now completely bewildered and exasperated Harry to watch Ron.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our exasperated protagonist and his completely-off-his-rocker best friend, there was a very interesting conversation going on in the boys' dorm.
"Well, Fred, that was absolutely genius."
"Yes, indeed. Who would have known that our very own ickle Ronniekins would have an aversion for our newest product?"
"That's right. Now, what were we going to call this?"
"Oh- I think 'Insanity Icees' the last time I checked."
"Yes, that sounds nice. It's very interesting to know that they dissolve."
"Mm hm, and fortunate for us."
"Haha…poor Harry. Do you think we should tell him later?"
"Nah." So the twins were content to use their Extendable Ears to listen in on Harry's attempts to start at least one rational conversation with Ron, who was now stuck on singing "I'm a Little Teapot", as Hermione tried furiously to figure out what had been stuck in Ron's drink.
"Look, Ron, please, just…just stop singing for one moment already?"
"Here is my handle…here is my spout…"
"Hurry Hermione…please, for my sake."
Harry had finally found something worse than Snape, Occlumency lessons, and Umbridge all put together-
Ron's singing.
A/N: OK, so this was dumb. Whatever. I felt like doing something that had to do with a ton of puns, so I wrote this. It's just a brain splurge, so it's not wonderful or anything. Please review and tell me what you think!