The Hogwarts Hustlers, Wand Wavers Extraordinaire

by LadyLuck321

After the final battle the Wizarding World is in shambles. Hogwarts lies in rubble. How can the money be raised to rebuild and reopen the school? Hermione Granger comes up with a unique idea. Parody of the movie, The Full Monty. Warnings: Mild profan

Disclaimers: I own neither the Harry Potter Universe and characters nor the movie, "The Full Monty".

Dedication: To Mark Darcy who had the original idea. Thanks it's been fun!

Special thanks to three special ladies who helped with ideas.

AN: This is for fun and not meant to offend anyone. No sex, no violence, some mild profanity. Rated M due to the subject matter of male stripping: you don't like than please don't read. The songs referenced in this story do not follow a true time line. I used whatever song I wanted to use without regard to when it was actually recorded. So yes, even though the Harry Potter year would be approximately 2000, some of the songs I used were actually released in 2006. Again, this is a parody and a humor story not a serious work.

AN2: I'm just reposting without the lyrics. It seems as if the rules of posting are interpreted to mean that you cannot quote lyrics.

AN3: Another repost adding scene breaks. I apologize!

The Hogwarts Hustlers, Wand Wavers Extraordinaire

The war was finally over. Voldemort had been defeated by The Boy Who Lived to live again. The toll was terrible. The Wizarding community was in shambles. The death toll was staggering and most of Hogwarts was rubble. The little left standing was unfit for human habitation.

The Ministry of Magic was a bare shadow of its former self. The economy of the Wizarding world was in a deep depression. The only ones to escape the depression were the Muggle born who had exchanged their Galleonss and Knuts for pounds and pence and deposited them in Muggle banks.

The week of wild victory celebrations had been followed by months of hard work and toil. The same people who had worked so hard to defeat Voldemort now had to work to defeat an economic depression. They had been much better equipped for the first war.

Remus looked over at Harry and Ron. They were in the parlor at number 12 Grimmauld Place. The Weasleys, Remus and Harry now called this dreary place home. The Burrow had been destroyed in a Death Eater attack right at the end of the war. Harry had offered the Weasleys a place to live until it could be rebuilt. Unless things changed they would be staying for the foreseeable future.

"So the Ministry has declined our request for funds to rebuild Hogwarts?" Lupin asked Harry.

"Again," Harry confirmed tiredly. "They claim they don't have the money available at this time."

They had been desperately trying to scrounge up money to rebuild and then reopen Hogwarts. They felt that it would give their world a much needed morale boost.

"They suggest we look for private donations," Harry continued.

The door creaked open and Hermione entered, "What's up?"

"The same old same old," Ron told her, "Our request for funds has been denied by the Ministry. They suggested private funding."

Hermione grimaced in sympathy.

Harry looked at her with a slight grin now, "So how was the wedding?"

Hermione's cousin had gotten married the previous Saturday and Hermione had returned home for a week to enjoy all the pre-wedding festivities, "It was fun." Hermione replied absently as a thought began to take root.

"'Mione, what is it?" Ron asked, "Have you thought of a way to raise money?"

Hermione gave him, Harry and Remus a considering look. The three started twitching uncomfortably at the intensity of the look. "I may have. But I don't know if you three will go along with it."

Harry looked at her with determination. "We would be willing to do anything to get the money to rebuild Hogwarts."

"Anything?" Hermione asked.

"Anything," Ron and Harry chorused, while Remus was looking a bit more cautious.

"It would mean recruiting some more people to help," she told them.

"Neville said he would help," Harry offered. "I ran into him in Diagon Alley and told him what we were trying to do."

Hermione nodded, "We would need at least two more wizards."

Ron and Harry started listing the wizards they thought they might be able to persuade to help them when Remus interrupted, "Hermione exactly what did you have in mind?"

"Well it is just something I thought of after this weekend with my cousin," she started cautiously. "You know how since the war the witches have really outnumbered the wizards."

The three males nodded.

"Well," she paused, "Have any of you heard of Chippendales?"

"The chairs?" Remus asked confused.

Hermione shook her head as Ron interrupted, "What do big horses have to do with raising money? Are you going to rent them out?"

Hermione looked confused, herself, for a moment before she realized what Ron was saying. "Chippendales not Clydesdales Ron."

Harry looked puzzled, "You mean those squirrel things Disney came up with?"

"No Harry." Hermione was getting impatient. "That's Chip and Dale."

"Than what are these Chip and things?" Ron asked.

"Male strippers."

At their stunned silence Hermione said a trifle defensively, "Well you did say you would do anything."

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Hermione waited patiently for the three to regain their composure. Remus was the first to be able to speak a coherent word. Ron was still making unintelligible grunting sounds.

"Hermione I don't believe you have thought this through," he began.

"Actually Remus," Hermione interrupted, "I have been thinking about it ever since my cousin's hen night."

Harry interrupted, "What could possibly have made you think of male strippers while you were sitting around with a bunch of giggling girls drinking tea and eating crumpets?"

Hermione had a brief flash back to the tall, well-built blonde who had gone by the stage name of Crumpet and what he had almost hid underneath his tea cozy. Her face was flushed as she turned her attention to Harry's question. "I said a hen night, not Sunday tea. We went to an all male revue."

Ron finally managed to get a word or two out that humans could understand. "You. Naked. Men."

Hermione shot him a dirty look. "Yes Ronald I saw naked men. Although I have to admit they were really only mostly naked."

Ron looked relieved.

"So they just took off their shirts?" Ron asked in relief.

"The three hundred or so woman present wouldn't have paid twenty pounds a pop to see a bunch of bare chested men dancing around. They can walk by any construction site and see that for free."

Harry mouth had dropped open. "Twenty pounds?"

"Each." Hermione replied. "They wore a g-string so they didn't do 'The Full Monty,'" Hermione said with a look of disappointment on her face. "That is where I think we would be different from the Muggle shows."

Ron and Harry had learned a little bit of caution by now. "What exactly is the full monty?"

"Absolutely starkers," Hermione said, with a look in her eyes no one present had ever seen before.

Hermione had patiently listened to all of their objections and remonstrations and then asked a very pointed question. "Then what do YOU three suggest? If you can give me even one viable alternative that is going to bring in the type of money we need to at least get started I am waiting to hear it?"

The three sat in disgruntled silence. Looking at each in turn. "I thought so." With that she left them alone and proceeded to the kitchen to fix a cup of tea.

Ron, Remus and Harry stared at each other glumly. Harry was the first to break the silence. "Twenty pounds a pop. That's a lot of money."

"Yeah, we barely raised twenty Galleonss with our last fund raiser," Ron replied.

Remus looked at the two young men in disbelief. "Don't tell me that you two are actually considering this madness."

"Remus you have to admit that if Hermione is right, and she usually is, this would be a way to at least get a good start on the money we need," Harry said.

Remus was still shaking his head far from convinced.

"Come on Remus," Harry teased. "Don't tell me you haven't dreamed of hundreds of women screaming in lust for your body?"

Remus gave him a scathing look. "This is all well and good for you and Ron. You are young. Me, I'm forty years old. No woman in her right mind is going to want to see me naked."

Ron flushed as it really hit him, "I just don't know if I can do it. I mean get up there starkers in front of a bunch of witches." He gulped. "What if they laugh?"

Hermione had returned with a tea tray for all of them. "Remus, you are a very attractive man. Your age is nothing to be concerned about and Ron they won't laugh."

"How do you know?" Harry asked waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her.

Hermione sighed, "Really Harry, grow up. The last thing on any woman's mind when she is confronted with a bunch of males ready to strip and dance for her enjoyment is laughter."

Harry and Ron exchanged a look before nodding slowly. "So how do we go about doing this? If we agree to do it that is."

Hermione grinned as she pulled a sheaf of parchment out of thin air and said, "I thought you would never ask."

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Hermione looked down at the piece of parchment in her hand and turned an exasperated look on the four men standing in front of her. "Now really you lot. Do you think I'm stupid or something? There is no way all four of you are twelve inches. The average wizard is seven to nine inches. I need facts not fantasy. Go back in there and bring me back real measurements or I'll measure you myself."

Neville, Ron and Harry disappeared back behind the curtains while Remus shrugged and grinned at Hermione. "You really didn't expect me to admit the truth after I saw what they had written down did you?"

Hermione waved him away with a quick flip of her hand and said, "Remus I expect more help from you than this. Get in there and bring me back the truth."

Remus shrugged and he too disappeared behind the long black drapes.

George Weasley strolled in from the front of the shop. "Hermione, you are either going to have to cast a silencing charm or keep your voice down."

"Sorry George. We really appreciate you letting us use the back room of your shop," Hermione apologized.

George said glumly, "It's not as if we are really using it for much else these days. Not much call for joke products. Although, we are still doing a good bit of owl order business with Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students." The bell in the front of the shop rang and George returned to work.

"Why didn't you ask them to join us?" Remus asked as he handed Hermione a parchment with more believable numbers on them.

"I considered them. But I remembered them dancing at the Yule Ball." Hermione shuddered once, before continuing, "That coupled with their penchant for mischief and I decided to keep them in reserve; although, if they can work on the Canary creams and when they molt they are nude." Hermione made a quick note on one of her many sheets of paper.

Returning her attention to the list she nodded before looking up at the anxiously waiting men. "Very nice, a well rounded group here but we really need to get in a big gun or two."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Well you lot are all in the mid-range of average. What we really need is at least one guy who is better than average," Hermione stated delicately.

"Huh?" Ron asked eloquently.

"She wants someone hung like a horse," Neville interpreted. Neville had readily agreed to participate in the venture. He had been changed by the war. He had fought long and hard in the final battle and his wand had been the one to kill Bellatrix LaStrange. He said after that nothing much could scare him.

Several hours later they were still debating who to approach to join them.

Harry was pacing. "I just wish Sirius were here. This would be right up his alley."

Remus cleared his throat. "Well actually Harry."

"What?" Harry demanded, "You know he would have loved all the attention and such."

Remus nodded his agreement. "He would have Harry no doubt about it." He flushed slightly. "But he really wouldn't have been the big gun we are looking for. In fact he was rather more a pocket pistol than a cannon."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Remus snorted. "Actually there is one person I can think of who defines big gun. But he would never go for it." Remus burst out laughing. Gasping for breath he barely got out, "I could just imagine his face if we asked him."

"Who?" Hermione asked.

"How do you know he's a big gun?" Ron wanted to know.

"We were Prefects together and we passed a few times in the Prefect's bathroom," Remus explained still chuckling.

"Who is it?" Hermione insisted.

"Severus Snape," Remus said before bursting into laughter again at the looks of horror on Ron and Harry's faces.

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Hermione stared up at the dingy, dirty door to the nondescript house at Spinner's End. She couldn't help but wonder why she was the one who had been elected to approach Severus Snape. Although if she were totally honest with herself she knew she was the only one he probably would not hex first and ask questions of later. She had been the one to discover his innocence. She had presented the evidence to The Wizengamot and had proved that Severus Snape was a war hero as opposed to a murdering villain.

Reminding herself she was a Gryffindor and that Gryffindor's were defined by their courage, and that he owed her really big, she knocked briskly at the door.

Several moments later she was still waiting for some type of response from the occupant.

She banged on the door again this time longer and louder. After thirty minutes she gave up and returned to Grimmauld Place.

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Snape snarled as he entered the private room at The Three Broomsticks and recognized the sole occupant. "I should have known."

"Yes you should have. Would you like some tea?" Hermione offered.

"No," he stated succinctly before turning on his heel to leave.

"There's a locking charm on the door for the next thirty minutes," Hermione told him. Outwardly she appeared calm as she sipped her tea but inside she was waiting for him to hex her.

Snape glared at her before storming over to the chair opposite hers and helping himself to a generous portion of the sandwiches and biscuits and resolutely ignoring her as he ate.

"Professor, we are trying to raise money to rebuild and reopen Hogwarts," Hermione began.

Snape humphed into his lunch.

"We have a plan on how to raise the money and we need your help," Hermione told him ignoring his glares.

"What's in it for me?" Snape finally asked.

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Hermione looked at the scrap of parchment with disappointment. "Well, thank you Professor Snape but we were looking for someone with a little more."

Snape looked affronted. "You were the one to approach me," he reminded her.

"Yes, well Remus remembered you being rather larger than this?" She held out the paper to him before asking, "Did you suffer an injury in the war?"

"No, I did not. How would that mangy wolf have any idea about my measurements?" Snape sneered.

"The Prefects bathroom," Hermione explained.

"Bloody pervert," Snape hissed.

"Are you sure you measured correctly?" Hermione asked. "Remus really seemed convinced that you were the wizard we need." She looked back at the disappointing number again. "According to this you are about the same size as the others."

"Then at least Lupin is lying about his measurements," Snape said coldly. "Because I know I'm at least three, if not four inches, longer than he is."

The light dawned for Hermione and she looked at him with awe. "Is this your," she cleared her throat, "your full measurement?"

"You didn't indicate that you needed a full measurement impertinent brat," Snape snarled before disappearing from the room. A few moments later he returned with another number.

Hermione's mouth dropped open before she managed to gasp out, "Oh yes Professor, how soon can you start?"

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Hermione hurried into the back room of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. "Gentlemen I apologize for being late but I had a chance to pickup part of your costumes at a really good price." Hermione was clutching a small box tightly and wearing a large smile of triumph.

The reaction to her statement was less than auspicious. Harry and Ron barely glanced up from where they were glaring at Snape who was glaring at the wall behind them. Neville and Remus were engaged in a quiet conversation in one corner of the room.

Hermione sighed. "Well, let's get started then. Ron did you get the music?"

Ron waved vaguely over to a gramophone sitting on a rickety table near the back of the room. There was a small stack of dusty records sitting there. Hermione flipped through them hastily before turning to Ron and exclaiming angrily, "Ronald Weasley, these are all Celestina Warbeck records."

Ron looked at her confused. "That's all mum had."

"Do you really think you are going to be able to strip to "A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love"? Or how about "You Charmed The Heart Right Out Of Me"? These are totally useless." Hermione tossed them back down onto the table next to the gramophone.

"Hey be careful with those," Ron hollered, "If you scratch them mum will kill me."

"Do I have to do everything myself?" Hermione asked totally exasperated.

"Miss. Granger, need I remind you that you cannot do everything by yourself? That you do indeed need us for a very important part of this venture." Snape said at his silky best, "In fact, I dare say, you would not be able to pull off this venture without us."

Hermione growled at him, "Fine! I'll be back in a moment with some suitable music. While I'm gone you lot try on these." She walked over and picked up the box she had came into the room with earlier and threw it to Snape before stalking out of the shop.

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Thirty minutes later Hermione came back with a new selection of records. "Here, this is the best I can do on such short notice. I'll have to see what…in the bloody hell are you playing at?"

Hermione looked at the five men who were modeling the g-strings she had picked up earlier that day.

"You told us to try on the costumes Hermione," Remus reminded her.

"Yeah, are we going to be doing some type of pirate themed show?" Harry asked.

"Well, I've never seen a tiger stripped pirate patch before," Ron said as he pulled the "patch" off of his left eye and blinked owlishly at her.

"Aye my pretty," Neville said in his best Black Beard impersonation, "what did ye have in mind fer us?"

Hermione looked over at Snape who was calmly reading a book he had brought with him while sporting a black "patch".

"Professor Snape, I didn't think there were any black ones in the box?" Hermione questioned.

Snape peered at her over the top of the book. "If you think for one moment that I am going to wear a neon pink eye patch you are sadly mistaken."

"Well actually they aren't eye patches," Hermione said trying hard to keep a straight face.

"Well what are they then?" Ron asked pulling his off and staring at it curiously. "It's not a bow tie."

"It's a g-string," Hermione replied.

Ron held it up again as Snape and Lupin quickly removed theirs. "It isn't shaped like a g."

"Ron it is the bottom for your costume," Hermione patiently explained.

At that Harry and Neville quickly removed their eye patches.

"What do you mean the bottom?" Ron said. "There is no way this is going to fit on my foot and if it is the bottom why is there only one? Heck this thing wouldn't even fit on my big toe: unless it has an enlargement charm." Ron began pulling and stretching the fabric of the patch before exclaiming, "Hey, maybe this would fit on my big toe!" He had pulled it to twice its original size.

Hermione said with a sigh, "Harry you explain while I get these records set up."

Harry pulled Ron to one side and held a whispered conversation with him. "Bloody Hell!" Ron yelled once. "Oh mighty Merlin!" He stuttered as he dropped the tiny scrape of cloth as if it were a spider.

Hermione had gotten the records situated and turned back to the group. "Are you ready now?"

"Let's see what you got." She started the first record.

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Thirty minutes later she was ready to tear her hair out. "Do none of you have the slightest idea how to dance?"

Remus looked slightly offended. "I'll have you know I was the Hogwarts' All House Ballroom dance contest second runner up my sixth year."

Hermione buried her face in her hands and muttered, "We need some help."

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Hermione stared up at the nondescript door in a row of nondescript town homes. She double checked the address and then shrugging knocked on the door. A few moments later a tall, lanky blonde opened it and ushered her in.

"So Granger what is this interesting proposition you have for me?" he asked suggestively.

"Well Malfoy it's like this." Hermione spent the next ten minutes outlining the need for funds to rebuild and then reopen Hogwarts.

"I gave at the office," Draco said with a smirk.

"Yes and your two Galleonss will go a long way toward helping," Hermione replied sarcastically.

"Well, then if you aren't here soliciting funds, what are you soliciting?" he leered at her.

"Oh please Draco will you stop it with the double entendres," she hissed at him in exasperation, "everyone knows you're as bent as a pin."

Draco scowled at her. "Everyone does not know that and I would prefer to keep it that way."

"Why?"

"For personal reasons," he said stiffly.

Hermione looked at him skeptically and then shrugged. "Then you really might be interested in my proposition."

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"So let me see if I understand this correctly," Draco drawled out lazily.

Hermione could see the spark of interest in his eyes.

"You want my help in choreographing some dance numbers," he paused.

Hermione nodded.

"For a group of male strippers."

Hermione nodded again.

"And you feel this will assist me in keeping my personal preferences from the general public?"

Again Hermione nodded.

"Are you mad? It will only confirm what some people have been wondering about." Draco jumped to his feet. "There is no way."

Hermione interrupted, "Not if you dance with them too."

"What?" Draco stopped pacing.

"If you are a member of the troupe then no one will suspect a thing. What gay wizard is going to want to be surrounded by screaming witches panting for him to take his clothes off?"

"So you want me to choreograph and dance?" Draco settled back into his chair.

"Yes."

"It would drive father wild," Draco smirked with an evil glint in his eye. "If I agree to do it, I'll have to make sure a copy of the playbill gets delivered to him in Azkaban."

"Why would you want to drive your father mad?" Hermione could have kicked herself when the question popped out. She needed him too much to aggravate him.

Draco turned his attention back to her before replying, "It is because of him and his choice to follow that bloody madman that I am forced to live like this." He gestured at the richly appointed town home filled with priceless antiques. "And all that I have left are the villa in the South of France where mother is staying now and a moldy old relic out in the country." Here the evil grin returned. "I have just gotten it on the National Registry and it is about to become a bed and breakfast with daily tours." At her look of incomprehension he elaborated, "For Muggles. I have a special copy of the advertisement for the grand opening ready to be Owled to father."

Hermione mentally shrugged before changing the subject, "Can you come by the shop tomorrow and begin working with them?"

"I'll have to let you know Granger," Draco replied. "By the way, don't contact me; I'll contact you if I decide to do it."

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Hermione waited three days before giving up on Draco. She and the rest of the group met to discuss their options.

"Does anyone else have any suggestions about who we could get to help out with the dancing?" Hermione asked.

Remus shook his head. "I really don't know of anyone who could or even would do it."

Ron, Harry and Neville shrugged while Snape continued to read his book.

"Professor Snape would you care to join in?" Hermione asked sarcastically.

"Not particularly Miss. Granger," was his less than helpful reply. "I'm just here to provide some, shall we say, length, I mean strength to the performance."

Hermione stuck out her tongue at the back of his book.

"Manners Miss. Granger," he admonished.

Fred and George had been working on some new products while listening to the group discuss their problem.

"Hermione, why don't you just have an open casting call?" Fred asked.

"What do you suggest; we put a notice in the Dailey Prophet?" Hermione asked sarcastically. "I can just see it now, 'Wanted Choreographer And Nude Male Dancer'."

"Wait a moment Hermione, they may have something here," Harry said quietly.

"Harry, what are you saying? You really think we should take out an ad in the newspaper?" Hermione was flabbergasted.

"Not the paper," Harry said dismissively. "The Quibbler has a section for advertisements."

Ron was nodding as he added, "We would have to tone it down a bit but yeah. It may just work."

Hermione looked at them not believing her ears. "You are all mad."

Ron smiled smugly before saying, "Then what do YOU suggest? If you can give us even one viable alternative that is going to bring in the type of dancer we need to at least get started I am waiting to hear it?"

Hermione glared at having her words fed back to her. "Very well. But you lot are in charge of it. I'll be working on costumes and a venue."

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Ron looked over at Harry and Neville and asked, "How many has that been?"

"Fifteen," Neville replied tiredly, "and each one is worse than the last."

"This is hopeless," Harry said. "We are just going to have to do something ourselves."

"Well, there is one last guy out there. Let's see what he has," Ron said rubbing a tired hand across his forehead.

Hermione had been true to her word and she had left the auditions for a choreographer to them. They had spent the last three days interviewing the trickle of applicants that had responded to their ad in The Quibbler.

"Next," Ron hollered and slumped down in his chair.

"You know that Nigel guy wasn't too bad," Neville said with forced enthusiasm.

"The one who tripped over his feet three times?" Harry asked.

"No that was Newt," Ron said looking at the notes he had taken. "Nigel was the one who kept sneezing during his performance and wanted to know if we provided hyper-allergenic costumes."

"NEXT," Ron shouted louder.

"What about that Stanley guy?" Neville said flipping through the pages on his clipboards.

"The one with the wooden leg?" Ron wanted to know before giving the curtains an exasperated glare. "Hey Harry, go and see if that last guy is still there or not."

Harry got out of his chair and walked over to the curtains blocking the front of the shop from the back. Sticking his head through Ron and Neville couldn't hear what he was saying as Hermione's silencing charm was in good working order. They could see his shoulders moving and figured he was saying something to someone. A moment later he pulled his head back through and turned to Neville and Ron and said, "He's coming. Apparently, you forgot to take the silencing charm down when you called for him."

Ron flushed and said a tad defensively, "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, yeah," Harry teased.

He returned to his chair and a large robed and hooded figure pushed the curtains aside and walked into the back room. He silently handed each of them a resume before putting a small portable music player on the table in front of them.

"You may begin," Ron said and looked for a name on the resume but couldn't find one. "Okay, you may begin."

A wand appeared and music began to play. Harry was surprised to recognize a Muggle song. But he had to admit the beat and tempo were perfect for a strip tease.

The wizard was swaying back and forth to the music. When the music sped up he executed a perfect dance, slide, step and pulled open the front of his robes to reveal Muggle jeans and a shirt. But the hood stayed in place keeping his face in shadow.

With a swirl and another fancy kick step the wizard had the robe in a pool on the floor and his hood had transfigured to a large brimmed hat that still effectively hid his face in the dim light at the back of the shop. A few more moments and some professionally executed dance moves later and the man was standing there in nothing but his BVDs.

Ron, Harry and Neville burst into applause.

"Well done mate," Ron said excitedly. "You're hired. How soon can you start?"

A slow deep voice replied, "How about right now?" The man took off his hat to reveal a shiny black head and a small gold hoop earring.

"Shacklebolt?""

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When Hermione returned to the dance studio (aka the back of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes) she found Kingsley Shacklebolt teaching Ron, Harry, Neville, Remus and Snape how to dance. Well at least he was making a valiant attempt. Neville knocked into Ron and sent them both crashing to the floor.

"Auror Shacklebolt?" Hermione looked at him slightly puzzled.

"Hermione, he's our new choreographer." Ron hastened to explain, "He's a brilliant dancer."

"But only a fair teacher it appears," Kingsley said with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Why don't you take a break while I fill you in on costumes and a place to have this event?" Hermione suggested taking in the bruised, sweaty and tired men in front of her.

"An excellent idea Hermione," Remus replied as he limped over to a chair and settled into it with a sigh. "I don't know how I'm going to explain to Nymphadora how I got all bruised up," he groused.

"I thought Tonks preferred, well Tonks?" Ron asked as he summoned some butter beers.

"She does but it doesn't feel right calling my wife by her maiden name," Remus explained with a slight scowl on his normally pleasant face. "And, I really don't like keeping secrets from her."

"Well then tell her," Hermione said.

"Oh yes I can just see the conversation now, 'Nymphadora, I just wanted you to know that I'm going to be spending a bit of time with the boys. And, oh, by the way, we are planning on taking all our clothes off to raise money to rebuild Hogwarts. Don't you think that's a brilliant idea darling?' She'd hex my head off. Both of them and then I wouldn't be able to do this stupid show." He fell silent for a moment before continuing in a thoughtful voice, "It would really depend on which hex she used as to whether or not St. Mungos could reattach them. And knowing St Mungos there's no telling which head they would attach to where. I've been called a dick head before but I'd really rather not literally be one. Since she's an Auror, she knows all the truly nasty ones. Better not to risk it." Remus took a large swallow of the butter beer Ron threw to him.

"Okay then." Hermione turned to look at the rest of the group. "I have some good news and some bad news. Good news first. I've found a place for us to have the show."

This was met with mixed reviews and Hermione plowed on with forced enthusiasm, "The Boar's Head Tavern in Hogsmeade." She looked at them triumphantly.

"That pit?" Snape sneered.

"Yes, I agree it is not the nicest place. But I got it at a dirt cheap price," Hermione said coaxingly

"Dirt cheap pretty much sums it up," Remus said with a wrinkled nose.

"Look I got it for free." Hermione stamped her foot in frustration. "We get to keep the door and the bartender gets to charge a two drink minimum. We split everything over two drinks fifty-fifty."

"That is a really good deal," Neville said with a sharp look at the rest of the group. "So what's the bad news?"

"We can't afford to have any costumes made." Hermione sank onto a chair and looked around. "I have priced them everywhere and we just don't have the funds to have them made up for us and there aren't any ready made male stripper costumes out there: at least not wizard costumes."

"I found some really nice fabric at a super cheap price but I don't know what to do. I can't do any sewing charms." She sighed again before asking, "Any suggestions?"

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"I really appreciate you helping me with this project Mrs. Weasley." Hermione smiled at Ron's mother who was surrounded by mountains of black fabric. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't agreed to do this for me."

"My pleasure dear." Molly smiled at the younger witch fondly. "I think it is ingenious that you are designing these quick release robes and outer wear. All those buttons can get tiresome."

Hermione flushed slightly pink before replying, "Yes, I can only imagine."

Molly picked up some of the supplies Hermione had brought her. "And this sticky stuff is absolutely brilliant. It will cut the sewing time in half easily. What did you call it? Velcrop?"

"Velcro," Hermione corrected watching as Molly pulled the two pieces apart and then stuck them back together.

"If there is enough left over," Molly looked at Hermione and asked, "do you think I could have some of it?"

"Sure Mrs. Weasley." Hermione smiled feeling slightly guilty for involving her in something of which she would surely strongly disapprove.

"Yes, I'm sure Arthur would love a set of robes made with this Muggle stuff," Molly said as she turned to put the package back with the rest of the supplies and missed Hermione's wide eyed look of horror at the thought of Arthur Weasley in tear-away-robes.

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Hermione walked into the dance studio and stared in stunned amazement. The troupe was dancing in perfect unison following every move that Kingsley was executing. Hermione was soon tapping her foot to the music not really paying attention to the lyrics just enjoying the sight of everyone actually dancing without falling into each other or looking like animated sticks.

The song appeared to be coming to a close and Hermione frowned as she began to make note of a few things. She pulled out a note pad and began to jot down her observations. While the boys' steps were perfect, their arm movements definitely needed lots of work. Hermione shuddered as she looked at the shoes they were wearing. She had never seen them before and hoped to never see them again: they were hideous. Hermione studied the dancers trying to look at them objectively. She was bobbing her head to the music. It was really catchy. Hermione stopped to listen to the lyrics and her eyes got huge.

She waited until the song ended and applauded politely. "Great job guys: you're really looking good. Kingsley, when you have a moment, may I speak with you?"

Shacklebolt told the rest of the guys, "Take ten and make sure you drink at least one full glass of water so you stay hydrated. I saw that Weasley you keep rolling your eyes at me like that and I know a hex that will make it permanent."

Ron gulped and accepted the glass of water Harry was holding out to him. "Shut it Harry," he muttered before gulping the water down.

"Stupid," Kingsley did some muttering of his own as he toweled the sweat off of his head and neck, "sweating like pigs and then swilling butterbeer they get all dried out like prunes and make themselves sick."

Hermione waited patiently until he was finished with the toweling and the ranting. "Kingsley I just had a few things I wanted to discuss with you," she began.

Shacklebolt nodded as he drank from a large bottle of water.

"Well, first off, the shoes the guys have on, well I don't mean to question anyone's taste but," Hermione trailed off.

Shacklebolt snorted. "They're hideous."

"Yes," Hermione agreed in a relieved sigh.

"I borrowed them from some mates of mine," Kingsley explained, "they had a dance show in the seventies." Hermione nodded, that at least explained the sequins and feathers. "They are charmed dancing shoes. They are forcing the guys' feet to follow whatever steps the lead shoes, mine," he pointed to the pair he was wearing, "make."

Hermione pursed her lips. "I thought they had improved rather quickly."

"I'm hoping that going through the steps this way will at least give them an idea of what they are supposed to be doing," Kingsley replied with a shrug.

"You do whatever you think is best," Hermione urged him; "you're the expert here. Although that leads me to a question regarding your choice of songs," she began delicately.

"That is one of the two songs the shoes are charmed to respond to," Kingsley replied.

"'Y.M.C.A.'?" Hermione asked in amazement. "Dare I ask what the other song is?"

"'Da' Ya' Think I'm Sexy'," Kingsley replied with a smile.

"Well yes Kingsley, I do think you are very attractive or I wouldn't have agreed with the guys that you are the right man for the job," Hermione said and blushed at the personal question.

"No, the song is 'Da' Ya' Think I'm Sexy'," Shacklebolt hastened to correct her, "but thanks."

"Oh, I don't think I'm familiar with that one." Hermione was now looking anywhere but at Kingsley.

"Rod Stewart," he elaborated before waving his wand causing a catchy beat to start and breaking into song. "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on sugar let me know. If you really need me just reach out and touch me come on honey tell me so. Tell me so baby." Kingsley was unconsciously moving to the music.

"Hey stop that," Harry hollered from the other side of the room.

Hermione and Kingsley looked over to find that the others were being forced to mimic Kingsley moves. Neville was in bad shape as he had removed one shoe to fix a sock that had slipped and now one foot was dancing and the other didn't know what to do so Neville ended up in a heap on the floor.

"Just what I needed, one more bruise," he groused as Kingsley waved his wand again to stop the music.

"Sorry," his apology might have been more believable if he hadn't been grinning so widely.

"We are going to have some more," Hermione paused, "contemporary music, right?"

"Of course," he hastened to reassure her. "I just have to get these guys to moving a little more smoothly."

"Okay," Hermione sighed out, "I'm trusting you with this."

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Molly had Owled Hermione that the robes were ready. Hermione found Molly and Arthur Weasley in the parlor at 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Hermione, have some tea," Molly offered.

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley," Hermione smiled and replied, "one cup; but, I really need to get these robes back to the boys so they can try them on."

Arthur stood up a held out his arms. "How do I look Hermione?"

"Very nice Mr. Weasley," Hermione told him wondering why he asked. He looked the same as he did every day. He was wearing plain black robes.

"Yes Molly did a wonderful job," Arthur stated and beamed at his wife.

"With that new Velcrop stuff Hermione gave me it was easy," Molly replied modestly.

Hermione gagged on the swallow of tea she had just taken. Molly thrust a napkin at Arthur who hurried over and pounded Hermione on the back helpfully.

When Hermione had her breath back she gasped out, "Those are made the same way as the boys' robes?"

"Well I did fasten Arthurs' a little more securely in a few places," Molly confessed, "you may want to rethink your design dear. It only takes a slight tug and the sleeves come off and, well let's just say that if anyone steps on their hem they are going to be standing there wearing nothing at all."

Hermione made a mental note to see if Kingsley could work it out so that all the guys stepped on each other's hems leaving them standing there in the under costume. Realizing that Molly was waiting on a response Hermione agreed, "Yes Mrs. Weasley, I'll look into that. And thank you again for all your help."

"My pleasure dear." She smiled fondly at the younger woman.

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The men looked at the costumes suspiciously. "I don't get it," Harry finally said.

"First you come out wearing 'regular' wizarding robes," Hermione explained patiently again. "When you take those off you will be wearing these," Hermione said and held up a pair of tight spandex shorts, "paired with this," she held up a bow tie. "When these," she said pointing at the shorts, "come off you will be wearing this," she held up the g-strings. "And for the finale you will take this off," she said waving the g-string causing Ron to duck, "and be revealed in all your natural glory." She smiled at them encouragingly.

"Can't we just stop at the shorts?" Remus asked plaintively.

"No," Hermione response was firm.

"Now, for the different acts because we can only afford one set of robes, shorts and all for each of you we are going to charm them different colors," Hermione explained.

She turned to Lupin and Snape and told them, "Now, Kingsley and I have designed an act specifically for you two." Hermione braced herself. "We want you two to come out dressed as you did for teaching at Hogwarts." Remus narrowed his eyes at her while Snape glared daggers. Hermione took a deep breath and ignored them. Deliberately using his first name she continued, "Severus, your shorts will be black but your patch," she smirked, "will be Slytherin green." She turned to Lupin and advised him, "Remus your shorts will be gold and your patch will be Gryffindor red."

She waved her wand at the portable music player and said, "Here's the song you will be dancing to."

Sting began to sing "Don't Stand So Close To Me".

Remus waved his wand at the box stopping the music. "Hermione Granger you cannot be serious about this…song," he finished lamely.

Hermione's only answer was to wave for the music to resume.

Now Snape waved his wand. "Miss. Granger," he said icily, "if this is your idea of a joke I for one am not amused."

"A joke?" Hermione was genuinely puzzled.

"Yes, Miss. Granger, a joke I will not participate in," his voice had dropped to arctic.

Hermione stared at him for a moment not understanding and then burst into laughter.

Snape turned on his heel and began to stalk from the room. Hermione stopped laughing and ran after him gasping out, "Professor I'm sorry, please let me explain."

Severus stopped and looked down his long nose at her waiting.

"I thought you knew," she said with an apologetic look.

"Knew what Miss. Granger," he said impatiently.

"Well I figured when you assigned all the sixth and seventh year students' detention with Mr. Filch instead of taking them yourself," she paused for a moment.

"Spit it out Granger," he ordered.

"That most of them were deliberately trying to get detention with you," she finished in a rush.

"What are you blathering on about?"

"The plan was to get you alone to see if the old saying is true," Hermione said and smirked at him.

"If you don't finish this inane discussion I'm going to…"

Hermione didn't let him finish his threat before responding, "A big nose and hands indicates a man's worth in other areas."

Snape just stared at her blankly.

"I'm just playing to the fantasies that I know are out there involving you and Remus," Hermione said and pulled him back to the group.

Remus rubbed his head with his hands and groaned out, "I didn't need to know that."

Snape looked as if he didn't really believe her.

Hermione's look turned contemplative before she shook her head and said with a hint of disappointment in her tone, "Nope the rules are clear."

"What now Miss. Granger?" Snape asked impatiently.

"I was just going over the rules of engagement," Hermione said and gave him a mischievous look. "Since I'm no longer a Hogwarts' student I don't qualify to play the game." Snape gave her a get on with it look which Hermione quickly complied with. "Each year for the last ten years at least, any student interested has been able to participate in a betting pool. The pot has grown very large. My sixth year it was up to a thousand Galleonss."

Hermione smiled at the looks of impatience mixed with curiosity. "The winner is the one who can provide definite proof of the size of the Potions' Masters Staff."

"And just how were they supposed to do that?" Snape asked intrigued in spite of himself.

"The plan favored by most was to sleep with you or provide you with an oral report," Hermione winked at him before continuing with her explanation, "and then use a carefully edited Pensieve memory to provide the necessary proof to collect the winnings."

"Preposterous," Snape declared although he looked unsure for a moment. "How do you know of this game?"

Hermione smiled and said cheekily, "Why, I was asked to participate."

Snape narrowed his eyes before asking, "And did you?"

"I'll never tell," she said with a grin. There was a muffled thud and everyone turned to look, "What happened to them?" Hermione asked as she gazed at the prone figures of Ron and Harry. "Have they been forgetting to hydrate again?"

Neville shrugged before answering, "No, they just fainted when you said that you had been asked to participate in the pool about the size of Snape's staff."

Hermione looked at them for a moment before telling him, "Just shove them under the table there." She turned back to Snape, "Trust me professor, this is going to be one of the most popular routines." Hermione smiled at him and turned the music back on.

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Ron and Harry had finally recovered from their faint. Although all anyone had to say was 'staff' for them to get dizzy and turn green.

Hermione glared at them and said impatiently, "Now we have something special planned for the three of you." She indicated Harry, Ron and Neville. "Although we are not sure which song we should use." Her brow was furrowed in concentration. "Give us your opinions and we can go from there." Hermione waved her wand.

K.T. Oslin began to sing "Younger Men".

Hermione cleared her throat before saying, "We thought that would appeal to the mature portion of our audience." At the distinct lack of enthusiasm, Hermione continued, "Here is our second choice."

Annie Lennox of the Eurythmics belted out "I Need A Man".

Ron, Harry and Neville were grinning and nodding their heads as Ron said, "Yeah, that's the one."

Hermione exchanged a look with Kingsley. He had tried to warn her that they would prefer "I Need A Man". Hermione filed "Younger Men" and the dance moves Kingsley had choreographed. If this venture turned out as well as she thought it might, they would need new acts to keep the show fresh.

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Everyone looked up as the curtains were thrust aside and a furious Draco Malfoy stormed into the back room. "You win Granger."

"I win what exactly?" Hermione asked him calmly.

"I'll choreograph and dance in your bloody little show," he snarled.

"Don't need you anymore," Hermione told him cheerfully.

"What?" he demanded hotly.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt is doing a wonderful job for us," she said and smirked at him.

"I want in, Granger," he told her forcefully. "I'm willing to invest in your production," he sneered as he said this.

"Found out I've obtained a ludicrous patent on the idea have you?" Hermione said dismissively and went back to her list of things still to do.

Draco snarled something incomprehensible at her.

Hermione gave him a considering look before offering, "But you know," she had to admit if only to herself that he was one hot guy, "we could probably use you. Strictly to help Kingsley put together some more contemporary numbers. Interested?"

"Will you agree to give me first refusal on buying the patent when you've raised your funds?" he asked her shrewdly.

"Done," she agreed.

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"Just sit right there," Draco told Hermione as he pushed her onto a stool in the back, "and be prepared to have your socks knocked off."

Draco hurried back behind the curtains of a thrown together stage. The lights went out and then music started playing. Hermione was surprised to hear a Muggle Country song. It was one she didn't recognize but the tune was thumping. A spot light hit the center of the stage and the curtains parted to reveal all seven of the guys standing there in wizarding robes with their backs to the audience. The spot light focused on their rears.

A deep male voice started that Hermione recognized as Trace Adkins started singing "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk":

The boys twirled and started strutting to the front of the stage.

The song continued and the guys started dancing.

Hermione gasped as each guy grabbed the shoulders of the guy standing next to them and pulled so that the robes were ripped off to reveal leather vests over sweaty chests, leather chaps and cowboy boots. She clapped as they did some fancy steps and the cowboy boots rapped along with the beat of the song. They must have had a silencing charm on their robes to keep the boots from making any noise until now.

At this they turned in perfect unison to reveal that they weren't wearing anything under the leather chaps.

They bent at the waist and grabbed the chaps and with a swift move the chaps went flying over their heads to the back of the stage revealing g-strings. They turned around once more and as the song ended they strutted away.

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Fred and George were laughing as they entered the back room of their shop. Their laughter stopped abruptly as they saw Hermione sitting in front of a long table obviously waiting for them. Her arms were crossed and her expression was forbidding. Scattered across the table were stacks of posters, t-shirts, and small moving figurines.

"Gentlemen, you have some explaining to do," she told them frostily.

Holding up a poster showing Harry wearing nothing but a strategically placed snitch, she commented, "The photography is superb." She nodded her approval. "The way the fluttering of the snitch's wings blurs that area and keeps him barely decent is ingenious. However, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived Now the Man Who Lives To Make Your Dreams Come True." Hermione indicated the words running in a continuous loop around the edge of the poster. "Don't you think that is a tad over done?"

She lifted an eyebrow at the wary Weasleys standing in front of her and told them, "Well, what's done is done. I don't suppose we can change them now."

Hermione smirked as she saw the light beginning to dawn in their eyes. "Now, I really like this one." She held up a poster of Snape wrapped in a large boa constrictor and nothing else. The snake moved continuously making the viewer think that if they just waiting long all would be revealed for their enjoyment.

She put down the poster and picked up a t-shirt. It had all seven of the men on it in their skimpy shorts. Hogwart Hotties was emblazoned across the top. Flipping it to the back it showed a nice tush shot of the guys.

"We've been trying to come up with a name for the troupe. I guess we won't have to now," Hermione said and put that shirt down and picked up another. "This I have to admit is one of my favorites." She looked at the guys in their cowboy outfits from the Honky Tonk Badonkadonknumber.

"How did you manage to get the photos and all that you needed?" she asked idly as she corralled the tiny figurines of all the dancers. Remus' figurines were trying to sneak off while Snapes' were sitting down and glaring at everyone indiscriminately. Draco's figurines and Harry's were squaring off and getting ready to hex each other while Ron's and Neville's cheered them on. Hermione began to sort the figurines into separate boxes. "Can't have the merchandise damaging itself," she muttered.

"Hidden cameras and some specialized charm work," Fred told her cautiously.

"Good, good," she said and smiled again. "I was worried about how to get the guys to agree to pose for photos and stuff. You've done excellent work here."

Fred and George were waiting for the bludger to hit.

"You have really put a lot of time and effort into all of this." She picked up a specially packaged g-string. It was green with a silver snake on it. Snape's photo was on the package. Tossing it down she picked up another one that was red with a god lion and had Lupin's picture on the package. "I'm amazed." Her gaze hardened as did her voice as she told them, "And appalled that you would do all of this without checking with the ludicrous patent office."

Fred and George exchanged horrified looks.

"Yes boys, I've got a patent on all merchandising." Hermione smiled at them sweetly. "However, since you have gone to so much work," she paused considering, "I'll give you five percent of net profit."

"Five percent," they howled.

"And I won't prosecute you for patent infringement," she allowed.

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Snape looked up as Hermione cleared her throat. She was holding a small brown bag in one hand and her face was slightly flushed. "Uhm Professor." She cleared her throat and stared at a point somewhere over her left shoulder before saying in a rush, "Severus, I noticed yesterday while you were practicing," she paused uncomfortably. "Here take this," she said and thrust the bag at him. "This was the largest one they carried." She looked doubtful for a moment before continuing, "I just hope it's big enough, Merlin only knows what we'll do if it isn't. After all a big gun needs a big holster. Oh never mind, just don't say anything to the others. You need it they don't." She turned to leave and stopped to say in an undertone, "In fact I'm trying to figure out a way to add some padding to Harry's. Who knew the Boy Who Lived would be the Man Who Stuffed."

Snape stared after her in bemusement. What on earth could the daft girl be rambling on about. Opening the bag he pulled out a new black g-string. He was totally flummoxed. The one he was currently using was still in good shape. A tad snug and he had to be careful how he moved in it or he revealed too much too soon. But it was still adequate if only barely for his needs. Holding it up to look at it more closely he noticed a small tag dangling. Turning it over he was still confused. The tag only had four letters on it: XXXX.

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Hermione had to admit that this was a definite perk. She got to preview all the acts. She would never admit it to Draco, but he had really done a lot for the show. Who knew that one person could have so many leather outfits.

The lights dimmed and she settled back in her chair to see what they had come up with now.

The curtains parted as the music began to play. Draco in deep green wizard robes and matching green hat walked in from stage left. As he made his way across the stage full length mirrors drifted to the floor at the rear of the stage while Carly Simon began to sing "You're So Vain" and Draco danced to the song that could have been written to describe him. Draco removed his scarf and threw it to Hermione.

As the chorus began Draco slowly to remove his robes letting them swirl about before falling to the floor. More mirrors drifted onto the stage.

Draco was now in skimpy shorts working the song. The mirrors were now all along the back and sides of the stages making it appear as if there were dozens of Draco's dancing and giving a three hundred sixty view of him.

Hermione's eyes grew wide as Draco and his reflections displayed a remarkable degree of flexibility. He was now down to his g-string. Hermione bit back a sigh. All those years of riding a broom had toned his legs and buttocks. She was distracted for a moment as she quickly made a note to have posters made up with Draco in nothing but a g-string holding his broom. The next move Draco made had Hermione's full attention.

Draco finished and the curtains fell. Hermione was fanning herself with a piece of parchment when he came out wearing his robes again. "So, what did you think?"

"Adequate," she muttered taking a long drink of cold water and spilling some on herself.

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"Look you cut my "Younger Men" number," Hermione was arguing with Draco and Kingsley. "We need something for our more mature audience."

"Do you really think we are going to attract that type of clientele?" Draco voice was skeptical.

"Yes I do," Hermione insisted. "The crowd was at least forty percent over forty," Hermione expounded as she consulted one of her lists. "And studies show that women reach their peak at forty. We need a number for that demographic. Plus they usually have more disposable income."

"We'll see what we can come up with," Kingsley assured her.

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"I don't know why I have to do this number," Snape said stubbornly. "I'm already doing the number with Lupin. Let Longbottom do it." Snape glared at everyone indiscriminately.

"Neville is going to have another number to do," Hermione patiently explained.

"I still don't see why I have to do this one," Snape said with a glower.

"Because you are the best one for the job," Hermione cajoled. "This is going to be one where someone has to go out in the audience. You are the one best able to stand up to such close scrutiny."

Snape stormed off.

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"Come on now Potter," Draco sneered. "If you can master the sloth grip roll, you should be able to manage this," he taunted.

Harry glared at him. "Then you do it if it is so easy," he dared.

Draco yawned before making his way to the stage. Putting the straight back chair on the mark on the floor, he took three steps back and waved the music on. "It goes like this Potter," he said and smirked. Draco strutted up to the chair; put his left foot on the seat and his right foot on the top of the back of the chair. Shifting his body weight he tilted the chair forward and using the momentum, stepped onto a table top. Buffing his nails on his robes Draco said gloatingly, "See Potter, a piece of cake."

"Bloody wanker," Harry muttered.

"C'mon Harry," Ron encouraged him; "We can't let him get away with that."

"All right Neville?" Harry looked over at Neville.

With a fatalistic shrug Neville agreed, "Let's show him how Gryffindors do it."

Thirty minutes later Draco was smirking at them and taunting, "Apparently Gryffindors do it by falling down a lot."

"Stuff it Malfoy," Ron said as he nursed a bruised elbow.

Hermione came in to find Harry, Ron and Neville dusty, bruised and aggravated. "What's going on?"

"Malfoy seems to think we need to be able to prance around the room like a bunch of fairies and then float onto the table tops," Ron groused with a glare.

"What on earth are you going on about Ron?" Hermione asked and looked from Ron to Draco.

Draco said with a smirk, "They can't do a simple dance move without falling all over themselves."

Ron and Harry started to protest but Hermione held up a hand to stop them. "Demonstrate Draco," she ordered.

Draco gave a shrug and effortlessly performed the move that ended with him on top of a small round table.

"Impressive," Hermione admitted nodding. "Stand steady Draco," she told him as she pulled out her wand.

Draco's eyes widened in alarm as he braced himself.

Hermione transfigured the table from round to rectangular and lengthened it. "There, that should hold about six now, eight if they squeeze. We'll put these longer tables fanning out from the stage and each of you boys can do the chair thing that Draco just did." Hermione ignored Ron, Harry and Neville's groans of dismay. "That will put you up close and personal for at least one number. Give the ladies a chance to tip you," Hermione said and gave them a wicked grin.

"Tip us?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes," Hermione explained, "Tip you by stuffing your patches with money."

"Stuffing our patches?" Ron repeated weakly looking pale.

"Yes, but don't worry I've hired Millicent Bulstrode and her sister to act as bouncers that night. They won't let the ladies get to touchy feely," Hermione said and grinned again.

"Yeah, but whose gonna' keep them from getting all touchy feely?" Draco asked with a horrified look on his face.

"Why do you think they agreed to do the job for free?" Hermione said and smiled at him sweetly. "Oh and by the way don't forget we have a full dress rehearsal tomorrow night." Hermione waved her hands at them. "So you better get to practicing that move."

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The rehearsal was going well. It had gotten off to a poor start when the guys had realized that Hermione had found a test audience for them. There had almost been a full walk out when they had seen Professor McGonagall, Madame Hooch, Professor Sprout, Madame Pince and Madame Pomfrey. Only some fast talking on Hermione's part, along with some quick spell work and vicious threats had gotten them all to agree to perform.

The first few group numbers had gone really well. The ladies had been very appreciative and Hermione had only had to stun Madame Hooch once to keep her from joining the boys on stage.

Now it was time for Severus' solo. The one Hermione had insisted be designed for the more mature witch. Snape had finally agreed to it but with poor grace.

The lights dimmed and the music started and Josh Turner began to sing "Your Man":

As the first verse began the spot light hit center stage and the curtains parted to reveal Snape standing there. He slowly began to sway to the music as he stared at the table of women. He started slowly walking to them. He began to slowly unbutton his robes and let them fall to the floor.

He was now revealed in tight black Muggle shirt and jeans. He walked slowly around the table of women making each feel as if she was the sole object of his intense scrutiny.

His shirt was now open to his waist and he held out his arm and when Poppy took it he used her grip to slip out of his shirt leaving her holding it.

He spun away from them and walked to the head of the table and began to undo his jeans. There were sighs from the women as dark green skin tight shorts were revealed. A slow sinuous move left the jeans and black loafers he had been wearing on the floor. (A quick summoning charm had them back stage without the women noticing.)

He slowly slipped his hands into the sides of the pants and released the Velcro fastenings. The green fabric fell to the floor leaving Snape in a black g-string. He made one more circle around the table again intently staring at each woman. He began to make his way back to the stage.

With the close of the song the curtains whooshed shut. There was a moment of silence and then the catcalls, wolf whistles and applause started.

Hermione smirked at Snape and gloatingly said, "Told you so."

Snape peered through a slit in the curtains, blanched at the looks of lust on the faces of the witches out there and hurried over to the relative safety of the other men.

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Hermione smiled at Arthur Weasley and told him, "Thank you for inviting me to lunch Mr. Weasley."

"My pleasure dear," he told her kindly. "I have to admit that I have an ulterior motive for the invitation."

"What do you mean?" Hermione began to feel slightly apprehensive.

Mr. Weasley smiled brightly over Hermione's shoulder before saying, "Here's the rest of the group now."

Hermione twisted in her seat to and saw, Bill, Charlie, and Percy Weasley coming into the restaurant followed by Mad-Eye Moody, and Argus Filch.

"Hello Hermione," Charlie said and smiled at her.

Hermione jumped to her feet and hugged Bill and Charlie and exchanged hand shakes with the rest asking, "What are all of you doing here?"

"Well," Bill grinned as he explained, "we heard you were working on something to raise money to re-open Hogwarts."

Hermione nodded and looked around and the group now crowded together at the restaurant table.

"So," Mad-Eye told her gruffly, "we wanted to volunteer to help out."

Hermione began to choke on her butter beer. Mr. Weasley began to thump her on her back to help her clear her airway.

Hermione held up her hand to stop Arthur and took a deep breath before croaking out, "You all want to help?" They nodded eagerly. "All of you?"

"We want to do whatever it takes to make sure Hogwarts re-opens," Bill told her earnestly. "Fleur and I both agree that we don't want to have to send Molly and Mabel to Beauxbatons when it comes time for them to go to school."

Hermione smiled at the mention of Bill and Fleur's twin daughters but her attention was quickly brought back to the table when Mad-Eye spoke, "Listen, I may not be much up on stage, but there's still some life in me."

Hermione stared at him wide-eyed as her imagination supplied a vision of Mad-Eye disrobing to "Suspicious Minds". Repressing a shudder she began tentatively, "I really appreciate the offer but.."

Charlie interrupted her, "Hermione you have to let us help. We love Hogwarts too. When Ron told us what you lot were up to we all agreed to do whatever it takes to make it a success."

Hermione was nonplussed. "Ron told you what we are doing?"

"Don't be mad at him," Bill said. "We caught him practicing one of his numbers in the back garden and made him confess."

She cautiously asked, "He confessed it all?"

Hermione looked over at Percy. He and his family had healed the riff during the war. He had answered the call when The Burrow had been attacked by Death Eaters and had fought a desperate but ultimately futile battle to save his boyhood home. He was still a pompous git but he was once again their pompous git. She asked him, "Percy, you are up for this?"

"Penny and I discussed it and we agreed that I should assist in whatever way was needed," was his surprising reply.

"You discussed this with your wife?" Hermione stared at him in disbelief. "And she agreed to allow you to participate?"

"All of our wives agreed." Bill smiled at her. "In fact Fleur insisted that it was my duty as a former Head Boy at Hogwarts to do this."

"Molly told me she wouldn't speak to me if I didn't help," Arthur told her proudly.

Hermione now looked to the three bachelors and asked, "And what about you three?"

Charlie grinned before replying, "It seems to be a family affair. How could I not help?"

Argus Filch spoke for the first time, "Hogwarts was my home for twenty plus years. I'll do whatever it takes." Hermione suppressed another shudder as her ever helpful imagination showed her Filch dancing to "Cat Scratch Fever".

Mad-Eye shrugged and told her, "It's not as if I have anything else to do."

Hermione stared around at the sincere and earnest faces surrounding her and offered, "All right then, we appreciate the help."

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"You agreed to what?" Ron shouted.

"Your brothers, father, Mad-Eye Moody and Argus Filch are going to help us with the show," Hermione said again surprised at Ron's reaction. "They said your mom, Fleur and Penny were all okay with it. In fact they have already purchased advanced tickets for the show. What's your problem Ron?" Hermione was beginning to get angry and she reminded him, "You were the one who told them what we were doing."

"What?" Ron hollered again, "I did no such thing."

"They said they caught you in the garden practicing and you spilled the beans," Hermione said as she glared at him.

Ron sat down in a chair and covered his face with both hands and groaned.

Snape glowered at him, "I don't know what the issue is. The more of them there are the less I have to do."

"You don't understand," Ron groaned out while Harry and Neville glared at Snape for being so insensitive.

"What exactly don't we understand?" Hermione asked coolly.

"When they caught me practicing I told them," Ron's voice was muffled behind his hands.

"What did you tell them Ronald?" Hermione persisted.

"I told them we were doing a variety show," Ron confessed in a rush.

Hermione groaned thinking of the extra g-strings and black shorts she had ordered. Suddenly she began laughing.

"Just what do you find so funny?" Ron groused.

"Well that explains why they wanted to do a tribute to Dumbledore," Hermione snickered.

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Remus snuck into his bedroom trying not to wake Tonks. She had become increasingly suspicious of his late nights, bruises and withdrawn attitude.

Feeling his way to the edge of the bed he was startled when all the candles in the room burst into flame. "Wotch'er Remus?" Tonks said idly from the chair by the bed.

Remus swallowed hard. Her relaxed slump in the chair belied the angry gleam in her eyes.

"Late night at the pub again?" she asked silkily.

"Just having a pint with the boys," he stuttered out.

"Really?" She asked in a tone that had him itching for a good shield charm.

"Since when do you need something like this to enjoy a pint at the pub?" Tonks held up a scrap of cloth and waved it back and forth.

Remus could feel all the blood draining from his face as he rushed out, "I can explain darling."

"Don't you darling me," Tonks snarled and got to her feet to march around the bed. "Who is she?" She thrust her wand under his chin and forced his head back.

"There is no she," Remus stuttered.

"Well it bloody well had better not be a he," Tonks said with a sharp jab of her wand.

"Never," Remus said hotly.

"Then you had better start explaining and it had better be good," Tonks ordered and jabbed him again to make sure he got her point.

Thirty minutes later Tonks was staring at him gob smacked. "So you lot are going to strip to raise money to rebuild Hogwarts?"

Remus nodded waiting for the explosion.

"Bloody brilliant!" Tonks exclaimed. "Hermione came up with this whole plan and organized everything?"

Remus nodded again watching his wife cautiously.

"I always knew she was a smart one," Tonks said enthusiastically and got up. She kissed Remus. "I'm knackered: time to get some sleep."

"You don't have a problem with me doing this?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Not at all," Tonks replied with a grin. "Just remember the only one you go home with is me." She gave him a passionate kiss before noticing the wary look in his eyes. "What is it?"

"Who is going to want to see me?" He wanted to know.

Tonks looked at him in astonishment before asking, "What are you going on about?"

"Look at me, I'm an over forty scared and battered werewolf," Remus said. His face was full of his self-doubt. "Who is going to want to see me….you know?"

Tonks grabbed his chin, "I would."

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Hermione nodded in approval. "Fred, George you two are geniuses. This poster is amazing." She looked again at the stark white poster with the silhouette of seven men and the following words in black:

"Magic Marauders"

All Male Revue

No tricks or mirrors,

No slight of hand (or anything else)

Proceeds to benefit rebuilding of

Hogwarts School

Let them work their "magic" on YOU!

"These really pop. How many do you have to put out?" She smiled at the two red headed tricksters.

"None." Fred smirked.

"What?" Hermione demanded.

"They are already all out," George said with a grin. "We've plastered Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade and sent Owl flyers out to all of our of age customers."

Hermione's smile faded. "ALL of your of age customers?" she squeaked.

"Yeah," Fred said as he nodded and buffed his fingers on his robes. "Free of charge to you."

"Just our little way of trying to help out," George added in as he buffed his fingers on Fred's robes.

"Please tell me you separated out the men from the women?" Hermione pleaded.

George looked at Fred who returned the look with a matching look of horror. "We just used our mailing list!"

Fred smacked George and yelled, "You idiot!"

"Me?" George punched Fred and hollered, "It was your idea."

"Yes but you let me do it," Fred replied getting ready to smack his twin.

"Break it up you two," Hermione ordered them. "There's nothing we can do about it now. Maybe the guys will just think it is one of your pranks." She offered the last weakly.

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Hermione looked at Arthur, Charlie, Bill, Percy, Mad-Eye and Filch not sure how to start. "Gentlemen, I appreciate all that you have offered to do, but I feel that there may have been a misunderstanding."

"Wait a minute," Arthur interrupted looking upset, "I've been practicing my Muggle Magic Act all week."

Filch grunted out, "I've been training Mrs. Norris to dance." He glared at Hermione as he asked, "How am I going to explain it to her?"

Hermione stared at the mutinous faces glaring at her.

"If you don't want us to participate you should have said something last week," Percy told her frostily.

"Wait, give her a chance," Charlie told the rest of them.

"Thank you Charlie," Hermione said and shot him a grateful look. "It's not that we don't want you to participate in the show. It's the nature of the show that Ron misled you about."

Mad-Eye glowered at her before saying, "You lot are doing a male strip show. What's to misunderstand about that?"

Hermione stared at him and then looked at the rest of the grinning wizards and asked, "You knew all along?"

"Of course we did," Percy said with a sniff. "What do you think we are? Stupid?"

"No of course not," Hermione hastened to assure them. "Ron said he told you it was just a variety show."

"Really Hermione," Arthur said wryly as he shook his head. "There was no way the dance moves he was practicing were for a garden variety," he chuckled, "variety show."

"So you were just taking the Mickey?" At their grinning nods she continued, "And you weren't serious about a tribute to Headmaster Dumbledore." Hermione sighed with relief. She had had nightmares featuring Argus Filch and Mad-Eye Moody dressed in bright purple robes with silver stars, moons and comets and stripping to the song "The Candy Man"

"Of course we were serious about that," Arthur and Mad-Eye stated at the same time.

Hermione hurried to change the subject, "So you all want to strip?" Hermione looked at each of them making sure they each met her eyes.

"Sure do," they all eagerly nodded their agreement.

Hermione gave them a long considering look and told them, "Well, we don't really have the time to teach you all the numbers. But maybe we can have a grand finale and you can join the rest of the guys."

At their crestfallen looks she hastened to add, "But I believe you can help in other ways until the finale." They perked up slightly at that so she continued, "We need some manly waiters and another bartender and someone to handle the door."

There were disappointed looks but they all nodded. Hermione reached into the bag she had brought in with her and pulled out tight black shorts, black bow ties, and white cuffs and told them, "Here's your uniform for the night." She almost lost a finger nail when they yanked them out of her hands.

"These are amazing."

Hermione closed her eyes at the sight of Argus Filch holding up the skimpy outfit to his skinny frame.

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Bill was looking at his own costume wondering if Hermione would let him take it home. He knew Fleur would appreciate a pre-view of coming attractions.

"Hey Bill," Charlie called, "Can you see little Ronnikins up on stage in the buff." Charlie gave a belly laugh.

That started a round of laughter. When it died down Charlie was the first to speak, "Hermione are you positive that this is going to work?"

"We have already sold over two hundred tickets for the first show," she told him proudly.

"Yes but how much money is that?" Mad-Eye asked dismissively.

"Two thousand Galleonss," she told him quietly.

When Mad-Eye had recovered from his fit of choking with a little help from Arthur, "Two thousand Galleonss?"

"And that's just the pre-sold tickets." Hermione leaned back in her chair and continued to brag, "It doesn't take into account the souvenir sales or the drinks."

"Yes," Percy said and looked a tad uncomfortable, "Penny has asked that there only be a limited run of my t-shirts and posters. She feels that will make them more desirable." The tall bespectacled wizard flushed a bright red.

"Fleur said to make it a double order of mine," Bill said absently. "She has already sold a bunch to her mom, sister, sister's friends and her friends." Bill looked up at Hermione as a thought struck, "In fact, if you asked her to, I believe Gabrielle would sell the souvenirs at Beauxbatons."

"Sell t-shirts and posters of scantily clad wizards to school children?" Hermione was aghast.

"Only to the of age ones," Bill said as he tried on his bow tie. "Or have a special order run up of more age appropriate ones. Gabrielle is going to lose it if we don't send her one of Harry. She's had a bit of a crush on him since he saved her during the Tri-Wizard Tournament." Bill wondered if the shorts were high enough to cover his navel ring. His mom had given him hell about the earring: he could just imagine her reaction to the pierced navel.

Hermione nodded as a whole new world of opportunities opened up before her.

Charlie and Percy backed away from her nervous at the intent look of avarice that was now crossing her face.

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It was opening night and the place was packed. Hermione had to cast enlargement charms on the interior of the Hogshead so that all the people could get in. She hid a grin at the sight of Charlie, Fred, George and most surprising of all, Argus Filch, dressed in tight black shorts, black bow ties, and shirt cuffs, serving drinks.

Arthur Weasley was at the door with Moody as back up. Hermione had given them both an extensive lesson on Muggle money. She had coached them long and hard on offering to exchange Galleonss, Sickles and Knuts for pound notes as they made for easier tipping.

There was a sudden silence as the music died suddenly. Hermione clearly heard Bill whisper frantically to Percy, "Dead Air! Dead Air!" Suddenly "It's Raining Men" began to blare throughout the building.

Loud applause greeted this while a couple of Muggle born witches began chanting, "Boat Drinks! The girls in the stands ordered Boat Drinks!"

Giving the place another quick look, Hermione ducked back stage to check on her boys.

Neville was sitting patting Ron on the back while Ron breathed into a paper bag. "Breath Ron. In. Out. That's it."

Hermione shot Neville a questioning look. "Stage fright," Neville told her. "Don't fret, he'll be fine once we get on stage."

Hermione nodded and went to check with Molly and Ginny. They had agreed to help with costume changes. Ron had about died at the thought of his mum or sister charming his g-string to change colors. Hermione had reassured him that she would be the only witch to charm him that night or any other night. Hermione smiled at that memory and looked at the diamond chip engagement ring that now adorned her left hand.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Hermione heard Remus ask the twitching teen.

Harry flushed as he answered, "It's my patch." Remus raised an eyebrow while Harry quickly explained, "It feels different. Heavier, like there's something else in there: besides me," he added quickly.

Hermione hurried over to distract Harry from the new fuller g-string he now possessed.

"Harry you okay?"

"Yeah," Harry said and gave a final twitch. "There, that feels better."

Hermione chanced a glance down and quickly averted her eyes. Harry was now sporting an impressive bulge. Well actually two impressive bulges: one on either side of his zipper.

Hermione pulled Remus aside and after a whispered consultation Remus pulled Harry off to have him fix the problem.

Hermione checked her watch and looked around one last time and with a tremor of excitement in her voice called out, "Okay gentlemen. Go knock their socks off."

Snape muttered snidely as he passed her to get into position for the opening number, "I just wish I could keep my socks on. It's bloody cold in here."

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Ron, Harry and Neville came hurrying back stage. They had just finished their "I Need A Man" number and had a few minutes to get ready while Remus and Kingsley did an "Ebony and Ivory" number.

"Aghh!" Ron exclaimed, "I can't believe Oliver Wood and the entire Puddlemere United Quidditch team are here."

"I can't believe he tipped me a five pound note," Neville said pulling it from his g-string.

"I can't believe he slipped me his room key," Harry muttered tossing the key onto the table.

"Watch it Potter," Snape sniped from where he was sitting at the table where Harry had just tossed Oliver's room key. Snape bent over and picked up a stack of money that the key had knocked to the floor.

"What's all that?" Harry asked pointing to the stacks of money sorted by denomination. "Did they bring the take from the door back here for safe keeping?"

"No," Snape answered shortly as he continued to straighten the money Harry had accidentally mussed.

"Well than what is it?" Ron asked as he began getting ready for his next number. "Is it from the bar?"

Snape ignored him and made a quick note on a scrap of parchment before using a wrapping charm to hold the money in a neat bundle.

"I bet it's the money from the souvenir sales," Neville said as he cast a quick refreshing charm on himself.

"Misters Potter, Longbottom and Weasley," Snape began as he stowed the now neatly bundled money into a strong box, "not that it is really any of your business, but these are my tips from my last number." Snape cast a strong locking and safety charm on the box before stowing it on a shelf.

Looking at the gape mouthed younger men he sighed in frustration and told them, "Don't tell me you didn't think to bring something to put your tips in?" At their continued shocked silence he waved his wand, "Accio money bags." Three bags flew into his out stretched hand. "I had to get something bigger so the bar tender loaned me his old money box. You may use these for tonight." He threw the bags at them. "But I expect you to be better prepared next time. Blast, there's my cue." Snape stormed out.

Harry was the first to recover. He walked over to where he had stowed his stuff. Reaching into the pocket of his jeans he pulled out a handful of pound notes, a few Galleonss and a couple of Knuts. He dropped it into the bottom of the money bag where it made a hollow clink.

Neville carefully placed his five pound note into his bag and without a word finished getting ready.

Harry looked over at Ron who was jumping up and down shaking his g-string. "What's up mate? Get something caught? Do I need to go get Hermione?" he asked worried that Ron might want some assistance.

"No," Ron replied slightly out of breath and still jumping and shaking.

"Then what's going on?" Harry was getting anxious. "We have to get ready to go on again."

There was a musical tinkle and two Sickles and a scrap of paper fell to the floor. "There!" Ron said, "I knew I had a tip!"

Harry reached down to pickup the piece of parchment but Ron quickly snatched it away.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

Ron scanned it and blushing bright red crumpled it up. "Nothing."

"Come on Ron," Harry chivied him. "How bad can it be?" He laughed and held out his hand.

Ron shook his head and told him, "You really don't want to know."

"Sure we do," Neville said and grinned making a grab for the paper.

Ron snorted and then with an evil grin handed it to Neville whose grin quickly faded as he read what was on the paper. He thrust it at Harry and went to get a drink of water.

Harry read what was on the paper and blanched. "Professor Sprout?" he said in a shaky voice. Ron nodded. Harry read the paper again before asking in a shaky voice, "Is that even physically possible?"

Ron shook his head and answered, "I don't know and I'm not willing to find out." Harry nodded emphatically while Ron continued, "But it does go to show that Hermione was right."

"Right about what?" Hermione asked as she came up behind them. Harry quickly crumpled the parchment and set it on fire. "What was that?"

"Just a proposition from one of the customers," Harry replied.

"Oh, okay, right about what Ron?" Hermione persisted.

"Right about older women being interested in this type of entertainment," Ron responded happy to not have to lie to Hermione.

"Of course I was right about that," Hermione started to lecture but was interrupted by George.

"Hey Hermione you better get out here quick," he panted.

"What's wrong now?" Hermione asked exasperated.

"Charlie has talked Bill and Percy into queuing up 'Puff the Magic Dragon' and he's planning on debuting his new act," George explained as he was pulling on Hermione's arm.

"I'm coming, George, but what's the rush?" Hermione asked.

"He's planning on using a real dragon!"

"Great Merlin's hairy balls," Hermione exclaimed and pushed George aside rushing from the room with George hot on her heals.

Neville came up and looked from Harry to Ron holding out a small handful on money. "Guys, we gotta' do better than this."

Nodding Ron and Harry quickly changed and returned to the stage with renewed determination.

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Hermione was trying to quietly give George hell in a corner of the pub. "I can't believe you would do something like that George Weasley," she whispered to him furiously.

George was trying to look contrite as he mumbled, "Honestly Hermione, I thought it was a real dragon."

"George Weasley if you cannot tell the difference between a paper mache dragon and a real dragon, I'm taking you to get your eyes examined," Hermione said as she poked a finger at George's chest.

"Hey, he had it charmed to move, it was big, green, scaly and moving," George defended himself.

"It was still irresponsible…" Hermione trailed off as she noticed Arthur, Filch and Moody sneaking toward the back stage carrying bundles. "Be more careful next time," she told George, "and check and make sure someone is covering the front door." She hurried after the three men.

She opened the curtain to back stage to discover Arthur helping Mad-Eye into long, bright purple robes with silver and gold shooting stars, moons, and comets scattered over them.

Filch was shaking out a matching set of robes off to one side and Hermione noticed with horror long fake beards and large purple wizard hats sitting on the table next to him.

"Just what on earth is going on here?" she demanded angrily.

"Nothing," Arthur said trying to look innocent.

Moody was fighting the robes trying to get his head through the hole at the top. "Arthur a little help here," he growled.

"You can't be thinking of still doing the Dumbledore tribute?" Hermione stared at them each in turn.

"Why not?" Filch asked haughtily. "Albus Dumbledore was the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts' ever had and the most powerful wizard of his age."

"I couldn't agree more," Hermione said earnestly.

Arthur grabbed up a set of robes and tossed a beard to Moody before saying with a grin, "Glad to hear that Hermione. We've been practicing this bit for days now."

"But," she said emphatically, "I don't think this is the appropriate venue to honor him."

Hermione never saw it coming. The next thing she remembered was Ron and Harry shaking her. "Hermione I can't believe you let them do it!" Ron hollered in her ear.

"Did what?" Hermione shook her head and looked from one to other in dazed bemusement.

Ron ignored her continuing in a bemused tone, "It was amazing. You're a genius." He gave her a hug.

"Harry, what happened?" Hermione asked over Ron's shoulder.

Harry gave her a concerned look before explaining, "The Dumbledore Tribute. You let Mr. Weasley, Mad-Eye and Filch do it."

Hermione looked horrified as she pulled away from Ron she exclaimed, "I did not!"

"Well, someone did," Ron said grinning.

"How bad was it?" Hermione said with closed eyes waiting to hear that everyone was demanding a full refund.

"Bad?" Ron looked at her incredulously. "It was amazing. They got a standing ovation."

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Two hours and three encores later a tired group of men were relaxing with well earned glasses of fire whiskey.

"So where's Hermione?" Ron asked tiredly.

"Still counting the take last time I saw her," Harry answered from where he was leaning on Ginny.

"And arguing with Fred and George about our percentage of the t-shirt and poster sales," Ginny answered holding out her new Harry Potter t-shirt to give it another fond look. "These are brilliant."

"Yeah brilliant," Harry snorted out already planning his revenge on Fred and George.

"How much did we take in again at the door?" Remus asked.

"Four thousand Galleonss," Tonks said from behind him where she was rubbing his shoulders.

"That will give us a good start," Kingsley said with a yawn.

Neville was examining a nasty bruise on the back of his thigh.

"What happened there?" Draco asked him.

"Pansy Parkinson," he replied with a scowl.

Draco shifted his shirt to reveal several bruises down his side. "Lavender Brown," he said and turned to show some more on the other side, "the Patel sisters."

"Where were Millicent and her sister during all this?" Neville groused as he cast a healing charm first on himself and then on Draco.

Snape scowled and rubbed his bum. "They were behind me," he snarled before gingerly trying to take a seat.

Neville grinned and offered, "Let me fix that for you Professor."

Snape looked over at Draco who grinned and held up his shirt to reveal his perfectly healed sides.

"Very well Longbottom." Snape approached and said cautiously, "I trust you are better at healing charms than Potions."

"Sure am Professor." Neville grinned as he cast charms at the appropriate area and said, "I used to blow up or melt a cauldron a week." He cast another charm while Snape sighed in relief. "I usually only blow up one patient a month."

Snape twirled around to glare at the grinning young man.

"All done," Neville told him before returning to his seat next to Draco.

Snape moved as far away from Neville as possible.

Neville ignored this by-play and gave Draco a curious look. "Malfoy, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"What Longbottom?" Draco gave him an amused smirk.

"The rumors about you being gay?" there was a definite question in the tone.

"What about them?" Draco was still smirking.

"I just don't get that from you," Neville explained.

Draco gave him a long considering look. "When a woman sees something that is bent, what is her first reaction?"

Neville thought for a moment before responding, "To try and straighten it."

Draco grinned as the light went off in Neville's head.

Before Neville could explore more fully Draco's twisted way of getting women, Hermione burst into the room grinning wildly. "You guys will never believe it!"

The tired troupe just stared at her. "Wait here. Don't move." She disappeared back into the main bar.

A moment later she was back followed by four women. "I want you to meet, Trickie Woo," an attractive Asian woman with long straight black hair nodded in greeting.

"Holly Hammer," indicating a black, curly haired, green eyed witch of medium height, Hermione continued with the introductions.

She next waved a hand and said, "Marie Roberts" a tall voluptuous brunette waved her greeting.

"And this is," Hermione paused as she looked at the last woman, "I don't believe I caught your name.."

The final woman just smiled mysteriously.

Hermione continued after a moment's hesitation, "You won't believe it." She quickly regained her previous excitement and was almost jumping up and down. "These ladies own a chain of nightclubs in America and they want us to tour them."

Her announcement was met with blank looks and shocked silence.

Trickie Woo smiled. "We are willing to pay you ten thousand Galleonss a show and we'll sign a contract for a minimum of fifteen shows."

There were audible gulps from all present.

Holly spoke up although she never took her eyes off of Snape, "Yes, you will get a flat fee. We keep the door and drinks."

Marie had made her way closer to Snape. "But we will agree to split the cost and profits of the souvenir sales."

The mysterious lady had now flanked Snape. "It is of course contingent upon ALL of the original cast agreeing to participate," her voice was a husky purr.

Trickie took the direct approach and with the tape measure she wore around her neck swinging, walked straight up to Snape. "Yes, Professor Snape is it?" she asked politely. At his cautious nod she continued, "May I call you Severus?"

Again he gave a cautious nod.

"Why don't we go some place and discuss this…in private." At the rebellious looks she was getting from her partners she amended, "Why don't all of us go some place more private?"

Snape found himself surrounded by attractive, beautiful women anxious to get him alone. Without a backward look at the others he allowed himself to be escorted from the building.

Hermione hollered after him, "Severus try and get us a better cut on the souvenir sales."

To address some issues mentioned in a review:

1) Scene markers were deleted at upload. And honestly I couldn't come up with a good reason for him to participate other than that he owed her big (see story for why he owed her) so I left it to the reader's imagination.

2) Female strippers are more common and wouldn't have the novelty value that male strippers do. Might have made a funny aside though.

3) None of them were teaching when last we met. Remus was fired in POA. I doubt if Snape would be re-hired after murdering his former boss: both Voldemort (in my universe) and Dumbledore if you think about it. . Even though he was found innocent (again in my universe) and deemed a hero. Also I never got the feeling that Snape's true calling was as a teacher.

4) I took the lyrics out. Since I was quoting lyrics I felt that fell within the parameters of acceptable posting. But to err on the side of caution they have been deleted.

Whew! Anybody else have concerns please email me or put your email in your review. I welcome constructive comments but I do prefer a way to respond to them other than arthur notes.