CHAPTER EIGHT About as useful as putting the pin back in the grenade

The door to the classroom opened and the hazel eyes looked up expectantly as if to see a certain someone come in. He had done the same thing for three months, expecting the red head to return. Disappointed as usual, as it was only another student, he slumped back into his chair.

The usually good natured boy looked as if he had lost weight recently, his skin was pale and there were bags under his eyes. It was apparent he hadn't spent much time sleeping.

His best friend however looked in the best of spirits trying as hard as he knew to cheer his friend up; he had come out of his own depressed shell for James. No amount of jokes or pranks managed to keep him occupied for very long. He often disappeared for hours at a time to fly or to spend time in the Room of Requirement desperately trying to find the red haired girl.

The same thoughts flitted through his head, where was she? Why hadn't she contacted him? Had she forgotten about him already?

Christmas was approaching and while everybody else in the castle was preparing for the festive season, James was preparing to find her. He knew without asking that Sirius would come too, he cared about the red head.

Returning to the Potter manor after hours of searching, Sirius had tried his hardest to convince James that they would find her, but he was beginning to give up, she obviously didn't want to be found.

James went to bed but Sirius got out a piece of parchment and began to list all the places he had gone when he had disowned his parents. He and Lily were simular, maybe he could find her. Sirius only looked at night, knowing he would be the only one who could talk to her at the moment, James would be too dramatic.

Each night he left the house for hours at a time searching hideouts he had used, parks, popular wizarding spots. He thought she could possibly be taking revenge in which case she was probably still learning and searching for those who had killed her parents.

Occasionally he found what looked like promising signs, books left behind and occasionally possessions. But it wasn't until he was wondering the outskirts of Elephant and Castle that he heard what sounded like a dual.

"Come on little girl, is that all you've got" sneered a tall man dressed all in black "I'd have thought you'd want to avenge your parents death".

The red head shot a violent curse in his direction causing him to double over in pain.

In a voice he had never heard Lily use before, he heard her say: "I am not a little girl, and you can tell your friends that they better stay away from me". With a pop she had disapparated.

This looked like it was not the first time Lily had come into contact with Death Eaters, She was tough but it came across like this had come at the price of her emotions and happiness. Crawling into bed Sirius pondered these new developments; he wondered whether or not he should tell James.

The grey eyes decided against it, the fact was that he still didn't know where she was and he was no closer to knowing where she was. He did know now what she had been doing though.

Yawning he promised himself he would make an effort to find her and talk to her tomorrow.

Three weeks later and he had not seen her again and he was beginning to get frustrated. This girl was good. It was time to return to Hogwarts and James looked close to a mental breakdown. They had had three weeks to find her and instead they had found nothing.

Face pressed against the glass window James was once again absorbed in his thoughts, he had been sure they would find her, but once again his assumptions had yielded poor results.

He missed the red head desperately, he wanted her back. The nights were so lonely and there were no soft lips to kiss. His thoughts constantly drifted back to that night they had spent together and the passion they had shared. What he wouldn't give to see her again, have her back even if she was taunting him again. Was she really gone forever? Maybe he had spent enough time looking for her, maybe she didn't want to see him again.

Using his wand he conjured up snow from thin air, covering the compartment with tiny flakes. Peter and Remus hadn't tried talking to him as in their experience it was probably better not to try, than to be the subject of James' temper.

It had been that way for weeks when James suddenly spoke: "when's the next full moon? I want to have some fun".

"Fun for you perhaps" Lupin grumbled in reply. "Next full moon is the weekend after the Hogsmeade trip, which is next weekend".

A shadow of his old self flickered in his eyes and Sirius sat up a little straighter. With a grin James drew out his wand and Sirius followed suit "let's have some fun now".

Strolling down the train with his old swagger they reached a compartment at the other end of the train.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Snivellous" James began.

"If it's possible I think your hair has become greasier" Sirius said.

Before either side could launch a series of curses and hexes a voice came from the open door of the compartment.

"Now boys that is not a good way to start the term" said Professor Dumbledore.

The boys all dropped their wands and looked sheepishly at Professor Dumbledore. Before James could contain himself he asked:

"What are you doing here, sir?"

"For your information I was just on the lookout for a student that I hoped might be on the train. But it seems as though I was wrong".

A student he hoped was on the train, it couldn't be Lily could it? James hastily walked back to his compartment wanting to know what Sirius had thought. Moony and Wormtail agreed that it was suspicious, Dumbledore was never on the train, but they also agreed it could be any student.

The next week rolled by without any further event and the morning of the Hogsmeade trip dawned misty and grey. Students hurried out of the castle, hoping to get to Hogsmeade quickly to get out of the cold. Many students were gathered in the Three Broomsticks warming themselves by the fire or drinking butterbeer.

The grey eyes watched his best friend, thinking now might be the right time to tell him that he had seen Lily that night over the Christmas holidays. Under the pretence of needing some fresh air, Sirius and James wandered to the outskirts of Hosmeade.

But before Sirius could open his mouth they heard a young woman yell Impedimenta. A small group of voices laughed and one said: "You're going to need more than that to stop us". The same voice yelled 'Crucio'. A small scream followed as James and Sirius ran towards the voice, James recognising it in an instance.

"Tell us, little girl, who are you working for". The red head gave no response and only spat at the feat of the hooded men. With a nasty laugh the voice repeated in a seemingly polite tone:

"Very well, have it your way. CRUCIO"

With all the strength she could muster she said:

"You must feel so brave, taking on a seventeen year old, with two others to support you".

"How dare you address me, mudblood" he replied but signalled for the others to leave. "Well it seems as though I am not getting through to you. Maybe this will loosen your tongue. CRUCIO".

James and Sirius burst out onto the clearing, but the hooded man had disappeared leaving the red head on the ground, cuts and bruises covering her body. Trying to heave herself up, she collapsed whimpering in pain. Her whole body ached as if it were on fire; no part seemed to be spared. At least two of her ribs were broken and warm blood trickled into her mouth. Groping the dirt for her wand she tried desperately to move but it was so painful, she breathed in sharply, wincing as she realised the extent of her wounds.

James ran as fast as could, desperate for her to be alright. They reached the clearning just as she slid out of consciousness.

"Sirius, she looks awful" James whispered.

The matron had removed most of her clothes before banishing the young men. It was enough time for them to see her thin body covered in cuts and bruises, some old enough to be scars. She looked tired and dirty, her robes were in pieces. The matron had reassured them that the red head would survive but would probably be in some pain for the next few days, not anything she couldn't cure, she assured them. It would mean she would need some time to recover.

Once she was cleaned, Sirius and James were allowed to see her, she had not yet woken up, but James was determined not to loose her again. He wanted answers. He wanted to know where she had been the past four or five months, and why her body was so battered.

Sirius decided this was not the time to talk to him and left him with Lily. James sat slumped on a cold wooden chair, falling in and out of sleep as the night wore on. All of a sudden she stirred and blinked a few times before things came into focus.

She looked up for a few seconds and then sighed deeply, she didn't meet his eyes.

"You…you're awake" James croaked.

"Yes it seems that way" Lily replied.

Another moment of silence followed. The emerald eyes did not meet the hazel ones. She knew he was disappointed that she had not contacted him. The red head hadn't meant to come so close to Hogwarts, it meant someone might discover her and she needed to work alone, it was easier to disappear that way. Dumbledore had already come to see her several times, but he could not convince her to return.

There was an empty vacuum where her emotions had once been, emotion now seemed like a pointless endeavour that would confuse her mission. She felt the hazel eyes travel her body, she knew he wanted answers.

"The cuts and the bruises are from the fighting I have been doing" she began. "The weight loss is due to the fact that I cannot always find food. I am dirty because I spend a lot of time hiding and running. I look tired because I don't sleep well and I spend every waking moment learning and researching" she finished still not meeting his eyes.

She was afraid if she looked at him she would not be able to restrain herself from regretting the fact that she hadn't seen him for almost five months. His cool hands touched her face:

"Lily, please, look at me" he said.

Turning slowly she looked into his eyes and saw a frightened degree of love. Damn his eyes, she couldn't resist. He leant towards her, aching to show her how much he had missed her, when Professor Dumbledore strode into the room.

"I wondered if I might have a word with Miss Evans alone?" inquired Dumbledore.

Hastening to excuse himself James walked out of the door.

"Well, Miss Evans, I was hoping you had time to reconsider my idea" Dumbledore started.

"I want to find them, I don't want to waste my time at school" the red head retorted almost rudely.

"There is much to learn here and you will find yourself better equipped I assure you. As for the matter of finding the people who killed you family, that is quite understandable. However for the moment I had hoped you would be content to leave that to the Ministry who have trained officials on the case as we speak" Dumbledore explained.

"But sir where will I go at the end of the year? I have no family" Lily asked, a little afraid of what the answer might be.

"You have some extremely concerned friends who offered immediately to take you in. It seems Mr Potter and Mr Black have been very worried about you. I would hate for them to have to worry again" he said with a smile.

With another smile at Lily, he rose gracefully and left the room, his long beard trailing behind him.

Although she knew she was comfortable and safe, she couldn't help wondering whether James would like the person she had become. It felt almost impossible to return to the way life used to be. Hands interlinked behind her head she gazed at the roof wondering how many times she had not slept recently; it definitely was not a pleasant experience, but she felt it was a necessity.

Left alone with her thoughts she did not notice when a young man entered the room. This figure was someone she knew well and now they shared the fact that neither of them had a family.

"I thought you would be awake" Sirius said wisely.

Although she didn't want to admit it to herself, she had missed Sirius. If there was anyone who could understand this mess of a situation it was him.

"You look like death" he said truthfully.

Letting out a laugh for the first time since her arrival at Hogwarts she turned to him. She knew she must look awful, she hadn't gone to a lot of trouble to take care of herself while she had been away, and there had been no point.

"Lils, you've got to take care of yourself now. You can't expect to fight them in the state your in now. A first year could come in here and disarm you" he told her, the worry in his voice blatantly apparent. "James was a wreck when you disappeared. He was so worried".

"I know Sirius, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I had other matters to attend to, I couldn't let James stand in my way. But now I don't know what's right and wrong". Before Sirius had the chance to ask any more questions she said:

"Well I'll have plenty of time to explain where I've been. I'm staying".

Sirius' face split into a grin and kissed Lily on the forehead, humming a tune as he skipped out of the door.

A/N: millions and millions of thanks for the reviews, they make my day!

Madsdagirl: WOW, this has to be one of the best reviews I have ever gotten, THANK YOU SO MUCH! And yes sublimely is a word and I am touched that you would use it to describe my writing; I'll try and make it longer for you.

Dreamlikechesse: I hope your feeling better! I really don't like Petunia either. I can't update for a few days, because I'll be away, so I decided to put a lot of chapters up really quickly!

Cherrichik: hahaha, I loved your comments! I'm so glad you like it, I'm trying to update as fast as possible!

LBuccalo: You are a god send! Not only do you like my writing but you review constantly and for that I thank you continually. This chapter was really hard to write so it means a lot to me that it has touched you.