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CHAPTER 17 The thin blue line

Sirius woke up early the next morning and waited for Alice to wake up so they could go to breakfast together. As he entered the hall he noticed hazel eyes staring at him. A little puzzled Sirius looked at James and then sat next to him, while Alice went to sit with her Ravenclaw friends.

"I can't believe you" James hissed into his ear. Sirius turned in surprise.

"Hitting on Alice? What do you think you're playing at? You know that would break Frank's heart. I saw you two on the train and you left together last night. I don't remember seeing you come back to the dormitory either. Mate you could have any girl, but why her?" James finished with a glare.

Sirius looked at him incredulously; he couldn't believe James thought he had stooped that low. He almost laughed it was so ridiculous, but he had promised to keep Alice's pregnancy a secret.

"Mate, you really need to get your facts right. I haven't touched Alice, I don't even like her, other than as a friend of course" Sirius finished.

James just rolled his eyes as if to say, 'yeah, right, whatever'.

"I am your best friend, you can tell me anything you know" James said coldly, but before Sirius could say anything James left the table abruptly.

James' coldness continued all week and Sirius became more and more annoyed with him not believing his own story. By the end of the week they weren't talking to each other. Lily tried in vain to fix the situation but of course she didn't know about Alice either.

Alice had sent Frank an urgent letter asking him to meet her in Hogsmeade on the weekend. She knew it was risky sneaking out, but this was important. It was Wednesday and Alice had asked Sirius to meet her earlier than normal in the Room of Requirement to talk about her decision.

When Sirius walked into the room Alice was already there, pacing the length of the room. She smiled tiredly as she saw Sirius and fell into a chair. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face was pale as though she hadn't been outside in ages.

"I'm not going to have the baby" she said abruptly and resumed her pacing "I mean I can't. It would be stupid to bring a child into this world that I can't care for properly. I haven't even finished school, I need my education and this would ruin Franks' life as well".

"How do you think he will take the news?" Sirius asked carefully.

Alice gave a bitter laugh. "Even if he's against it, I'll have to do it anyway. From my point of view there's no choice".

Her words sounded so sure, so in control; she wished they reflected her inner turmoil. She felt hollow and cruel, but at the same time she knew it was the right decision for her. She knew not everyone would approve, they would think she was killing her unborn child. She could see now the emptiness and tragedy whenever she would look at children. The hypotheticals were always the killers. She had so many hopes and dreams that couldn't be sacrificed for a future she did not want.

She took a quick glance at Sirius shocked face, she wondered if it would look equally as shocked if she had decided to keep the baby. She knew this was probably the most difficult decision she would ever have to make. As hard as she tried though, she couldn't see herself with Frank and a child.

There were no more tears now that she had decided. Just exhaustion. She had promised herself there would be no regrets, it would not do to dwell on the past. Easy words to say but much harder to actually believe them. The worst part was the confusion, should she be angry? Should she be upset that there would be no child? Should she want the child? She hated the fact that Frank would never understand what she was going through, no man ever could. It was an emotional extremity that they were incapable of reaching thanks to their sex.

For a moment she considered the other teenage mothers. What must their life be like? How did they cope and did they regret having their child? So many questions. Alice resumed her pacing in a feeble attempt to silence the questions which forced themselves in the forefront of her mind.

Sirius watched her, he watched the creases appear in her forehead and how she wrung her hands as she paced. This was something he had never experienced. It was futile to try and tell her it would be all right. She was much to honest to put up with his awful attempts and sympathy. Instead he said the only thing he could:

"I meant what I said on the train. I will always be here for you, I promise"

"You have no idea what that means to me" she said "thank-you so much" and embraced him just as James and Lily came through the door. James stopped laughing at once and said:

"I DON'T believe this" and drew his wand.

"James Potter it's not what you think" Sirius said with a growl.

The two young men advanced on each other until Alice yelled "ENOUGH".

"It's okay Sirius, I'd have to tell them sometime" she said with a frightened smile. "Lily, James, I'm pregnant".

James' mouth dropped open and turned around and whacked Sirius on the head.

"Sirius you idiot, HOW COULD YOU GET HER PREGNANT?" he yelled.

"James PLEASE calm down, Sirius isn't the father. Frank is. I told Sirius because I needed someone to help me and he was the one who noticed first" Alice said sadly.

If Lily was shocked she hid it well as Sirius turned to James:

"I think you owe someone a rather large apology".

James nodded and said: "I'm sorry Alice, if there's anything we can do let me know".

Sirius looked outraged "NOT HER, ME!"

James smirked, but clapped his hand on Sirius shoulder "okay fine, I'm sorry I made a mistake".

"Thank-you" said a huffy Sirius as Lily walked over and sat next to Alice. Lily couldn't help thinking that it was pure luck that she wasn't in Alice's situation. It was a very scary thought and Lily shuddered.

"What are you going to do?" she asked Alice.

"Well, I saw Madame Pomfrey who gave me my options and I still have to talk to Frank. But I don't think I'm going to have baby".

James gaped "Abortion?"

Sirius hit him and gave him a look that said 'back off or you'll get hurt'.

"We'll all come with you of course" said Lily assuring her.

Alice gave a tight smile and said "Thanks guys. I think I need to be alone right now" and walked out of the room.

"Good lord Sirius" said Lily "that wasn't what I expected".

He laughed coldly"I know I was shocked too, but I guess it's always a possibility when you're having sex. It's just not one anyone likes to think about". James and Lily shared a scared look and Lily resolved to be more careful from now on.

"I can't believe she's not going to have the baby" James said.

Lily's temper flared "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE THE BABY? It's her body and her life and besides she's not killing a baby, it's not a baby yet. It was hard enough for her to make a decision. She deserves to have a shot at having a normal life. I hope this is not how you would react if this ever happened to us. Perhaps if you stopped being AN INSENSITIVE GIT and actually thought about the feelings of others you might be able to grapple with the COMPLEX EMOTION OF APATHY!" Lily yelled and stormed out of the room as Remus and Peter entered.

James and Sirius looked shocked, they hadn't seen Lily's temper flare in quite some time and they had forgotten how harsh it was.

"Bad timing?" Remus asked.

Alice sat nervously waiting in the Three Broomsticks for Frank. She knew she was early, but she couldn't sit around anymore. She had barely paid any attention in her classes during the week.

Every ten seconds she stole a glance at the clock, it seemed as though every minute had been stretched into an hour just to torment her. Just so she could play out all the things Frank might say in her mind. Nervously she tapped her short nails against the solid oak table oblivious to the hearty chatter going on around her. She knew she had a constant frown on her face but it was the only face she could manage when she was worried, angry, stressed and upset.

Picking at a thread on her robes she heard the tinkle that meant the door was opening. Expectantly she looked up, but only to see an old couple enter the bar and search for a table. Letting out a small sigh she returned to tapping her nails on the table.

The waiting was excruciating and Alice was unable to sit still. By the clock he was only ten minutes late, but it could have been months to Alice. She had rehearsed what she was going to say so many times, and yet she felt so unprepared.

Unprepared was probably the most useful word to describe everything about how Alice felt as she shifted to get comfortable for the fifth time in five minutes.

Finally she saw the tall handsome youth walk into the bar his eyes searching for Alice.

When he found her he smiled; he made his way over and leaned towards her for a kiss. This was too important to be delayed and Alice gave him a peck on the cheek and motioned for him to sit down.

He looked at her with worry in his eyes and asked her how her classes were going.

"Frank" she began "I asked you to come here for one reason" she paused. He looked scared and he was thinking to himself 'Oh no, she's going to break up with you'.

"I have to tell you something" she said "I'm…well I'm pregnant".

With a sigh she looked at Frank who was staring at her blankly and suddenly smiled and said:

"Sorry, I think I just misheard you. I could've sworn you just said you were pregnant" he said looking confused.

"Frank, I did say I was pregnant, because I am".

He looked as though he was thinking for a few moments and then he beamed and took Alice in his arms and announced to the whole bar.

"THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND ALICE AND WE ARE HAVING A BABY". The room erupted into cheers, as Frank grinned wildly at everyone who was clapping and cheering. He laughed heartily before sitting down next to Alice again. He barely noticed the fact that she looked green and was looking at the table.

"Please Frank, I'm not finished" she looked downright petrified now "I'm not going to have the baby. I'm going to have an abortion".

A frown appeared on his brow as he looked at her

"Alice, I will help of course. I won't leave you and my parents can help too. We can get married eventually, but that can wait until after the baby is born".

"Your not listening" she said desperately "I don't want to have a baby. It will ruin both our lives. I want a career".

Frank was silent and stared at the table. Alice couldn't take it anymore, the look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes was excruciating. She pushed her chair back and sprinted out of the bar. The cool air whipping against her face. She ran as fast as she could and she didn't even hear Frank yelling out to her.

A/N: I don't know how many more times I can say this without seeming pretentious, but THANK YOU for reading and special thank you's to everyone who reviewed. Everyone that had questions about whether or not Lily was pregnant I believe they have now been answered!

Madsdagirl: Wow, what an amazing review! I'm hoping my dialogue isn't straining too much. I appreciate the fact that you review every chapter, it means so much to me. No Harry or Neville yet, I couldn't bring myself to do it! Once again thank you thank you thank you

Firequeen618: I think you're right, I'm struggling to create a character that appears somewhere in the books that he could have been so affected by. Her nature and what's special about her. Any ideas? I mean the few glimpses we get of him at school he seems haughty and bored and yet we see how he turns out, so I'm not sure how to treat it. I just need a bit of a base to start her and then even more difficult is dealing with his feelings, as sometimes they are so isolated (as many guy's are!) Thank you for the suggestions and your helpful questions, it's always good to have someone else's point of view!

Marauders babe: Yes, yes you are crazy! But crazy is good, hahaha! Drama drama drama! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for your awesome/crazy reviews, they brighten my day.

ShIvErIng sMiLe: Thank you for the vote of confidence on Sirius' character. I've read so many stories where he seems very shallow, not necessarily on face value, but there seems to be no real depth to his character, which was the angle I tried to go for. I find it hard to believe that him and James would have had a fan club, maybe a small one but still it's a bit far fetched! I don't know, what do you think? Being a sex god at 17 is hard for any writer to pull off and make him down to earth. If I went for that angle I would have to make him extremely arrogant and then get very frustrated with myself for limiting his character so. We all know he was attractive, but that's about it! Thanks for all the suggestions and help, as I just said it's always good to have another's opinion because one can become so blinded in their own story!

LBuccalo: When I read your review I rewrote this entire chapter in lieu of what you said about being in this position. It is really only by you that I can measure this chapter by and I hope that it does not stray too far from your experience and thoughts. I'm sorry if it does! I am constantly blown away by your kindness and constant reviews, there has never been a time where I have not enjoyed reading your reviews or felt completely touched by them! Let me know what your feelings are about this chapter, I can't wait to know what you think xxx

Slightly unhinged: mmm, all good ideas. Forgive me for the next chapter, I felt it was more shallow that the others, but my favourite chapter is coming up. I've been trying to incorporate your ideas into later chapters (as these one's were written weeks ago and just get adapted and proofed before I post them). Very true about Sirius and Remus, Remus is coming in the next couple of chapters but I seem to have reached a dead end with Sirius. I'm not sure where I'm going with his character. Being misunderstood is all well and good but it's only one aspect of him and I'm quite unsure of where to take it. What do you think? Anyway happy new year, I hope 2006 is awesome for you! Thank you for your comments/thoughts/suggestions/help, much appreciated!

Rayolis: Last but definitely not least. One week until school? That's awful, I would give you a time turner if I could! A happy new year to you to! I hope it brings everything you wish for, thank you again and again (I know you must be sick of me saying this but the meaning never diminishes I promise!)