I have posted more than one chapter this time, so thank yous are posted on the last chapter.
I love you all.
CHAPTER 19 I'm not crazy cos I take the right pills everyday
The sounds of laughter reached her ears. Alice looked around apprehensively and her eyes fell on a small child who wouldn't be much more than three years of age. She smiled at the little girl with startling blue eyes like her father and curly black hair partly from her mother. The child was running around in a circle with a huge grin on her face as though this was the most fun she had ever experienced. Without warning the child fell in a heap, her body was still too heavy to be supported by her legs.
Without a second thought the mother rushed over to the child and held it in her arms, soothing her with the warm strokes of her hands. As the child began to smile the mother laughed unable to stop as the child's fall was instantly forgotten. The child launched itself onto its mother with a joy filled squeal. The pair collapsed onto the ground overcome with fits of laughter.
Scooping up the child the mother carried her home, holding her close in case she could feel the cold wind. They reached a small house, the same as those beside it. Austere and slightly shabby but home nonetheless. The mother gently undressed the child and placed her into a small yellow crib, all the while humming to herself. She sat quietly beside the bed until she could hear the gentle snores of the young child.
Alice woke up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding and she gasped as she sat up. Another dream that could almost be caste as a nightmare. Every night since she had returned from the hospital it had plagued her. She willed her heart to stop racing and lay back down, trying to convince herself to sleep again.
Nothing would work however, the images of a child, her child kept coming back to her. Unable to shake them, she lay in state of complete shock staring at the ceiling and she let one silent tear fall, afraid if any more fell, they would never stop. The darkness slowly turned to grey as the sun rose.
Slowly and carefully when she couldn't lie still any longer she began to dress.
When your world merely seems like a shell and everyone else around embraces life what do you do? Do you pretend that you are enjoying each and every one of their fake stories? Do you pretend to enjoy the life of luxury you were born to lead? Do you ask annoying questions incessantly with no answers?
Sirius shut his notebook with a snap, whoever said that writing things down would help should be shot. To him it just confused things more and he began to think about the endless possibilities of the pages continuing. He glanced over at his friends. James and Lily locked in what looked like wrestling competition, Alice curled up in front of the fire, Moony with his book at a table close by and Peter nervously chewing his fifth chocolate frog.
Lily had given him a notebook, thinking maybe it would help with his inner turmoil. How he wished he could return to a time when chicks, mates and pranks were all that invaded his thoughts. That was when he had any of course! To feel completely lost in one's own skin begins to give a picture of the mess Sirius was in.
He had dumped a girl last week and felt horrible about it, but he didn't love her and he couldn't pretend. The look in her eyes when she had told that she loved him was unbearable as Sirius couldn't return it. Lying about love was impossible. It was too stronger a feeling to joke about.
His pensive state was worrisome, but not harmful. He merely hoped that eventually he would want to be stupid again and fooling around with a random girl in a broom closet would be fun.
Alice was in much the same state Sirius was in, she was just a much better actor. Excusing herself she ran for the shower. Just to stand under the hot water was bliss as she felt herself become alive. It had been hard to pretend everything was alright. Frank seemed keen on forgiving and forgetting, but nothing was ever that simple for Alice.
She was beginning to like the company of being alone and she knew it would be temporary, but just to spend some time alone would be fabulous. She knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to do it.
She could almost see Frank's disappointed face. She loved him just as much as a friend as she did as a boyfriend, but breaking up is always hard to do. Even if it's only for a short while. Alice sighed as she finally eased the taps off putting her crinkled feet on the fluffy bathmat in front of her.
Slipping into her most comfortable clothes, she sat warm and calm staring out into the night just as Sirius did. She pulled out a long sheaf of parchment and began to write to Frank, knowing she was a coward for not seeing him face to face, but she couldn't do it. It was too hard.
Dear Frank (she paused unsure of what to write next)
Half an hour later the parchment was still blank. Finally she picked up her quill and began to write.
The last few weeks have been extremely confusing. I am not writing to tell you that I do not love you anymore because that is not the case. The fact is I need some time to figure things out. Just a small amount of time alone.
I made one of biggest decisions I will ever have to make a few weeks ago and the fact that we almost became parents is extremely scary. I know this letter is short and doesn't make much sense, but at the moment neither do I.
You deserve the best of everything and I can only give you that when I am completely healed.
All my love,
Alice xxx
Alice looked over the letter once and decided it was perfect. It wasn't too over the top, because she really did only want a small break. She walked quickly up to the Owlery to post her letter, hoping Frank would understand.
Alice didn't have to wait very long for a reply. She could only bare to read the letter once. Frank was very angry and hurt. He had called her a few names, which she knew he didn't mean. Alice found the news relatively easy to take after all that had happened.
Alice opened her trunk and grabbed a sweater for dinner; out of it fell a small plastic bag containing four white pills. Alice looked at them warily, she was muggle born and her friends took these occasionally when they went clubbing. Alice had bought some a few months ago, but had completely forgotten about them.
Smiling Alice remembered why she hadn't taken them. She had been excessively drunk and dancing with a hot guy at a club and had completely forgotten about the pills stashed in her bra.
The sounds of erupting cheers met her ears, there was a quidditch game going on and from the sounds of it Gryffindor had won, she smiled. This meant a huge party in the Gryffindor common room. An hour passed by without Alice noticing, she was still winding the small plastic bag through her fingers. Smiling she got out the hottest clothes she owned. A black pleated mini-skirt, knee-high suede boots and a red halter top. She curled her hair softly and applied dark eyeliner to her eyes feeling dangerous.
If Frank couldn't understand, fuck him. She was going to have fun without the blue-eyed boy.
Alice gave herself a once over in the mirror and smirked at her reflection. She was going to blow everyone away. Quickly she placed one of the pills in her mouth and swallowed, grimacing at the bad taste that flooded into her mouth.
Alice muttered the password and the portrait swung open to admit her, the party seemed to be in full swing. The music filled her body as she grabbed a shot of firewhiskey from the table laden with food and drinks.
She saw Sirius eyes pop out as he saw her across the room. 'Perfect' she thought. She knew she was being watched as she grabbed another shot of firewhiskey and started to move to the music. She moved into the middle of the dance floor and threw her hands above her head as the alcohol and the pill began to pump through her blood.
Alice had numerous dance partners; everyone wanted to dance with the sexy Ravenclaw. She only stopped dancing to drink some more firewhiskey which must have been her sixth. Finally Sirius joined her on the dance floor, he smiled and she smiled seductively and winked at him.
She placed his hands on her hips, grinding her hips on his and snaking her arms around his neck. Sirius' eyes widened, but he was a guy after all and responded accordingly. She grinned to herself 'I'll give him heartless' she thought. The bass was filling her body and she loved the feeling of the toned quidditch player against her body.
Gently she pushed Sirius off the dance floor, took hold of his shirt and walked backwards up the stairs to his dormitory. She pushed him onto his bed, straddling his waist and kissed him strongly. She ripped his shirt off his body. It wasn't until then that Sirius seemed to catch on to what was happening.
"Alice…"he begun, but she cut him off by kissing him and sticking her tongue in his mouth. She rubbed his obvious erection, causing him to moan loudly.
"Alice, seriously, are you sure you want to do this?" Sirius asked his eyes closed. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew something had happened between Alice and Frank, obviously it was big. He was slightly drunk and he had always found her attractive.
She threw her top on the ground and ripped her skirt off seconds later.
"No bra Alice, you naughty thing" Sirius laughed, knowing he would probably regret this in the morning, but how could say no to the sexy black haired girl on top of him? Alice seemed to have so much energy; Sirius reasoned that she must have had a few drinks.
She ran her hands down his chest, licking his nipples before tugging at his boxers. Sirius lifted his hips obligingly. Alice pulled his boxers off in one swift movement and sucked him gently.
Before Sirius could come he rolled her underneath him and entered her while she wrapped her legs around his torso and yelled his name as his thrusting became quicker. Even in her state Alice could tell that this was not the first time Sirius had had sex. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to make her climax.
As her breathing became laboured she scratched her nails down his back, leaving red marks which seemed to turn him on even more. She gripped the bed sheets as she reached an earth-shattering climax. She let out a loud moan which was mirrored by Sirius' seconds later as he collapsed on her. She knew her climax was mostly from the drug.
Alice glanced around the room which was spinning slightly; she didn't know whether it was from the sex, drugs or alcohol. She didn't particularly care.
She smiled slightly when she heard a soft snore from Sirius. She could still feel the effects of the pill in her blood and she quickly dressed and headed downstairs. She was surprised when she saw plenty of people still dancing.
Throwing herself into the throng of dancing people she began to sway to the bass grinding with another Gryffindor. Lily was looking at her strangely, and Alice simply returned her gaze with a glare. She kept dancing until she was almost the only left on the dance floor. She sauntered back to her dormitory and fell asleep with all her clothes on.
The next morning she woke up with a splitting headache and raced to the bathroom. Throwing up for the third time, Alice looked in the mirror and began to search for her make up. She generously applied it and fluffed her hair out so she still looked hot.
She chucked on her school uniform, leaving several buttons undone at the front of her shirt and she rolled the sleeves up. She hitched her skirt a little higher to show off her tanned legs. She left her sweater in the room because she was wearing a black bra and the shirt was white. She wanted guys to oogle over her.
She sauntered down to breakfast, pausing at the end of the Ravenclaw for a purposeful stretch which showed off her stomach. She walked right up to the Ravenclaw quidditch captain who turned in surprise. She simply winked and straddled him causing her skirt to hitch up higher and to make people start whispering. Her quidditch captain obviously wasn't complaining, he had been trying to get Alice to go out with him all year. She began to feed him toast as Sirius, James, Remus and Peter entered the hall.
Even James stopped and looked at Alice and Ravenclaw quidditch captain in their compromising position with Alice's legs very visible. Noticing she stopped feeding him and took a sip of pumpkin juice in her mouth, kissed him and let the juice slid into his mouth before replacing it with her tongue knowing the move would turn most guys on.
She kissed his neck and got to her feet yawning again and winking at Remus, who turned bright red. She reached into her bag and poured fire whiskey into her pumpkin juice and skulled the whole thing before walking up to Remus.
She noticed how Sirius was looking at her, she knew they did not love each other, it was entirely physical. Fun though, she smiled at the memory of the previous night. She began to run her hands through Remus' hair and whispered naughty things into his ear, which made him redder.
James and Lily just stared with their mouths open, until she picked up her school bag and slung it across her shoulder.
Remus touched the spot on his cheek where she had kissed him and Sirius turned to James and Lily.
"What the fuck was that?" James asked utterly bewildered.
"Yes, what's going on with her?" Lily said equally as surprised, Alice was not normally one to lead anyone on.
"She was going off at the party last night" Sirius mentioned.
James gave his friend an odd look and Sirius thought maybe he had guessed what had happened between him and Alice.
"She looks hot" said the shy Remus and Sirius smiled.
"Yeah, Mooney you looked pretty happy before" he said with an eyebrow raised. He had woken up this morning smelling of perfume and sex. He had strained his memory of what had happened and then finally remembered the black haired girl full of energy. The sex had been fantastic. He felt a little guilty, she was his friend, but she had used him as much as he had used her. 'Mutual disrespect' Sirius thought with a smile.
As Alice left the Great Hall she knew she had surprised her friends and loved every minute of it. She took another drink of fire whiskey before striding into class 15 minutes late.
"Miss Carter, you are 15 minutes late, that will be 15 points from Ravenclaw" Professor Flickwick snapped at her.
Alice simply rolled her eyes and looked bored.
"Is that all you've got" she challenged. Remus and Sirius shared a surprised look. Alice had never been in trouble before.
"Detention Miss Carter" the Professor said quietly.
"Wow, I'm so impressed, one detention amazing" she said sarcastically, before dumping her books on the ground with a loud thump.
"A week's worth of detentions, Miss Carter" the Professor said with his voice rising.
"My pleasure" Alice said with a smirk and sat in her chair looking quite at her ease as if she found she whole situation hilarious. She took no notes the whole lesson. She placed her hand on the thigh of the cute boy sitting next to her who almost fell over in shock. Every time the Professor made a point she slid her hand up a little further making the boy sweat slightly.
Sirius watched the whole situation slightly amazed that Alice would go this far for revenge over what ever had happened with Frank. She was obviously hurting, but damn was she a good actress. The guy next to her looked as if he was going to faint.
Casually Alice waited until the entire class had left, placing her feet on the desk and lounging further back in her chair when Sirius came and sat next to her.
"What is going on with you today?" Sirius asked, genuinely concerned.
Instead of answering, she slid her hands down his open shirt front, grabbed the v of his jumper and pulled him towards her. She teased him with her tongue and he could taste alcohol.
"Maybe I just got a little bored with the old Alice, she was such a drag. Besides its my last year at school I want to have fun" Alice whispered into his ear, her tongue trailing around as she said it.
'I wish I had more self control' Sirius thought as he ran his hands up Alice's bare legs. She uncrossed them for Sirius and looked him dead in the eyes as they made their way up to her panties.
She took his hand and slid it inside her panties, he responded without thinking, putting his fingers inside her as Alice let her head fall back on his shoulders. Mentally Sirius shook himself, what was he doing? This was Alice, who he had spent the summer with, who he had laughed with over James and Lily's antics, who he played quidditch with. Quickly he withdrew his hand and Alice looked slightly disappointed.
"If you won't do it, there are plenty of charming young men who want to" Alice said flippantly before kissing Sirius' neck. But before she could leave Sirius grabbed her bag and pulled out the half empty bottle of fire whiskey.
"Have it" she began not looking at all concerned "I've got plenty more you know. Now don't go thinking I've got a drinking problem and poor little Alice needs help because your wrong" she spat at him.
"Alice, I'm worried about you" Sirius said looking at the floor. She snorted
"You weren't worried about me last night. In fact I think you may actually have enjoyed yourself" she said before grabbing the bottle from Sirius. She took a large sip and let it fall to the ground with a smash.
"Gotta run sweetie, things to see people to do" she smiled at her joke and left the room.
Sirius was recoiled slightly and blinked twice, slightly confronted with Alice's new behaviour. He ran upstairs to write a letter to Frank. Alice was never going to talk to him now and it was definitely time for drastic action. At the rate Alice was going, she was going to break every guy's heart in seventh year.
All of a sudden she was hit with an extreme pain, as if her stomach was trying to separate itself from the rest of her body. Unable to take the pain she fell to the ground, only just managing to subdue a scream. The Medi-Witch had warmed her about this, the consequences of having an abortion. Each month she felt as though her inside was burning and ripping.
Again and again the waves of pain crashed against her body and clutched to her abdomen, afraid it would completely explode if she didn't hold it in. It was like the worst period pain she had ever experienced. Sweat began to pour down her face, she was unable to control it and it was the least of her worries at the present time.
With all the strength she possessed she pulled herself to her feet and fell again the cool stone walls. She began to drag herself back to her dormitory for something to help her in her ordeal. Anything.
A/N: Okay a few important things regarding this chapter. You'll notice I included Sirius breaking up with a girl that I never actually mentioned as part of the story, yes that is intentional, almost a reflection of the useless relationship (plus I couldn't find a decent character to base her on, which I am working on). Secondly this chapter is not one of my greatest, but I wrote Alice's character deliberately like that, including the somewhat 'loose' nature. Please forgive me if you do not like where she is going, but it isn't for long. Unfortunately this aspect is based on real events which I didn't wish to change so bare with me : ) The associated pain is also an unpleasant reality which I felt should be included.