Just a short one I'm sorry, and I have posted one more so don't be angry with me for not posting because I put four chapters up!
CHAPTER 21 The effeminate collective noun 'they'
Once again the talk had turned to Quidditch. Quidditch, that's all they ever talk about. When we're not watching a match, we're talking about the match or the national league. Again and again, every replay, every shot for goal, over and over until the only feeling left was frustration and irritation. An endless sea of quidditch stretched out as far as the Sahara.
The pale eyes of Remus Lupin surveyed the scene before him with the quiet demeanour he was known for. The last rays of sun were not going quietly, the heat was still unbelievably present and small beads of sweat trickled down his back. The sun seemed unrelenting like the endless quidditch talk. The heat was uncommon for this time of year; shirts stuck to bodies as Sirius dragged his hand across his brow.
Everyone searches for an escape from the endless stretches of altercations and monotony. Everybody believes they have many problems and how you deal with them can shape years of your life. Casting his mind back, Remus remembered the events of the past few days with the usual careful consideration and rational thought patterns. He knew his friends looked at him differently; he had let one small piece of information slip.
Lily and Alice didn't know the truth about why he hated himself so thoroughly or why he had resulted to 'so called' illicit substances. It was almost futile trying to explain the horrible physical and emotional pain he went through every month. While James was easily able to name it his 'furry little problem' it was anything but little. It caused him to think he would never be in love, that he was destined for loneliness. Each month he endangered his friends and whilst they consented to it, he could never agree.
Remus studied his hands which were the pale colour that comes from spending too much time inside. Suddenly his hand was covered by another's. He looked up and into the emerald eyes of Lily Evans. He smiled weakly, a vague attempt to obscure his feelings and thoughts. Lily knew a little too much about hiding feelings to be fooled by it. She was bursting to ask how he had known which drug Alice had taken, but was able to keep her mouth shut. If Remus wanted to tell her, he would.
She squeezed his hand reassuringly but the question remained in her eyes. Remus smiled tiredly and seemed so world weary for only seventeen. He could trust Lily but he did not want another person to worry after him, or his friends.
"It was a really good way to escape, without running" he said.
He would allow her just one sentence, a little more knowledge, but not everything. Again she squeezed his hand to let him know she understood. The rush and the high make you feel invincible. As always with anything that good comes the consequences. The extreme low that follows such a high and the continous craving for the escape that only it can provide.
It wasn't a real answer, but it did provide relief for a time for him. And now he was looking, always looking for something else.
For what seemed like the 80th time that day Frank tried to start something productive. During the week it was all right because he could easily pretend that his heart wasn't aching and that he continually wished he did not send that letter. 'Never let the sun go down on your anger', that's what his mother had always said. However angry people never understand the logical rules of engagement. It's almost as if for a split second they become someone else until the anger seeps through them and becomes them until there isn't enough of the person to act 'normally'.
Irritated he rubbed his temples and raked his hands through his hair. His eyes skimmed the room impatiently reflecting their master's thoughts. An action can take a split second, but repercussions can be endless and possibly regretted for life.
With all the effort he possessed he heaved himself off the chair in front of his desk which was cluttered with scraps of parchment and fell to his bed. Immediately he regretted his actions. The worst part about bringing someone into your house, especially someone you have feelings for, is that once they have touched something or sung a song with you it becomes their song or their favourite part of your house. Worse if you break up, it becomes a constant reminder of that person and subsequently the pain associated with that person, conjuring up all the feelings you had pretended to forget and 'get over'.
There's no trace of perfume left on the pillows and yet you could swear you can still smell them, on your clothes, on your sheets, on your mind. Frank was a rational man, or at least he had been conditioned so by his parents. Proper upstanding members of society, or so everyone told him. They attended every proper engagement and they were polite to all the members of society of the same rank. There was something about their calm and proper demeanour which Frank hated. No emotion, they dealt with him as though he was business transaction. Encouraging him to do well because it would look good for them, encouraging him to be neat so they could compliment him to their friends as a credit to their parenting.
The problem with youth is the constant struggle to be individual, but be happy and accepted. Hence lies the contradiction in terms. Or so Frank believed. He hated being associated with them as a name but not as person. Discussing this problem with anyone usually brought about he saying 'poor little rich boy'.
Alice had been different; she didn't care what his name was or what his parents were like. Brutally honest with clear thoughts which weren't obscured by what her parents wanted her to do, or what society would approve of. She had given herself to him under the pretext of his personality alone and nothing else. And now, what must she think of him? His hasty and rash decision continued to haunt him.
"What a fantastic idea, send an angry letter without thinking it through to the girl you love who just had an abortion" he said aloud sarcastically. Distracted he rubbed his chin and glanced at the invitation on his bedside table for the annual ministry ball. Another excuse for pretentious pure bloods to get together and congratulate each other for being so amazing. He weighed up the consequences of not going; they far out weighed the other option. Perhaps we could go for an hour? Make his parents happy and perhaps even meet someone who would take his mind off Alice.
What was the point of having so much wealth when you just ended up drowning in civility and there's no one around. About a week ago he had received a letter from Sirius Black asking politely for information about what had happened between himself and Alice. The letter sat on his desk unanswered, he could not think of a reason why Sirius would need the private details on his relationship with Alice.
Alice sat in her dormitory alone. It wasn't unusual at the present time, she revelled in the quiet solitude of the room which was normally full of life. It was good just to sit and have time to think and not have to talk about how the felt. She was going to scream if she heard 'are you okay?' one more time.
Strolling over to her trunk Alice pulled out the letter Frank had written her three weeks ago. She had been determined not to let anyone see it as she felt it was catalyst to certain other problems. She had not seen Frank in a month and was slowly beginning to wonder whether she was missing him. It seemed so hard to think about when the overwhelming emotion she felt was confusion.
Carefully she pulled out her wand and muttered:
"Lumos" and light glanced out in all directions. Throwing her clothes out of trunk they fell in a messy pile on the floor. Finally the saw the corner of scrunched parchment. She swallowed quickly, quite aware that re-reading the letter would bring up old emotions.
Again she swallowed and willed her heart to slow down. After all it was just a piece of parchment. Quickly she padded down the stairs and into the common room, but instead of sitting down she began to pace. Round and round until she was dizzy.
With shaking hands she unfolded the letter. It read:
Alice,
I almost feel like saying "I have nothing more to say to you", however that will only be appropriate at the end of this letter.
After all we have been through you are going to take the easy way out, once again the heartless way out. You are an ice queen, you show no remorse for my feelings or the pain I have been through for you.
I really cannot believe it has come to this.
I no longer wish to have anything to do with you
Frank Longbottom.
The old injustice and pain rose quickly in her chest. A single tear rolled down her cheek, not because of the letter but as a symbol of everything that had happened with Frank. Slowly she strode over to the fire and threw the letter in. She watched the paper fall into the flames and words burn away. With each crackle of the fire a small weight lifted off her chest.
"Goodbye Frank" she muttered to herself as she watched the last bit of parchment turn to ash.
A/N: This was without a doubt my favourite chapter to write. Hopefully you will reading it as much as I loved writing it. This chapter took a long time to start and means a lot to me, so I would love to know what you think!