AN I: To barb and some others of you: Thanks for making me realize that begging for reviews is not only not necessary (as I should know by now), but not very polite to my many readers either. Readers I am very grateful to have. Oh, and barb: Thanks for your wonderful compliment embedded in your (justified) criticism. I'll take it to heart.
ANII: To Alexx: Thanks for reviewing, even though you seemed to have a problem with my storyline. You kind of got me thinking, and I agree with a few points you made. So I rewrote some of this chapter along your line of criticism. I hope I haven't totally lost you as a reader yet. Believe it or not, a negative review can trigger someone into becoming a better author and for that, I thank you.
Disclaimer: Not funny, yet necessary. Don't own them. But I suppose I could clone them…? Nope, that idea scares the living daylights out of me anyway…
Would you just go on with the story instead of your rambling on and on and on? Yes, I will, here we go…
Silence enveloped them as she sat down, stood up again to pace around, all the while avoiding eye contact with the tall man occupying the room. Minutes passed (four minutes and thirty-eight seconds to be exact) before Harm apparently couldn't take it anymore. Gently but firmly he placed his hands on her shoulders. Momentarily she shuddered, scolding herself for getting all giddy from one single touch.
"Sarah…please sit down, you're making me more nervous than I already am."
The use of her given name caught her a little of guard. Only the Marine in her made it possible to sit down with some kind of composure. When she sat, fidgeting because she needed to do something to occupy her hands and mind, Harm sat down next to her.
Gently, disturbingly gently, he took her trembling right hand in his to steady it, bringing both their hands to rest against his chest. It was a reassuring friendly gesture, but it still managed to make her even more nervous. His voice sounded strained when he finally spoke, or rather, whispered.
"Sarah…truth be told, I don't know exactly where to start or what to say."
He grinned ruefully.
"Hell, if I knew what to say to you, I would have said it years ago. Then this whole sordid conversation shouldn't have to happen in the first place. I guess I'm just gonna have to take a plunge here. I just hope you'll be honest with me. I promise I'll be honest with you too."
Taking one more deep breath, he lifted her chin with his free hand, forcing her to look at him.
"Was he right? About your feelings for me?"
There it was: the hardest thing she ever had to answer, no matter how clear the answer in fact was. To feel it was one thing, to admit it to him was quite another. Was this a risk she was ready and willing to take? Well, she couldn't lie now, could she? If Sturgis hadn't been right, then she wouldn't have had any reason to be this upset, now would she? She wouldn't have felt the need to run and hide from him the way she'd done. So she should simply confess to it, right? Could, should, would…very well…she would. In a minute. Just one more second. He beat her to it, sounding a bit more secure.
"I guess it's not fair to ask you to take a chance without offering something in return. So let me do this first."
He gulped for breath again.
"God help me," she could hear him mutter, before he determinedly focused his azure gaze at her.
"Mac…Sarah…If you really have feelings for me, real feelings, than you have to know that they're reciprocated. All of them…"
His voice trailed off, as if he was exhausted from this little yet so big confession. Her tears started flowing again, unfortunately giving him the wrong impression.
"Sarah…"
Nothing. She choked. Years she'd been waiting for this moment and now, even when his words had found their way to warm her heart, she choked. The onslaught of emotions these past few days finally catching up with her.
"Sarah…"
He kept trying, anything to get her out of her comatose state, an eerie feeling coming over him. Trembling, he rose to his feet.
"You know what? Never mind. I guess Sturgis was wrong and I just made an ass off myself. Just...forget it, okay?"
He briskly walked past her, his hand accidentally brushing her shoulder. Shaken at the sudden contact she looked up and saw, really saw. The raw and open hurt in his eyes. The defeat pouring out of him…what had she done?
She was a fool, a fool and a coward, setting both herself and him up for another inevitable fall. How many of them could they survive? Here she was, hiding from the man she loved like he'd committed some kind of crime against her, roping their supposedly mutual friends into their whirlpool of problems, not even regarding his feelings of betrayal and loss at their silent treatment…she had to act. Now.
So she rose too, rushed to the door to cut him off, all but screaming his name.
"Harm, please!"
He halted, turned to her, but his gaze was guarded, bracing himself for another blow. Considering the best defense was a grant offence, he spat out, more harsh than he meant it to sound:
"What, Mac? What's your next line? Something along the line of 'Can we still be friends?' Because, honestly, right now, I don't think we can. I'm not a machine, Mac. I can't turn these feelings on and off at your command. I said them, out loud, now it's up to you."
She knew that…it was up to her. Now or never. Semper-fi. Sigh. Here goes nothing.
If her body was unsteady and her voice slightly quivering, than her words were certainly not.
"He was right."
Harm, his hand already on the doorknob, ready to make his escape, turned again.
"Say that again, Sarah?"
Thank God, he called her Sarah again.
"I said he was right. Sturgis was right. I do have feelings for you. Feelings of so much love that I don't know how to contain them any longer."
The seconds crawled by like minutes, minutes like hours while she waited for his reaction, nausea taking over in the meantime as it seemed to take him forever to let go of the doorknob, let go of a shaky breath before closing the gap between them.
"Then don't"
He opened his arms for her and she practically melted into the comfortable safety of his embrace.
"I love you Harm."
She lifted her head at the same time as he lowered his. Their lips met in a long overdue kiss that sent the both of them reeling. When the human need for oxygen finally broke them apart, she looked up at him, smiling through her liquid brown eyes and slightly bruised lips. To him, she had never looked more beautiful.
"I love you too Sarah."
It felt so right to say it now and the reward was so sweet as she leaned in for another kiss. They came up for air after what felt like a lifetime, both slightly gasping. Mac giggled.
"It's way too quiet out there."
Harm hadn't realized, but now that she mentioned it…you could hear a pin drop. Just how long did it take their friends to get the kids cleaned up? He showed her his best flyboy grin.
"What do you say: shall we put them out of their misery?"
"In a second," she replied coyly, not wanting to leave the haven of his arms just yet.
After a while she reluctantly let go of him, but he kept one arm around her waist as he shot her an evil grin before yanking the door open with a force. A stumble, a curse and a crack later they found Bud lying on the floor with Harriet towering above him, not sure whether to laugh or cry or apologize. In the end, she did all at the same time, babbling nervously until Mac pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay, Harriet. We're okay."
She turned to Harm, who couldn't wipe the grin off his face even while helping poor Bud up from his honorary position on the carpet. Bud dusted himself off and, after looking sheepishly around for a second, burst into laughter.
"Well, that was entertaining."
His laughter was soon copied by all of them, which lifted the last bit of tension from the room.
"Harm…"
It was Harriet who interrupted their bantering, her voice serious and a bit scared at the same time.
"Yes, Harriet?"
"I'm so sorry for keeping secrets from you. I mean, you're our friend and we…no offence to you Mac, but we didn't want to choose between our friends again. It felt like we betrayed you, Harm."
"Harriet, it's okay. It weren't my personal feelings that got broadcast all over JAG headquarters and I can understand Mac's need to run and hide. You were there for her when she needed you and I know you'll be there for me if I would ever need you."
"You can count on that."
The relief on Harriet's kind face was almost comical.
They took a rain check on dinner. Mac felt she'd already taken up more of their hospitality than she needed and Harm just couldn't wait to be alone with her, to start their new relationship. Sure, there were a lot of issues to be straightened, problems to be addressed, bruised ego's to be mended, but at least the knowledge of their shared love should help them mull this over. They would be fine.
After saying goodbye to their friends, and making them both promise they would keep the latest episode of their love-story to themselves for just a while longer, they each got into their cars to go home. Mac's home. Together.
One more chapter to come…I hope you can all live with the way I processed "the talk". Thanks for reading again.