Wesley, Gunn and Lorne watched as Angel slept in Fred's lap, his little wolf legs twitching every now and then and excited little Yip! Yip!s escaping from between his little fangs as he dreamt of... whatever it is that wolves and dogs dream of.
"So..." The lawyer eventually started. "Sun's been up for three hours now. How come he ain't changing back?"
Wesley looked at Gunn and shrugged. "Hard to tell. As far as I have been able to find out, nothing like this has ever happened before. First he was turned into a vampire, then he got a soul which he proceeded to lose and regain at least twice that we know of, then he was turned into a puppet and finally now into a werewolf..."
"Plus, there's the hundred years in a hell dimension that he's never really said anything about."
"And also that time in Pylea when he turned into... whatever that was."
"Yes, quite." Wesley glared at Gunn and Lorne, not happy to be interrupted when he was in exposition mode. "Point is, he's been turned into something different from his natural state so many times, my educated guess is that whatever rules these things has simply gotten... confused. He was supposed to change back from a puppet, and he was supposed to change back from a wolf, and apparently they've cancelled each other out."
"So, what? You're saying he's stuck like this?"
"Possibly. There is no way of knowing. I've been going through the records and there is simply no prejudice for anything like this. There was one vampire who was turned into a woman once, but other than that..." The former Watcher was all out of ideas. He then went bright red with jealousy as Angel rubbed up against Fred's boobs in his sleep.
Lorne was still mulling it over. "So, isn't there someone else we could ask?"
"Um..." Wes focused. "Well, if Wolfram & Hart's records cannot tell us anything, I really don't know who could. Possibly the Watcher's Council, but..."
"...they trust us about as far as they could throw us", Gunn nodded. "Still, can't hurt to ask. Even if Buffy's angry with Angel, I don't think she wants him to go permanently Lon Chaney Jr junior. I'll have Harmony call Giles and try and set up a meeting."
Ten minutes later, Harmony ran into the office, looking very excited. "Great news, guys! I just got off the phone with that librarian guy. He said he'd send his top expert for stuff like this immediately and he should be here tomorrow morning."
And so, next morning, Wesley and Gunn stood in front of the elevator looking like like two kids at Christmas waiting for the Watcher's Council expert to arrive . The night had been... well, not exactly rough, but weird. Angel was still a stuffed wolf, and had tried again to savage anyone in sight. And hough that was fun for a while (not to mention how adorable everyone thought it was) it got distracting since his fur was so, well, ticklish. So eventually they'd simply leashed him to the desk, and he'd spent the night under it brooding until he fell asleep.
Gunn looked at his watch. "So, Wes, you've hung with these people more than any of us. Who's this top expert? And please tell me it's not that Andrew guy again."
"Well, my guess would be a certain young man named Oz. He has first-hand experience of both vampires and werewolves, and while he and I never saw quite eye to eye – literally and figuratively, he is not very tall – he apparently got on quite well with Angel. It would make sense for them to send him."
Just then the elevator door opened and in walked...
...a UPS employee carrying a cardboard box. "Package for Wesley Wyndam-Pryce?"
The Englishman frowned and signed for it, and then he and Gunn stood there staring at the box in puzzlement.
"That Oz?" Gunn looked unconvinced. "You said the dude was small, but..."
"Open it." Wesley unfolded the accompanying letter and began reading.
"Dear Wesley,
while it is true that it is not common Council procedure to come to the aid of Wolfram & Hart, we realize that this is a special case..."
Gunn got out a box cutter and opened the package.
"...and therefore have decided to honour your request for help and send you our foremost expert on stuffed animals. We hope that you will find his services satisfactory."
Gunn reached inside the box, tossed out some styrofoam packing pellets and pulled out – "Huh?" – Buffy's stuffed pig.
"We would be grateful if you could return Mister Gordo to us as soon as you are done with him. We really cannot spare him for long. I assume I do not need to remind you how dear he is to Buffy, and how disappointed she would be if anything were to happen to him.
Regards,
Rupert
Giles
P.S. In the event that Andrew wasn't clear on this: We really do not trust you, you work for Wolfram & Hart, and we are not on the same side. May I suggest you get Angel a little collar? I understand leather is quite durable."
Gunn looked with confusion at the cuddly little pig in his hands. Wesley calmly folded the letter up, calmly put it back inside the box, and then calmly pulled out his gun and emptied the clip into the box sending styrofoam pellets flying everywhere. "Right. So we're back to square one, then."
Author's note: a previous version of this made it sound like Mr Gordo got shot. That was NOT my intention, just shoddy writing. Sorry.