Cin liked 'Snowman Hank', Bonnie had embarrassed herself, and both he and Kim were trying hard not to laugh at it. Lesbians were... cool...
"------------------------------------------------------"
The rest of the evening went fairly well from there. Shego managed to get Kim alone for long enough to suggest "Can we just start this evening over?", Cin surreptitiously passed a note with her e-mail address to Ron while Bonnie wasn't looking, and Monique was able to get Ron to eat with utensils without embarrassing him (too much). So really, it went well, and all three pairs left the table hand-in-hand.
Bonnie and her girlfriend went to the movies: "D.E.B.S." Ron and Monique went to Monique's house – her parents were home – to catch up on a very important Professional Wrestling match she'd recorded. Kim and Shego... parked.
And everybody had a good time. Well... two out of three ain't bad.
"------------------------------------------------------"
Monique's father was secluded in the basement – apparently using power tools, by the sound of it, and her mother was upstairs in the master bedroom, probably reading Vogue in bed. So... Monique and Ron were "pretty much" alone.
They ate popcorn and watched the wrestling. A disappointment, I know.
"The Undertaker is so cool!" Ron gushed.
Monique shot him a concerned look, "The Undertaker sucks, Ron. Sucks rocks. Fat rocks, too."
He sort of expected her to agree, and was a little taken aback by her brusqueness. "Mon! He's my favorite! I don't go putting down Stone Cold, y'know... or are you just trying to start an argument..."
"I say what I think. And I think The Undertaker sucks. You'd prefer me to lie? You want me to say 'Oh,Ron, yeah, he really is, isn't he? Gee-willikins!'?
That brought a smile to his face – the idea of Monique saying "Gee-willikins!"
"Well... no... but you could be a little more... I dunno... supportive. Act like a girl. I mean -"
She gave him a semi-stern look, "You don't wanna go there, Ron-man. I'd have thought you'd got yer fill of 'girlish' after having Dinner With the Lesbians."
Aye, that was true. There were times when he could almost feel the testosterone being sucked from his body. Monique was... refreshing.
"I never realized how much I like you, Mon. You're... you're so..."
She turned to face him on the couch, suddenly all seriousness, "Ron? There's something I think you should know about me..."
His heart suddenly sank like a lead balloon. He shoulda known. He sighed heavily and said, "Oh, god, Monique... if you tell me you're a lesbian... I'm gonna cry. I just will. I swear."
He didn't see it, but a smile flickered on Monique's lips. "No, I'm not lesbian. But, I think it's something you should know, anyway... I just hope you're not too shocked..."
Well, at least he still had a chance, then. Unless... no... she couldn't be... She couldn't be -
"Ron... I'm black."
- a guy... like, a trans-sexua – what? "What?"
"It's true. I'm a black girl. All over too... Wanna see?" She began unbuttoning her top.
"Mon!... No!... What?..." but he never got to finish, as Monique finally couldn't hold it any longer, and burst out in laughter.
He had been had. Hook, line, and sinker. And it was funny...
"Okay, Mon. You got me. Laugh it up, you deserve it... probably been planning that all night, haven't ya..."
She could only nod, one hand on her stomach, while the other searched blindly for – and eventually found – his shoulder. "Ah! Ah gawd!... the look on your face! Wha – what did you think I was gonna say?" She could barely get the words out.
He waited for her to at least catch a breath, "I thought you were gonna tell me you were a guy..."
That set Monique off all over again.
That's when Ron got the idea for his revenge. "I did! I figured you were about to tell me that you were a guy in a dress!"
"Ron!... Ro-" She couldn't find the breath to say anything else. She doubled over, her head touching her knees.
"Yeah, and I was gonna be all understanding and crap and say how it was okay with me, and we could still be boyfriends..."
"S - Stop! Ron! You... you're k – killing me!"
He leaned over on her to whisper in her ear, "And I was gonna say maybe we could go shopping for bras sometime..."
"S – St – Stop!" Tears ran from her eyes, her nose ran. Now it was time for him to sit back and admire his handiwork, but instead he found himself staring at the ear and neck he'd just been within inches of. She smelled good... He leaned back down to get another whiff -
And found his lips pressing against her just below that pretty ear. He hadn't meant to do that... it just... happened... And it kept happening... And he forgot about everything else. All he knew was warmth, fragrance, smooth skin, warmth again... it just went on and on and on... he would never know how long...
"Yo. Ron." She said.
By the time he came to, his mouth was just above the top of her breast. He looked into her dark eyes trying to figure out what was happening – or exactly where he was, for that matter.
"Huh?"
She looked down at her own belly. Which was kind of an odd thing to do, he thought. What was she... Following her eyes, he looked to, and saw that someone's hands were underneath her shirt, holding her firmly just below the same breasts his head was just above. His hands. He jerked away reflexively, as if she were red-hot, almost ripping her blouse in the process.
"Calm down, Ron-man... it's alright. It's okay. It's just that this isn't the place. Or time. There'll be other places and times..." she said, smiling at him. He was so cute when he was flustered!
"Uh... yeah... Look, Mon, I, uh..." his stammering was interrupted by the doorbell. Thank you GOD, he thought, feeling rescued. But before the ringing could even die away, he had changed his mind – Wait a minute... no... god DAMN it, I mean!
"I'll get it!" Monique shouted up to her parents.
Shego stood at the door looking characteristically dour, "We need to talk" she said, striding purposefully into the house without waiting to be asked.
"Uhm, sure, Shego... c'mon in, I guess" Monique said making it plain that her presence was not entirely welcome.
"I need to talk about Kim..." she began, and then spotted Ron on the couch, "Oh, it's the side – uh, I mean - I see Ron's still here." She turned to him, "Can you give us a little privacy?"
"Yeah, I'll -"
"Sit down, Ron" Monique commanded, and then fixed her eyes on the older girl, "You wanna talk about Kim? Well here's two of your best resources. And he probably knows more than I do anyway. So, talk." She was at least polite enough to leave out And make it fast, although she was thinking it.
Shego glowered back at her for a moment, but eventually gave up when it became apparent that Monique would not be cowed.
"We... there used to be... it's not like..." she stammered, "Oh! She just pisses me off SO much! Gah! I can't even think straight!"
"Calm down, GF. Here, sit. Have some popcorn... lemme getcha something to drink – what's yer pref?"
"Just water, but I don't -" before she could finish, a bowl of popcorn was put in her lap and Monique was off to the kitchen, leaving her there with Ron. She glared at him, and he sat there with a look of "What'd I do?"
Monique came back and handed Shego her ice-water, then sat down in the other chair, next to her. "Now, take a deep breath – and tell me what happened tonight."
"I took her down to the river overlook, y'know? Watch the moon rise? And we, well, we made out a little... and I mean a little... I... She..."
"And you were disappointed. Things not happening fast enough for ya?" Monique suggested.
"Not really so much that... I mean, I know things are going to go slow for awhile. It's just... somethings missing. Somethings wrong. She won't tell me what! I ask her 'What's wrong?' and she just SITS there like -"
"What makes you think she knows?"
That caught the green-skinned girl off-guard. She's just sort of assumed that Kim had something on her mind. Or something.
"Okay, you got me there. But... before, back when we were enemies, we used to have this... this thing, or at least I think we did... I mean, I did, for sure..."
Ron broke in, "Well, of course you -"
"Is anyone talking to you Ron? ANYone at all?" Shego growled, then turned back to Monique, "Anyway, I used to get this feeling... like, if only we weren't on opposite sides of everything, we'd... be all over each other. And now that we aren't, it's like -"
Ron broke in again, "Shego, why don't -"
Having had enough interruption while she was having a hard enough time talking anyway, Shego nearly screamed at him, "RON! Isn't there SOMETHING you could be doing right now?" Her eyes bored into his.
"Yeah. Yeah, there is, in fact! I COULD be getting out my Kimmunicator and giving Wade a call, so he could set up a fake mission for Team Possible, and then you could meet her in some abandoned warehouse somewhere and the two of you could fight like old times and get yer damn - flames or whatever - back! THAT is what I COULD be doing! But INSTEAD, I'm gonna go see what's in the fridge!" He stormed off into the kitchen.
Shego's mouth hung open. The fighting! THAT's what was missing! The physical contest of skill and will, the eye-contact, the banter... YES! But...
She looked over at Monique.
"Uh-huh... Yer bad-ass 'tude gotcha in deep kim-chee, dinnit? And now you're looking at me?" The black teenage high school cheerleader was smirking at her, now.
"I... he... Monique! You gotta talk to him! You gotta tell him -"
"I don't gotta tell him squat! Y'know, Shego... what the hell is your problem with him, anyway?"
Shego slumped back in her chair. The answer she'd sought was obvious now, the missing piece found. And it was in the hands of the Sidekick Buffoon, of all fucking places! "You'll just get mad at me. Again."
"No, promise not to. C'mon. What's the prob?" Monique asked, no longer smirking.
"The 'prob' is that he's just such a... dork!" Shego chose her words more carefully than usual.
"Yeah. He kinna is. And you're such a bitch, too, but I still like you... I don't think that's the whole story. No one actually hates dorks. You make fun of dorks, or you think dorks are cute, but ya don't hate 'em for being dorks." A realization was beginning to form in Monique's mind as she said that. What does one hate someone else for... She reached into the end-table drawer and pulled out a Post-It and a pen, wrote something down on it, and folded it in half while Shego stared at her.
"What's that all about?"
"You'll see. So tell me, what do you have against Ron. Why do you keep calling him 'the sidekick'?"
"Because that's what he is! Every time – every DAMN time - me and Kim would meet, there'd he be, right behind her - with that stupid rat of his - getting in the way, ruining everything... and any help he ever was to her was pure random accident... Accident! It's weird, how he -"
"And when all the fighting is over? When the Bad Guys are Foiled Again, what happens then?" The set up... Monique thought.
Shego thought about it. "Well, usually I'll be in the hovercraft with Drakken, and she'd probably go home with... him... Oh, no. Oh no no no... If you're even thinking that I'm jealous of Ron Stoppable!... Well, you can just... And besides, she's totally gay, y'know! No interest in boys at all! So you're just SO wrong if -"
"Yeah. But you didn't know that until – when?" And the Coup-de-gras. Touche'. Grand Slam Smackdown.
Shego sat dumb-founded. After giving her awhile to think about it, Monique handed her the Post-It:"Jealous. Thought he was Kim's boyfriend." it said when Shego unfolded it.
"Ah, gawd..." she slumped even further into the over-stuffed chair, "Well, thank you, Monique. Girlfriend. I feel like a total shit now..."
"Good."
Shego looked up at her, "You enjoyed that, didn't you..."
"It's like a hobby" Monique smiled. From the kitchen, they could hear a plate being set on the counter-top. "You know what you gotta do now, right?"
Shego sighed, "Yeah, I know. I gotta go crawling and begging to... to The Buffoon, and ask him to please please help me..."
"Excellent!" Monique squealed, "I'm gonna watch!"
Trapped between the wisdom of one and the utility of another teenager, Shego really had no options left. "Do you have to?" she asked.
Monique clapped her hands together, "No, I don't. It's a perk! C'mon!" she giggled. It took every ounce of Shego's strength just to get up from that damn chair.
"------------------------------------------------------"