She let him do whatever he wanted – a rare experience for Kim. It was a smart choice.

"------------------------------------------------------"

Shock-horror. The British phrase fit exactly Cin's condition. Shocked about how she'd acted when the ride had turned scary, horrified at her condition now. And Bonnie had seen it all, dammit! That was the worst part. If she'd been alone, at least she could have dusted herself off – and maybe found a change of clothes somehow – and pretended it had never happened. Well, she hadn't been alone. So now Bonnie knew that everything Cin pretended to be was a lie. Cin hated her for that.

Tough Girl Cin. Tom-boy. Hard-, bull-, dyke Cin. Cringing and crying and wetting herself while clinging desperately onto the feminine, girly, cheerleader. It was unbearable! She was supposed to be the tough one! She was... she was the boy! Well, apparently she wasn't as "boy" as she'd thought she was – at all. She'd felt a tinge of not-boy the previous afternoon, while making love with Bonnie, but she could ignore that because both her and Bonnie had been too... busy... to notice. And too shy to talk about it afterward. Funny how you could be more uncomfortable with someone after making love than you had been before, but that's how it had gone.

But the way she'd acted when the OPT – her and Bonnie's cage – had started rocking and dropping and lifting couldn't be ignored. For half an hour Cin had been a terrified little girl, clutching onto Bonnie for protection. Exactly the wrong way around, that was. Bonnie must be totally disgusted with her...

"Cin? Did you bring those strawberries along?" Bonnie asked, hoping enough time had gone by that she wouldn't get another shut-up! in return. Her nausea now gone, Bonnie's new crisis was plain everyday hunger.

"In my pack. Over there" she looked briefly up and pointed to the space behind the Nav and Dir panel. Bonnie was obviously hiding her disgust and disappointment. I guess because there's no way she can get away from me. Otherwise she'd probably make some kind of excuse, "I gotta get back to the 'rents – they'll be looking for me", something like that. Some polite way of saying Sayonora, Baby – see ya around. The dampness and smell of her jeans reminded Cin of her guilt and disgrace. She hid her face behind her knees again.

"You want some?" Bonnie asked.

"No."

Bonnie took the pack and sat down beside Cin anyway, and began eating the chocolate-dipped strawberries. They were incredibly good – especially to someone who hadn't eaten in sixteen hours.

"Mmm, gawd, these are good! Ya sure, Cin?" Bonnie held out one of the larger berries. Cin peeked at it over her knees, suddenly starving at the sight of food. She took it and began grimly eating. When she'd finished it, Bonnie held out another. So polite. It was the last straw.

"Look, just stop pretending, okay? Here -" Cin grabbed a handful of the berries from inside her pack, "I'll take these, you can have the rest. Now just leave me alone!"

"M-kay" Bonnie replied with her mouth full, non-plussed. She had time to find out what Cin meant by 'pretending'. No rush. They ate in silence.

Once she was finished, Bonnie brushed her hands together and got up, "Let's see if we can find you something to wear, huh? They must have some kind of locker in here somewhere. Someplace the workers can keep their -"

"Bon, just drop it, okay? Look, I'm not... I'm not like you thought I was, alright? So just stop being such a... girl! It's just making me mad."

So that's what it is Bonnie thought, Well, whatever that means... What DOES she mean?

"What do... what are you trying to say?"

Cin looked over at her still burning with hatred. Bonnie was going to make her spell it out, then, was that it? Get in some final indignity? Well, so be it, let's get it all out in the open.

"You only liked me 'cause you thought I was basically a boy with tits, that's what I'm saying. Well, I'm not. Sorry to burst your bubble" Cin said. It wasn't Bonnie's bubble that had burst, of course. It was Cin's.

Cin had made her mind up at the age of ten that she was a boy, despite outward appearances. She had enough clues that she wasn't a girl – she didn't like playing girl-games, she didn't like hanging out with the girls, she didn't like the girl-clothes... she didn't really like girls at all. All they did was make her feel alien. On the other hand, she fit right in with the boys. And the boys seemed to accept her, even think she was cool. How much more proof did you need? As time went on, the disparity only became worse – by Junior High, over-heard conversations in the girl's bathroom were beginning to sound like a foreign language. Make-up and clothes and colors (she never did figure out what the hell "heliotrope" was) and who were the cutest boys... By her thirteenth birthday she had figured out that she liked the boys who looked like girls. Not long after that she realized that what she REALLY "liked" was girls that looked like girls.

Bonnie tried to figure out what she'd just heard - it sounded like nonsense to her. Cin thought that Bonnie thought of her as a "boy with tits"? Where did that come from? And why would she think that Bonnie would even be interested in a "boy with tits" in the first place? Yeah, well, honestly, that might be kinna cool... in a weird way... but it certainly had nothing at all to do with how she felt about Cin! Either before or after yesterday! Cin was obviously... well, put it this way: there was obviously something about her that Bonnie didn't understand.

"'Boy with tits' huh? Right. That's a new one on me, for sure. Cin... you do realize that sounds totally insane, right? I mean... are you serious?"

Cin's forehead wrinkled looking at her, trying to figure out Bonnie's game. What Bonnie had just said wasn't very polite, considering. In fact, it was kind of rude. What was she up to?

"I'm a hard-butch dyke, Bonnie. Now tell me that's not what turns you on. Go ahead" she challenged.

"Well, yeah, it is" she admitted, "What's that got to do with being 'a boy'?"

Cin stared at her. She'd had her answer to No, Cin, that's not it at all all saved up and ready to go, with a side of vitriol to boot. But Bonnie's admission, coupled with what's that got to do with being a 'boy' was completely unexpected. DID it have anything to do with being a boy? DID "hard butch" mean "masculine"? That had never occurred to her before – she'd always assumed it was a given. Was it possible to be 'butch' and not macho? What did 'butch' really mean, anyway? Or 'masculine', for that matter? Suddenly it was all very confusing, just like it had been when she was 10. Cin had thought she'd figured all this out...

Bonnie was staring right back. Her eyes were clear, open, honest, totally without guile. She wasn't hiding anything. She wasn't being rude. She wasn't being nosy. She wasn't even showing her trade-mark cynicism. Suddenly the clouds lifted from Cin's mind and she realized: Bonnie just wanted to know what was wrong.

And what was wrong was Cin.

"Uh... can I have a minute here? You're confusing me. Actually, I take that back. I think I'm confusing me."

"Sure. I'll just poke around, see what I can find."

Cin watched her rummage through the drawers and lockers for awhile. Finally, she took the Big Step, the All-Out Plunge, her Deepest Secret: she said, "I'm scared of heights, Bon."

Without looking back at her, Bonnie replied casually, "Yeah, I figured that out. I'm the same way with spiders."

Cin's eyebrows shot up, "Spiders?"

"Spiders. Ew! Even saying the word makes me shiver!" It was true, Bonnie had goosebumps just from hearing it thrice in a row.

A pregnant pause.

Then Cin said, "I guess you're not going to like Rosalyn then..."

"Rosalyn?"

"My tarantula. She's a Brazilian Blue! Dad gave her to me when I was five. Of course, I wasn't allowed to play with her until -"

Bonnie spun around to face her, "You ARE kidding me, right Cin? Right? Right, Cin...?"

Cin only smiled.

"------------------------------------------------------"

She felt fine! What was all the fuss about? Why were all these people looking at her? Kim looked around the rescue-chopper's cabin, mildly annoyed at the wasted time. She was supposed to be out chasing some bad-guys. She didn't have time for all these stupid questions about her name, where she lived, who was the President of the United States...

Kim "woken up" half an hour away from Grand Junction. Actually, she'd been awake the whole time before that too – but she would never, ever, be able to remember that particular span of time. A mild concussion had erased it forever... but it wasn't a sharp, distinct blank-spot. It sort of faded out somewhere in the tumbling plane and faded back in again while the medics were putting ice-packs around her shoulders. In between was simply not there.

She looked around the cabin and saw Shego staring back at her, leaning forward on her seat, dressed only in blanket on her lap and mummy-like bandages that wound around her from the neck down. Kim smiled brightly at her – seeing Shego was the best thing that could have happened - but Shego didn't smile back. Instead, she just glared, hard as steel, and finally looked away out the window. Kim remained confused for a moment before it came back to her what she'd done, and then her smile vanished, and for the rest of the ride she only stared at the floor.

"------------------------------------------------------"

Ron, Monique, Krache, and Burns were there waiting for them when the helicopter landed.

"KP! I... I..." Ron stammered, unexpectedly overwhelmed with emotion. He didn't know he'd be so... happy to see her. Now that it was assured that he'd never be Kim's boyfriend, he'd just assumed that their bond was – well, if not broken, then certainly not as strong. Apparently he was wrong. His arms flew open to hug her.

"The shoulders! Watch the shoulders, Ron!" Kim cried before he could embrace her. A green-stick fractured collarbone made certain movements painful, and even the thought of being squeezed made her wince.

"Oh, sorry. Well... I'm just so glad you're okay! What's -" he began, but Monique cut him off.

"I'm SO happy you made it, GF!" she said "hugging" Kim but without the embrace. "You were sounding kinda hopeless there for awhile... was it really that bad?"

Shego stood in the background while all the faux-hugging and catching-up was going on, still clad in only her blanket and bandages. No one had even noticed her. She should've been the hero! She should've been the one everyone was wanting to congratulate! But no, Kim had seen to it that all the glory would belong to her and her alone. It was irrational, but it was how she felt.

Once everyone began filing into the Gulfstream, she followed glumly behind, not bothering to tell anyone that she would need something to wear eventually. The last thing she wanted to do right now was need anything at all from these people. Fuck 'em.

Everyone found a seat: Ron next to Kim, Monique at her station, and Shego two rows back on the other side from Kim and looking forlornly out the window. Monique was immediately back on-line with Wade to see if they'd found the OPT yet. No luck. So she told the pilots to just head west and hope for something to turn up. The bad guys were four hours ahead of them – they could well have landed, unhooked the OPT, and headed home by now. According to RB Corp., they might be a hundred feet underground by now, given soft earth.

But there is no "soft earth" around Grand Junction, Colorado...

"Hey Wade... you keep looking, I'm going to get in touch with the Geological Survey, see if we can figure out where they might be going around here. If they even are around here anymore, I mean."

"Good luck Mon. We'll find 'em. I have a few tricks left up my sleeve... Out."

During take-off and the climb to altitude, Kim filled Ron in on her big adventure, but in the back of her mind, she knew she was going to have to make it up, somehow, to Shego. She wasn't dreading it, but she knew a little bit about her girlfriend, and it wasn't going to be easy, either.

As soon as the "Fasten Seatbelts" light went off, she said, "I have to go talk to Shego, Ron. She... she's mad at me." Ron could imagine. Of all the people who'd heard Kim order Shego to jump, only Ron and Dr. Director (and Wade, who wasn't telling) knew about her and Shego's "special" situation.

"Yeah. Good luck, KP" he said as she got up.

Shego didn't even glance at her as Kim sat back down in the adjoining seat.

If Kim thought she was uncomfortable, that was nothing compared to how Shego was feeling. Shego no longer trusted Kim. Kim's power over her was no longer the least bit erotic – instead it was frightening, enraging, humiliating. She was ready to elbow Kim in the mouth the second she thought Kim might be trying to screw with her mind. She was expecting Kim to do that, too. And probably right now. She tensed, getting ready for the blow.

"Shego... that... what I did was stupid, I know. I mean... probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. I... well, I just wasn't thinking. And I couldn't... uhm..."

Shego made no sign of acknowledgment.

"Look, I know you're mad at me, and you have every right to be, okay? I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry... Will you please talk to me?"

Finally Shego turned her face from the window and looked Kim in the eye, "I want out. I don't want to be part of... 'Team Possible', as you kids call it. Next stop, I'm getting off this plane – if I have a choice, that is" she said sarcastically. She didn't consciously know it, but she was trying to push Kim into doing the very thing she feared most - using her power again - to prove to herself that Kim could no longer to be trusted. "And if I even remember saying that, once we land."

The words cut though Kim's heart like a hot knife, searing the flesh and leaving the smell of cooked meat in the air. Unable to think about the full impact of what Shego was saying, she latched on to the logistics of her proposition. She could argue with them. She could use rational thought against them. She could dare to think about that.

"They... They'll lock you up, Shego... you heard the Director. They'll lock you up for -"

"I've broken myself out of jail before. I'll do it again," the former and maybe future criminal replied, looking out the window again. "Unless, of course, you're going to stop me. It doesn't really matter either way. I'd rather sit in a cell than be here with... Anyway, I'm going." Then she turned back to Kim to say one final thing: "You're the only person in the world that can stop me, too. So make up your mind." Shego made a fist with her left hand – the one on the far side from Kim, and readied herself to beat the girl to a charred, smoky pulp, if necessary. She watched Kim's mouth, not her eyes.

Kim's lips parted – Shego got ready. Before one syllable left the teenager's mouth, at least ten of her teeth could be smashed in. And that was without the plasma. But Shego wasn't about to stop there. There was only one way to truly be free of this bitch, and Shego was ready to be free. Wanted to be free.

But her lips closed again, and Kim got up without saying anything at all.

She walked back up the aisle toward Ron in a daze. Everything seemed suddenly strange, silent. Like a ghost of reality. Or maybe she was the ghost... she certainly felt as if she could walk right through the Gulfstreams hull and out into the air, her body no more substantial than the wind. But instead, she sat back in her seat next to Ron, on auto-pilot, as it were. She didn't even notice Ron staring at her.

"KP?... Kim? Is it... how'd it... are you okay?" he asked haltingly.

No, she was not "okay". The whole world had just come to an end. It was obvious Shego hated her – hated her passionately. And this time for real. And this time for good reason. Oh, Kim could understand how Shego felt, alright – that didn't take any imagination at all. They mystery had always been how she could have ever felt different, as far as Kim was concerned. But... but she had felt different, before. The fighting in the warehouse, the sex afterward, the night in jail, the flying... the two of them together, it had felt so... unnaturally GOOD being with her like that! Kim hadn't wanted it to end, ever! She'd been fantasizing delicious, golden dreams of what their Life Together might be like. Addictive dreams. Opium dreams. For that short time, that few days, she'd had nothing on her horizon except more, better, and more often.

All gone now - poof! And even Ron couldn't get her out of this. Ron... another bridge burned behind her. Ron had Monique now. He wouldn't be chasing after Kim anymore. That part of her life – Ron trying to be her boyfriend – was over, for good. She had no one now. For the first time in her life, no one cared about her. She began to cry silently.

Just like the things Shego was feeling, none of it was true. But neither of them was willing to believe it. Kim and Shego both dwelt in, and dwelled on, their moods and trains of thought, becoming sadder and angrier, respectively. The pessimism and depression were a vicious circle, a snake eating its tail, a resonant feedback system, an engineer might say. Shego wanted more than anything to destroy something, and Kim just wanted to die.

"Kim?..." Ron said again, full of concern, but she only doubled over, head at knee-level, and cried more. And less silently.

Obviously she wasn't in any state to talk. At this point, Ron did the most dangerous thing he would ever do in his life – he went to talk to Shego.

"What did you say to her?" he asked, sitting in the next seat over from where Kim had, leaving an empty space between them. Shego didn't look away from the window.

"The same thing I'm telling you: I'm out. I've had enough of you people. Whatever happens, it has to be better than this."

He thought about that for awhile. What Kim had done to her had obviously touched a nerve. But... Kim had lived through it, and so had Shego – it could have been a lot worse.

"Shego... I understand why you'd want to quit, but -"

"I don't 'want to quit', Stoppable! I HAVE quit! I AM out! You understand? This is not up for discussion!" She began to actually tremble with rage. These damn people wouldn't let her alone! Was it asking too much to just be LEFT ALONE! She unconsciously balled up both fists, and consciously fought to keep her plasma down. Ron was sitting eighteen inches away from Sure Death, but didn't know it. He sighed and stared at the seat back in front of him.

Shego's not thinking straight either, I should've expected that he thought. They're so alike, and yet so different... In a weird way they sort of complement each other. She's mad at Kim for trying to sacrifice herself for her, and Kim's crying because the woman she couldn't help doing that for wants nothing to do with her – because she did it. Geez.

"She's crying her eyes out up there, Shego. Okay, it was a dumb thing, what she did. If anyone should have jumped, it was her. Me, I think you should have both crashed together – taken your chances - but she couldn't let that happen. She couldn't take that chance. She wouldn't let you take that chance. And there's no way you would've jumped if she hadn't forced you to. Isn't that right..."

Each word out of Ron's mouth almost pushed Shego over the line. She was expecting him to say something that would, waiting for it, hoping for it. Her mind re-worked everything he said, trying to find some way to use it as an excuse to lose control. She wanted to lose control so much it physically hurt. Any excuse would do.

"Well... whatever, Shego. I was actually starting to like you, too – weird, I know. I was even kind of hoping that you'd teach me how to fly someday. Anyway, good luck... whatever happens." He got back up and sat next to Monique, watching her work. As for Kim and Shego... there wasn't much for him to do there. Nothing appropriate, anyway. He would have liked to scream, stamp his feet, and slam something. Nope, nothing appropriate to do. Best to take his mind off it. Poor Kim. And poor Shego, too. Stupid girls, the both of 'em.

"------------------------------------------------------"