Author's note: Bet you can't guess which Skins character I based Amelia Longbottom on. I was just rewatching Skins season 1, then I read through this chapter and I was like "damn, the influence was real". Anyway, here's a James chapter, and here we see him fall in love and become very, very devoted to a very special little lady. A very little lady. Also, New Year's happens, and my characters enter the year 2022, and it kind of tripped me out when I picked this story back up in the year 2022. And then there's Professor Cavanaugh. I do so love his and James's relationship, I gotta write more of it. And shall. I'm working on a new James chapter as we speak, I have to remember to put Cav into it. I have so many characters and subplots and so many that I haven't even thought of in like a decade, I really have to refresh my memory on who's who and what's what in my own story. Also I'm in France right now and the wine is so cheap and good? I mean, the cheap wine is actually good. There's a lot of things about Europe in general that are going to make it difficult to return to Canada. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Content warning: Strong language, mental illness.

Chapter 11

Capucine

(James)

Someone was licking my face. At first, I thought it was just my dream. Well, you know, it was a very saucy dream with some chick I'd met in a coffee shop once and tried to charm her and then she threw a packet of sugar at my face...but that's not important. I opened my eyes, and I thought I was staring at a werewolf. I freaked out a bit, silently, and sat up to find that it wasn't a werewolf, not even close. It was a tiny, fluffy, furry, itty-bitty grey and white tabby kitten with enormous blue eyes. I squealed a bit (a manly squeal) and I picked it up. It mewled at me pleasantly. There was a tiny little blue ribbon around its neck with a little silvery bell on it that tinkled with every move it made. Attached to the ribbon was a tag that read "Merry Christmas, James. Love Father Christmas (but mostly mum and dad)".

"Eeeek!" I said in a lower, though still excited voice, and I cradled the kitty in my arms while it put its paws on my shoulder, then I ran out of the tent, through the snow in bare feet, which wasn't a very bright idea, and I burst into the kitchen where I found my mum with a very exhausted face making coffee. "Lookit-lookit-lookit!" I cried, jumping up and down. Mum raised her eyebrows and gave me a sleepy smile.

"You like it?" she asked to which I responded by hurrying forward and kissing her on the cheek.

"Is it a he or a she?" I asked then, raising the kitty to look at its face. It seemed uninterested in me and was busy looking all around.

"She," mum replied through a long yawn.

"Oooh, my little princess," I crooned to the kitty, "now, what should I name you? Hmmm, it has to be just perfect." I flopped down on the couch where I set the kitten on my chest. "Sasparilla? No... Heathcliff? Svidrigaïlov? Ventricle...Yarn..."

"Bacon?"

"Naw, I'm sick of food names for animals."

"I meant; would you like some bacon?"

"Oh, yes."

The kitten leapt up to walk along the top of the couch, then she paused, staring at nothing, and jumped to the floor, racing off to another part of the house.

"Paisley? Neon? Muchacho?" I shook my head, standing up and beginning to walk around the house to see if I could find my kitty. I had a feeling I had succeeded in my mission when I heard a shocked scream from the next room. I walked to the door to find my kitty slipping out. When she saw me, she jumped onto my leg, staying in place with her claws. "You're so fucking cute, kitty!" I grinned as I scratched her head. I shuffled forward awkwardly until I could see into the next room.

"A cat just flew at my face!" Roxanne cried when she saw me. I snickered and she narrowed her eyes at me. "It reminded me a little bit of something you would do."

"She's perfect!" I replied with glee as I reached down and pulled the kitty off of my leg. She meowed loudly and waved her paws at my face in protest. "It's my minion! Hmm, James Junior? Naw, James the third? James-ette? Jamie? Jam?" I wandered away as I continued pondering my kitten's name. Meanwhile, she climbed up to sit on my head where she tried to capture my eyebrows.

Eventually, the whole house woke up, most of the adults having to be annoyed out of bed by Lily and Hugo. While the alert members of the household were drinking coffee, my kitten ran around and pestered all of them, sneaking up on them and meowing loudly in their ears or playing with their hair or flying past their faces very quickly so that they squealed in surprise. I've only known her for a few hours, but my heart is already completely hers.

First, we opened stockings while we drank coffee and ate mini muffins. Then we all sat down at the table for a super deluxe breakfast of crepes with various different sauces and toppings, bacon, fruit, hash browns and sausages. We all sat, cradling our stomachs for a while after breakfast, but then Hugo started whining about wanting to open presents, so we all shuffled over to the living room.

The present opening went by in a whirl of wrapping paper and tissue and bags and ribbons. When it was finished, we all sat back in exhaustion from all the excitement, surrounded by piles of new stuff. I sat next to June as she was turned around on the couch to stare out at the white world as a faint dusting of snow had begun to fall. Her eyes reflected the whiteness, but they seemed dull.

"Well then, slag, aren't you going to say thank you?" I asked, poking her with the Toblerone I had received in my stocking. She turned to me and smiled one of those smiles that are less a smile and more your cheeks puffing out.

"Thanks," she muttered. I pulled myself up using the cushions of the couch to help and I frowned at her.

"Something's wrong, you aren't yelling at me," I noted, and she rolled her eyes.

"Fucking hell, James, I'm tired," she sighed, putting her hand over her face. "And I've got a headache."

"Hmmm," I replied, stroking my chin pensively. "I don't buy it. Are you pregnant? I knew it! Fuck, Slippy, why can't you ever keep your knickers on, hm? I've told you time and again-"

"Jesus, shut the fuck up!" she shrieked, hitting me repeatedly on the head. I laughed.

"Okay, that's the slag I know!" I said, grinning at her and sliding back down on the couch. My kitten climbed up me and jumped at June who yelped. Then my kitten walked along the top of the couch, whacking everyone's head with her paw. I love this kitty.

"What's not to like about cappuccinos?" Dom was asking Roxanne nearby.

"Too much foam, not enough coffee, you know?" Roxanne replied, crinkling up her nose.

"Well, I enjoy the foam, I guess."

"Cappuccino..." I muttered thoughtfully, stroking my chin again. "Capucine...OH MY GOD, EVERYONE! LISTEN UP! I'VE GOT IT!" I yelled as I jumped to my feet. June screamed and put her hand to her chest while everyone else jumped in surprise and turned their eyes on me. My kitten jumped up in the air and did a weird little kick and then she landed at my feet and started attacking my legs. "Henceforth, my kitten's name is Capucine!"

"Cappuccino?" Fred asked.

"No, Capucine. Isn't that right?" I said to my kitty in a babying voice as I picked her up and sat back down, petting her and rubbing her fur and scratching behind her ears. She meowed in delight, then rubbed her head against my hands in response. "Okay, Cap, here's your first order as my official minion: attack June! Attack June!" I pointed at June, then I made a clawing motion in the air. Capucine just followed my hands with her eyes, then rubbed herself up against my chest. "Ah well, we'll work on that one." I smiled around smugly at the other people in the room. I definitely got the best Christmas present ever.

"Baahh, what's her problem?" I asked as Rose was in the process of pushing me out of the tent. I had only been innocently jumpstarting her out of bed with some ice-cold water and loud banging noises and whatnot.

"She's not feeling well," Rose told me with an angry look.

"What? I can fix that!" I pounded my chest proudly, but she shook her head. "Whaaat? What kind of 'not well' is it?"

"She has The Depression," Rose said in a hushed voice, as if saying "she has the consumption."

"Huuhh...?" I mumbled as I thought it over. "Oh...that's a drag...I can still make it better though!" I started to march back into the tent, but Rose stopped me again.

"To be completely honest with you, James; you're the last thing she needs right now."

"What d'you mean? I'm the perfect cure! I'm like, hilarity personified!"

"You're a dick."

"You don't know me!" I yelled overdramatically, hiding my face in my hands and stomping away. I looked back to see her still frowning after me. "Oh, come on! That was funny! 'Cause it's like...you know, you've known me all your life...jeeez." I shook my head and went back into the house. I could tell where I wasn't wanted.

The rest of the holidays passed quickly, and we were soon piling back onto the Hogwarts Express. By the time June, Rose and I had done a complete length of the hallway, there were no empty compartments left, and we couldn't find any of our friends, so we joined Amelia, Teagan, and Marc. The latter spent a large portion of the train ride with their lips glued together while Amelia engaged us in pleasant conversation.

"Did you have nice holidays?" she asked as she leaned her head against the window.

"Yeah, super," Rose replied.

"I went ice skating, with my parents. I love skating, it's so strange," she muttered dreamily. "Like knives, just cutting the ice, but they dance...gracefully...it's beautiful. And the way the knives sprinkle little bits of ice dust all over...it's like confetti. And the sounds of the knives against the ice...like some crazy kind of music...like a violin or something." She scratched the window with a fingernail listlessly. June was lying down on the seat between me and Rose.

"Yeah, it's great. Winter's cool," I said, nodding.

"Mm. It's like a snow globe," Amelia went on, staring out the window at the white countryside. "Ever noticed how perfect everything is in snow globes? It's beautiful...like someone just...scooped up a tiny fraction of perfection and enclosed it in a glass ball...And I love it when you just shake it up and all the glittery-magic-snow goes crazy...just crazy...all over. A big, beautiful, magical storm."

"Oh yes, I love snow globes," I agreed, "don't you, June?" She shifted her head and looked up at me upside down.

"Did you just call me June?" she asked, and I paused.

"Huh...I guess I did...well, what d'ya know." I patted her on the head, and she glared at me.

"Oh!" Amelia cried in delight as Capucine leapt onto her lap. "You're so sweet, pussy-pussy-pussy!" she sang as she stroked the kitten lovingly. "Pussy-pussy-pussy!" she repeated in a sugary voice. June, Rose and I all raised our eyebrows involuntarily as she went on murmuring to Capucine. The kitten seemed to approve of her treatment because she began purring loudly and snuggling deeper into Amelia's lap.

I started playing with June's hair and she batted my hand away, but I continued to play with it, despite her growled protests. Teagan and her boyfriend stopped kissing for a while while she got into a conversation with Amelia as the two of them played with Capucine. Rose was reading a magazine at the other end of our seat.

"Seriously James, stop that!" June groaned as she hit my hand away again.

"Now, June," I said as I moved my head to be directly over her. "I know it's your time of the month, but you can't just ruin other people's lives because you're surfing the crimson wave. Really, Slag, we have our own needs too! And my need is to cut your hair off and maybe make a beard for myself."

"Oh my god," she breathed in exasperation, shaking her head and closing her eyes.

About halfway through the train ride Riley entered the compartment and said hello to everyone in it, which seemed to make Marc cower a little. June sat up so that he could sit down beside the two of us. I introduced him to Capucine then.

"Well, I was just about to shave your girlfriend's head, how would you like that, hm?" I asked him.

"My what? Oh, girlfriend, right," Riley said, patting June on the shoulder.

"Jesus...you two are the worst couple ever! You don't even remember that you're going out!"

"Oh yes, we've got such a strong bond that we don't even have to think about it," Riley explained. "Therefore...it often slips our mind."

"Naahhh, in my opinion, Hogwarts could do a lot better for 'Best Couple'," I said, waving my hand at them. "Now...let's see...who could that be...Oh, yes, I know." I grinned and leaned forward so that I could see Rose's face. "Yeeess, little Rosie and slimy Scorpius Malfoy. How's that for 'Hogwarts Best Couple', hm?" Rose's face flushed bright red at this, and she turned fiery eyes on me.

"Shut up you horrible excuse for a person!" she shouted at me, rolling the magazine up and hurling it at my face where it hit dead on.

"Oh, what's this?" I asked as I picked up the magazine and opened it to a random page. "Ahh...'How to win over that hunky Slytherin of your dreams?' Oooh, this sounds interesting. 'Just because he's a worthless anus with a mushy brain and a horrendous name doesn't mean he's out of your league!'" I said in an excited voice. "'Trust me, ladies, these Slytherin lads sure are worth the trouble and the ego and all the time he spends in the mornings making his hair just perfect. Really, even though he's got a tiny you-know-what and makes up for it with his nasty smile that's meant to be charming, he's quite a catch. Once you get past all the fake concern and the body odor, he's actually quite a good listener; if you're talking about him that is.' Wow, isn't that enlightening?" I asked with a mock delighted look as I closed the magazine.

Rose was still glaring at me, but the rest of the compartment was silent. That is, until Riley cleared his throat. I looked at him, then I followed his gaze to where Marc was sitting, stock straight with a clenched jaw.

"Oh, hello there my lover, I forgot you were in here," I said, giving him a friendly grin. "No offense though, most of it's not even about you," I continued in the same friendly way.

"Right. I think I'll go now, just the same," he said, standing up.

"Fucking hell, James, you twat!" Teagan hissed at me as she followed him out.

"What?" I asked. "What'd I do?"

"Go on then, my sweet," I muttered as I dropped Capucine onto the steps up to the girls' dorms. "Go on and bring back some intel, willya?" I coaxed her, tapping her a little to get her going. A couple third-years walked down the stairs and I waved at them, waggling my eyebrows suggestively. They giggled and walked past me into the common room. I prodded Cap a bit more and she went up several more stairs. "Atta girl!"

"Uuh, what are you doing?" someone asked, and I looked up to see Lily walking down the stairs.

"Ahh, jog on, Lils," I grumbled. She stepped off the stairs to stand beside me with her arms crossed, looking at my kitten.

"You know it's only a matter of time before child services take away your, uh, baby," Lily said to me with a raised eyebrow. I looked up at her with a wide open mouth and let out a scoffing sound of disbelief.

"I can't believe you'd say that to me! Cover your ears, my dear!" I shouted at Cap, who only started to run around in circles on the stairs, pouncing at nothing every now and then. "That was hurtful, sister."

"What are you even intending to do if you happened to get into the girls' dorms?"

"Again," I said. "Very important detail: I've succeeded before!"

"Oh, whatever," Lily said. "What would you do if you got into the girls' dorms again? You sound like such a creep going on about it. And right now, you really look like a creep."

"I have only the purest intentions!" I answered in a very offended tone. "It would just be, you know, a natural extension of the romancing grounds of Sir James Potter II. I share a dorm with a bunch of absolute slobs, you think girls want to make out there?"

"Okay," Lily replied, the word dripping with contempt. She gave me a matching look of contempt and left.

"Keep going," I said to Cap, and she went up a few more stairs. "Almost there!"

"Oh, aren't you just adorable?" A pair of legs said at the top of the stairs.

"Why, yes, I-" I started, then I saw that it was Teagan. "Ooooh, hello there." I winked.

"What are you doing all alone on the stairs, huh?" she went on, talking sweetly to Cap as she picked her up. Cap meowed pleasantly as Teagan brought her to her chest.

"Hey, put her down!" I whined, but Teagan continued to pretend like I wasn't there. "Come on! She's on a mission!" Teagan stepped back on the landing before her door and I scrambled up the first few steps, reaching out to my kitty. Naturally, the stairs turned into a slide, and I didn't make it that far. "Fuck-shit-fuuuck," I groaned. Teagan laughed at me then and took Capucine into the dorm. "Thief! THIEF! Someone call the cops!" I cried in vain. Then I just accepted defeat and went back into the common room.

"Why the long face?" Lacey asked from where she sat among my other friends. I have been noticing that the portraits have been a lot laxer about students from other houses visiting lately.

"Baahh," I grumbled as I slumped down on the couch. "My dear sweetheart angel child has been stolen from me."

"Qué?" she asked, and I gave her an alarmed look. "Sorry, I've been hanging around Pedro too much."

"Oh. Well, you see, Lezzie; it's my darling baby Capucine."

"Since when do you have a child?"

"He got a kitty for Christmas," Rose explained.

"Oh, who stole it?" Lacey asked.

"Teagan," I answered, sniffling dramatically.

"Oh, of course," Riley nodded. "And this was because you were trying to get into the girls' dorms again?"

"Shit. Am I that predictable?" I asked and everyone nodded. "Fuck. Okay then, I'm off to wrestle a stag. Seeyaw." I got up and strode out through the portrait hole. Now, what to do while I'm supposed to be wrestling a stag? Hmm.

I stuck my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and started off down the hall. The halls were full of the usual bustle of students, most of them showing off all their new things or complaining about their families. I stopped and chatted with Marcy for a bit, and she gave me a "Belated New Year's Snog" (happy 2022 everyone), then I mingled with some of my lovely fifth year admirers, as well as various other groups of friends of mine. Being the wonderful, popular chap that I am, this took quite a while. And I had such an annoying feeling the whole time that someone was following me or watching me. Yeah, I know, usually only crazies get those kinds of feelings, but I'm obviously not crazy. Anyway, whenever I turned around to see who could be following me, I just saw girls glancing over and smiling and winking and whatnot. The usual.

I passed by a group of first years talking about an experience one of them had involving walking in on their parents "in the act." I shuddered at the thought and ducked into a nearby room. The current occupant of the room jumped in shock and let out a bit of a yell as he turned to see me.

"James, what are you doing in my office?" the tall, lanky Professor Cavanaugh asked as he removed a pair of large glasses from his face.

"Oh, just thought I'd pop in and say hi," I said casually, striding over and perching on the edge of his desk. "So how were the holidays? What was it again, just you and the Mrs? Now which one is this, the sack of flour with a face painted on, or the pillow with a wig? Or is it that you've actually invested in one of those handy Owl Order brides?"

"Haw-haw," Cavanaugh responded drily. "It's actually a Pagan deity this year."

"Hm. Solid."

"So let me guess," he said, sitting down beside me on the desk, "you're here for relationship advice?"

"Absolutely. You see, my jar of pickles has threatened to leave me for a salami."

"I can see how that would distress you, but you see, the thing about jars of pickles is that...well, they tend to be quite fickle."

"No kidding!"

"Yes, but I'm sure she- it- will be running back to you in no time. I know these things."

"You're the expert."

"That I am."

"I like your nose, by the way," I said with a chuckle as I pointed at his rather large, beak-like appendage.

"Thank you, I receive many compliments on it," he replied, touching it briefly. "Mostly from toucans, actually."

"Ah, yes, I can see how they would admire that," I agreed. "Hey, you know, if it all falls through with Peg, or Megan, or whatever, you can always take a sabbatical to, er, South America or something and begin a fiery affair with a bird of paradise."

"I would probably be able to attract a fine lot, wouldn't I?"

"Only the best and the brightest."

We paused for a bit of a chuckle, then a bit of silence.

"No- hey...I think I do have a question for you!" I said, as I suddenly remembered the most pressing matter on my plate as of late. I jumped off the desk to pace about a bit, clapping my hands together unconsciously. "So... you know about Hogwarts, right?"

"Sure, I suppose I do."

"Well, you know how it's impossible for men to get into the girls' dorms?" I asked and he nodded. "Well...is it impossible?"

"Hmm, now that's a tricky one..."

"I mean, is there any way for a male to get in there? Any tiny loophole?"

"James," Cavanaugh laughed a little. "If there were a way, do you think I'd tell you?"

"Gah, man!" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "I know there's a way!"

"And isn't it just the dream of every male Hogwarts student to find that out?" he asked with a smooth shrug of his shoulders, and I curled my lip at him.

"You're a disgrace to the whole male population of the world!" I cried dramatically, storming out of the room.

I had a spare Friday morning. That would've suited me just fine if it hadn't been for Rose and June, both rudely waking me up by jumping on my bed. Or rather, Rose was the one jumping while June happened to collapse on my bed and tried to fall back asleep. Apparently, Rose had scheduled the two of us (unbeknownst to us) for an early morning study session, due to our coinciding free periods.

We sat at a table in the common room. June was still wearing pajamas and a fluffy bathrobe, her hair a bit of a mess and her face still puffy from sleep. She was oddly silent for most of the time, despite my prodding and teasing. It was a little weird. Mostly because I found myself missing her yelling at me. But that was just plain odd.

"So then, you and Riley," I said waggling my eyebrows.

"Yes?" she grumbled with an annoyed look on her face.

"You know." I raised my eyebrows. "Have you done it yet?"

"Oh, fuck off," she breathed nestling her head in between her elbows which rested on the table.

"Ah, so he wasn't too good?" I asked. Her only response was a half-hearted growling sound while her face remained hidden.

"Don't be a prick, James," Rose said pleasantly, not taking her eyes off her textbook.

"I really don't understand why you had to wake me up," I groaned. "It's not like we're a group or anything. We're not mates, man."

"I know," Rose replied lightly. "That's exactly why I woke you." I groaned again and banged my head on the table a bit. Then I went back up to my dorm and brought a sleepy Cap out, carrying a little tray of kitty milk with me.

"Breakfast, my sweet!" I crooned as I put them both down on the floor beside my chair. "I don't even want to think about what Teagan did to her. She had her for a whole day! I bet she poisoned her mind with like, Taylor Swift and girly talk and such. My poor dear."

"Now, James, you've done sixth year Potions, right? You should be able to help me with this?" Rose asked. I peered over at her piece of parchment.

"No clue," I said with a shrug. "You know, once I've safely passed another year at school, I just go ahead and wipe my mind of all the useless information it's acquired over the past year. It's a pretty nice feeling actually."

"Hm. Yes, I'm not surprised that you're used to having an empty head."

"Ahh, clever. Actually, my noggin is full of useful shit." I knocked on my head for emphasis.

"Oh, yes? Like what?"

"Like, er...how many minutes does it take for sunlight to reach the earth? I'll tell you how many, it's 8. Or...maybe 7? No, 9...wait...maybe it's 72?"

"Impressive." Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up, it's early," I replied grumpily, slipping off the chair to lie on the floor beside my kitty and pet her. It wasn't long until my eyes had shut, and I had begun to drift off to sleep once again.

"Ah, what the fuck?" I muttered, trying to lift my head, to straighten up, but I couldn't. I was all crunched up into a little ball as I seemed to be squished into a small, wooden box. It was very uncomfortable, so I looked around to see if I could find a way out. When I didn't see anything, I started to pound my fists and my feet against the sides. Then, suddenly, the bottom of the box fell away and I began to drift downwards slowly.

I was falling through a peach-colored sky, surrounded by all those little fluffy dandelion seeds as they floated around. I landed gently on a grassy hill. I looked around as a warm breeze ruffled my hair. I wasn't surprised to see several familiar people in the nearby meadow. Riley, June, Rose and Lacey were running around, laughing. Aura, Teagan and that prat Scorpius were there also, sitting on the grass. I walked toward them, past a stone fountain where Don Macmillan's eyes were fiercely fixed upon the water.

When I reached them, June, Riley, Rose and Lacey all stopped and flopped backwards onto the ground, but when their backs hit the grass, the whole ground dissolved into millions of bright, whirling colors. We all fell into the rainbow oblivion together.

I woke up when I heard a swishing near my head. I sat up and looked around. June was walking away, Rose was still sitting at the table, looking wistful.

"Where's she going?" I asked.

"The dorm." Rose shrugged.

June knocked on our door later that night. I was the only one in the dorm though. She was wearing pajamas and holding a pillow when I opened the door.

"They're overexcited," she mumbled. I assumed she was talking about the other girls in her dorm. "Mind if I just lay down a bit in your bed?"

"Uuuhh...sure," I replied as she'd already made her way over there. I closed the door and then watched as she climbed weakly under the covers, her head falling upon her pillow heavily. She was curled up in a ball, looking so small and frail as her eyes stared dully ahead of her. "Are you okay?" I asked nervously. The only reaction I could see was her lower lip tensing up into a pout. Then a surge of tears sprung forward and ran down her cheeks.

I didn't know what to do. It was awkward as hell seeing a girl cry, especially when we were the only two in the room. She had buried her head in her arm now, but she was still shaking. Fuck, I said in my head several times. What do I do? Leave? Comfort her? Do nothing? Pretend it's not happening? What the fuck does James Potter do in this situation? I made up a game plan.

"I'll be right back," I muttered to the mess of hair that was June, then I left.

I returned a moment later, levitating a tray in front of me with a large pot of fresh coffee, a cup, a vase of flowers, a little dish of individually wrapped saltwater taffy (courtesy of June's own collection, due to the lack of taffy stands around Hogwarts) and a self-adhering handlebar moustache. I, myself, was already wearing a Detective Thomson-type moustache. You know, one of the twin Detectives from Tintin.

"Come on, then lazy bones," I said, nudging June as I settled into the bed beside her. She sat up, her face red and puffy and her nose running. "Nasty," I remarked, shaking my head, but I took a box of tissues out from my bedside table and cleaned her up a bit. She was giving me the most perplexed and apprehensive look the whole time. "Don't look at me like that, you look like a fucking frog."

"Wanker," she grumbled at me. I brought her attention to the tray in front of us as I propped up her pillows. She smiled, then she hugged me in gratitude as she went on in a low monotone about how excited she was to have coffee. She clasped the cup in her hands as I poured the coffee in, then she smelled it and smiled pleasantly.

"That's good," I said as she seemed to perk up a tiny fraction. "I was beginning to think you were going to let me win all the arguments from now on." She rolled her eyes at this, but then handed me a piece of taffy.

"What's this flavor?" I asked, regarding the black and white swirled piece.

"You'll find out," she said with a small smile. I popped it into my mouth, then instantly made a disgusted face as well as several revolted sounds and I spat it out.

"Oh god!" I spluttered. June was laughing at me. "Licorice? How could you?" I asked in a horrified tone.

"I win," she said with a pleased smile. "The sad thing about packages of saltwater taffy is that you always get at least one or two licorice ones and I've never met anyone that actually likes the taste of black licorice. Here, this one's mango. It's my favorite." She handed me a yellow, orange and red piece.

"Oh," I said through the taffy stuck to my teeth, "this is for you." I picked up the moustache and turned her face to me so that I could stick it to her upper lip. It fastened itself to her skin and she grinned at me, though I could see that it didn't reach her eyes. She continued to drink her coffee and eat her taffy, but her face was pale, and the seriousness had returned. And so, on to the next stage of my plan. "All right, if you won't appreciate my efforts thus far to get you stop being so sullen and sulky, I will now commence with telling you stories from my past."

"And will any of these stories be true?" she asked.

"All completely autobiographical, I swear," I assured her. "Scout's honor." I did that sign thing or mimicked it as best as I could remember. Or I might've actually done the Vulcan Salute, but who knows, really. "Hmm, okay then. Story numero uno is this:

"Around the time that my mum was pregnant with me, she and my dad had gone on this health kick. They were vegetarians, totally healthy, organic everything. They hardly indulged in anything bad at all. So, when I was growing into a strapping young boy, my parents never let me have candy or anything like that. Whenever the ice cream truck would drive by with its little song playing, my mum would say 'isn't that rude? That guy's playing his music so loud!'

"And whenever I'd go to the stores with my mum and there were those little candy dispensers with their little slots, my mum would say 'oh, look a mailbox! Check to see if you have any mail!' So, we always did.

"And one day there were a bunch of little candy fishes in one of the slots, so my mum said 'oh no! Those fishes aren't supposed to be there! Come on, James, let's set them free.' So, I grabbed them all and my mum led me to a drain in the street and I dropped them into the sewer. But then I eventually got friends and they introduced me to the world of sweets."

June was laughing. Success so far. Next, I told her about the time when I was ten and I stuffed a dead frog down Al's pants and he ran to our dad who decided that my punishment was to wash his car. Then I drove the car onto someone's lawn two blocks away. I wracked my memory for the funniest things that had ever happened to me, especially if they were embarrassing for me, because I knew she would enjoy them all the more. But when I had just finished telling her about the first time I got drunk, she leaned in and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Oh, right...well, hey, I know I'm dead sexy and really quite irresistible, especially when we're in bed together, but you know, you've been crying and well...you have a boyfriend, so maybe...you know, maybe we should do it somewhere we wouldn't be walked in on, hm?" I said in the most James Potter voice I could muster; funny and charming as hell.

"Shut up," she mumbled. "I appreciate what you're doing, but it's exhausting to laugh. Just be quiet for a while." Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears again. I levitated the tray onto the floor. "Hold me, please," she said in a high, wavering voice as the tears ran down her cheeks again. She sniffed as I put my arms around her, and she nestled in closer to me. "I don't care who it is, I just need someone to hold me," she whispered. "Fuck."