animedeprived: PARTY AT MY AUNT'S HOUSE! My four cousins and I are gathering there to complain about life, listen to sweet music, and watch THE THIRD INUYASHA MOVIE! No adults, no rules, no worries! And we get paid! (Well, two of us, anyway). Yay, mini-vacation!

Link: animedeprived does not own Jolly Ranchers, Spider-Man, Inuyasha, Ghost Busters, or a sword, though she makes a habit of stealing Koga's, since he doesn't use it regularly, as Kenshin and I do.

The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Ocarina of Time

Chapter 5

The Forest Temple

Day ? - Where the heck am I?
Okay...sitting here on slab of rock in middle of endless void. Did something happen that I should know about?
HOLY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! WHERE DID THE FAT, BALD MONK COME FROM?
What? Ganondorf entered the Sacred Realm? He made the world into a twisted version of what it once was? You locked me in here for seven years to protect me from him? The writer of this fanfiction is insane?
Well, at least I didn't have to go through puberty.
Wait, wait, wait! Back the ice cream truck up!
I'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR SEVEN YEARS WITH NO SUGAR!
Oh, jeez. I feel faint.

Day 7 years + 1 - Chamber of Sages
Well, hope he's happy. Just died from lack of sugar again. If he wants me to kick King of Evil butt for him, he'd better start treating me better.
Hey, what's that he's holding? Could it be? Could I possibly hope? Does he actually have...
PIE!

Day 7 years + 1
EWWWWW! NASTY LIGHT PIE! No fat, no calories, no flavor! No sugar, either. That's what seriously cheesed me off! Forced to eat 7-year-old cookie fairy to replenish sugar reserves. Yes, pie has lots of calories, but I need them if I'm going to run around Hyrule kicking monster butt for who knows how long!
Oh, monkey cheese! What is he talking about now? I need to find more sugar before I die again! One stale fairy only does so much!

Day 7 years + 1 - Temple of Time
Temple looks exactly the same. Actually kinda creepy. Ah, well. On to my glorious quest for sugary treats!
Hey, who's that lurking in the shadows in a strangely hostile way?

Day 7 years + 1
Homicidal shadow introduced itself as Shiek of Skeikah. Told me I had to find other Sages and eat their pies to gain their strength. Not sure how that works, but, hey, I get pie, so who cares? Said first Temple is in Forest, but before that, I have to go to K-something Village and break into grave keeper's grave. Isn't that illegal?
Not sure if Shiek man or woman. Could be problem, as find Shiek hot.

Day 7 years + 2 - Kakariko Village
Back in Kakariko (finally learned how to spell it by pausing and copying name that appears on screen. Hooray for being 17 and smart). Dug up old guy like ordered. Really not sure why I listen to Shiek. Anyway, rotting corpse was clutching thing called Hookshot. Stole it. Also wanted gold watch, but soldiers came and I ran off.

Day 7 years + 3
Can now leap from rooftop to rooftop! Feel like Spider-Man! WHEE!

Day 7 years + 3
Oh, yeah. Temple.

Day 7 years + 6 - Kokiri's Forest
Someone redecorated Forest. Must have been power-thirsty Mido. Find monster-infested shag carpet a bit much.

Day 7 years + 6
Holy undergarments! Met s/he Sheik on way in. Swear there was no one here, but down s/he dropped, like a stick from an uptight butt. Learned song that makes green light swirl around me and put me on rock slab in Lost Woods. Hooray for no more walking so much!

Day 7 years + 6 - Forest Temple
At entrance, two huge guard wolves attacked. Back flipped and stabbed wolf. Felt like ninja. Need black tunic.
V. musty in Temple. Stupid forest elves need to learn proper housekeeping skills. Will probably die from mold or carbon monoxide poisoning.
What's this?
Bow and arrows! Always wanted one of these!

Day 7 years + 6
AHHHHH! GHOSTS! HAUNTED TEMPLE!
Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!

Day 7 years + 6
Forgot Ghostbusters doesn't exist. Consulted cheat book, then shot ghost with arrows. Always thought ghosts were intangible.

Day 7 years + 6
Hey, look at the pretty pictures! Something's moving in one. It's little mini-Ganondorf! Awww! He's riding a little mini black horsie! It's so cute!
What's that light?
OWWW! MY EYE! HE POKED ME IN THE EYE! AND STOLE MY CANDY! I'LL KILL HIM!

Day 7 years + 6
Holy sugary sweetness! He's shooting glowy stuff at me! No one said anything about anyone shooting glowy stuff at me!

Day 7 years + 6
Awesome! Glowy stuff bounces off shiny reflectiveness of my sword!
Ha ha! It zapped you! I win!

Day 7 years + 6
My mouth is watering. My first dark chocolate in seven years! It tastes so good.
Okay, fun's over. Into blue light to listen to another old geezer nag about hero's duties.

Day 7 years + 6 - Chamber of Sages
Ooo! Plot twist! Forest Sage not old guy I've never seen before. Oh, no.
Forest Sage is Saria.
Told me not to give up and gave me pie crust filled with green jolly ranchers and green-colored icing. She remembered my favorite pie flavor!

Day 7 years + 6 - Kokiri's Forest
Great. Dumped in front of gray GDT skeleton. Really needed reminder of that.
What's that little cluster of leaves with the obviously magical light shining on it, marking it as significant? Maybe I should lean down reeeealll close to it and see what happens.

Day 7 years + 6
Well, that scared the holy monkeys out of me. GDT Sprout popped out of ground right in my face, then started spewing info about how I got into Forest. Thought I only had to sit through one of these per dungeon. This violates my contract.
Did find out difference between Kokiri and Hylian, though. My ears 10 more pointy. Take that, forest elves.

Day 7 years + 6
Yay. Defeating Temple undid nasty interior designing. Forest elves happily prancing around like ninnies again. I think I'll go talk to Mido and brag about how I've grown and he can't. It's payback time for all those timeshe tortured me withhis taunting and hitting and making fun of my Kokiri Scout dance routine that Saria said looked absolutely adorable, especially with the tutu... Okay, that definitely qualifies astoo much information.
What's that? I look like Link?

Day 7 years + 7 - Hyrule Field
Had to get out of there. Everywhere I turn, "You look like Link. You look like Link." I AM LINK!
Sadly, was created with no voice, so declaration of my identity will never be heard. If had let Saria teach me to read and write, wouldn't be in this predicament.
I know what you're thinking. If I can't read or write, how do I keep a journal?
You figure it out.