animedeprived: YAY! KENSHIN MANGA! It's mine, all mine and none of you can touch it! BWAHAHAHAHA! ahem Yeah. I went to Barnes and Noble for a field trip Wednesday, so I bought Kenshin manga. I'm reading them for the second time. Yay! Kenshin! He's so cute!
Link: Hey!
animedeprived: Sorry, you're cute, too. Don't take it personally.
Link: It's okay. I knew coming into this relationship that you would always love Kenshin more than me. What can I say? He's wicked awesome. animedeprived does not own Ganondorf's Fast-Acting Diarrhea Drops. Fool your friends. Take revenge on your enemies. Remember, think evil. Think Ganondorf. Then stab him between the eyes.
animedeprived: Oh, P.S. that key thing down near the bottom? Yeah, that actually happened to me the last time I played. I was stuck in the Water Temple for almost a month because of that. I almost broke my N64.
The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Ocarina of Time
Chapter 7
The Water Temple
Noon - Kakariko Village
Heard villagers talking. Apparently, volcano erupted when dragon died and three houses burned down. Plan to tiptoe quietly out of village when people go to sleep.
Noon
Forgot it's always noon here. Will have to sneak out in daytime. Really hope my daytime ninja skills have improved.
Day 7 years + 23 - Hyrule Field
As I snuck out, someone said, "Hey, who's that person sneaking suspiciously away from the scene of the crime?" Barely escaped. Luckily, they can't leave village. Will harbor deep fear of pitchforks and squirrels for rest of life.
Ate some red hots to silence incessant beeping that's been annoying me since dragon died. Good thing I found some, too. Beeping nearly drove me insane.
Or did it?
Day 7 years + 24
Fairy said something about cold wind from Fish Freak Land. Hmm, I wonder what it could possibly be. Maybe WINTER? Duh.
Day 7 years + 26 - Zora's Domain
Hate when Fairy pulls out my hero's contract to make me do things. Knew I shouldn't have signed it.
Anyway, Fish-Freak Land all frozen. Don't really care. Have to go to frozen cave for some reason. Had better involve ice cream.
Day 7 years + 26 - Ice Cavern
R-r-really c-c-cold in h-h-here. N-n-need w-w-warmth.
H-h-hey! B-b-blue f-f-fire... Awes-s-some! I c-c-can s-s-sell it!
Day 7 years + 26
Remembered Kakariko villagers ticked at me, and no other stores around here. So, went with only other option and used fire to grill this wolf I killed. Luxurious white fur makes really good coat.
Seriously. If the best monster is a wolf, I'm walking out in one piece. This is my kind of dungeon.
Oh, found metal-covered shoes in chest after killed wolf. No idea what they could possibly be for. Maybe to help me win some kind of freaky sumo match.
Wait. There's no dark chocolate. And no blue light to whisk me away for pie! What's happening?
Day 7 years + 27 - Zora's Domain
Stupid decoy dungeons and their stupid easiness and stupid lack of dark chocolate and pie. Now I have to go all the way to Lake Hylia to get to Water Temple, AND can't take secret shortcut because it's frozen! Have to walk all the way there and -
Day 7 years + 28 - Lake Hylia
Forgot I had horse.
Got new tunic from Fat King of Fish Freaks. Again? Geez, when I was little, I ran around in the same thing for seven years. Now it's all "Change your clothes, Link" and "Wash daily, Link." Hygiene is for sissies.
About tunic. It's blue, not black. Wanted black. At least blue doesn't clash with my coloring. Oh, and it lets me breathe underwater, but who cares about that?
Day 7 years + 28
WAAAAHHH! Shiek fell out of sky! Almost landed on my head! Also scared the cookies out of me. I was gonna eat those!
S/he said s/he managed to save a Zora from under the ice. Hope it's not Her Royal Pudginess.
Learned new song that makes pretty blue light swirl around me and bring me to slab of rock in middle of lake. Yay.
Wait, how does s/he always know when to show up and teach me new song?
I'M BEING STALKED!
Day 7 years + 28
Okay. Though lake is mostly dry, there's still patch of water in middle, and of course, that's where Temple is. How do I even get down there?
Let's see. I have some bombs. Hookshot. Green tunic that does nothing. Brown boots that do nothing. Red tunic that's bad with my coloring. Shield. Sword. Bow and arrows. Hammer. Blue tunic that lets me breathe underwater. Heavy metal boots that would surely let me sink to the bottom of said water.
Of course! How could I be so stupid!
The bombs! Explosions fix everything!
Day 7 years + 28
Well, maybe not everything. Now I'm wet. Must change tunic and boots. Sissy tights still dry. It baffles the mind. Hooray for new pair of boots and tunic that's not bad with my coloring!
Wow, these boots are heavy.
Hey, get away from the edge! No, bad feet! You'll drown me! Mommy!
Day 7 years + 28 - Water Temple
Interesting. Underwater, but not drowning.
Made it into Temple. Will now float to bottom in slow manner so gamer has time to build spaceship before I get there.
Day 7 years + 28
Found Ruto at bottom. Tried to scream. Got bubbles.
Of all the Fish Freaks in Fish Freak Land, why did s/he have to save HER! Just hope Her Royal Pudginess (HRP) doesn't remember thing about jawbreaker and "engagement."
Day 7 years + 28
Yeah. Yeah, she remembers. At least she left fairly quickly. Don't want to carry HRP through another dungeon, as she is much bigger and will probably give me a hernia.
Found sign and cord in room three floors up. Sign said, "Pull this cord." Who am I to argue? Heard weird flushing sound and noticed water that brought me up here was receding! Leapt down, hoping to land in it, but sadly, face met stone floor.
Day 7 years + 28
Oo! Piece of candy!
Day 7 years + 28
Ohhhhhh... my stomach. Think I'm going to crap myself... Where's the bathroom?
Day 7 years + 28
What's with the line! I have to go now!
Valiantly, our hero draws his sword and fights his way through the queue of unsuspecting monsters, swinging left and right with the legendary Master Sword. Monster heads, limbs, and toilet paper soon litter the cold tile floor. To make this an even greater feat, he manages all of this while prancing and skipping about in a manner unrivaled by even the most crowded pansy convention. Finally, triumphant, Link sheathes his sword.
Day 7 years + 28
Thought I was never going to get out of that bathroom. Maintenance man came in to clean up dead monster bodies. Told me plumbing was bad. Coincidently, went out and Temple filled to second level with water again.
Day 7 years + 28
Read wrapper from candy I found. "Ganondorf's Fast-Acting Diarrhea Drops."
Oh, the well-place irony.
Curse you, Ganondorf! You and all of your descendants will pay for this! I will hunt you down and make you suffer for the humiliation dealt to me this day! I swear, on all that is sugary sweet, that one day I will - oo! Piece of candy!
Day 7 years + 28
Can't believe I fell for that again.
When emerged from bathroom for second time, found water at top level. Have to sink down and pull cord again. Hope HRP not still lurking around down there.
Day 7 years + 28
Hate this Temple! Only been in here half an hour, and already been in all the rooms! Know where to go now, but need key first! Been in every other room three times! NO KEY!
Day 7 years ?
Lost all track of time. Who knows how many years have passed as I waste away in this pit of smelly water? How long before I die? Has Ganondorf managed to take over universe yet? Will I ever eat dark chocolate again? Why have the sugar gods forsaken me? WHY!
Day 7 years + 28
Forgot day stays same in dungeon. Also forgot about cheat book. Found key under block in central pillar. V. obvious. V. ticked.
Day 7 years + 28
Met myself today. Upset when saw other me was allowed black tunic. Fought myself. Took forever, as I am best swordsman in Hyrule. It is possible that I am only swordsman in Hyrule. Killed myself, which felt like suicide, except I'm still alive. Weird feeling.
Body disappeared. Yay, deniability! Black tunic gone, too.
Blast!
Day 7 years + 28
Finally through dungeon! Boss was nasty brown-colored water. Refused to fight it and ran away. Boss splatted on wall and left brown smear that smelled v. bad. Eeeewww.
Day 7 years + 28 - Chamber of Sages
Always hope blue light won't bring me here. Never surprised when it does. Just v. depressed.
Day 7 years + 29- Lake Hylia
Forced to take blueberry pie and run. That's right. HRP is Water Sage. Tried to kiss me. Almost puked on her. Tried to run, but realized I was on giant slab of rock in middle of endless void. So, stole pie and jumped bak in light. Barely got away. Now am out of HRP's grasp forever! She can't leave rock slab!
Hey, wait. If Sages can't leave rock slab, where do they go? New Sage is only one there after dungeon. Is there some kind of secret Sage spa in Sacred Realm or what? I know! The colored things on the floor are really trap doors and Sages are having awesome cookie party without me! NOOOOOOO!
P.S. Congratulations to Cherry-sama for correctly guessing the next flavor of pie!
Day 7 years + 29
Water rushing back into lake. Fish-Freaks saved, blah, blah, blah.
Hey, never noticed that plaque before. What's it say?
"When water fills the lake, shoot for the morning light."
Well, I did what the other sign said. Don't want to be hypocritical.
Day 7 years + 29
OMG! Take back all my complaining! Crappy Temple worth flaming arrows of joyness! Oh, and longer Hookshot so I can fly farther. Feel like Spider-man on steroids! On downside, can fall farther, too.