animedeprived: Sorry about the late update last time. I was pretty busy that weekend. Prom. Gagfest. I was out until three in the morning on a Saturday, doing stuff I don't like with people I generally hate. Plus, I missed Adult Swim. Needless to say, I could have found a much better use for my time. Oh, and I have a three day weekend, so I'll try to put up the next chapter soon, to make up for the last week.

Link: animedeprived does not own KFC or Star Wars. She doesn't even like KFC and Star Wars.

The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Ocarina of Time

Chapter 10

The Biggoron Sword

Day 7 years + 45 - Death Mountain
Got rude awakening this morning as tried to doze off massive sugar hangover. Still too sugar high to actually sleep. Anyway, egg I got from chicken lady hatched and crowed at sunrise. Loudly. Right next to my ear. Wanted to make it into Kentucky fried chicken, but Fairy stopped me. Not sure why. Fairy loves to gnaw on chicken bones.

Day 7 years + 47 - Kokiri's Forest
Tried to go back to state of semi-sleep, but chicken wouldn't stop crowing. So, came back to Forest to find myself and learn about my roots.
Okay, not really. Fairy nagging about finding next Temple, so am blatantly ignoring her to tick her off.

Day 7 years + 47
Walking through Lost Woods when chicken went insane. Shortly thereafter, stumbled over what looked like down and out punk rocker from virtually unknown band in the late 1980's. Or just a punk kid whose looks are a desperate plea for his family's attention. Can't decide which. He traded me mushroom for chicken. Not much of a difference. Both smell kinda funky. Or maybe that's unwashed punk rocker I smell. Or unwashed Link.
Anyway, punk told me to take mushroom to hag in Kakariko. But it my mushroom now. You gave it to me.
Hey, what's with the timer on the mushroom?
HOLEY CHEESE WHEELS! It's a bomb!
So that's where mushroom clouds come from.

Day 7 years + 47 - Kakariko Village
Hag took mushroom and made it into white powder. Told me to take it back to punk. Said it's medicine. Right. All I know is today would be bad time for first encounter with Hyrulian police.

Day 7 years + 48 - Kokiri Forest
Punk been replace by Kokiri girl. Asked where punk went, but girl just kept hinting about curse and horrible disfigurement while glancing at me and giggling. Also demanded powder, because it was from forest or some eco-garbage like that. Would have refused, but wanted to get out of there before someone accused me of being pedophile. Girl gave me saw in exchange for powder. That's a ripoff! I could get twelve pounds of dark chocolate for this on the black market, easy!

Day 7 years + 49 - Lon Lon Ranch
Came here for Epona's 1,000 mile tune up. Showed saw to Talon, hoping he needed it. Talon said he didn't, but carpenters to west might. Checked map. Big area in west all cloudy. Hero's intuition tells me that's where they'll be.
Came to conclusion that ranch is where Wookies come from. Talon hairier than Chewbacca.

Day 7 years + 51 - Gerudo Valley
Found carpenters on other side of fifty foot cliff with broken bridge as only was across. Forced to use Epona to jump over. Realized it was actually quite fun once my feet were on solid ground and there was no way I could plummet to my death.
Head carpenter let out really loud, primitive-beast type roar when I showed him saw. Gave me broken sword for it. Gee, this'll be real helpful in my fight against evil.

Day 7 years + 53 - Death Mountain
After I complained for two hours, carpenter sent me to Biggoron on top of mountain. BG said he'll fix sword if I go get his eye drops. Great. Been demoted from legendary Hero of Time to errand boy. Wouldn't be treated like this if I was Goron King.

Day 7 years + 54 - Zora's Domain
Gave prescription to King of Fish Freaks, who gave me eyeball frog. Tried to eat it. Tasted v. cold and slimy. Ew. Tried to return for refund, but Fat Fish Freak will only give me new frog. Wanted candy.

Day 7 years + 55 - Lake Hylia
King of Fish Freaks explained that frog needed to be taken to druggie in lab on lake. Of course, there was a time limit. Didn't know frogs needed to be refrigerated.

Day 7 years + 55
Druggie smooshed up frog into eye drops. And BG is going to put that stuff IN HIS EYES! Guess it's not my problem if he gets frog AIDS. As long as he finishes my sword before he keels over.

Day 7 years + 55 - Death Mountain
Forced to hike from lake to mountain in three minutes. Never been so glad to have horse. Someone needs to invent coolers or those thermal bags that can keep food cold. This is ridiculous.

Day 7 years + 55
BG took sword stub and gave me rock. Said to come back in a few days for sword. But I wanted to see the monkey.

Day 7 years + 56
Been spying on Gorons, so can determine best time to initiate plot to overthrow current system of government and become Goron King. So far, unable to determine their sleep patterns, as they lay on their faces all day. Stupid Gorons.
Screw this. Will use Sun's Song to make time go faster so I can get sword. Sugar highness makes me v. impatient.

Day 7 years + 60
W00T! Sword even better than I imagined. Longer, sharper, and pointier than Master Sword. Unfortunately, it also is not chocolate wrapped in tin foil. Probably stands up to fight better this way, but it still saddens me.

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animedeprived: I would like to apologize. I forgot that Link has to go to His Royal Fatness, King Zora, for the eyeball frog. I thought it came from the hag. Whoops. I haven't played in a while.