Crazy trouble with love part 9

Alternative Wendy x Dipper

Series: Gravity Falls

xxxxxxxxxxxx

-Gravity Falls, Dipper's Room-

"Oink oink."

"Gah! Mabel! Waddles' on my bed, eating my chips!"

"Come on Dipper, that's what happens when you leave snacks out lying in the open." she said while the pig kept on eating Dipper's potato chips, from the bag.

"Oink oink."

"Gah! But I'm trying to eat them!" he spoke while trying to nab some chips with Waddles not letting go. "Come on Waddles, go gnaw on Mabel's sweater if you're hungry."

"Oink oink." the pig oinked while still eating the chips, only for Madel to pull him away.

"That's enough chips for you Waddles."

"Oink."

Dipper grumbled while looking at the bag, now completely empty. "Well now that that just happened, I need to get something else to eat."

"Maybe Grunkle Stan has some bacon jerky in the fridge?"

"The one with the blinking eye and the still alive unicorn head?"

"Well….."

"I'm not going to look inside, especially if that fridge is somehow a gateway to another dimension!"

"Wait, really? That sounds like that movie, um...oh! Specter Kickers!" Mabel said with wide eyes. "The one with the cute kittens!"

"You mean the one with the killer demonic lions?" Dipper said in confusion.

"No, the kittens!"

"Yeah….I think we remember the movie very differently." he said before getting up. "But I'll get something from the pantry." He got up and made his way out of their room and down to the kitchen where Soos was in the middle of putting in a new window.

"And...there, done." he smiled at his handy work as Dipper walked by. "Hey dude, check out the window, managed to install it without breaking it this time."

He looked up and saw the window was a triangle...on a rectangular frame. "Um Soos, that's not the right shape."

"Nonsense little dude."

Creek.

CRASH!

And cue the window falling off on the outside of the shack, breaking into a million pieces.

"...I'll go get another one, but a more square shape."

"Rectangular." Dipper deadpanned.

"Right." he turned and headed out as Dipper went to the pantry.

Inside were the normal stuff, some cereal, a few exploding computer chips, a box labeled 'Pumpkin Petes', a wolf-like mask with a crown on it, a portal gun, and some fossilized reptile bones labeled 'Koopa King'.

Yeah….normal. Normal for Gravity Falls.

"...Grunkle Stan needs to clean this once in a while." he remarked before grabbing the cereal and went to get a bowl and milk.

As he started to pour the cereal, he didn't notice that the redhead warrior on the box started to gain yellow eyes and stare at the boy with hidden intent.

"Wonder if I should go out and see if I can find any mole people." he muttered while putting milk into the bowl. "Or see if there is a secret tribe of Kappa somewhere in the lake?"

That was when he noticed the cereal, covered in tiny orange pumpkin shaped marshmallows, started to spell out a simple word.

Hi.

"Ok….that's creepy." he said to himself while trying not to spit out his cereal on instinct. "Eh, probably just my imagination." he shrugged and went back to his cereal, looking away from the box.

The box mascot looked at him before returning to normal, but for some reason, the chair seemed to gain yellow eyes near the arm rests.

Dipper kept on eating before looking to the left and saw an eye where there wasn't supposed to be one, making him spit out the cereal in shock. He jumped up from it and saw the eye suddenly vanish. "Ok, that's not normal."

The sounds of giggling could be heard from the walls and floor as Dipper noticed something slimy drip from the ceiling and looked up.

Which was revealed to be a goat's head with viper teeth.

"Hiiiibaaaa." it cried out while seemingly 'hungry' for the boy.

"AHHH!" he screamed before running out of the kitchen. 'What the heck was that!?'

BUMP!

"Ow!" groaned Mabel while currently on her bett. "Dipper? What's gotten into you?"

"Evil goat snake!"

"Eh?"

"Evil goat snake on the ceiling!" he let out. "I-It just sorta appeared! In the kitchen!"

"Oh, what did it look like?"

"Head of a goat, teeth of a snake!"

"You mean." Madel said while ripping her face off, revealing the goat snake from before. "THIS!?"

"AH!" Dipper screamed while falling on his butt. He stared at the laughing face before he scrambled out of the shack.

Bump!

"Ah!"

Only to bump into Wendy, who was currently coming in for work.

"What the heck?" she deadpanned as Dipper moved away from her.

"I'm not going to fall for it again, goat snake!"

"Eh?" she raised an eyebrow. "What's with you dude?"

Dipper looked around before grabbing a small stick. "Back! Back goat snake!"

Wendy raised an eyebrow before walking away.

"...wait." he muttered while very confused. "Was that the real Wendy?"

"Yep." said the stick before turning into a wasp with a monkey's head. "You chased away your salvation! Ha ha ha!"

"AH!" He screamed while throwing the 'stick' and ran away, only to notice that he just returned to the shack, even though he felt like he ran for miles in the opposite direction. "Ok! Something's going on, and it's not good. I need to find Mabel and get some help...provided I find the real one."

As he ran towards the shack, he noticed Grunkle Stan was walking out with a silver tray in his hands.

"Woah easy there kid." he said while holding the tray upwards. "Careful, this is rare stuff. Can't get it anywhere else."

"Grunkle Stan! Something crazy is going on."

"Gonna need to be more specific by that."

"There's an evil goat snake!"

"Goat snake? Never heard of it." he rubbed his chin. "But it does sound like something I could use for the shack."

"No! Don't use it!"

He grumbled. "What else kid?"

"There was a wasp with a monkey's head. And everytime I leave the area I come back here."

"Sounds like Ford might know better than me, now if you'll excuse me I gotta try and put up this silver painted tray and make people think it's an ancient heirloom."

"Ok, but what's in the tray?"

"Oh that, a deer head. Named it a Wendigo and it might sell well for a pretty penny." he smirked before walking away.

Dipper blinked before opening the door, only to see Ford trying to turn the tv into...something resembling a rocket launcher and laser gun hybrid. "Grunkle Ford! Something's going on!"

"Be a little more specific." he said while trying to put a bulb into the sides of the 'weapon'.

"Weird things are popping up, I thought I heard someone giggling, and when I tried to run away, I wound up back to the shack. Something's going on and I need help figuring it out."

"...did you by chance punch yourself in the face to see if it was a dream?"

He blinked before punching himself in the face, which hurt a lot and made him get a bloody nose. "OW!"

"See anything out of the ordinary now?"

"No."

"Then you must be suffering from a flux in reality. It happens on rare occasions when the dimensional walls of reality either break or reverbuate. Causes weird things to occur." he said while not seeing the goat snake appearing from the muzzle. "But there's nothing to worry about, as long as it doesn't have yellow eyes."

"So...there's nothing to worry about?"

"Well if they try to gnaw on your face or spit acid, that's different, but usually they pass on relatively quick, but if something weirder shows up holler and I'll grab some weapons."

"Hissbaaaa." the goat snake head bellowed before biting Ford's face.

"Ahhhh!"

"Grunkle Ford!"

"Damn weirdness!" he yelled while punching the head, making it explode into confetti as he noticed several tiny top hats land near his feet. "Ow...that one hurt."

"Are you ok? Did it poison you? Please tell me we have anti-venom on hand."

"I'm fine, it didn't puncture through the skin." he said before picking up a top hat. "But I think we have a bigger problem."

"What?"

"...I think Bill's in the real world." he said with a frown. "But from what I can see, he's acting unusually….tame."

"Bill? Oh no no no, you've gotta be kidding me." Dipper held his hat nervously.

"Easy Dipper, it's just a guess, but something's odd. His power wouldn't be able to reach the inside of the shack thanks to the unicorn hair, so it might be something else. Just to be careful though, I'm gonna go make sure the rift is safe and sound." he said while getting up and walked to the secret bunker, Dipper following after him.

(Later)

-Bunker-

The darkness became a dull blue as Ford opened the box holding the rift and looked inside, revealing that it was still intact.

"Mmmmm." he held his chin. "Everything is still in one piece, which is good."

"What do we do?"

"I'm gonna try and lay out some traps just in case, while you go ahead and borrow some of the moonstones from my bag, they should work to help detect what might be lurking around the shack. If it's not Bill, it's still better to find out WHAT it is and get it out of here, who knows what it might do."

Dipper nodded before rummaging through the bag and took out the moonstones, which were glowing very brightly for some reason. "Um...are they supposed to glow like diamonds?"

"No." he said while noticing a shadow right above Dipper's shadow. "Dipper behind you!"

He turned and saw the shadow as it chuckled a little and waved its hands up in surrender. "Ah!"

The shadow chuckled while seemingly laughing at his scared nature, as if it was just playing jokes on him.

"Bill? Is that you? If it is, quit playing games." spoke Ford before seeing the shadow wag it's finger at him. "You shouldn't even be able to enter the shack."

The shadow stopped laughing and formed a tiny Bill shadow puppet before using its other hand to crush it with a shadow hammer.

"I think it's not Bill." Dipper sweatdropped.

"Tell us, what are you and what do you want?" questioned Ford with suspicion. "Are you some kind of shadow demon?"

It shook its head no and made a single word with its hands.

Goddess.

"Goddess?" Dipper looked confused.

It nodded before it began to inflate bigger and bigger before-

BOOM!

Exploding into confetti as a very tall golden skinned woman with glowing yellow eyes, long red hair that went past her legs and formed several hexagonal points, five curved black horns on the top of her head, a G cup chest and wide ass, wearing a long flowing white robe that barefoot covered her chest, yellow fingerless gloves, long golden emerald studded earrings, black sandals and a black top hat like crown on her forehead that glowed with a unearthly flame like aura, appeared in front of them.

"Hey." she waved while forming a white cane with a pine tree shaped emerald on the top in her left hand. "Long time no see Dipper. Liked the pranks?"

"Woah." he spoke with him and Ford wide eyed before Ford moved in between them.

"Who are you? I've seen all sorts of crazy beings call themselves goddess, and the end result was all them either wanting to eat my brain, soul, or the occasional hunger for dandruff, so I'm not too quick to think you're a real 'goddess'."

She chuckled. "Oh Ford, how stubborn, but it comes from a place of logic, and I like that. But yes, I'm a goddess, a real one."

"What are you doing here?" asked Dipper who felt something familiar with this lady.

"Let's just say I saw this place, wanted to drop by, and maybe scare some poor sap, namely you." She smirked while pointing her cane at him. "And it worked didn't it?"

"True."

"But it's tame compared to what I did to the Time Baby, I made him cry after seeing a llama dragon eating his favorite rattle." She snickered.

"Time Baby?" Dipper raised an eyebrow.

"You remind me of someone I'd rather forget. Does the name 'Bill' ring any bells?" questioned Ford who stayed on guard.

"Hmm, Bill, Bill, Bill….nope, doesn't ring a bell." she shrugged. "Well, I'd say I've spent enough time here as is, see ya."

"Wait!"

POOF!

And like that, she vanished in a literal hurricane of octopus, which rained down all over the two humans.

SPLAT!

"Mmmm!" Dipper let out with one of them clinging to his face, making him run in a random direction and hit the wall. "Mmm!"

(Later on)

Dipper grumbled while cleaning the ink off his face, which unfortunately was permanent ink and very hard to get rid off. "That's the last time I wanna see any octopi."

As he cleaned himself off, he didn't notice a pair of yellow eyes staring at him from the mirror before his reflection changed into Pacifica, a much older and naked version to be exact.

"I hate ink." He grumbled before looking up. As soon as he saw the reflection, his eyes widened, face turned red, and let out a startled cry before falling backwards.

The reflection snickered before changing back just as Mabel ran in.

"Dipper? What's wrong? And why are you red in the face?"

"I saw….uh….a mosquito!" He said while embarrassed about the whole thing.

"..." she looked at him, his pants which were a little wet, and nodded with a smirk as she closed the door. "Oooook, just don't scream too loudly~"

He shook his head and looked at the mirror, embarrassed, but also curious as he looked around the bathroom with curiosity. "Uh...right."

As he looked at the mirror, he didn't notice that a towel was gaining a face and was snickering at his embarrassment.

"Perv~" the towel whispered out loud.

He turned around and saw the now mouthless tower as he felt a little creeped out. He quickly rushed out of the room and quickly went to change his pants before going down to the gift shop where he saw Wendy in the middle of reading a magazine with her feet on the counter.

She looked up and smirked. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Anything new with you?"

"Uh...nah, nothing big really." admitted Dipper walking over while clearing his throat. "So….uh….anything exciting going on down here?"

"Nope." She said while shrugging. "Nothing special at all."

"I see."

"But I did see Soos trying to fix the window, with a circle shaped window."

"Darn it! I said rectangle! Rectangle!"

"It was actually pretty funny." She chuckled while Soos was currently putting a tetrahedron shaped window in the rectangular frame.

"There, finally got it right this time."

Crash!

Shatter!

"...darn it."

Dipper and Wendy chuckled, with Wendy sitting up and putting the magazine down.

"Yo Dipper, wanna hang after my shift's over?"

"Sure thing, is Thompson gonna pick us up?"

"Actually, I was thinking this time it could be just us hanging out." she smiled, catching him off guard.

"Us? You mean, you and me?"

"Who else?" she asked with a smile. "I'm thinking of taking a walk in the forest, maybe sneak into some abandoned places and find some stuff. Like maybe a still working fridge full of pizza or something. Just the two of us."

"T-That sounds great, really great." smiled Dipper, who quickly reminded himself in his head not to get TOO excited. 'Easy Dipper, it's as friends, remember you're over her.'

She smiled. "Good, it's a date then."

And cue Dipper becoming speechless. "A d-d-d-date?"

"Yep. A date." She smirked before going back to her magazine.

He stared at her silently with a red face before making his way out, feeling his heart beat increase. 'She….asked me...on a date…..YAHOOOOOOOO!'

(Later on)

Dipper moved back and forth near the front door while waiting for Wendy to get off work. All the while trying to stop his hands from getting sweaty and had to keep on reminding himself she probably meant a date for friends, and nothing more.

That was when he saw Wendy walking towards him and patted his head.

"Ready for our date?"

"Oh yeah."

"Good, because this'll be the best night of your life." she said with a smirk while seemingly looking at the readers, moving her eyes a little upwards, before looking back at Dipper.

"Heh heh, yeah." smiled Dipper with a light blush before clearing his throat. "So, uh, after you."

She grinned while walking past him.

(Later)

Dipper grumbled while currently in the woods, just like Wendy said, as they were looking around for anything fun to do, although the mosquitoes were having a feast at the moment. He kept swatting at them with Wendy not looking bothered. "I should have brought bug spray."

"True, but you did drink some soda beforehand. Mosquitoes love sugarly blood." she said with a chuckle.

"Why aren't you getting eaten alive?"

"An old trick my dad taught me."

"Which is?"

"Trade secret." she smirked.

"I just hope we find something out here soon, otherwise they're gonna suck me dry." he grumbled before seeing Wendy point to an abandoned pizzeria and arcade center.

"Look at that, I almost forgot we had this." she chuckled. "Funny story, some people tried to build this place and it went under after some crazy axe wielding madman scared everyone away. But in truth, that was my dad after getting drunk one new years eve."

"Uh, remind me not to get on his bad side."

She chuckled before opening the rusty gate. "I think this place still has electricity, so the food might still be fresh."

"Um...how?"

"I went here two years ago, they have thousands of pizzas and stuff in the freezes. Like enough to feed Soos for a lifetime." she said with a chuckle. "Now come on, it's almost dark out and I want to show you some very special games they have. Like super rare arcade games from the sixties."

"Didn't arcades appear in the eighties?"

"...oops. My bad." she chuckled while she sweated a little bit. "A little scatterbrained today."

"It happens." he admitted while not seeing Wendy nervously moving her fingers a little. "So let's go inside."

(Inside the building)

Dipper blinked while a little surprised at one thing.

The place looked and smelled like it was brand new, as if it wasn't abandoned or the setting to a drunken lumberjack attack.

"Wow, I think this is the nicest abandoned place I've ever been to."

"I know right?" Wendy said in agreement. "It's not like all those abandoned places, especially the ones with the walking talking animatronic killer furries."

"Wait what?"

"Didn't you know? It's really popular to have killer animatronics in the shape of animals, sells like crazy."

"Had to deal with a place just like that with Soos, not a huge fan." he said with a grumble as Wendy walked over to the nearest prize counters and jumped over the counter.

"Ok, I think there's some candy in one of these shelves. Wanna help?" she asked while pulling out some of the back shelves.

"You know it." He smirked while running towards her, not noticing that an animatronic puppy on a stage slowly morphed into a golden triangle with a top hat.

(One candy binge later)

"Ugh…" Dipper groaned while looking ready to go into a sugar coma. "I think….I ate….too much."

"Not me." Wendy said while finishing off some licorice without getting sick. "I haven't had this stuff in ages. I wonder if they have chocolate licorice anywhere?"

"What about your...ugh...figure?"

"Meh, the calories always go to my other toys." she smirked while Dipper looked confused.

"What?"

"A girl's accessories."

"..."

She deadpanned. "My breasts and butt. The calories go there instead of my gut."

"Oh!" he went wide eyed and blushed before quickly looking away as she chuckled.

"Relax dude, it's not that big a deal, just part of growing up." she said while getting up. "You'll be having the same issues too, not the breasts part, if you did then we have a problem."

Dipper blinked while letting that sink in, and turned green in the face. "Yeah...that would be a problem."

"Although if that happened then I would be calling you and Mabel real twins." she joked.

"Please don't think about it."

Wendy chuckled before walking a little away. "I'm going to find the freezers here, just stay put and don't let the animatronics bite."

"Oh ha ha." he said while Wendy turned a corner and vanished from his sights, leaving him alone in an abandoned pizzeria.

And it was starting to creep him out a little.

Dipper gulped while feeling like the normally associated sounds of pipes and the air conditioner unit were turning into otherworldly horror beyond mortal understanding. 'Relax Dipper, no need to get freaked out, this isn't like the mart where two old people died, this place was just abandoned.'

Creak.

Clang.

Woom.

'Although it is creepier.' He thought while not seeming the animatronic triangle was moving closer to him, it's yellow eyes staring at the boy like a hungry predatory clown.

Creak.

Clang.

Woom.

'Calm down. It's just the pipes, not a killer animatronic.' He thought before getting tapped on the shoulder, making him turn around.

"Pine, I'm back~" it said in Bill's voice before turning demonic. "And I'm going to eat you!"

"AHHHH!" He screamed while stumbling back. "B-But how?!"

"Simple, possession." It laughed before opening its jaw to reveal a large set of bloody shark teeth. "NOM NOM PINE!"

"AHHHHH!" he turned and ran off. "Wendy! Wendy! We have to get out of here!"

But as he turned a corner, he noticed that the room was longer than normal and had rows of arcade machines going on for miles.

"Oh give me a break!" he groaned before running away, the animatronic demon running after him with the speed of a cheetah. "Ah!"

"Come back. I just want to EAT YOU!"

"Stay away from me!" he screamed before running faster, not knowing that he kept on going in a loop.

"Oh don't be like that! I just want to have some Pine berry flavored human! Ha ha ha!" it laughed while biting at the air, the gears moving in such a way as to make Dipper panic even more.

Dipper panted in terror before seeing a door at the other end of the room and raced towards it. "Yes, a door!" When he reached it he grabbed the knob, but found it wouldn't open. "Oh no no no no!"

"There's no way out Pine!" the demon cackled while running right towards Dipper. "You will be taco meat tonight! Nice and GROUNDED!"

"No no no no no!" he tugged on the knob and tried pushing against it. "Open up, open up!"

Click.

That was when the door opened up and he was able to run in and lock the door.

"PINE!"

Dipper panted while calming himself down a little, only to discover that he was in the freezer, and it was currently on. 'Oh why me!?' he threw his arms up and rubbed his arms. "Out of all the times Bill had to show up, it had to be now."

As the boy tried to calm down...he noticed that the pounding on the door just ceased.

He blinked and looked through the peephole, and saw that Bill was gone. "How? What? If he was possessing that animatronic...why isn't the animatronic on the ground?"

Knock knock.

He blinked and then saw Wendy waving at him from the other end of the door.

"Hey, what happened to you? You just up and left."

"Wendy?" He pushed it open. "Where'd you go?"

"I was looking for the freezer. But I got lost and ended up in the locker rooms, what happened to you?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We've gotta get out of here, Bill's in here!"

"Huh?" she blinked while her eyes flashed with anger for a second. "Bill, here? That's...weird."

"I know right! And he was in an animatronic body!"

"...so he was a large teddy bear?"

"No! A robotic version of his body with teeth!"

"Ok, now that's freaky." she admitted before looking around. "But what happened to him?"

"I don't know! He just vanished!"

"Huh….I say we go looking for him." she smirked. "If he's in a robotic body, then it's easier for us to trap him and possibly make him stop trying to annoy us."

"Trap him? Wendy, Bill can't be trapped that easily, if he's here with us, we need to get to the shack and tell Grunkle Ford."

"Why not just trap him in the freezer, let the circuits freeze and then call Ford?" she asked. "It might be easier if he doesn't run up and kill us with his teeth."

"Because that's not his true form, he'll probably just pop on out of it and go in another animatronic."

"But there's only one here." she admitted. "The place didn't make more before my dad drunkenly ruined the place."

"That's….interesting, but it still won't help our situation."

Wendy sighed. "But maybe my idea is right? Maybe he will get stuck in the freezer and hibernate like a bear for a while? It's not that hard to see what and what will not hurt this guy."

"...well when you put it that way." he muttered while a little conflicted.

"Come on Dipper, is my idea REALLY such a bad one?"

"Well no."

"Then let's just try it." She smirked. "And maybe my idea can stop the little triangle before he causes any weirdmageddon?"

"Weirdma-what?"

"Nothing, let's just go find him." She said quickly. "And if it works, we can get back to what we were doing, alone."

"Oh ok."

"And maybe have some more fun." She smirked before walking off. "Come on, let's hunt a dorito!"

Dipper chuckled. "Dorito, why didn't I think of that?"

(Later)

Both walked down the stairs and into the basement as Dipper was starting to get freaked out at the fact they were hunting the Lord of Nightmares like they were a crime solving mystery gang, minus the talking animal.

"Do you hear anything?"

"Besides my heart, no." Dipper said while Wendy looked around.

"Same here, although I feel like the final girl in a horror film." She grumbled. "And you being the-"

"Love interest?"

"No, the goofball." She teased.

He pouted. "Oh."

"Relax, it's better than the douchebag that gets taken out early."

"Or the mean girl."

"Or the dumb geek." She listed while letting her nerves calm down a little. "Really anyone, not the final girl or the final guy. Really, why can't anyone just act smart and leave the killer alone? It's not that hard people, just be smart."

"Well, people are dumber in movies."

"Too true. Too true." she nodded while moving closer to him. "But at least we know what we're doing."

Dipper nodded while blushing a little as he didn't notice a yellow eye staring at him from the ceiling. 'She's so close!'

"Want to hold my hand?" She asked with a smile.

"W-What?"

"Do you want to hold my hand? You look nervous." She said while extending her left hand out. "Come on, it won't bite."

"Y-You sure? I mean, I'm not against it! It's just…"

"Just what?"

"Isn't that something...couples do?"

"So?" She asked with confusion. "I'm just asking."

"W-Well I mean, if you're ok with it, then...sure." He said before holding her hand.

CRASH!

Only to see Bill land in front of them.

"Chow time Pine and Red!" It laughed while flexing its claws hands at them.

"AH!" Dipper screamed as Wendy just stood there, laughing at the demon.

"What's so funny?"

"You look like a dorito!"

"I'M NOT A DORITO!"

"Yeah you are." Wendy snickered. "A ranch dorito, the most terrible favor in the world!"

"Wendy run!" Dipper yelled as Wendy chuckled before frowning.

"I had enough of this ruse." She said in a mature tone before raising her hand up. "Vanish."

Poof!

And in a flash, Bill turned into seashells.

Dipper blinked in shock as Wendy smirked and turned to him, her form flickering as she turned into the same woman that he and Ford met earlier today.

"Hey, liked my little game?" She smiled.

"W-W-W-W-Wendy?!"

"That's me." She grinned while bowing to him. "Wendy, goddess of nightmares and Lady of Demons. At your service."

"B-B-But….what's going on?!" he cried out while backing up from her.

She caused a chair to form behind her as she sat down. "It's a long story, but it does involve Bill. Want to listen?"

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah! Why do you...look like this? How did you do that?"

"Simple." She sighed. "I come from a timeline where Weirdmaggedon happened. He won and you, well, didn't survive. It took twenty long years before I was able to create a weapon that uses Gravity Falls' weirdness to slay Bill and transfer his knowledge and powers into myself. But...I might have destroyed my own timeline in the process. No weirdness means no chaos and without chaos there's no order and well, it decayed."

"..."

"And now I'm here, hoping to have some fun, and since I'm the lord of time and space as well, I'm here to stay~" she winked with Dipper closing his eyes and holding his head.

"Wait wait, so….you're Wendy."

"Yeah."

"From another reality."

"Yup, but more like a timeline."

"Who lost her Dipper and gained Bill's powers."

"Pretty much."

"And you're here….to have fun?"

"Bingo." She smiled. "Oh and don't worry about the whole 'if I see myself I'll cause an explosion in the timeline'. I already exist outside time and space so it doesn't apply to me anymore." 'That and I ate this Wendy, but he doesn't need to know that.'

"But wait, if you're here, then where's the Wendy I've known?"

'Shit.' "Um…...Hawaii?"

"You sent her all the way to Hawaii?!"

"Relax dude, she's fine. Just relaxing and unwinding, kinda like how I would, before becoming all powerful and stuff." she shrugged while putting her hands behind her head. "So now that the cat's out of the bag, ready to get this date back on track?"

"...you drop a huge bomb like this on me, with so many questions left unanswered, and...you still wanna do this...date?"

"Yep. Haven't seen you in years so I really want to start young." She shrugged. "Plus I can always help you become a teenager early. One of the perks of being a goddess of reality and nightmares. You always bend the rules to your liking."

"Well….alright, but after this is over, I have a TON of questions."

"No prob dude." she smiled before her form shifted back into her human form. "This better? Figured it'd be weird to go the rest of the date in my new look."

"True."

"But if you don't like the clothes or body type, I can change it." she winked, making Dipper blush. "You say the word and I'll do the deed. So want to see a movie or something?"

"Sure."

"Great because maintaining this living nightmare is a hazard to my health." she said before snapping her fingers, causing the pizzeria to vanish and be replaced with a dark forest. "And you really don't want to know what the candies were REALLY originally. You really don't wanna know."

Dipper held his stomach nervously before Wendy held his hand and led him away, making him look at them and then her. 'I can't believe it, another Wendy, and one who is like Bill! Wait a second, does that mean she's like him in a way? Was she the one behind the earlier stuff?'

Wendy noticed his face and chuckled. "Yes Dipper, I caused the pranks earlier. I wanted to have some fun since I was constantly traveling dimensions to find a suitable one for me. The goat snake and the Pacifica reflection were just simple pranks, low tier stuff."

"...never do that again." he deadpanned.

"Oh come on! They were harmless." she pouted.

"And the Bill stunt?"

"That one was a joke too, I wouldn't let anything hurt you." she smiled. "I would be hurt if that happened again."

Dipper blushed hearing that, but shook his head. "Just be honest with me, alright?"

"Ok." She patted his head. "Will do Dip."

(Later)

"Wait….that's Wendy?" Mabel said in surprise while seeing Wendy, the other Wendy, in her true form while sitting on the couch, letting Dipper sit on her lap as the adults were very confused.

"Yep." Dipper said with a light blush.

"Hello." 'Wendy' waved with a smile.

"Remarkable." admitted Ford rubbing his chin. "An alternate timeline, and one where Bill's very power belongs to a normal person? What was it like? What does it feel like? Are you being-"

"Woah, easy there. Right now me and Dipper are kinda trying to relax, so I'm gonna pass on the questions."

"But-"

She made a zipper motion while Ford found his lips shut. "Much better."

Stan chuckled. "Boy, that's something I wouldn't mind doing."

Ford glared at his brother while Wendy sighed and patted Dipper's head.

"So what are you doing with my brother?" Mabel asked.

"Dating." She said calmly. "In three different points in his lifetime, at the same time."

"Say whaaaaat?" she let out with wide eyes and open mouth, Dipper turning to 'Wendy' just in surprise.

"Wait what?!"

"I'm a three dimensional being." She smirked. "Unlike Bill I can see and be in three places at once. Right now I'm here, two years in the past as your substitute teacher and thirty years in the future as your fiancé. It's a perk of being a goddess."

Dipper's face turned crimson with Mabel looking torn between squealing in happiness and surprise. "F-Fiance?"

"Yep." She pointed to Dipper. "He proposed first."

"Way to go Dipper! That's my boy!" cheered Stan.

"So can we get some alone time?" she frowned.

"Mmmm." Ford frowned.

She groaned before unzipping his mouth. "What?"

"I was going to say that while it's unethical, as long as you don't destroy the fabric of reality I'll let your relationship go unhindered."

"Would you have any way to stop it?" she raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Well-"

"You don't. Because unlike Bill, I don't have his weaknesses or quirks. I know I'm powerful and I make sure to not cause trouble and possibly cause my own existence to be destroyed by other powerful beings like a certain amphibian." She muttered the last part under her breath. "But will you let me have some private time with Dip, or do I have to send you to a dimension populated by demonic succubus nurses?"

"Woah there, easy, I already dealt with that two times, don't want the third time to be the charm."

"Wait what?" Stan frowned. "You went and did what?"

"Trust me, it wasn't pleasant." he shivered before leaving the room.

Wendy yawned while patting Dipper's head. "Ok time to leave, I have cuddling to do here, teaching algebra in the past and a honeymoon in the future, in Tahiti."

"Don't forget to make me the bridesmaid!" Mabel smiled while walking away with Stan, although Soos was busy trying to put a polyhedroid window into its rectangular fame.

"There. All done."

Crash!

SHATTER!

"Oh poo."

Dipper and 'Wendy' shared a laugh at that.

(Later)

Dipper snored while currently sleeping in his bed, however something was off.

The reason?

(Elsewhere)

-Nightmare Realm-

His soul was currently in the realm of nightmares….for some reason, possibly Bill's doing or possibly 'Wendy's' doing, he didn't know.

And right now, he was in the form of the 'Dipper' puppet, his most HATED form.

"MMMMMMMMM!" He screamed in frustration while trying to move his string arms up and down, and failed. "WHY!? WHY A PUPPET!?"

That was when he realized he wasn't in the real world and paled.

"Oh no, oh no! Why am I here? What's going on?!" He yelled before noticing that the area wasn't normal, especially when there was a door with a large 'W' on the top of it floating right near him. "And why is there a door here….wait? Maybe it's a way out?"

As he tried to open the door, he realized he couldn't due to the account of being a floating sock puppet with strings for arms.

"Oh come on!" he let out before grabbing the knob with his mouth and tried turning it.

Which revealed a very….war torn version of Gravity Falls as large monsters roamed the land, a pyramid shaped tear covered the sky and a pyramid made from the statues of both humans and monsters looked over the ruined town, fire licking the trees in the nearby forest.

Dipper blinked before getting pushed into the door by an invisible force and the door turned into mist. He turned and didn't see anyone there, really creeping him out while seeing a giant head drag itself across the street with a large arm sticking out from the top of itself.

It moved closer and closer to him before squashing the puppet, and went through him as if he was a ghost.

"Eh? I didn't get squashed?" He muttered before seeing a figure moving across the ruined alleyways, holding something metallic in their hands. "Wait? Who's that?"

The image changed to reveal a figure moving towards the pyramid, holding a large metallic blade made of unicorn horn, robot parts, fossilized amber fragments and what looked like a wax head in their hands.

"What?" The puppet muttered before seeing their face, revealed to be an older and right legless Wendy, her leg replaced with a minotaur's and partially covered in stone near the hoove. "Wendy?!"

The woman ran towards the pyramid before throwing a stone at the structure. "BILL CIPHER!"

The pyramid shook before the tiny two dimensional demon appeared and raised an non-existent eyebrow at her.

"Well well well, if it isn't little Red. What brings you to my neck of the woods? Here so I can even things out and take your one other good leg?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I've come to challenge you, under the Axolotl, to a duel! If I win you die and if I lose, you take my soul!"

"Aw that's adorable, and what exactly makes you think I'll accept it? You know, given how I could easily liquify your insides and make you a hand puppet?" he laughed leaning back in the air with his hands behind his upper half.

"Because I mentioned the Axolotl, the only being you fear most." She smirked. "If you back out, Weirdmageddon is over. You cease to exist, all by that amphibian's will."

"Oh really? And what made you wanna take the chance?" he questioned, shrinking down near her size before snapping his fingers. "Wait, is it because of me using your father and brothers as targets? Let me tell ya, your dad was real durable, lasted longer than the others that's for sure."

She frowned before using this opportunity to stab Bill in the eye, the blade actually hurting him with a discharge of green energy. "Because you killed Dipper, you son of a bitch! You killed my friend!"

"OW!" he cried out flying back and covering the spot. "My eye! My one eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate one of those?!"

"Accept the duel you freak! Or are you too scared of losing like the little bitch you are?" She growled while seeing the eye not healing, cracks of green forming from the round sphere.

"Ah! Fine fine I'll do the stupid duel...wait. Why can't I see?!"

"Because I made sure I could use something to end you for good." She smirked before running towards him, blade in hand, as she slashed off his left arm, turning green before bursting into dust.

"AHH! My arm! My good arm!"

"Wendy watch out!" cried Dipper who tried flying over, but passed through them. "Get away! He's too dangerous!"

Wendy roared before using the opportunity to sever another lumb, Bill's left leg, before ducking from an enlarged right fist. "Ha! Missed me dorito!"

"I'll make sure you experience EVERY form of pain imaginable!" He yelled while trying to squish Wendy, but was unable to hit on account of losing his sight.

She smirked before using the opportunity to move back and slash his fist off. "What's wrong? Can't hit a girl even when you're a god? Ha! Why was everyone so scared of a two dimensional drawing like you?"

"THAT'S IT!" He roared while causing the world to bend and twist. "I WILL JUST LIQUIDIZE YOUR ORGANS!"

Wendy felt her body turn and twist before smirking and chuckled.

"What?! How?!"

"Simple. I replaced my body with living wax, amber, robotic parts and the occasional shadow demon." She grinned. "I did all of this to end you and THAT'S what I'll do this day!"

"Wendy…" Dipper stared at the girl in shock, stunned she'd go this far, with him seeing Bill glow red in rage. "Wendy watch out!"

"I WILL END YOUR EXISTENCE!" he roared before turning into a much larger yet still blind pyramid monster as he charged towards Wendy with hate.

"Try it. Make my day." She taunted before running towards the monster and began to slash at the legs, making sure he fell to the ground like a Lovecraftian Goliath.

"AHHH!" He cried out before falling on the ground as Wendy raced up his surface like a certain blue hedgehog. "I'LL TURN YOU INSIDE OUT!"

Wendy smirked before seeing the top of the pyramid and pushed the blade into it, green cracks forming as she used her gravity to slash downwards on the demon.

"AHHHHHH!" Bill screamed before finding his body cut in half, his right side turning to ash as he tried to do the only thing he could do.

Beg for mercy.

"Wait wait wait! Red, please, have a heart." he cried out while shrinking. "We can make a deal! I could get you, your dad and brothers back? Make you the coolest teen in the whole world. Even get you the hottest guy for a boyfriend, anything!"

She moved closer to him before using her free right hand to-

RIP!

Pull off her top and skin, revealing a mechanical device with a single dark blue bulb atop a single multi-sided dice with an infinity symbol on it.

"No." She frowned before pointing the blade near his face. "I won't fall for it, and before I end you, do you want to know how I'm going to take your power? Well? Want to know, triangle?"

"What are you talking about?!"

Wendy shook her head. "When you killed Ford, I took his most dangerous artifacts. The Infinity Sided Dice and Quantum Destablizer, each one could kill you but negate the other on their own. But when placed together I made sure the dice's effects are negated, the one with the random effects. The current effect of it is to make my body a literal weirdness field sponge. The blade was just a construct of all the weirdness of Gravity Falls itself, concentrated into a single point to cause you, the embodiment of weirdness pain! And once you're dead, that power will be absorbed by the dice into me!"

"WHAT?! That's crazy! You can't handle my power! You're just a puny mortal!"

"True, but I replaced every part of my body with weirdness." She smirked. "That power will be fine in my hands."

"But if you kill me then the weirdness will die! Order will die! This world will die!"

"I can live with it." She said before stabbing him right in the eye and twisted it deep into Bill's very soul as Dipper watched on in shock.

"Oh my god." he let out, covering his mouth and feeling squeamish.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Bill screamed before the world became covered in green.

(Real World)

As Dipper found himself waking up in his bed in a sweaty mess. He gasped and panted, looking around in alarm, but found his body was back to normal and not a sock puppet.

"Oh….thank god." He panted while feeling like he just woke up from a nightmare.

"Oink." Waddles oinked while looking at him from the side of the bed.

"Trust me Waddles, you don't wanna know." He said while not noticing a pair of yellow eyes looking at him from the shadows.

'Can't believe he saw that memory….oh well. At least he saw me kick his ass, that's a point in my book.' Wendy thought with a grin. 'Hmmm, wonder if I should leave him a real spicy dream? Now THAT would be pretty funny.'

As the eyes closed, Dipper felt like he had a chill down his spine.

'Why do I feel like something else is going to happen when I close my eyes?' He thought with a gulp.

(Next day)

Dipper dragged himself down to the kitchen, heavy bags under his eyes while Mabel was in the middle of eating cereal. "Ugh…"

"Maonng." She said while munching on her cereal, milk spraying on the table in the process.

"Morning…" he let out dragging himself over to the fridge, but bumped into it and stumbled back. "Ow."

"Rough night?" She asked as Dipper tried to open the fridge with his toes, forgetting that he had hands for a moment.

"Couldn't sleep….not a wink…"

"Why?"

"Killer…."

"Killer what?"

"Killer….Pacifica….naked...MILFS…" he groaned while looking very out of it.

Mabel blinked in confusion. "What's a MILF?"

"Don't ask...need food." he let out, as he opened the fridge and grabbed what he felt first, which was the pickle jar, and started to eat them while drinking the juice, thinking it was milk.

However, as he did so, he didn't notice that the pickles were sentient, had limbs, and were getting devoured by a 'giant'.

Waddles tilted his head as he swore he could hear small terrified screams, but laid back down and ignored them.

Dipper kept on drinking 'milk' as the pickles screamed in horror. 'Huh? Screaming people….neat.'

"So, are you gonna be spending today with your girlfriend~?" asked Mabel with a grin.

Dipper, still out of it, yawned. "Squeeze her breasts."

"Dipper!?" Mabel yelled. "Why would you do that to Wendy!? Squeezing her chest is weird!"

He yawned and dropped the jar before falling down and started snoring.

"Dipper?"

"Zzzzzz." He snored as the pickles began to attack him.

"For our brethren!"

"Death to the giant!"

Dipper snored while Soos walked in and stepped on the pickles, making them scream and run away in terror. "Zzzz."

"I finally did it. I fixed the window." He smiled while pointing to a one dimensional window on a rectangular frame.

CRASH!

SHATTER!

"...I'll get it." he looked down at Dipper. "Yo dude, Wendy's in the shop waiting for ya, said she wanted to ditch work and hang out."

"Zzzzz."

"Dude?"

"He's taking a nap." Mabel said. "He's so tired he drank pickle juice."

"Ew." Soos looked in the fridge. "Any left? I could go for some right now."

"Just some Multibear heads that Grunkle Stan found in the woods."

"...Meh. Still edible."

Dipper snored away and curled up, drifting off to slumberland, but he heard the sounds of splashing. When he opened his eyes he saw he was at the pool with people going around doing their own stuff, confused and looked down to see he had his trunks on. "Am I dreaming?"

"Yo dude!"

He blinked and looked up to reveal Wendy, wearing a yellow v-cut bikini that was WAY too tight, walking over to him with a vanilla and chocolate swirl ice cream cone in her left hand.

"Got you some ice cream, ready for some fun?"

His jaw dropped and eyes went wide, while also speechless. "Uh...bu...wa…."

She smiled. "Like it?"

"I...um...a…"

She patted his head with her right arm. "Relax, have fun and maybe have a little ride later to a hotel, show you how the adults like to have fun. The one mommy keeps under her bed~"

And cue him blushing red before slapping himself.

"OW!"

"It's a dream." Wendy smirked. "And hitting yourself awake won't work here. I made sure of it."

"W-Why did you bring us here?"

"For some fun, duh." She smiled. "Just a date, oh and you have the ability to change how you look in the dream. Go on, try it, it'll be fun."

"Wait really?"

She nodded. "Go on, try it."

He blinked before closing his eyes, his body turning white before becoming a taller, more muscular teenage version of himself with a small stubble of beard on his face.

"Wow, now I really want to have fun with you, both here and in the future." Wendy smirked while licking her lips.

"Uh t-thanks." he blushed bright red while his eyes drifted to her chest before quickly shaking his head. 'No! Don't stare!'

Wendy smirked. "Oh? Want to skip the date and have a fun time? Bold of you~"

"N-No! I swear it's not like that! I wasn't staring!"

"Relax dude. No reason to get all shy around me." She deadpanned. "You're going to have sex with me in the future, why not try being a human instead of a shy robot. I mean you're in a dream, have some fun with this hot goddess willing to spend time with you."

"Well….it's just since the Wendy I know never saw a relationship between us as a chance…"

She grumbled. "Look, she might have said that then, but things change and who knows? She might have wanted to wait until taking your D, but I'm not her so that doesn't apply to me in the slightest." she moved up to him and put her hands on his chest. "Which means if you wanna get grabby, go for it."

Dipper blushed while feeling very conflicted, although his dick was poking out of his trunks at the moment despite the issue.

"Come on, take me on a wild ride~"

"I...I….WENDY!" he cried out before tackling her.

"OOOH~"

(Real World)

Stan raised an eyebrow as he saw Dipper humping his chair, moaning something in another language in the process as Ford walked in to get some coffee. "I don't even wanna know."

"Don't want to know what?"

"That." He pointed to Dipper.

"Oh….wait I recognize that language. That's AzMayan." He said with wide eyes.

"Az-what?"

"A language from a timeline I visited, one where the Aztec and Mayan empires joined and took over Spain." He said before blinking. "Oh…."

"Oh what?"

"Dipper….is having his first um….sexual encounter in his sleep. Something about pools and tentacles." He shivered. "Hard core stuff."

"I've seen hard core stuff." Stan deadpanned.

"Not like this, it's way above your previous failed relationships."

"Hey! I once got eaten by a spider woman."

"And I heard you got together with a woman in Las Vegas, and got jipped."

"Oh yeah."

"She's a witch from the Boiling Isles." Ford deadpanned. "Wanted criminal."

"Wait what?!"

"Anyway, Dipper is experiencing the most….depraved sexual acts ever made or thought of by humans."

"So...he finally popped his cherry?"

"Crude, but yes. But only in his sleep."

"Good enough for me. I better get some booze to celebrate." He said while walking away, Dipper still humping his favorite chair.

Ford sighed. "This is going to be a long day."

(Later)

The sounds of moaning could be heard as Dipper and Wendy were having sex in the bathroom. Wendy in her normal look, bouncing up and down on Dipper's lap as he gripped her ass.

"Oh fuck yeah Dipper! Give me your cock!"

"Wendy! This is better than in the dream!" he let out, the insides squeezing and massaging him every time she moved down with him trying to thrust upward in time. "It's amazing!"

"I had thousands of years to learn the trade, so this is your lucky break." She moaned while Dipper pinched her cheeks.

Dipper panted while feeling like his dick was on fire. "Wendy! I...I'm gonna lose it!"

"Then don't hold back dude, give me all you got!"

He groaned while a knock was heard outside the bathroom.

"Dipper!" Mabel yelled. "Are you done yet?! I need to use the bathroom!"

Wendy quickly muffled Dipper's voice with her chest while shivering as she felt him unload himself deep inside.

"Dipper! Please! I can't hold it!" cried Mabel knocking on the door harder while trying to keep it together.

Wendy smirked before snapping her fingers and caused Mabel's sweater to come to life and make her fly away like a helicopter.

"AHHHHH!" she let out as Wendy patted Dipper's head while letting him lean against her.

"Feel better?"

"Ah…..yes….."

She smiled. "Good."

Dipper groaned as his dick became limp and lifeless.

"I'm gonna miss you little man." she hugged him with a sigh. "Your Wendy's gonna be coming back any day now, guess I'll be traveling worlds again. Still, I'd say this one was worth it." She kissed him on the forehead with Dipper relaxing against her hold. "And you made it that way Dipper."

"Wait, you're saying I won't see you again?"

"What no, I'll see you again in twenty five years. When you're thirty." she smiled. "In the meantime, I'll just be here and there, all over the place actually."

Dipper looked at her with a sad face.

"Oh buck up, your Wendy will have fun in my place. She might even take your cherry again~" she got up and felt the sperm trickle down her legs before snapping her fingers and cleaned them up. "Better get on out of here, I think your sister is gonna need a hand."

Dipper looked confused before Wendy vanished in a puff of octopus, which started to squirt ink at his face. "GAH!"

(Later)

"Well dudes, it's been swell, but I gotta bounce." smiled Wendy back in her true form as she opened up a portal. "I got all sorts of messed up stuff to check out."

"Like?" Mabel asked while covered in leaves.

"Weird people, an island with a titan on it, a world of frog people! The universe is my toy and I'm going to have fun playing with it!" she laughed holding her side which unnerved them before tipping her hat. "Later Pines, don't wait up."

"Bye." Dipper waved while Wendy walked in and vanished-

BOOM!

In an explosion of bras and killer lamias.

"Hiss?!" they hissed before slithering away to cause chaos in Gravity Falls.

"Well, I better go get my lamia trap, mind giving me a hand, Stan?"

"Fine, but I keep one of them. For publicity."

"You do realize one of these can produce enough venom to render an elephant dead in seconds right?"

"Meh, had worse." He waved off while the two brothers walked away.

"I'm gonna miss her." sighed Dipper while Mabel patted his back.

"Don't worry, you'll see her again."

"Yeah, when I'm thirty." he grumbled while looking even more depressed.

"Look on the bright side, our Wendy is on her way any day now."

"...it's not the same." he groaned while not seeing Wendy, the true Wendy, walking towards them while holding an umbrella in one hand and a bag full of seashells in the other.

"Yo, back from Hawaii." she said while looking very tanned. "And boy it was boring!"

"AH!" Both siblings jumped and turned around in a panic.

"So, what happened while I was gone?"

"Uh...oh you know, same old same old." Dipper shrugged with a chuckle while trying not to stare at the tan, which looked amazing on her. "So what'd you do?"

"Mmmm, tan, sleep, eat some local dishes, swim and nearly became a hula dancer. But ugh!" she groaned. "It was boring! Like so boring that I wanted to come back home right away."

"Wow, what are you gonna do with all those?" asked Mabel. "Are you gonna turn them into sea shell necklaces? Because I could help!"

She shook her head no. "These shells are going to become my new axe's handle. To make it look cool, especially the conch shell I found."

"Awww." Mabel pouted as Wendy looked at Dipper.

"Say, want to help? Maybe I'll give you a shell for your help."

"Help? Oh, uh...sure, why not." he said with a shrug as Wendy walked away.

"Then come along now, you know the way to my folks place." she smiled.

Dipper followed along, trying not to stare at her butt and reminded himself this wasn't the same Wendy. "It's good to have you back, things were...off without you."

She smiled while, unbeknownst to Dipper, her eyes turned bright yellow for a second. "I know, I know."

"It's good to have you back."

"Well I hope you didn't think I was gonna stay away, because until something big happens, you're stuck with me for a LONG time." Wendy said while Dipper felt like there was something subtle about her tone, but ignored it.

"I figured, just happy you're back home." He smiled.

"Big time dude, and it feels great."

And like that, the screen began to turn black as Wendy's eyes became bright yellow and looked at the reviewers with an 'eye' smirk.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

END